Other No roleplaying..?

[HavocandBobo]

I just can't get anyone to roleplay with me on this site or any other. Is there something fundamentally not roleplaying about me? (or something to that extent.) And the people who did roleplay with me, ended up ghosting me. So is something wrong with my roleplaying skills or something? Just tell me what I'm doing wrong and don't ghost me! People ghosting me almost makes me want to quit roleplaying altogether.

 

[Debacle]

I wouldn't take ghosting personally. It happens to all of us, no matter the skill level, roleplaying style, or age.

When you say you can't get anyone to roleplay with you on this site, are you posting interest checks, or are you responding to interest checks?

 

[Ethan_ nestor]

I’d rp with you, I’m not picky

 

[rae2nerdy]

Yeah we’ll need a bit more information to help.

Do you post interest checks or just respond to others?

What time zone are you on?

What are you interested in roleplaying?

How often do you want folks to respond?

 

[cry baby]

I think in general, role play is actually dying out. It's harder to find people to role play with and even harder to find people to stick with.

 

[HavocandBobo]

I wouldn't take ghosting personally. It happens to all of us, no matter the skill level, roleplaying style, or age.

When you say you can't get anyone to roleplay with you on this site, are you posting interest checks, or are you responding to interest checks?

I post and respond to interest checks, and maybe I am taking it too personally.

Maybe I should just wait for an interesting roleplaying idea that I could possibly just jump in.

I’d rp with you, I’m not picky

Aww, you will? If you can then message me and we will exchange ideas or something, but if not, I can always message you first. It's fine either way.

Yeah we’ll need a bit more information to help.

Do you post interest checks or just respond to others?

What time zone are you on?

What are you interested in roleplaying?

How often do you want folks to respond?

Wow, that is a lot of information to include. I have interest checks put up, fandom and original.

I think in general, role play is actually dying out. It's harder to find people to role play with and even harder to find people to stick with.

That is so so true.


Thank you all for responding. Since I'm in Central Time it is after midnight here, like 17 minutes past. So I am gonna go now. Again thank you all and I will talk to y'all later!

 

[rae2nerdy]

Alright if you have interest checks up would you mind posting them?

Maybe we can help you there.

As for the reason I ask those questions in order :

Sometimes your interests are poorly defined or something others may not want to role play.

For time zone you might just not be on at the same time as other people. I’ve had partners that could only respond at 5 am my time. They didn’t seem to last long just because I imagine Imwas responding at equally ridiculous times on their end.

And related to that depending on the individuals age and real life commitment s they simply might not be able to match your post requirements.

But without more details I couldn’t really say where the problems are or how to help.

 

[Idea]

I took the liberty of checking out your interest check and I have some commentary about it to add as to one of the reasons why you may not be getting more partners. That said, one thing one must understand is that finding roleplay partners gets the harder the more specific your requirements. From what I've seen you aren't very specific other than needing specific fandoms, but nevertheless it is good to keep in mind that if you aren't getting enough RP partners it's not always your fault.

Furthermore, ghosting usually has more to do with life circumstances than anything, and when it doesn't, it's usually stemed from a non-confrontational person being unable to bring up a lack of compatibility, which is a mostly arbitrary measure that hardly ever matches up to whether someone is skilled. Plus those who haven't roleplayed with you yet wouldn't know your skills, good or bad, so that wouldn't logically be what would influence their decision either, right?

In other words, unless you're a massive a**hole, it's far more likely that the expectable number of ghostings is hitting you particularly hard due to the low number of partners you managed to acquire, which in turn I suspect, has something to do with your thread presentation.

Now that I am done with the reassuring part, this is the advise and criticism part. I've come to understand that some people have problems with a stranger "randomly" giving their criticism, so I'll put it in a spoiler. Read it or not at your discretion. I'll warn here that I won't hold back, and I will be harsh.

Spoiler: Interest Check Commentary

I am bored, so I'm hoping to find someone to rp with. So please someone? Rp with meeee, cause I am so borrrred. I'm not even going to put my rules here, so if you want to know, just ask.

Fandoms

F.R.I.E.N.D.S. (please??? I'm craving this so much)
Go On
Resident Evil (first movie, not the game)
A few selected Nickeldoen shows/movies (Ask!)
A few selected Disney shows/movies (Ask!)
Any kind of fandom crossovers as long as I can pick what fandom I get to play and you can also pick your own

That's all I'll list here. Bye now!!!

The first thing that stands out is how incredibly short this interest check is. That alone gives a negative impression upon any semi-detailed and above players, as they are likely to see this as a lack of commitment, not to mention an overly plain presentation. Your reasons for wanting these roleplays also reinforce this vibe of uncommitment. "I'm bored" makes you seem like you're demanding someone bring you entertainment, not that you're someone who will passionately put themselves out to contribute to the roleplay. But the cherry on top of the cake of uncommitment is that you state you couldn't even be bothered to put your rules there.

You just telegraphed that there is a landmine in the field and while you COULD have pointed it out just by pointing, you couldn't be bothered. All of this is piling to make it seem like you just don't care. Do you want partners that just don't care? Does that sound like a person worth spending your precious time with, or who is worth the risk of it all collapsing because there was a hidden rule he couldn't tell you about?

Now, I am not saying you ARE unreliable, uncommitted, lazy... none of that. That is, however, the impression your interest check conveys. Furthermore, you forgot that the essential part of an interest check is to see whether the person or roleplay is compatible with you. Other than your fandoms, however, you presented neither rules nor any information about yourself, nor any information about your roleplay preferences (places where you roleplay and OOC, detail level preferences etc...) or really anything. In other words, only someone who wants an extremely casual and simple RP or someone who is absolutely desperate for a certain fandom would be likely to take your offer.

Now, as far as your fandoms go, it's not a bad selection, it's rather commonplace, really. You even seemed to express a bit more interest in one, so that's good. However for one thing, because you didn't specify whether you want to roleplay with OCs or cannon characters, you may alienated some of the remaining fandom roleplayers. Secondly, while one might think that things like "asking for a fandom" are pretty open, the actual percentage of cases where people will do it is close to zero. This is because either they don't want to bother asking their specific one (thinking it owuld be a waste of time if you don't know the fandom) or because they don't feel someone who doesn't want that fandom enough to specify it would give them the experience that they want.

Now that's said, it'd be a bit hypocritical of me to not at least try talking of potential solutions. Seeing how you've already been looking for roleplay outside of your own thread though, there really isn't much I can advocate for other than patience and a willigness to compromise. That said, I do think it'd help a great deal if you spent some time trying to construct a search thread with a bit more consideration for the people reading it.

I hope this post was helpful! Best of luck with your search and happy RPing!

 

[apolla]

HavocandBobo
I checked out your interest checks, as well. Going off of just the first one, you need some more details. Granted, alot of rules that people have are probably pretty similar, but you still want people to know how you would like your roleplay to go. How can you expect them to know otherwise? A few things to put in here would be what gender you wanna rp as, if you double, limits, post length.... among other things.

You've listed stuff you want to rp, and that's great. (Friends is awesome, btw) Maybe add some other things/ideas if you have them? Plots? Plot bunnies?

If I were to look at your interest check, I wouldn't be interested simply due to lack of detail in your presentation.

Hope this helps!

 

[Morlock]

I think in general, role play is actually dying out. It's harder to find people to role play with and even harder to find people to stick with.

When I first started RP'ing on forums it was really easy to find partners. I agree that it is dying out. It is a really frustrating hobby as you are always at the mercy of either finding someone to play with or finding someone who will stick around. In the end it can add up to a lot of wasted time writing posts for nothing. Factor in the way some of these sites are run, the cliques and other dramas it can really put people off.

 

[HavocandBobo]

Alright, thanks guys, thank y'all so much!!! I think I know what I need to fix now. Y'all have been a big help! Oh, and thanks for the criticisms, I appreciate them.

 

[rae2nerdy]

I would say its not dying It’s becoming more diverse.

When a lot of us started we were young children. Most of us on fandom specific sites.

So it probably seems like “in the good old days” things were more active or whatever.

However when I actually think about it the rate of active roleplays has not changed. What has changed is;

• I am older and have more real life responsibilities
• The trends of what is popular have shifted. The teens of today are not interested in the same things as the teens in my time
• Because I’m older my partners are generally older. Not by design just because we happen to be interested in the same things
• This site has people from all over the world. Which means people in different time zones.
• Older people as a rule have a more finite amount of free time because they have real life responsibilities.

So yeah it’s not a “roleplay is dying” thing. It’s as popular as it ever was.
It’s more “this site is huge and finding people that link up in terms of interest, availability, and maturity is actually a lot of work”

 

[Onmyoji]

So yeah it’s not a “roleplay is dying” thing. It’s as popular as it ever was.
It’s more “this site is huge and finding people that link up in terms of interest, availability, and maturity is actually a lot of work”

yes! Finally, someone said it. I 100% agree. Roleplaying in general is not dying, it's just that when people get older they tend to get more picky with their roleplays because they have less time, and it feels like there are fewer people to rp with, while "before" everything seemed to be busting with activity because people of same age range had similar amount of time on their hands and similar interests.

 

[Tarmagon]

I would say its not dying It’s becoming more diverse.

I kind of agree that it is not dying per se, but the commitment is dying out. I get that role playing is supposed to be an escape, or a fun diversion, but crafting a well-rounded character takes effort, and helping to create an entire world even more. Ghosting when things don't go 100% as expected is also more prevalent, rather than a polite "Thanks, but this isn't working for me." With so many different interests and stories constantly churning, it has become easier and easier to just vanish from one and pick up another where the only significant difference is the names of the characters. I also get that 'real life' happens. My number one rule is 'Real life always comes first.' Just, take the time to drop a line if you can. There's nothing more disheartening than being in the planning stages with someone on a topic you've gotten interested in, only to have responses stop coming, even while you see them being active elsewhere. I'm in a very long term one on one that is currently suffering from real life issues, but since my partner took, and continues to take, the time to let me know she hasn't forgotten, she's just busy, I'm willing to wait patiently.

 

[rae2nerdy]

I kind of agree that it is not dying per se, but the commitment is dying out. I get that role playing is supposed to be an escape, or a fun diversion, but crafting a well-rounded character takes effort, and helping to create an entire world even more. Ghosting when things don't go 100% as expected is also more prevalent, rather than a polite "Thanks, but this isn't working for me." With so many different interests and stories constantly churning, it has become easier and easier to just vanish from one and pick up another where the only significant difference is the names of the characters. I also get that 'real life' happens. My number one rule is 'Real life always comes first.' Just, take the time to drop a line if you can. There's nothing more disheartening than being in the planning stages with someone on a topic you've gotten interested in, only to have responses stop coming, even while you see them being active elsewhere. I'm in a very long term one on one that is currently suffering from real life issues, but since my partner took, and continues to take, the time to let me know she hasn't forgotten, she's just busy, I'm willing to wait patiently.

See I think that in itself is just a matter of where you came from.

The sites I came from? Had the same general attitude to ghosting as RPN.

People would just leave if they weren’t insterested without letting anyone know. The people that didn’t leave usually just chewed you out and started stupid fights.

So that might also be a case of “the good old days”.

I mean did people really use to let you know they were leaving? Was it on this site or a different smaller one?

I mean I’m not saying it’s not rude and you don’t have the right to be angry.

I’m just saying that in my experience across the sites I’ve used for roleplay (here, gaiaonline, chicken smoothie). Ghosting has always worked the same way. People have always put in the same relative amount of effort into roleplaying.

The difference is I am older and have to be more picky about roleplay ideas.

This follows that finding a partner is going to be harder because I can’t let a lot of things slide that I used to.

Think about it once upon a time we were those people that left a roleplay and immediately moved to another one. Because we didn’t think it was a big deal or because we had the free time and wide array of choices to pick from that makes that work.

Now when your trying to have more standards it’s like ugh people are so rude and flighty.

Yeah they were always like that. You just didn’t notice cuz it didn’t effect you.

(To be clear I’m not trying to call you Tarmagon out. I don’t know where you came from specifically so I can’t speak to your experience. I’m talking in general when I say you)

 

[Tarmagon]

(To be clear I’m not trying to call you @Tarmagon out. I don’t know where you came from specifically so I can’t speak to your experience. I’m talking in general when I say you)

No offense taken. No worries. I suppose it is about standards and expectations in the end. I've always considered ghosting impolite, but that's just my particular view in the end. I've been mostly lucky in the past, even back in 'the good old days' of writing on dial-up BBS's. (Kind of dating myself there, but I put my age plainly in my information. Old fart and proud of it.) So yes, I did get my start on smaller platforms, then as the Internet expanded and things like TSO, DAoC, and WoW became common it became easier to interact in 'real-time' which added a new level to role playing, but also led to scheduling conflicts, etc. At that point. if you really wanted to continue something, you reached out and made arrangements to collaborate, either through a messenger system, or in my favorite set of RPs, through a website with a dedicated forum for storytelling. Things were more difficult to set up, and the people who got involved were usually there for the long run, and if they had to bow out, they let you know.

PS, I don't get angry over ghosting, just a bit disheartened. How do you improve if people just vanish without letting you know why? Was it something I did? Real life interference? No interest?

 

[rae2nerdy]

Tarmagon

And I think that's my point. It isn't the communities that changed it's us as players. I have roleplayed entirely on sites that were set up virtually the same way as RPN. The only differences where demographics and the site specific rules.

So I actually sat down and thought about it and realized - Yeah the communities all acted exactly the same (taking into account rules and demographics) for the entire eleven years I've been roleplaying.

What has changed is my level of proficiency and also my level of real life responsibility.

I think a lot of people that are growing up and getting more discerning OR are coming from sites that were smaller and more close-knit are mistaking an elevation of their own set of personal standards with a lack of standards in others.

It's not really that other people are getting less polite or less committed to roleplays. It's that you are noticing it more because it doesn't line up to where you are right now.

 

[rae2nerdy]

Oops just saw your PS Tarmagon

So Ghosting isn't about a specific partner. It's like if someone doesn't like chocolate. Is that a problem that you can really help them with? No. It doesn't matter if you like chocolate or if you write a three page essay on why chocolate is the greatest food ever invented. Because it's not about you. It's about them.

They are Ghosting for a multitude of reasons that can include (but are not limited to) :

Death in the family, lack of emotional maturity, lack of interest, fear of rejection, fear of harassment, real life mental health issues, real life physical health issues, loss of computer access, they forgot the roleplay, etc.​

None of those things actually have anything to do with you. Even the lack of interest, fear of rejection/harassment aren't necessarily things you can help them with. Because they aren't afraid of YOU, they are afraid of a SITUATION. And short of just not roleplaying with them you can't really affect the situation.

So yeah it's not a manners thing, or at least it's not solely a manners thing. It's more of a difference in life experience thing. Some people ghost. Some people don't. It's just the way it is.

 

[Tarmagon]

rae2nerdy

Cogently put. As an older player it is fair to say that my style and standards have, evolved over time. But, that is part and parcel to growing, and change is not capricious for the sake of capriciousness, it simply is. In truth, it is up to me to continue to evolve and accept the changes, or to find another creative outlet.

And on the ghosting, I do accept that it is a part of the experience. I'm not arrogant enough to assume ghosting is all about something I did, I just would like a chance to say goodbye and wish you well, not to judge. Lord knows, I have my own fair share of issues, and have no right to judge.

Thank you for the intelligent discourse on this subject.

 

[Morlock]

Tarmagon

And I think that's my point. It isn't the communities that changed it's us as players. I have roleplayed entirely on sites that were set up virtually the same way as RPN. The only differences where demographics and the site specific rules.

So I actually sat down and thought about it and realized - Yeah the communities all acted exactly the same (taking into account rules and demographics) for the entire eleven years I've been roleplaying.

What has changed is my level of proficiency and also my level of real life responsibility.

I think a lot of people that are growing up and getting more discerning OR are coming from sites that were smaller and more close-knit are mistaking an elevation of their own set of personal standards with a lack of standards in others.

It's not really that other people are getting less polite or less committed to roleplays. It's that you are noticing it more because it doesn't line up to where you are right now.

rae2nerdy

Cogently put. As an older player it is fair to say that my style and standards have, evolved over time. But, that is part and parcel to growing, and change is not capricious for the sake of capriciousness, it simply is. In truth, it is up to me to continue to evolve and accept the changes, or to find another creative outlet.

And on the ghosting, I do accept that it is a part of the experience. I'm not arrogant enough to assume ghosting is all about something I did, I just would like a chance to say goodbye and wish you well, not to judge. Lord knows, I have my own fair share of issues, and have no right to judge.

Thank you for the intelligent discourse on this subject.

As someone in their mid 40's I have noticed that in the past couple of years I have questioned the point of doing this. I feel like the RP is already mapped out even before discussion stage, I have basically played it out in my head and even with a partner there is little change in how it will end up or the paths it will take. I have become more discerning in how I want to spend my time as well and I no longer feel as excited to be stuck in front of a computer screen all the day the way I used to be.

I do believe the scene has changed as well but there is also a great deal of change in myself which has also affected the way I view RP.

 

[Tarmagon]

As someone in their mid 40's I have noticed that in the past couple of years I have questioned the point of doing this.

Despite being in my early 50's, I still manage to find things to explore and new characters to create. As I am fond of saying, 'Growing old is mandatory, growing up is optional.' I still search the partner threads, hoping to find someone who will help me push myself. Hopefully I will pass on before my desire to create does.

 

[Morlock]

Despite being in my early 50's, I still manage to find things to explore and new characters to create. As I am fond of saying, 'Growing old is mandatory, growing up is optional.' I still search the partner threads, hoping to find someone who will help me push myself. Hopefully I will pass on before my desire to create does.

I guess I want different types of creativity. I started playing guitar again last year for example. I still like to write but I would prefer to write an actual story, I have tried to do a shared fiction story with someone rather than RP but that is just as hard in terms of finding someone who won't ghost.

Like you I never plan on being that old person who just grumbles about life and how everything hurts. At the same time though the idea of starting RP's just to have them dropped doesn't excite me too much either.

 

[Idea]

I kind of agree that it is not dying per se, but the commitment is dying out. I get that role playing is supposed to be an escape, or a fun diversion, but crafting a well-rounded character takes effort, and helping to create an entire world even more. Ghosting when things don't go 100% as expected is also more prevalent, rather than a polite "Thanks, but this isn't working for me." With so many different interests and stories constantly churning, it has become easier and easier to just vanish from one and pick up another where the only significant difference is the names of the characters.

After reading this I felt that I had to comment since it's something I've been talking about in the forums for a while, and what I have to say is that it's nothing really recent. Roleplay isn't dying out any more than it used to, though the results of the general "I'm bored = I should leave" or the the need for immediate gratification mentalities that become more visible over time as their effect leaves more roleplays, stories and characters in the wasteland. The idea isn't exactly new nor really gaining much more ground.

Well, that's all I really had to say. Great comment, regardless!