Lone Peep
The Kind Member
I need some help, because I never had this happen to me before. I had been roleplaying on and off for several years and every person I met respected my little list of what makes me have an anxiety attack or feel severely uncomfortable. I have only two 'triggers' (as people put it), and I always make sure to discuss what topics shall trigger such episodes with my partner so that we can avoid them at all costs.
Now a bit of background. I had been roleplaying with this one person on Discord for almost two years now. We discussed what causes us to have an anxiety episode, and made sure to pin those issues so that we shall remember at all points that we can't touch those topics in or out of our Roleplay session. Again, I only have two things that makes me uncomfortable, and she had 7 the last time I counted. Now, a few times she had brushed my triggers, and I had told her 'I'm uncomfortable with that. Could you please change that as I do not wish to have an attack'. She always changed it with no questions asked and I was comfortable once more. But, I am not always with a halo over my head as a few times I hit a trigger she didn't list and known she had. She did the same, and I changed my response quickly. Because of how this went, I had a lot of trust in her.
Now here is where the problem lies. Five days ago I was in the middle of replying to her and she sent 'I know this makes you uncomfortable but...'. I will be honest, I was confused as I was unsure of what she was up to. We were roleplaying for a solid 3 hours with no OOC chat so I was wondering what was wrong, and why she said that. I sent her my response and went to ask her what was going on, but she sent me an extremely detailed reply of her having sex with her partner and losing her V card. This hit one of my triggers majorly as first off, I am uncomfortable with NSFW text. I am also uncomfortable with detailed NSFW text. Then it was out of the blue, and it was something she said occurred before we started roleplaying. I have a vivid imagination and when I mentally saw everything that happened, I got extremely sick in the stomach and even had a full born anxiety attack that I hadn't had in a long while. I stopped talking to her for the rest of that day and the next. I then sent her lengthy texts of how I felt of the given topic. All she said was 'I'm sorry' with nothing else. I don't feel she was actually sorry but that's beside the point.
Yesterday I wanted to try to roleplay with her again. I sent her my response (as I deleted it quickly as I didn't want her to talk to me as I was puking in the toilet), but when she sent me hers, I felt extreme anxiety and had not read it. I don't know its actually a response, but I am very nervous of going back on in chance that she had sent me another detailed response of that event, or any other event she done since it had been five days. I want to continue the RP and friendship we have, but I lost all trust in her for what she done. It was not like anything other that she had done over the near two years. Does anyone have any advice on what I should do to gain trust in her again? Or maybe how to rewire my head so that I am not nervous or scared to see what she sent me? It would be greatly appreciated.
Now a bit of background. I had been roleplaying with this one person on Discord for almost two years now. We discussed what causes us to have an anxiety episode, and made sure to pin those issues so that we shall remember at all points that we can't touch those topics in or out of our Roleplay session. Again, I only have two things that makes me uncomfortable, and she had 7 the last time I counted. Now, a few times she had brushed my triggers, and I had told her 'I'm uncomfortable with that. Could you please change that as I do not wish to have an attack'. She always changed it with no questions asked and I was comfortable once more. But, I am not always with a halo over my head as a few times I hit a trigger she didn't list and known she had. She did the same, and I changed my response quickly. Because of how this went, I had a lot of trust in her.
Now here is where the problem lies. Five days ago I was in the middle of replying to her and she sent 'I know this makes you uncomfortable but...'. I will be honest, I was confused as I was unsure of what she was up to. We were roleplaying for a solid 3 hours with no OOC chat so I was wondering what was wrong, and why she said that. I sent her my response and went to ask her what was going on, but she sent me an extremely detailed reply of her having sex with her partner and losing her V card. This hit one of my triggers majorly as first off, I am uncomfortable with NSFW text. I am also uncomfortable with detailed NSFW text. Then it was out of the blue, and it was something she said occurred before we started roleplaying. I have a vivid imagination and when I mentally saw everything that happened, I got extremely sick in the stomach and even had a full born anxiety attack that I hadn't had in a long while. I stopped talking to her for the rest of that day and the next. I then sent her lengthy texts of how I felt of the given topic. All she said was 'I'm sorry' with nothing else. I don't feel she was actually sorry but that's beside the point.
Yesterday I wanted to try to roleplay with her again. I sent her my response (as I deleted it quickly as I didn't want her to talk to me as I was puking in the toilet), but when she sent me hers, I felt extreme anxiety and had not read it. I don't know its actually a response, but I am very nervous of going back on in chance that she had sent me another detailed response of that event, or any other event she done since it had been five days. I want to continue the RP and friendship we have, but I lost all trust in her for what she done. It was not like anything other that she had done over the near two years. Does anyone have any advice on what I should do to gain trust in her again? Or maybe how to rewire my head so that I am not nervous or scared to see what she sent me? It would be greatly appreciated.