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Pastry

spiritually disconnected
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Hey all,

I'm going through a phase of "I'm confused and have so many ideas of songs and lyrics and fuckin- SHIT. So I'm going to write it down so I won't forget it." Found my 8th grade journal, it really reminded me of how gay I went from 8th grade to now, and how much I lOOOOOVvvvvvveEEEE writing, so I'm just going to spam this thread with random stuff and if you guys want to read and react to it I'd love for you all to hear it.

<3
 
Burgers at the Diner
Based off when I came out to my mum in 5th grade. It was one weird time.

Burgers at the Diner


"Roses are red, Violets are blue, Roses have thorns, yet we still hold them."

"That doesn't rhyme, dipshit." He chuckled. We lied on his bed together, I was staring at those glued in stars he always kept when he was a kid.
"I wasn't done yet." I said, giving him a light hit on the head.
"Oh this is not going to be a great poem, I'll make sure to clap at the end." I rolled my eyes as he made that comment. He had his arm around me, a fan was on so his mom couldn't hear us laugh and talk.
"Roses are red, violets are blue, roses have thorns, yet we still hold them, and create new memories that we mourn." He laughed at my poem.
"That was utterly cheesy. Going to try that on my mum?" He asked, flicking my cheek.
"That's wayyyy too creepy to say to your mom..." I laughed, poking him in the ribs. This kind of banter was the only thing stopping me from letting out about... It. My heart drops and I drop my eyes onto his neck, I can't look at him while I say this. He touches my chin.
"What's wrong? I thought we were having a good time." I sat up, criss crossed, he followed me, on his knees. "You really should tell me, if you can't, let's just go get burgers at the diner and call it a night, okay?"
"I don't think you'd want to get burgers at the diner once I tell you this."
He paused, those gorgeous brown eyes flickering from sadness, frustration, and eagerness to the suspense I'm giving him.
"Are you breaking up with me?" He asked, putting both of his hands on my knees.
"No... Unless you want to break up." I said, my head in my hands, the tears came out quickly.
"Well, I don't want to break up! I'm-I'm sorry that I brought it up."
"It's not that Kay... It's just..." I was choking up on every word, trying to let it out, trying to be free, trying to install good communication, or whatever those divorce therapists say when I go to the clinic with Mom and Dad.
"I- I think I don't just like guys, I like girls, and I want to... Explore that." I finally said, after a few moments of silence and sobbing. Kay cranks up the fan, making the noise loud so his mom couldn't hear.
"I- I can't believe it. Do you still like me? Did you cheat on me?" He asked both questions rapidly.
"N-NO, I didn't, I don't want to, I still like you." God, I feel so hopeless, jumping from ledge to ledge, almost falling off each time. I still like him... Do I? Do I like anyone at this point? God, I can't seem to figure it out, why can't I just get a label and stick to it, why can't I just... I don't know, figure it out this quickly. I thought. I put my head up and grabbed his hand, he was anxious, I could see it through his hoodie that some of the veins in his neck were tensing up.
"How will you be able to explore that? It's- It'll be really hard for me to just let you have sex with another girl to see if you like it or not... You still want to be together right?" He asked.
"Yes! I do, and I don't know how I like them, I haven't even touched a girl in that way before... I won't just have sex with another girl... That's stupid!" I was surprised... He's not mad. He's more confused, wanting to actually try and figure this out with me. He put his hood down.
"Well... Who made you like girls? Who do you have a crush on?" He asked me this with such confidence, I mean, he wasn't going to tell anyone... Right?
"Laura. I saw her in the locker room after practice one night and I just- couldn't stop looking at her, for some reason she was so beautiful. She- She caught me looking at her too, asked me about it."
"Holy shit Laura? Do you mean the buffest chick in the school? What was she like? Does she have a six-pack like everyone says so? Does she have the thighs-" He stopped himself, noticing the glare I was giving him.
"Sorry. Not the time." He apologized. I ran my fingers through my hair.
"It would make sense why you would shoot for her to be honest, she's turned about 20 girls just this school year." He tried to do that dorky thing again, change the subject yet stay on topic. I found that so annoying.
"I did look there, she does have a six pack. Now moving on!" I said, slapping his thigh.
"Alright, well you like her, now... How can we prove your feelings for girls are real?" He asked, tilting his head.
"We could go find that gay bar downtown..."
"Can't get in, we're too young."
"We could go to that party this weekend."
"Could work, but you could back out easily from the pressure."
"I could make out with your sister."
"She's off limits, fuck you."
I laughed, he laughed too.
"She works at the diner." He said, grinning hard.
"She does? We could go tom-tomorrow... Or maybe..."
"Get in the car we're going." He grabbed my hand and dragged me to the doorway.
"Wait- Wait!" I gasped, trying to find a hold to stop myself.
"No time like the present." He smiled, and dragged me to the car.

Part 1





 

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