Post some dark humor!

Nokumi

Honor. That's what I'm after. Fame. That's my goal
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WARNING! Violence and mature themes may accur viewer discretion is advised. YOU HAVE BEE WARNED!

My wife says she's going to smash my head against the key board if I don't get off the computer.
Its fine I don't think she tmfdfmdfmdfdjdjfndjtsrxdmxjdr
 
My elders liked to tease me at weddings saying "YOULL BE NEXT!" they soon stopped though. When I started doing the same thing to them at funerals
 
I'm somewhat impulsive and have a very dark humour. This is an interaction I had recently:

My girlfriend and I were shopping at the supermarket when she spotted one of her coworkers whom she hadn't seen in a while due to the fact that this coworker was on maternity leave. She had her newborn infant and husband with her. My girlfriend goes over to say hello and I follow.

After a while my girlfriend says "Oh, Zack is great with kids." or something like that, I wasn't really paying attention up until I heard my name. Whatever it was my girlfriend said prompted her coworker to ask me:

"Oh, what's your favourite thing about kids?"

and without thinking, without being able to stop myself I said;

"SIDS."

Do I know that it was wrong, inappropriate and terrible to say that, especially to a new mother? Yes I do.

Will I laugh at that memory for the rest of my life? Probably will, yep.
 
I'm somewhat impulsive and have a very dark humour. This is an interaction I had recently:

My girlfriend and I were shopping at the supermarket when she spotted one of her coworkers whom she hadn't seen in a while due to the fact that this coworker was on maternity leave. She had her newborn infant and husband with her. My girlfriend goes over to say hello and I follow.

After a while my girlfriend says "Oh, Zack is great with kids." or something like that, I wasn't really paying attention up until I heard my name. Whatever it was my girlfriend said prompted her coworker to ask me:

"Oh, what's your favourite thing about kids?"

and without thinking, without being able to stop myself I said;

"SIDS."

Do I know that it was wrong, inappropriate and terrible to say that, especially to a new mother? Yes I do.

Will I laugh at that memory for the rest of my life? Probably will, yep.
oh you have a gf..
 
I like it when homophobes call me a I'm uncultured, because then I can remind them that I have more "girl-friends" than they'll ever get.​
 
Saw my ex walking down the street while I was driving.

Funny how the meaning of "I'd hit that" changes so much meaning over the years.​
 
I feel like a lot of suburban dads wish their grass was emo
 
  1. When my uncle Frank died, he wanted his remains to be buried in his favorite beer mug. His last wish was to be Frank in Stein.
 
My wife left a note on the fridge saying "this isn't working" I don't know what she's talking about. I opened the fridge and it worked fine!
 
I'm probably going to get a really stern lecture from site staff, but it's worth it.

Why are jews so smart? They went to concentration camps.
 
XD I get it I get it. Dark but I get it. I did put warnings so if someone doesn't like it they should have read the warnings.
 
Yes

Give a homeless man a match and he will be warm for hours. Set the man on fire he will be warm the rest of his life.
 
People always complain about me playing violent video games. Would they prefer me to do those actions in real life?
 
I have the solution to overpopulation and world hunger


cannibalism
 
My dad died when we couldn’t remember his blood type.
As he died, he kept insisting for us to “be positive,” but it’s hard without him.
 

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