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Post some dark humor!

Shigume -surgess-

The innocent is always the first to fall
WARNING! Violence and mature themes may accur viewer discretion is advised. YOU HAVE BEE WARNED!

My wife says she's going to smash my head against the key board if I don't get off the computer.
Its fine I don't think she tmfdfmdfmdfdjdjfndjtsrxdmxjdr
 

Shigume -surgess-

The innocent is always the first to fall
My elders liked to tease me at weddings saying "YOULL BE NEXT!" they soon stopped though. When I started doing the same thing to them at funerals
 

The Great Sage

The Storyteller
I'm somewhat impulsive and have a very dark humour. This is an interaction I had recently:

My girlfriend and I were shopping at the supermarket when she spotted one of her coworkers whom she hadn't seen in a while due to the fact that this coworker was on maternity leave. She had her newborn infant and husband with her. My girlfriend goes over to say hello and I follow.

After a while my girlfriend says "Oh, Zack is great with kids." or something like that, I wasn't really paying attention up until I heard my name. Whatever it was my girlfriend said prompted her coworker to ask me:

"Oh, what's your favourite thing about kids?"

and without thinking, without being able to stop myself I said;

"SIDS."

Do I know that it was wrong, inappropriate and terrible to say that, especially to a new mother? Yes I do.

Will I laugh at that memory for the rest of my life? Probably will, yep.
 

kitkat101

Lurker
I'm somewhat impulsive and have a very dark humour. This is an interaction I had recently:

My girlfriend and I were shopping at the supermarket when she spotted one of her coworkers whom she hadn't seen in a while due to the fact that this coworker was on maternity leave. She had her newborn infant and husband with her. My girlfriend goes over to say hello and I follow.

After a while my girlfriend says "Oh, Zack is great with kids." or something like that, I wasn't really paying attention up until I heard my name. Whatever it was my girlfriend said prompted her coworker to ask me:

"Oh, what's your favourite thing about kids?"

and without thinking, without being able to stop myself I said;

"SIDS."

Do I know that it was wrong, inappropriate and terrible to say that, especially to a new mother? Yes I do.

Will I laugh at that memory for the rest of my life? Probably will, yep.
oh you have a gf..
 

AncientErebus

I'm very scared.
I like it when homophobes call me a I'm uncultured, because then I can remind them that I have more "girl-friends" than they'll ever get.​
 

AncientErebus

I'm very scared.
Saw my ex walking down the street while I was driving.

Funny how the meaning of "I'd hit that" changes so much meaning over the years.​
 

Shigume -surgess-

The innocent is always the first to fall
  1. When my uncle Frank died, he wanted his remains to be buried in his favorite beer mug. His last wish was to be Frank in Stein.
 

Shigume -surgess-

The innocent is always the first to fall
My wife left a note on the fridge saying "this isn't working" I don't know what she's talking about. I opened the fridge and it worked fine!
 

Gorgeous Watchdog

Your Loyal Canine Guardian
I'm probably going to get a really stern lecture from site staff, but it's worth it.

Why are jews so smart? They went to concentration camps.
 

Shigume -surgess-

The innocent is always the first to fall
XD I get it I get it. Dark but I get it. I did put warnings so if someone doesn't like it they should have read the warnings.
 

Shigume -surgess-

The innocent is always the first to fall
Yes

Give a homeless man a match and he will be warm for hours. Set the man on fire he will be warm the rest of his life.
 

Lyss_7246

"I'm Kokichi Ouma!" "Nee-hee-hee!"
My dad died when we couldn’t remember his blood type.
As he died, he kept insisting for us to “be positive,” but it’s hard without him.
 

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