Other Rant, need advice

[Hirquitickitty]

I'd like a bit of guidance here, if you don't mind.
I have a friend I know in real life who is starting to really get on my nerves, we talk freely about pretty much anything but he has been telling me to shut up whenever I talk about my interests as of late. I'm aware I tend to hyperfixate and talk about only one thing for a very long time and I get how that can oversaturate someone really easily. However, he does the exact same thing and I try to entertain his interests.
I don't want to be petty and ignore him or tell him to shut up but I'm really not a confrontational person and my patience is running thin, I want to just block him and be done with it but I barely talk to anyone so I know it'd be bad for me in the long run. I need to get better at social interaction but I really have no idea how to approach this, any advice?

 

[Golden Solitaire]

I’ve had this happen before, and it ended VERY badly for me, but now I know how I should have handled it.

My advice to you: bring it up to him, but gently. Express to him how he’s made you feel and what he’s done. He may not have even realized he has hurt you in that way. While still being calm about the entire thing, you need to put your foot down about it all just so he will stop in the future and listen to what you have to say. There’s always a little risk that he’ll take it the wrong way, but he needs to know how his actions have bothered you. Best of luck!

 

[Zelena]

I’ve had this happen before, and it ended VERY badly for me, but now I know how I should have handled it.

My advice to you: bring it up to him, but gently. Express to him how he’s made you feel and what he’s done. He may not have even realized he has hurt you in that way. While still being calm about the entire thing, you need to put your foot down about it all just so he will stop in the future and listen to what you have to say. There’s always a little risk that he’ll take it the wrong way, but he needs to know how his actions have bothered you. Best of luck!

This. Most of the time when people offend, they are ignorant that it happened. And overwhelmingly, if the two parties discuss somewhat civilly, the issues can be ironed out. It is why I have grown to detest those that run to the admin or mod right away. Try to hash it our first, then if that fails, go further. In your case, if your endeavors don't bear fruit. Then I would walk away.

 

[Daisie]

Definitely let them know about the situation... though I will say that a friend telling you to "shut up" is a pretty big red flag, in it of itself. That's a rather disrespectful way to address anyone in my opinion, much less your own friend.

Regardless, working under the assumption that they are putting it in a more tactful manner than just "shut up", you should he able to work it out... The keyword being "should". If you feel like their first reaction would be to dismiss you and pretend it never happened... You may want to reevaluate your friendship. Think about what they get from you, and equally important, what you get from them. In a healthy, fruitful relationship, the answer to that should come to mind straight away.

I consider the friendship between my best friend and I to be the golden standard of platonic relationships lol, so I'll use that as a reference. I know that if I were to bring up something that made me uncomfortable with her, even if it's a criticism against her, she'd come around and try to do something about it. That could mean uprooting the problem entirely, coming to a compromise, or even just letting me know "I'm sorry, I can't do anything about that". I know this because we've had several interactions exactly like this in the past... with all three outcomes, too.

I'll fully admit that some of the time it's wound up in hurt feelings and heated arguments on both sides, but in the end we took a break, slept on it, and came back to each other with the intention to solve things. And yes, we reevaluated our friendship a lot. Often it was every bit as painful as it sounds, but we eventually came to the same conclusion every single time: We both care for each other and gain so much from knowing one another.

That's how it should always be. If your friendship is like that, then everything should work out fine.

If it's not though, you should dig deep into the roots of your friendship to make sure you're not ruining yourself over something that may not be worthwhile. Note that I'm not saying to end things straight away - situations like these are delicate and there is probably a BOATLOAD of context I have no idea about. But you should ask yourself some questions such as: do you feel like you're walking on eggshells around them? Do you feel like you can open up? Do they show concern for you when you need help? Are they dismissive of your feelings? Do they talk to you in a respectful manner? What do you get in return for your friendship? Do they treat you like an equal?

Like I said, in a healthy relationship, the answer should come to you literally instantaneously. It's when you have to put some thought into it and search for answers that things may not be as peachy as you originally made them out to be. That doesn't mean it's necessarily abusive, but... always keep an eye out for the warning signs.

Hope this works out in your favour, no matter what happens!