Other RP Ghosting Rant

[AlexneushoornTheGreat]

You Know What's Bullshit?! RP Ghosting. Yeah, you know what I'm talking about. You'll be trying to plan an RP with someone or you've already started one with someone, and all of a sudden, the other guy goes limp and never contacts you back. Mostly it's because they either get busy, they're not satisfied with your post length or some other stupid shit. I've had A LOT of people ghost me during RPs, and it annoys to the very core of my soul. You can at least tell me you don't want to RP anymore because you're busy or for another reason rather than just going limp all of a sudden and never contact me again. That's something I have NO tolerance for. And like I said, I've had this happen A LOT since joining this site. How stupid are these people? I've never seen such a backass, dimwitted, idiotic, lame-brained roleplaying community with members who constantly ghost each other. That's not just bullshit! That's FUCKING bullshit!

 

[DarlingCrowned]

Wow you're mad ~ I'm sorry that stuff has happened to you. It definitely happens to everyone, and sucks.

 

[RelicFire]

I tend to ghost people for about a week plus at a time just because of all the personal issues I have and the fact that I work a full time job, study full time, train dogs on the side and am very sorry to anyone who has had to deal with me on this front. I never leave for good and I always try to warn people up front that I have a messed up schedule/life, but I will be back and we can continue our RP. But yeah, I've been ghosted by no less than 5 people in the last two weeks myself. I don't know why. But hey! As my grandpa used to say; "Shit happens. You either step in it or around it. But you gotta take a step."

 

[Tove]

Well, that's one way to repel potential partners.

"I've never seen such a backass, dimwitted, idiotic, lame-brained roleplaying community with members who constantly ghost each other."

 

[AlexneushoornTheGreat]

Well, that's one way to repel potential partners.

"I've never seen such a backass, dimwitted, idiotic, lame-brained roleplaying community with members who constantly ghost each other."

Unfortunately, it is...But it REALLY annoys me that I constantly get ghosted on this site!

 

[Becker]

Unfortunately, it is...But it REALLY annoys me that I constantly get ghosted on this site!

Just got to step back for a moment and take time to consider what could be the cause.

Am I under-writing? Over-writing? Adding in too much detail? Not add enough detail? Are my characters well made? Are they absolute garbage? Am I giving my partner oppertunities inside as well as outside of the main thread? Are my ideas on the 'niché' side and, putting it bluntly here, a bit cringy? Am I putting the effort into my posts? Is my partner doing the same as me or are they struggling or feeling that they've put in alot more of the work?

Millions upon millions of reasons, no-one's perfect and there will always be ghosting. It sucks, completely I agree but getting worked up about it really doesn't help anyone. Sure, make a joke, point out some funny examples and more or less speak your mind about things. Though remember, you never know who's watching, could put off a protential partner that you may or may not get along brilliantly with.

Keep calm and carry on!

 

[Cold Ramen Noodles]

I used to HATE when people ghosted. But then I realized that there are times when ghosting seems like the only thing you can do. I never before understood why a person would consider that their only option until I had a few situations where I felt I had no other options.

 

[Dutch]

Once you're old enough to have a full time job, pets, family, a house, so on and so forth you'll figure out that well ghosting just happens. I dunno i do it enough and had it done to me that it just kind of doesn't matter and it isn't a big deal.

I mean sure it sucks, sorry its gotten to you, but you get use to it and it doesn't matter so much once other things are more important. I use to get real upset over it too, until life basically grabbed me by my pigtails and swung me around!!!!!

 

[Vitarri]

There are multiple reasons why people ghost.
But coming from someone who once lacked the confidence to approach others with bad news, might I offer that the reaction they might receive might make them less likely to be honest? You have to understand the fleeting anonymous nature of the internet. No one is quite who they say they are, and the truth is blurred even more with the characters we make. I may seem like an intelligent confident person but in reality I am a sniveling weeping mess of a man.

Point is, people hurt. People do stupid stuff. People hurt people.

People ghost.

It's truly best to be honest with each other, treat each other well but it doesn't do anyone any good by being hostile or dwelling on each other's shortcomings. It's better just to move on, or try to be there for the person. If they want to talk about it, they will.

I apologize on behalf of my spectral brethren.

 

[PhoenixMire]

That's... quite the rant.

Trust me, I know how frustrating ghosting is, I really do. But ranting like this is going to chase a loooot of people away.

Life is different for everyone; some people get so busy that they can't even muster the energy/find spare time to log in and tell people they're busy or that they want to stop RPing. Some people are anxiety-ridden and can't handle the idea of telling you they're no longer interested in the RP. And heck, some people even meet with the worst-case scenario - maybe they've gotten into a car crash or something and have ended up in the hospital for a long period of time.

Would it be preferable for people to tell you that they can't RP anymore rather than simply vanishing? Of course. But getting this angry over it makes you seem pretty unapproachable...

 

[AlexneushoornTheGreat]

That's... quite the rant.

Trust me, I know how frustrating ghosting is, I really do. But ranting like this is going to chase a loooot of people away.

Life is different for everyone; some people get so busy that they can't even muster the energy/find spare time to log in and tell people they're busy or that they want to stop RPing. Some people are anxiety-ridden and can't handle the idea of telling you they're no longer interested in the RP. And heck, some people even meet with the worst-case scenario - maybe they've gotten into a car crash or something and have ended up in the hospital for a long period of time.

Would it be preferable for people to tell you that they can't RP anymore rather than simply vanishing? Of course. But getting this angry over it makes you seem pretty unapproachable...

I have classic autism, and I don't like it when something happens without me knowing about it beforehand, so yeah, I'd much prefer it that people tell me that they can't RP anymore rather than simply vanishing. I also get that ranting like this will turn people off, but I'm the kind of guy who speaks his mind, and in this case, I did that as well. If it turns off people, that's too bad, but as an autistic person, I prefer to be honest and straightforward rather than be false and sugarcoating.

I'm someone with too much free time and anger issues, two combinations that don't really go well together, plus, I can also be a bit of an entitled prick sometimes, but despite those shortcomings, I'm still a great roleplayer and I can be understanding if people are busy, as long as they tell me they can't RP anymore rather than simply vanishing.

 

[rae2nerdy]

I think the main advice people are giving you boils down to - Life is unpredictable and all you can really control is how you handle that unpredictability.

So in your specific case since you like to know things beforehand you should just have a set time that you will wait for a reply. After that time is up close the roleplay and move onward. This way you are planning for what happens when your partner disappears and you aren't getting angry or frustrated when something happens that is out of your control.

I usually wait for two post days. So in my particular case I'll wait for two weeks because I only reply once a week in my roleplays. If you reply once a day than you can wait for two days before closing the roleplay. (or really whatever you think is a suitable time period based on individual roleplays)

(edited to be a little clearer)

 

[cadence]

Yikes. Ghosting is never a fun thing to experience and it isn't the nicest thing in the world to do to people, but it happens. Role-playing isn't a chore or a job. It isn't something with a set of rules that people have to follow and respond in a certain amount of time or even let their partner know that they aren't interested. Sure, it isn't the most respectful thing to ghost, but you gotta understand that respect goes both ways. I don't think it's right to blame your anger issues on autism. I get that it might be the cause, but there is nothing stopping you from writing a calm, respectful post. There is nothing "false and sugarcoating" about letting out your frustrations in a respectful manner. In fact, letting it out the way you did is just rude and insulting. Probably plays a part in why you're ghosted so much. Nobody wants or deserves to be treated that way.

 

[silvercharizard]

I've noticed it too and seeing this rant only proved how damaging it is. Though on the flip side sometimes you have to ghost. Had one partner a few years back become an online stalker and I was pretty much forced to change everything I was able to. My phone number, social media, everything before he finally got the hint to leave me alone. Had another one more recently where instead of talking plots and whatnot he was just...creepy. You know that air you get when you've just met someone but you feel uneasy af because they freak you the hell out for some reason? Yeah I got that from this guy and I ended up ghosting because i feared the same thing was going to happen again.

 

[AlexneushoornTheGreat]

The main thing about ghosting that baffles me is why people even bother contacting me to start an RP if they're gonna end up ghosting me anyway. If you don't have the time to RP, then don't bother contacting me to start one.

 

[cadence]

It isn't always about not having time. Usually, at the start, people are genuinely interested in the plot. There are so many reasons why someone could ghost. They might not like your writing style, may not like the way the roleplay turned out after all, have personal issues in real life, may have no time, etc. Instead of writing aggressive posts like this, reach out to your partners themselves. I'm sure most people won't mind explaining if you reach out in a nice way.

 

[Spoiled Bread]

 

[AlexneushoornTheGreat]

It isn't always about not having time. Usually, at the start, people are genuinely interested in the plot. There are so many reasons why someone could ghost. They might not like your writing style, may not like the way the roleplay turned out after all, have personal issues in real life, may have no time, etc. Instead of writing aggressive posts like this, reach out to your partners themselves. I'm sure most people won't mind explaining if you reach out in a nice way.

Well, one time someone quit the RP because they weren't satisfied with my post length, so I guess what you say makes sense. And yeah, I could word things a little nicer. I always ask people about their preferred post length to prevent that someone quits an RP due to dissatisfaction with post length again, and I also ask if people are gonna be busy in the coming time, what their timezone is, that kind of stuff. But yeah, if I ask people nicely to explain rather than getting angry with people, that might be a huge help.

 

[cadence]

I agree! Definitely give it a shot. People are so much more likely to come up and explain themselves if they don't feel afraid to approach you. Don't be afraid to approach people who have ghosted you either. Just send them a friendly, concerned message and I'm sure they'll explain.

 

[PhoenixMire]

I have classic autism, and I don't like it when something happens without me knowing about it beforehand, so yeah, I'd much prefer it that people tell me that they can't RP anymore rather than simply vanishing. I also get that ranting like this will turn people off, but I'm the kind of guy who speaks his mind, and in this case, I did that as well. If it turns off people, that's too bad, but as an autistic person, I prefer to be honest and straightforward rather than be false and sugarcoating.

I'm someone with too much free time and anger issues, two combinations that don't really go well together, plus, I can also be a bit of an entitled prick sometimes, but despite those shortcomings, I'm still a great roleplayer and I can be understanding if people are busy, as long as they tell me they can't RP anymore rather than simply vanishing.

... I... I have autism too, but I don’t want to go around being so abrasive. Please, don’t blame your flaws on autism. It harms both yourself and everyone else’s perception of autistic people. Everyone has flaws and everyone can work to deal with them them, regardless of their individual struggles.

Again, I understand how frustrating ghosting is, and I’m sorry.

 

[JadeGreen17]

What I don't understand is how this community can have so many constantly people soap boxing about the issue of ghosting (there are honestly so many ghosting threads that I could make a thread ranting about how often people making ghosting threads), rehashing the same points about how everything would be better if people informed one another ahead of time when they were going to get busy, or were up front with one another when they were losing interest in a particular plot line.

But none of these people ever seem meet up with other people who are also tired of being ghosted; find at least one common interest and start off an RP that actually goes somewhere.

I mean, I have sympathy for the OP and all. I've been ghosted on RPs that I was really invested in. I've heard some people say that RP is something akin to dating. It's a social experience, and you need to find the right person; one that you really resonate with. But I don't think that excuses how inconsiderate just vanishing can be for someone who is genuinely invested. Especially if the other person messages you and asks why you haven't responded and you don't respond to the op, even though you're clearly active and online.