Advice/Help Playing the Opposite Gender

[Catori]

This has probably been discussed before, but I'd enjoy a bit of advice with it. ^-^

I have a bit of a dilemma. I can write a story or a book just fine with male characters. It feels normal, like they're just interacting.. as one would interact. I understand that essentially humans are the same, so it shouldn't be difficult to switch between characters of different.. anything. Genders, sexualities, races.. Really anything. But when I task myself with RPing as a guy, I am never satisfied with myself. On one hand, it makes me feel extremely anxious-- especially when writing quick replies-- but I also feel that I'm just not doing it right. There are still those miniscule differences between girls and guys, right? Does anyone have any advice?

 

[rae2nerdy]

So what exactly are you worried will happen? Like worst case scenario and your playing men all wrong what would happen?

Additionally do you roleplay for escapism? Like you want to imagine yourself as the character having an adventure?

This is not a bad thing to be clear but it could also be the problem.

A roleplay could be a more personal experience where you want to play someone more like yourself. Whereas a book is more clearly a story that is different from you personally.

 

[Skunk Lemon]

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I myself have never had this anxiety related to playing the opposite gender. I can only say my comfort is purely because I'm not really worried about representing a gender "wrong" when there isn't any wrong or right way to represent a gender . . . it's not that black and white. So I guess don't worry about gender roles and just write.

 

[Catori]

So what exactly are you worried will happen? Like worst case scenario and your playing men all wrong what would happen?

It's like an irrational fear. Like I still scream when I see a spider even though I know it's not a poisonous one. Or like getting up infront of classmates, imagining that they're all going to hate you in five minutes because of your presentation about a book you all had to read.

But you do have really good points. When I roleplay, it's more like the character is a.. better version of myself, in a way. Everything you think is cool, you can throw it in to a character. So I suppose.. I just wouldn't want to be a guy irl.

S Skunk Lemon That's a good way to think of it. Usually I tend to think of gender as like.. set in stone. But I suppose there really are a lot of ways of gender expression. Thanks for the help. ^-^

 

[Dark lord steel]

I can emphasise, as when I initailly came into role playing, I would only play female characters. From there I started playing background male characters to get more used to it, until I felt confident enough to begin doubling as both male and female.

Even now, a few years later, I still feel I do a better job playing a female character than a male one. Given the choice, I will nearly always choose to play female, and even when I have a really concise image in my mind as to their story arc and personality.

My critizims with my male charaters are usually:

They are too effeminised for me to be happy with, as in they're too outwardly sensitive. I know you can get people like this, but it isn't usually the character I'm going for.

Tormented in some way, as for some reason I like torturing my characters by putting them in painful and diffucult scenarios. While this isn't exclusive to the male characters I play, I never truly feel their response is accurate.

I am terrible at writing male characters in love. I will admit this. In one of my initial role plays I had a male character and he was a wreck, and not in a good way. Reading back on it, he changed in almost every scene I wrote him in, going from cold and violent one minute to soft and sensitive in the next. He was meant to be manipulative but looking back on it I'm pretty embarrassed.

Persoanlly, I found it easiest to first start writing already established male characters (canons) or characters based around canons before creating my own. Reading literature with realistic portrayles of male characters I found to be of help, and keep in mind the character you are portraying.

Good Luck!

 

[Tove]

Don't write for the gender write for the character. When you think too much about the gender you forget about who the character could be. I've seen some people focus on "Well since he's a guy he should act this way or do this." rather than simply writing for the character. There's definitely a wrong way to write for a male character-hitting every male stereotype there is. He's a man so he shouldn't cry or since he's the dude he has to be tough, etc.

 

[Idea]

I'll just leave this here...

Character Theory - Playing the Other Gender- A simple Guide

 

[FoldedPages]

I would say I’m pretty balanced with both characters only because I’m a female with the personality of a dude

I enjoy creating a male love interest in MxF for my partner because I know it’s quite hard to find someone who is willing to.

I will, however, say I enjoy playing female more when romance is heavily involved only because I am trash and feel as though I can immerse myself in the role play more.

 

[Butcher Bird]

I definitely write more male characters than female characters. I'll write either gender and do not feel anxiety about portraying a character 'correctly', but most of my OCs tend to be male.
Not that I'm suggesting this, but sometimes I wonder what would happen if I wrote a male character and simply switched the pronouns at the very end as an experiment.
Would the character feel more authentic since I tend to write male characters more prolifically? Would it feel off? Etc, etc.

 

[CrowOuttaHell]

Personally, I don't really feel too anxious about playing the other gender- like another user said in this post, first and foremost you play the character for the character, not their gender. It's the difference between making a female hero and creating a hero who happens to be female.

That being said, I've had my fair share of those moments where you feel like a character is "off". I never usually have this problem with RP characters, but I've dabbled in writing interactive novels in Choicescript, and it's become a habit of mine that for every interactive novel I put out that has romance, the reader has the choice of setting the love interests' genders themselves according to their preference.

Coincidentally enough, since it's an interactive novel, I did exactly as the member above me said and wrote a male character, then switched his pronouns and descriptions to make the female version for the playthrough. Personally, some things were off for me. Not to mention the story was kind of geared towards female main character playthroughs.

On roleplays, though, I can go either way but mostly play male characters. It's kind of gotten ingrained into my head ever since my old RPing groups always seemed to rely on me as the sole provider of pretty much 99% of our RPs' male population. It got dull sometimes and I admittedly deliberately made female characters when I felt like they were relying on me again to make male characters out of petty spite.

 

[baddervibes]

Some really great points are being made! So for the sake of not repeating what's already being said, my advice would be to type up a character sheet no matter who/what you're playing. It's good to have something like that handy, even if you're in an RP that doesn't require a sheet, because you can look back to that if you're ever stuck in a rut about how your character should act.

It doesn't have to be a 4 page essay: you can bullet point or short-hand the whole thing if you want! List a character's strengths and weaknesses. What are their values and goals? Write up a little backstory if you can. Hell! Go on spotify and make them a playlist if you want! RPN's BBCode Center is also a good place to go if you ever wanna find sheet resources. If you're not into editing/coding character profiles then that's fine, but seeing what other RPers think are the essentials to list in a character sheet might help you consider traits for your own.

All in all, a character sheet is also a reference sheet. This is all stuff that you can fall back on if your nerves try to get the better of you in your replies. Don't fuss over how you think "a boy" should act or what "a boy" would say. What would your boy do? What would your boy say? How does your boy view himself? Your sheet is there to remind you if you ever need it! And this goes for guys trying to play gals as well.

 

[kevintheradioguy]

There are differences in expectations, not really genders as they are... but generally, testosterone just makes you more assertive and a bit hornier, is all.

 

[Jannah]

If you're playing off stereotypes then, no. Perhaps it would not feel right. I'm a woman myself and I actually prefer writing male characters. I'm just able to better connect with them I guess since I'm not very feminine and most of my friends are male. I also think the key is to just create a character without too much consideration for what their gender is. Like, you may come up with a character concept and they may just happen to be of a specific gender. The only times I've really only seen gender matter in fiction is if the story is based in a society that has strict gender roles. That is definitely a bigger deal in a lot of the stuff I RP like real life historical settings and some fantasy/sci-fi.

 

[Yunalescaa]

Everything above. And also, you get better the more you do it. I used to hate playing guys because I always wanted that escapism. I started picking up background characters or NPCs and I eventually realized that being "the guy" wasn't really difficult. It was just like playing the girl. I definitely agree that it's more about the character and not the sex/gender/sexuality/romantic orientation/etc. It's about what you've written. If you've written that your male character is strong and manly, then you play him strong and manly. If he's shy and kind of keeps to himself, then you play him as shy and keeping to himself.

I think this is a pretty common thing roleplayers are "afraid" of, so don't feel too bad. Just be patient with yourself and write whatever you feel like writing.

 

[peritwinkle]

I am a female, and more often than not, writing females comes naturally. But what has made me enjoy writing males (frankly, sometimes even more than the former) is reading. Surround yourself with art ranging from short stories, your favourite novels and even paintings. Picking up the mentality of the opposite gender (or whatever you are trying to master) slips in before you realize. At some point, you might even find yourself craving to write a certain gender.

That being said, you shouldn't force yourself to do write what you're not comfortable with. However, keep in mind that the best way to learn is to break out of your comfort zone.

 

[Melpomene]

I guarantee whatever you are doing now is just fine.

All genders come in many sizes and shapes with tons of beautiful personalities to go along with them. If someone ever says the male you are playing is not "manly" enough, then they are not valid. A man can have traditionally feminine traits and a woman traditionally masculine. There is a difference in their build, susceptibility to certain diseases and mental illnesses and such, but when it comes to personality, then never feel like you should be limited to making someone who fits into a certain mold.

The only advice I give you is to stop worrying about it and have more fun. That is why rping is supposed to be, fun. If any partner is giving you shit for it, don't let them. Don't let them stress you out over something that is supposed to be fun. I have been there, and it had a terrible impact on my mental health, had to see a counselor and everything.

Keep on keeping on. Obviously, you already have a good hold on it Just concentrate on enjoying it now and you will be fine.

 

[Chemical]

It's like an irrational fear. Like I still scream when I see a spider even though I know it's not a poisonous one. Or like getting up infront of classmates, imagining that they're all going to hate you in five minutes because of your presentation about a book you all had to read.

But you do have really good points. When I roleplay, it's more like the character is a.. better version of myself, in a way. Everything you think is cool, you can throw it in to a character. So I suppose.. I just wouldn't want to be a guy irl.

S Skunk Lemon That's a good way to think of it. Usually I tend to think of gender as like.. set in stone. But I suppose there really are a lot of ways of gender expression. Thanks for the help. ^-^

When I write a character, I usually take inspiration from artwork that I find and try to think of 3 or 4 traits they may have and build from there.

You can certainly write men who are very feminine in nature, and women who are masculine. Gender is fluid and it's less about the gender, than the actual character as a whole.

I have a male character who, on the surface, is very flirty so I build him up based on that - and then slowly over time chipped away to reveal he's actually a richly spiritual individual with endless patience and good humour.

I have a female who on the surface is a rich and vapid snob, so I wrote her in the begining based on this but again, over time as the layers peel back she's revealed to be incredibly intelligent, compassionate etc.

Of course, there are things that are unique to men and unique to women but they are more the struggles that they face. I think just try - all you can do is try, play a few different characters of different genders.

 

[Unchosen]

(For me) I feel like my ability to roleplay a character (regardless of gender) is directly correlated to the depth and coherance of the character's specifics, like personality and appearance. I find it easier to roleplay as characters built around a certain characteristic. I would look into something like the roster of Overwatch for examples. They spend a lot of time developing personality and characteristics of their heroes.

 

[rae2nerdy]

(For me) I feel like my ability to roleplay a character (regardless of gender) is directly correlated to the depth and coherance of the character's specifics, like personality and appearance. I find it easier to roleplay as characters built around a certain characteristic. I would look into something like the roster of Overwatch for examples. They spend a lot of time developing personality and characteristics of their heroes.

That's a good way to look at it. I think a lot of times people get so caught up in gender that they forget personality/characteristics. So I think starting out with a clear idea of who the character is (as in their personality and background) will help you play them far better than worrying about their gender.

I usually don't decide a gender until last (or until I figure out which gender role I'm being assigned for the roleplay). Instead I usually start out thinking which of my relatives I'm basing the character on (personality wise). Then I'll built up the backstory that fits the roleplay. And lastly I'll figure out which gender I want them to be.