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Advice/Help Quitting on someone during the plotting process?

Seven07

New Member
So, I'm sure we're all familiar with ghosting, whether we've been ghosted or whether we've (intentionally or unintentionally) ghosted someone in a roleplay. But what about during the actual plotting process?

I can't count how many times I agree to do a story with someone, but then once the actual plotting begins, I start to realize that things might not work out, either because we both have very different expectations for how we want the story to go, or because of differing tastes/likes/ideas, or whatever else. For example, in my situation right now, someone contacted me about a roleplay, gave me some writing samples, and after looking through their samples, my initial thought is that our writing styles won't mesh well. But since I feared hurting their feelings (and since I feared them claiming me to be closed-minded/unfair without them ever giving them a chance, since some had done that before), I said something along the lines of: "my posts aren't nearly as detailed or as long as yours, and I think we have very different styles, but I guess we can give it a try if you don't mind?" and they seemed to be fine with that.

So jumping straight into plotting... I begin to realize that they want the story to go a very specific way, but when I try to offer ideas, they go "okay, how about we mix them both?" but I don't really like the idea of mixing both ideas, but I'm also I'm afraid to tell them directly out of fear of sounding too picky or whatever. I try to give small hints like "I'm not sure if that'll work out too well" or "I might actually get stumped easily if we do that" but they don't want to stray from their idea and they're really pushy about it, which I'm not a fan of... so again I go "well I guess I can give it a try?" I know it's my fault for not telling them properly earlier, but after getting all the details settled, at this point, it really feels like I won't be able to enjoy the roleplay at all. I thought about ghosting them during plotting (yes shame on me), but I know that's not right.

I genuinely feel really bad backing out now since I already agreed to it with them, and they seem really excited, and we even exchanged character sheets... so I'm wondering if I should just go along with it anyway and give it a shot, or should I back out early to save both of us the time and trouble? And if it's the latter, is there a nice way of letting them down easy? (Maybe something like "actually, I was looking through your samples again and I don't think we'd really make good partners after all")? I hate to disappoint them after getting their hopes up, but I feel like it might be worse to go through with the plotting when I'm almost sure it won't work out, only to drop once the roleplay begins? What do you guys think? >.<

Thanks!
 

peritwinkle

♠️your local Raphael♠️
Helper
Writing (and roleplaying, implicitly) is very specific and personal. You may not mesh well with a potential partner, and that is perfectly acceptable. I couldn’t count the times that I had to dip out during the planning stages, either for a lack of communication, or realizing, as you said, that our styles do not match.

Letting your partner know is better than dragging it on for too long and causing a greater disappointment when dropping the roleplay after investing even more time into it. You don’t have to be condescending about it; simply tell your partner how you feel, and make sure they know it isn’t their fault (if that is the case).
 

Nue

seal enthusiast
It's tough but I really think you ought to just come clean to them, if you feel bad about just quitting. You could tell them you were willing to give it a shot at first despite your differences but you've thought on it and you just don't think it's going to work out. They might be a little bit disappointed but it's better to do it now than let it keep growing.
Or, you could go through with the RP anyway and give it a shot, but if you reaallllyy doubt it's going to work there's no point really, I suppose?

I'm a pretty anxious person so I get not wanting to turn down an idea or come across as a certain way, but it's something you just gotta do if you want to enjoy the RP. Most people aren't going to get mad if you're honest and say you're not so sure about a certain idea - the point of the plotting process is to find out something that works for both of you. ^^ So yeah I'd say just.. tell them the truth, and then in future remember to just be really open and honest about plotting and stuff.
 

rae2nerdy

left site
So here is what I do. I claim I have roleplay partner who recently came back from a hiatus that I am doing the same idea with. And I don’t want to confuse the two ideas so I’m going to have to drop the “newer” roleplay. As I promised my previous partner to take up the roleplay with them.

This has actually happened before so it has the benefit of not being a totally made up scenario. And it also lets everyone save face.

But yeah in general I usually say off the bat - “I don’t think I am a good fit partner wise for you so I am going to drop the roleplay” or words to that effect.

If they push it (rarely happens but some people don’t take a hint) then I will usually try to say “I am sorry but I don’t feel I could commit to the roleplay”.

If that fails there is always the blunt truth.

But usually just saying you don’t feel your a good fit for them is enough. They will appreciate the heads up and you don’t hurt their feelings.
 

Tove

Two Thousand Club
So, I'm sure we're all familiar with ghosting, whether we've been ghosted or whether we've (intentionally or unintentionally) ghosted someone in a roleplay. But what about during the actual plotting process?

I can't count how many times I agree to do a story with someone, but then once the actual plotting begins, I start to realize that things might not work out, either because we both have very different expectations for how we want the story to go, or because of differing tastes/likes/ideas, or whatever else. For example, in my situation right now, someone contacted me about a roleplay, gave me some writing samples, and after looking through their samples, my initial thought is that our writing styles won't mesh well. But since I feared hurting their feelings (and since I feared them claiming me to be closed-minded/unfair without them ever giving them a chance, since some had done that before), I said something along the lines of: "my posts aren't nearly as detailed or as long as yours, and I think we have very different styles, but I guess we can give it a try if you don't mind?" and they seemed to be fine with that.

So jumping straight into plotting... I begin to realize that they want the story to go a very specific way, but when I try to offer ideas, they go "okay, how about we mix them both?" but I don't really like the idea of mixing both ideas, but I'm also I'm afraid to tell them directly out of fear of sounding too picky or whatever. I try to give small hints like "I'm not sure if that'll work out too well" or "I might actually get stumped easily if we do that" but they don't want to stray from their idea and they're really pushy about it, which I'm not a fan of... so again I go "well I guess I can give it a try?" I know it's my fault for not telling them properly earlier, but after getting all the details settled, at this point, it really feels like I won't be able to enjoy the roleplay at all. I thought about ghosting them during plotting (yes shame on me), but I know that's not right.

I genuinely feel really bad backing out now since I already agreed to it with them, and they seem really excited, and we even exchanged character sheets... so I'm wondering if I should just go along with it anyway and give it a shot, or should I back out early to save both of us the time and trouble? And if it's the latter, is there a nice way of letting them down easy? (Maybe something like "actually, I was looking through your samples again and I don't think we'd really make good partners after all")? I hate to disappoint them after getting their hopes up, but I feel like it might be worse to go through with the plotting when I'm almost sure it won't work out, only to drop once the roleplay begins? What do you guys think? >.<

Thanks!
I am sorry you are feeling this way, it can be a tough situation. The thing is though, you're not happy from what you said. You are going along to please this person which is the wrong thing to do. You are putting your feelings on the backburner and then this person is continuing on thinking everything is fine when it's not. I always like to think of roleplay as something fun but at the same time a challenge to improve my writing so a small amount of seriousness to a certain degree. If you are not happy and you roleplay out of obligation, as not to let the other person down, you're only making it worse.

You both should be on the same page putting in ideas you enjoy. None of this should feel like a job. I think you should be honest with this person. They may understand, they may not. If they don't, if they resort to something dramatic just block them. At least you will be able to know you did everything on your part. You should never go with something if you know deep down you don't like it. Just tell them politely you don't feel it will work out, you're not feeling the idea anymore. You have no obligation to have to tell paragraphs on paragraphs on anymore than that.
 

Seven07

New Member
Thank you so much everyone for all the wonderful answers!!

Reading all of these responses allowed me to work up the courage to tell them. I'll be honest with them and just hope for the best.
I still feel really bad about it, but... :< I guess there really is no point if both of us won't enjoy it 100% and it's better to tell them.

In a way it almost feels like I'm breaking up with someone... "it's not you, it's me" haha!

I really appreciate it, you guys! ♥
 
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