Advice/Help Role-play vs. Reality

[VeryDirtyHacker_LOL]

So, a close friend and I RP together. For them, they are themselves with my OC and vice-versa, me with their OC.
The RP relationship is both sexual and romantic for both of us and that emotion is carried long after the RP is finished.
My friend brings their character into reality and proceeds to behave as though they were the character and seemingly lacking some memory of when they behaved like their character. I, unfortunately also let it exists in reality, however I am not as attached or dependant on the roleplay as they are. Recently, the RP has been making me feel many mixed things and questioning if the way things are going is healthy or not...
I was wondering if anyone could give some advice...

 

[Crow]

Have you tried the good old 'can we talk about this'?

 

[Storiesuntold]

I am new to the site however I have rp since I was a teen I am 40 now. My Frist husband was a rp partner Frist I then had three other romantic relationships not to mention countless of irl friendships. I don't do this anymore I am now very strict about making sure that boundaries are set and known. Because it the beginning it may feel like they know you so well but with my experience it's a bit warped. The best way to sort this out is to talk about it and figure out what is best and healthy for the both of you that might inculde giving eachother space even pausing rp untill emotions are sorted out.

 

[WINCE]

Recently, the RP has been making me feel many mixed things and questioning if the way things are going is healthy or not...

Given that I don't fully grasp what your situation is, I'm going to just quickly throw out there that I don't think roleplay that is sexual and romantic in nature is un-healthy... as long as you are not being coerced into it. If you feel that your friend is behaving inappropriately and feel the need to apply boundaries, you probably should do so.

 

[Hyde]

I think your first concern is how to decide how YOU feel about it. You said yourself that you've begun to question things lately. Do you feel that this in a good or bad way? If what you're writing is making you feel icky, then it's the latter. If not, then you need to search yourself to see what else about the Roleplay what might bothering you. Questioning things isn't always inherently bad and can sometimes lead to an even better resolution. With that aside, I think the best approach to take is to always discuss these things with your Roleplay partner though. Set boundaries and expect them to stick to it. If they refuse, then they aren't a very good friend or writing buddy at all and you should probably book it.

 

[Crayons]

I'd say that it's very unhealthy to play yourself in a roleplay, especially if RP events are starting to bleed over into real life. I would recommend that you take a break from RPing and just interact with them on the basis of being yourselves, until you are able to bring a bit of separation between RP!you and real!you. It sounds to me like at least one of you guys are using RP romance/sex to avoid talking to each other about a romantic relationship IRL which is really not a good idea. You need to talk to them and figure out whether it's "just RP" or you have real feelings for each other. Regardless of the outcome, I would strongly suggest not to roleplay as yourself. If you want to keep RPing with this friend do it with OCs so you can get your heads around the difference between roleplay and reality. You need to draw a boundary between RP and RL, or this will eventually make things very difficult for you.

 

[M.J. Saulnier]

So, a close friend and I RP together. For them, they are themselves with my OC and vice-versa, me with their OC.
The RP relationship is both sexual and romantic for both of us and that emotion is carried long after the RP is finished.
My friend brings their character into reality and proceeds to behave as though they were the character and seemingly lacking some memory of when they behaved like their character. I, unfortunately also let it exists in reality, however I am not as attached or dependant on the roleplay as they are. Recently, the RP has been making me feel many mixed things and questioning if the way things are going is healthy or not...
I was wondering if anyone could give some advice...

Let me go ahead and be the one to fall on this sword, because I'm sure no one else cares enough on a human level to do it for me.


If we're here, having this conversation, this is not a healthy dynamic. Things mean different things to different people. I mean to each their own. But at a certain point things become unhealthy on a human level.


You need to grab this awkward situation by the horns and square it away. The most important thing here is that persons health and feelings. If you aren't as committed to this as they are, they need to be aware of that, otherwise it's simply not fair of you. It probably should never have gone this far in the first place.

 

[tane5naoki]

Your description of their actions sounds very similar to someone else that I knew who would do similar things. They would take the role of their character in everyday life and then would have no memory. My friends and I thought she was just being silly, but then she was diagnosed with Dissociative Identity Disorder. If this behavior is giving you pause for concern, I would address it with them, even if it is an awkward moment.

 

[M.J. Saulnier]

Your description of their actions sounds very similar to someone else that I knew who would do similar things. They would take the role of their character in everyday life and then would have no memory. My friends and I thought she was just being silly, but then she was diagnosed with Dissociative Identity Disorder. If this behavior is giving you pause for concern, I would address it with them, even if it is an awkward moment.

In an age of superficial bubble heads, I appreciate you. This is a very serious, personal issue.

 

[Daisie]

[Obligatory reminder that sexual RP isn't allowed here, though I'm fairly certain from context that your RP takes place elsewhere]

[Obligatory reminder that I am not a professional in any sense of the word, just a psych nut]

[This is all just speculation on my part. I'm not in your shoes, I don't know all the details of this situation, not everything I say may be 100% accurate to your circumstances]

With that squared away... From what you're saying, you have every right to be concerned.
I won't deny that live action roleplay is a common hobby, but if I'm being honest, this doesn't sound like that. In live action roleplay, there's still a very important disconnect between reality and roleplay, despite the actual RP itself taking place in reality. It's like acting - the actor fits into the mindset of the character for the sake of the entertainment, but in the end, they're able to easily reform back into their true selves. That's healthy, and that disconnect between character and actor is important, because... if there isn't a disconnect, then you're no longer living in reality.

Even self-inserts are technically characters. They're just characters that more match your true traits. Still a very important distinction to make. Sure, you get some people around the forums who are a little too attached to their characters... blurring the lines between their character's emotions and their own. But the important part here is the "around the forums" part. None of this takes place face-to-face, and your situation sounds far deeper than that of your average over-attached player.

I'm concerned for your friend because it appears as if they're living in a fictional world... or at least trying to. And the only reason I can see why they would be doing that (aside from some strange confession of deeper emotion towards you... which raises some red flags in it of itself) would be to get away from any serious real-life issues they have... "Why live in this world when you can live in a fictional one where everything's okay?"
If I were you, I'd cut through the guise of fiction as soon as possible and try and anchor them in reality. Even though my speculation that they're trying to escape their lives could be way off... it's a definite possibility, which is why I think you should try and have a conversation with them to make sure it's not something serious like that. Ask them if they're okay. Ask them about what's going on in their life, and how their emotional wellbeing is.

You should also make it known that you feel as if the lines are being blurred between fiction and reality, and that that is not okay. These boundaries are a good thing to have. Speaking from experience, a relationship with no boundaries is hardly a healthy one.

And sure, it could be that this person is just trying to express feelings towards you in their own strange way (which, again, is a red flag in it of itself... just a less serious one), but on the other side of the coin, these could be telltale signs of something much darker, so it's important to get the more serious option squared away first.

Once more speaking from experience, living outside of reality - albeit tempting - isn't an easy or comfortable thing... on the chance that they're going through that, they're going to need help. This could be them crying out.

If you sense they really are having a rough time of it, and that any of what I'm saying may have some basis in reality, you should usher them towards professional help. You're probably among the only people they'll listen to and really take seriously if you make that recommendation. For the umpteenth time, this is all speculation on my part, but if I'm correct in that they're crawling away from any real-life issues that they may be undergoing, then now more than ever they need assistance in dealing with them. A type of assistance that you unfortunately cannot provide them personally. You can provide support, but you can't be their "guide". I hope this makes sense.

And I also hope this was somewhat enlightening! Even if I'm dead wrong, I think these are still useful things to know. I really do pray I'm wrong with these theories, but if I'm not, then I wish you the best in the future of your friendship. It may be rough.

 

[LazyDaze]

So, a close friend and I RP together. For them, they are themselves with my OC and vice-versa, me with their OC.
The RP relationship is both sexual and romantic for both of us and that emotion is carried long after the RP is finished.
My friend brings their character into reality and proceeds to behave as though they were the character and seemingly lacking some memory of when they behaved like their character. I, unfortunately also let it exists in reality, however I am not as attached or dependant on the roleplay as they are. Recently, the RP has been making me feel many mixed things and questioning if the way things are going is healthy or not...
I was wondering if anyone could give some advice...

This is a pretty complex situation. From what I understand they are playing themselves and you are playing an OC? Or are you both playing OC's, but it's a romance RP. The Romance continued after the RP, but your partner seems to live in the romance of the RP instead of the romance of reality, is that correct? Just want to make sure I understand completely what is going on.

From my experience a lot of my characters have a bit of me placed into them. Some more than others. For that reason, if I quote a character, or act like a character, I'm really just acting like myself most of the time. However, it is all in good fun because I personally want to separate fantasy from reality. Your post makes me feel as if you are inclined to do the same while your partner...not so much. Now, people believe things on many spectrums so I can't say if it is healthy, or not; although I am inclined to say I'm worried if this is beyond mere quotes or quips. Truly living outside of reality and into a fictional verse can signify underlying issues. However, I do know that in your gut something feels wrong, or off about the RP due to the events leaking into reality. From what I can ascertain, it seems to produce some level of discomfort in you, or else you wouldn't be here so I personally think that's the answer of whether it is healthy for YOU. Again, I'm not a psychiatrist and I don't know your friend's mental state. They can just be really into their character/relationship since some RP's can become quite immersive albeit this one appears to be on the extreme end. The main thing you can control, is how you feel. If you feel that this reality breach is overwhelming, or discomforting to you, then you should have a talk with your partner about the current state of the RP/relationships/and just get an overall understanding of their headspace instead of making assumptions (not that this is what you're doing) on the surface. I've seen many a times where actions somehow did not at all portray the person's emotions/mental state. I think a direct, and healthy discussion is the best case because I don't believe you could comfortably continue to RP with these lingering doubts. Nor would it be enjoyable for either of you if things continue like this where each partner is unaware of how the other truly feels/thinks in this situation. Not saying anything could possibly feed into an unhealthy practice and I'm sure you don't want that. Of course correct me if I misunderstood anything.

 

[Malphaestus]

I am oppositional to the defense of self-insertation because it can breed situations like these. Whilst not common, the fringe is never common in the first place. Though with my off-handed comment aside, as this could or could not be related to self-inserting, you would find it in your best interest to immediately broach the topic with them. The sooner the better, and if it is something serious, contact the necessary people. Their guardians, if they're capable of doing their duty, or an institution.

 

[TPBx]

This is a pretty complex situation. From what I understand they are playing themselves and you are playing an OC? Or are you both playing OC's, but it's a romance RP. The Romance continued after the RP, but your partner seems to live in the romance of the RP instead of the romance of reality, is that correct? Just want to make sure I understand completely what is going on.

From my experience a lot of my characters have a bit of me placed into them. Some more than others. For that reason, if I quote a character, or act like a character, I'm really just acting like myself most of the time. However, it is all in good fun because I personally want to separate fantasy from reality. Your post makes me feel as if you are inclined to do the same while your partner...not so much. Now, people believe things on many spectrums so I can't say if it is healthy, or not; although I am inclined to say I'm worried if this is beyond mere quotes or quips. Truly living outside of reality and into a fictional verse can signify underlying issues. However, I do know that in your gut something feels wrong, or off about the RP due to the events leaking into reality. From what I can ascertain, it seems to produce some level of discomfort in you, or else you wouldn't be here so I personally think that's the answer of whether it is healthy for YOU. Again, I'm not a psychiatrist and I don't know your friend's mental state. They can just be really into their character/relationship since some RP's can become quite immersive albeit this one appears to be on the extreme end. The main thing you can control, is how you feel. If you feel that this reality breach is overwhelming, or discomforting to you, then you should have a talk with your partner about the current state of the RP/relationships/and just get an overall understanding of their headspace instead of making assumptions (not that this is what you're doing) on the surface. I've seen many a times where actions somehow did not at all portray the person's emotions/mental state. I think a direct, and healthy discussion is the best case because I don't believe you could comfortably continue to RP with these lingering doubts. Nor would it be enjoyable for either of you if things continue like this where each partner is unaware of how the other truly feels/thinks in this situation. Not saying anything could possibly feed into an unhealthy practice and I'm sure you don't want that. Of course correct me if I misunderstood anything.

Spitting facts and logic out here.

So, a close friend and I RP together. For them, they are themselves with my OC and vice-versa, me with their OC.
The RP relationship is both sexual and romantic for both of us and that emotion is carried long after the RP is finished.
My friend brings their character into reality and proceeds to behave as though they were the character and seemingly lacking some memory of when they behaved like their character. I, unfortunately also let it exists in reality, however I am not as attached or dependant on the roleplay as they are. Recently, the RP has been making me feel many mixed things and questioning if the way things are going is healthy or not...
I was wondering if anyone could give some advice...

Real talk. You two need to have a real talk. And by not having a real talk, you're enabling this behavior and are just as responsible as your friend is. It's going to suck, but you're going to have to do it if you feel this way. Because from experience, not having that talk is going to hurt more than having it.