Older Roleplayers: what are your preferences for partner/group age?

[Bells of Nevermore]

I want to start off with saying that I love to guide younger writers. It means I can watch someone find their 'voice' as a writer and enjoy seeing the beauty of their work and ideas. Note that none of what I am saying is intrended to disparage younger people.

These are the facts, though. I will be 55 in February. I am a war veteran that served in Desert Storm and also was in the Philippines when Mount Pinatubo erupted in 1991. My fiancé was in New York City on 9/11, and I went through about twelve hours of terror during which I had no way to contact him. I weathered hurricanes Lili and Isidor in New Orleans, and have likewise had many other life experiences that have shaped me. Other than the obvious site and legal pitfalls regarding romantic play, my age and life experience mean I really don't have enough in common with people under about 25 to want to play with them. A possible exception is as a gamemaster in group play; jury's still out there. It really is a matter of world view, not of discrimination or distaste.

Let's please keep this discussion awesome! I'd love to hear your take on it.

 

[Gowi]

The majority of my experience in role-playing in the last 18-20 years of participation in the hobby has been in groups. I have not done many 1x1’s in my life that have had fulfilling or long term conclusions.

Admittedly, this has painted my experience in the hobby in terms of comfortability of age. But I’ve spoken at length about that. This is about who I tend to write with, which I have to admit since I turned 21 in 2009 has generally been people within my generation. I know four people that I’ve regularly or semi-regularly collaborated with [in recent years] older than my generation, not out of blocking them but more that older writers tend to either focus on their personal projects or their family. Of writers I've written with younger than my generation it is more than three, but none have been younger than seventeen.

Personally, I don't think there's not a lot different in a talented, well-read writer of 20 and one of 30 or 40. I think the difference lies in their knowledge, practice, and level of talent. I've run into people my age who I find absolutely incompatible with my writing style and expectations. My current go-to writing partners are 21, 29, and 18. I'm turning 31 in December and have been participating in this hobby since I was in elementary school so I'd like to think I have a decent insight on the subject.

 

[Bells of Nevermore]

As I think I mentioned in the other thread, I've been at this since 1978. My first foray into roleplaying online rather than tabletop was (I think) 1987ish. Time and time again, my best experiences have been proven to be with those who are around ten years or less in age difference, in either direction. Age does matter somewhat less the older one is. So, someone playing with someone around ten years younger won't be as big a deal for partners who are 38 and 48 as it might for partners who are 28 and 18.

The bottom line is I don't want to get into eny trouble, and I do want to relax and enjoy myself. And about 90% of the time, when playing with people younger than about 25, I end up being very frustrated by the actions of the other player. GMing would probably be a bit different, but even then, the kinds of stories I write are complex and they might be a little much for a far-younger player.

 

[Gowi]

Yeah, the concern of an overprotective parent or an enthusiastic albeit immature partner under the age of eighteen is a viable concern.

As I said, one of my current go-to writing partners are 21 and 18 and both are capable of more complexity than you might think. The latter individual is a big contributor to my A Song of Ice & Fire RP, for instance. But again, maybe that's just an exception and not the general rule. There's no objective science to collaborative writing in terms of partnership, after all.

 

[rae2nerdy]

I think it depends on your focus in roleplay. In my early thirties and I will roleplay with anyone who is interested in my ideas.

I roleplay almost exclusively platonic ships with a focus on Harry Potter, Superheroes, and Fantasy

As those topics are pretty accessible to all ages I don't worry over my partners age.

I think romance is the primary area where age comes up in 1x1. (Unless you talk a lot OOC)

I think a large age gap makes it awkward on both ends

 

[Bells of Nevermore]

The thing is, there is another bugaboo (with an emphasis on BOO) that shows up in my work: violence. I need to tone things way down for this site, actually, because my home genre is horror, and it shows. Some of my stuff gets more than a little gory, and I don't want to flat traumatize people!

 

[Gowi]

Yeah, writing Dark Fantasy with a PG-13 barrier is going to be an interesting challenge for me.

 

[Bells of Nevermore]

Likewise for me. My dad, Gods rest the man, was not able to finish my book because he hit some of the 'red stuff' and it was too much. My dad was a Vietnam vet...

 

[Fable]

Yeah, writing Dark Fantasy with a PG-13 barrier is going to be an interesting challenge for me.

We aren't a PG-13 site. ;3 As long as it doesn't violate the gore and erp rules it's fine.

 

[Bells of Nevermore]

I am definitely going to keep it more toward PG13 as far as the gore, just to be sure I have a safe buffer zone. Like... I don't even think I'd give someone here a link to my book when the second edition is out, because it really isn't something I want someone to read if they are sensitive or young.

 

[Georgeisoverparty]

I am Baby but I think how much we read has a bigger influence on the events we can understand than our age.

 

[Bells of Nevermore]

Yes. And... well, smallpox and nuclear war. Probably 'nuff said...

 

[Tove]

I'm 26 and I prefer above 18, when I still roleplayed. Sometimes it feels like you can't say you prefer to write within your age group without getting scrutinized that it may mean something entirely different and speaking for myself that's not the case. It has never been. As I am now I have no business writing with minors in any shape or form. It doesn't matter if it is a group roleplay or 1x1 or even elements of romance.

I don't like to limit myself in what I write, of course per site rules always. If I want to do something along the lines of horror or realistic, toned down, combat I should be able to do so without worrying about my partner being not in my age group or THEIR parents getting involved worrying because they don't want their child reading that let alone participating in it. I'm not here for that. Same way when I was a minor myself. I had no business writing with adults. Some had more experience than me, knew more than me and that was just fine.

 

[ApfelSeine]

I personally have zero preference as to how old my rp partners are. I've worked with kids for a long time, and back when I was an older teen I would always play "house" or other imaginative games with them. I probably still would, I like imaginative games and kids are fun. That said, I have a tendency to meet folks where they're at. None of the rps I join do I throw in themes that aren't predetermined by my rp partner(s), since my interest is on having a fun game, and I've got no way of knowing how old my partner is. I don't even bother to ask, I can't know for sure.

Online I don't really fear legal repercussions because I only rp on forums that set a 13+ rule. If they're under 13 that's on them and their parents. Plus I've moved primarily towards dice rps, which tend to draw an older crowd anyways. But even if a teen joins, usually they're even more experienced than me at the system, and the content involved.

As far as subject matter goes, I'd be the first to say that kids can be gory as fuck. As a kid I was into Egyptian mythology and mummification (and gruesome fairy tails). My 3rd grade friend/relative is into gory costume make up and the walking dead. You really never know with kids. Hence my "meet them where they're at" policy. I'd be naive to think that kids don't lie about their age to join sites they're not allowed on. I did that back in the day to join RuneScape at 7, and that was on me. (Nowadays I'd report kids for being underage because I understand that COPPA is in place for a reason, but I wouldn't hold a kid fully responsible for not understanding why they're not allowed to play on a site like this. Parents should make a point to teach them how to stay safe online.)

Wouldn't freak me out to know I'd been rping with a kid, but I get why it might freak other people out. Plus, it's really not cool to lie in general. There's no content I personally feel is 18+ except ERP, but I'm sure a lot of others feel differently.

---

Bells of Nevermore if you're looking to take young writers under your wing, I'd suggest checking out the creativity subforum. That's where you'll likely find people who actually want to learn to write better or get advice. Most rps I tend to run into are more about the game and collaborative writing than improving skills.

I also personally think that 18 is kinda an arbitrary age. People differ so much in maturity even at that age. I've found some younger players who are much more into dark themes than some older players. Still, overall you'll likely draw more compatible older partners if only as a result of scheduling (older players often understand better when there's personal or work conflicts that put an rp on hold).

 

[rae2nerdy]

I do agree ApfelSeine in so far as I have ever gravitated towards people my own age it's always because of scheduling. I work part time and I have a lot of real life obligations that kids don't really get. And I'm chatty enough in the OOC that I think I turn the younger players off by talking about stuff they don't understand. It's not intentional or anything, and I'm happy to talk about their own after school activities and the like.

 

[welian]

This is an awesome topic! I'll have to come back after work and leave my thoughts.

 

[Crayons]

I'm somewhere between Bells and Middleagedgeek in age, been rping for over 20 years, and the one consistency I've found is that age is so far removed from maturity levels. I've played with 20 year olds who are great, imaginative and write well, and 24 year olds who make cliche edgelord characters.

When I think about my long term favourite rpers they have all actually been close to my age. Obviously nowadays it's harder finding rpers close or close-ish to my age XD but this has been true all through my rp life. I have no problem playing with younger people or even older people if I can find them. (Thanks Bells for being older than me, lol) I find that those players who are in education without a job tend to like posts made a lot quicker than I do, whereas the older players (mid twenties up) are more aware of life responsibilities and don't expect as much instant gratification.

 

[Tyrannical by Design]

I honestly don't care if someone is older or younger than me when it comes to RP. I first started writing online when I was twelve and I remember that by the time I was thirteen or fourteen I was writing some pretty questionable stuff, including sex scenes (not that my knowledge base of that extended beyond what I'd read in novels at the time, hah), and I certainly didn't vet the age of my partners. Who knows how old they were. This was back in AOL chat, mind you, one of if not the Wild Wild West of online RP. Times are different now.

I just recently started asking that my partners be 18+. I feel a little more comfortable on this site, since there's limits on gore and erp, but I still don't want to risk of accidentally crossing a line and having a parent or court come down on me. o_o But, to be honest, while I throw that in my search thread, I don't actually ask anyone their age, and I don't think I'd be upset if I for some reason found out they were younger than that. If we're adhering to the rules here and enjoying writing together, that's enough for me.

 

[rosiphaura]

I'm almost at my 30's and while I've been roleplaying since I was 18 I don't particularly feel like I'm some sort of veteran of RPing in any way, shape or form. I'm actually quite prone to going MIA due to life and such. I don't necessarily ask that my partners be of any certain age mostly because I tend to focus more on the story aspect of a roleplay rather than romance or erp or anything that could be considered problematic. Having said that I always feel like there needs to be a connection between my partner and me when it comes to roleplaying, if I don't feel that kind of connection then playing with me is not really going to work. And how does that connection spark? By having conversations with me and getting to know each other. I'm not particular to roleplaying with people that feel like complete strangers to me so usually age isn't a problem.

 

[welian]

As I've gotten older, I've also slowly begun to prefer roleplaying with older players. It's not a hard and fast rule, but I'm usually a bit wary of players who are in that 13-15 range. I'm ten years older than them, and I feel obligated to be some sort of positive guiding presence or role model, and I can't take that kind of pressure anymore! At the same time, some of the best RPers I've ever played with were only 14 or 15 when I met them.

Of all the problem players I've dealt with, most of them were somewhere between 18 and 21, actually.