Advice/Help Need Help with RP partner- Issues with 'Triggers'

[Lone Peep]

I need some help, because I never had this happen to me before. I had been roleplaying on and off for several years and every person I met respected my little list of what makes me have an anxiety attack or feel severely uncomfortable. I have only two 'triggers' (as people put it), and I always make sure to discuss what topics shall trigger such episodes with my partner so that we can avoid them at all costs.

Now a bit of background. I had been roleplaying with this one person on Discord for almost two years now. We discussed what causes us to have an anxiety episode, and made sure to pin those issues so that we shall remember at all points that we can't touch those topics in or out of our Roleplay session. Again, I only have two things that makes me uncomfortable, and she had 7 the last time I counted. Now, a few times she had brushed my triggers, and I had told her 'I'm uncomfortable with that. Could you please change that as I do not wish to have an attack'. She always changed it with no questions asked and I was comfortable once more. But, I am not always with a halo over my head as a few times I hit a trigger she didn't list and known she had. She did the same, and I changed my response quickly. Because of how this went, I had a lot of trust in her.

Now here is where the problem lies. Five days ago I was in the middle of replying to her and she sent 'I know this makes you uncomfortable but...'. I will be honest, I was confused as I was unsure of what she was up to. We were roleplaying for a solid 3 hours with no OOC chat so I was wondering what was wrong, and why she said that. I sent her my response and went to ask her what was going on, but she sent me an extremely detailed reply of her having sex with her partner and losing her V card. This hit one of my triggers majorly as first off, I am uncomfortable with NSFW text. I am also uncomfortable with detailed NSFW text. Then it was out of the blue, and it was something she said occurred before we started roleplaying. I have a vivid imagination and when I mentally saw everything that happened, I got extremely sick in the stomach and even had a full born anxiety attack that I hadn't had in a long while. I stopped talking to her for the rest of that day and the next. I then sent her lengthy texts of how I felt of the given topic. All she said was 'I'm sorry' with nothing else. I don't feel she was actually sorry but that's beside the point.

Yesterday I wanted to try to roleplay with her again. I sent her my response (as I deleted it quickly as I didn't want her to talk to me as I was puking in the toilet), but when she sent me hers, I felt extreme anxiety and had not read it. I don't know its actually a response, but I am very nervous of going back on in chance that she had sent me another detailed response of that event, or any other event she done since it had been five days. I want to continue the RP and friendship we have, but I lost all trust in her for what she done. It was not like anything other that she had done over the near two years. Does anyone have any advice on what I should do to gain trust in her again? Or maybe how to rewire my head so that I am not nervous or scared to see what she sent me? It would be greatly appreciated.

 

[Satanic Nightjar]

Gosh, that's awful, I'm sorry that had to happen to you. I would say discuss how you feel with her (though it would seem you already did), and if she still refuses to be sincere and apologize or change her actions then you need to take some time away, maybe even let the roleplay go entirely. If you made your triggers known and she knowingly did something that she knew could hurt you then you really don't need to be giving her your time. Alternatively, if she comes around and apologizes and genuinely NEVER tries anything like it again, then I think maybe gradually go back into it. Not all at once, rebuild your trust slowly, take as much time as you need, it's perfectly fine. Do whatever feels right to you, really

 

[Crayons]

Without her giving a decent explanation of why she felt the need to send something she knew would trigger you, then it's going to be very difficult to trust her again. It's up to you and how you feel, if you can do that or not. I think for now you should wait until she contacts you, and consider that you may have to lose that friendship. It's really hard losing friends but friends that trample all over your boundaries are not good friends to have.

It's not up to you to try to "rewire your head" just so you can play with her again. However, if you are struggling, it is a good idea to reach out to mental health professionals. If you are really worried about reading something she has sent, maybe you could ask a friend or family member to read it for you and then tell you what the content is.

Good luck with this!

 

[Daisie]

This sounds awful, I'm so sorry you had to go through that.

Bottom line, she crossed a boundary. It doesn't matter if she meant to or not, it was a set-in-stone boundary that was breached, and it hurt you regardless of intention.

Best advice is to tell them all of this. That they crossed a very serious line, that you've lost trust in them, and that you were severely, personally hurt by them. If you're willing to give them a chance to earn their trust back, which will be difficult and will take a darn long time, then let them know that. If you don't want to give them the chance, the best thing to do is to rip off the band aid quickly and leave it at that. Tell them that you're sorry, but you're not contacting them anymore.

I've been in both situations. A situation where my trust was breached and I let them prove themselves again, and also a situation where I wasn't willing to let them come back. Both turned out fine for me in the end. This isn't something that will go on forever, try to take some deep breaths and remember that.

If you start feeling overly jittery, or maybe get the urge to raise your tone with them, take a break. Tell them you'll be back, switch your devices to silent, put them in a different room if you have to, but do whatever is necessary to pry yourself away for as long as you feel is necessary.

One way or another, this will eventually pass. Keep in mind that THEY were in the wrong, not you. THEY are the one that needs to earn YOU back. Again, even if it wasn't intentionally meant to hurt you, the bottom line is that it did. Stand your ground.

I'd also recommend really taking it easy as much as you can. If you have anxiety medication available, don't feel sorry about taking it. This is a difficult situation and I'm really sorry you had to go through this. I know what it feels like.

 

[Chordling]

You are very forgiving. I would have no issues preventing this person from contacting me for my mental health's sake. Especially if the expectations regarding boundaries were clear from the beginning.

 

[rae2nerdy]

Repeat it with me - I am not the problem.

What happened was a hundred percent her fault and you don’t owe her a thing. A friend would not have done what she did for any reason. That is not the action of someone who cares about you and your mental health.

That is the action of someone who does not respect you and your boundaries. I personally would never contact that person again. But if you feel the need to build a bridge than you absolutely need to do it with the perspective that you are not in the wrong.

She did something to deliberately upset you. She has not offered an apology for her actions. She has caused you physical distress which is a hundred thousand percent not okay and not the action of a friend.

So honestly I wouldn’t respond until she apologies. If you are uncomfortable with confronting her directly than tell her that she has set off one of your triggers and you will not be able to continue the roleplay at this time. And if she offers an apology or to change it than you can tell her - “hey this really hurt me and I am not sure I am feeling safe in our roleplay anymore.”

 

[Lone Peep]

This sounds awful, I'm so sorry you had to go through that.

Bottom line, she crossed a boundary. It doesn't matter if she meant to or not, it was a set-in-stone boundary that was breached, and it hurt you regardless of intention.

Best advice is to tell them all of this. That they crossed a very serious line, that you've lost trust in them, and that you were severely, personally hurt by them. If you're willing to give them a chance to earn their trust back, which will be difficult and will take a darn long time, then let them know that. If you don't want to give them the chance, the best thing to do is to rip off the band aid quickly and leave it at that. Tell them that you're sorry, but you're not contacting them anymore.

I've been in both situations. A situation where my trust was breached and I let them prove themselves again, and also a situation where I wasn't willing to let them come back. Both turned out fine for me in the end. This isn't something that will go on forever, try to take some deep breaths and remember that.

If you start feeling overly jittery, or maybe get the urge to raise your tone with them, take a break. Tell them you'll be back, switch your devices to silent, put them in a different room if you have to, but do whatever is necessary to pry yourself away for as long as you feel is necessary.

One way or another, this will eventually pass. Keep in mind that THEY were in the wrong, not you. THEY are the one that needs to earn YOU back. Again, even if it wasn't intentionally meant to hurt you, the bottom line is that it did. Stand your ground.

I'd also recommend really taking it easy as much as you can. If you have anxiety medication available, don't feel sorry about taking it. This is a difficult situation and I'm really sorry you had to go through this. I know what it feels like.

Thank you for your advice and kind words. Yes, I have been taking medication but what caught me off guard was that I was on it when that occurred. I can not imagine what could of happened if I was off of it during the time, but I think it had lessened the effects for what could of happened at least. But anyways, I shall take your advice to heart. I have talked to her about all of that, how she had lost trust from me, how I felt disrespected because of the fact that she and I both know each others triggers and she still done it anyways, and much more. I had even said I needed some time away to get my mental state together and I should be okay within a few days (because that's what I thought was that it would take just a few days to get over). That was when I received just 'I'm sorry' from her and nothing more. I wished I had screenshotted it before I deleted the channel and made a new one so that it could be slightly more easier on myself. Now this does bring up a question. What do you mean by 'Stand your ground'? Is there something I should add to what I had said, or something else? I am a tad unsure on what you mean by what I should do to stand my ground.

 

[Lone Peep]

You are very forgiving. I would have no issues preventing this person from contacting me for my mental health's sake. Especially if the expectations regarding boundaries were clear from the beginning.

I generally am a laid back person that just wants to have fun and things. But many years ago I used to be very unforgiving. If someone hurt me big time, I generally shut them out and never let them back in after I blew up. It is something I have been working on this year and trying to put an end to it since I lost my closest friends because of the habit I had started. That is why I am trying to find a way to keep this going, even though she hurt my mental state. I'm trying to break my habit that I created a long time ago for the sake of keeping some sort of friends nearby.

 

[Chordling]

Friends do not disrespect your boundaries like that.

 

[rae2nerdy]

I agree with Chordling sometimes you have to recognize that certain people don’t deserve second chances. I have been in your shoes giving people who behave in ways I find upsetting multiple chances cuz I don’t want to seem too demanding or because I tell myself they didn’t mean things in a hurtful manner.

Without fail these people just continue to behave badly, sometimes even escalating their behavior because they know I am hesitant to put my foot down.

So while I definately understand the impulse to give people second chances there is also that old saying “when someone shows you who they are, believe them.”

Some people don’t deserve the benefit of the doubt because their actions where done with the deliberate intention of causing you distress. I tend to find that kind of behavior doesn’t improve over time as a general rule. But every situation is different and you are free to do what you think is best.

I would just remember that people who hurt you like that are not friends. They might be friendly and great to hang out with, but that is not the action of someone who actually respects/likes you.

(Believe me a lot of the folks I am talking about could be perfectly nice and friendly when it suited them but not a one of them was my friend)

 

[Daisie]

What do you mean by 'Stand your ground'? Is there something I should add to what I had said, or something else? I am a tad unsure on what you mean by what I should do to stand my ground.

Mostly that's for if you start getting any push-back at all from your friend... I know how hard it can be to remember and believe that you're in the right, lol, especially if the friend starts throwing excuses or tries to shimmy the blame off themselves. Can be difficult to not blame yourself sometimes, especially in the heat of things. Of course, I'm not sure what kind of friend you have, so I don't really know if there would be any sort of push-back... So I just put that there to keep in mind, more than anything.

It's a hard thing to stand up for yourself sometimes, to affirm that you're indeed not the one at fault, but what's worse is letting yourself be trampled over for the sake of salvaging things. I'm not saying you'll be trampled... Again, I don't know your friend, but it's something to keep in the back of your head moving forward.

If you want to give them a second chance, I don't think that would necessarily be a wrong thing to do, you just have to keep in mind your history and watch closely for changes. Cause if they apologize without making real changes, then that's not a genuine apology.

I'm all for second chances, but if they don't take a second chance and do something with it, then you shouldn't bother yourself with them.

 

[Idea]

I'm going to be the devil here and say I think there's more to this than meets the eye. Now, don't get me wrong here, your friend disrespected your boundaries, knowing full well what those were. They are, without question, in the wrong. However, I think they didn't do it out of harm or thoughtlessness. I think, at least in their head, it was necessary.

I say this because according to what you said, your friend warned you first that it would make you uncomfortable. The way I see it this suggests that your friend believed they simply couldn't move on without that scene.

I wouldn't say you need to "rewire your brain" or anything like that, but I would suggest that you attempt to talk to your friend and see where they are coming from. I don't think they acted out of thoughtlessness and much less out of malice, I think they are a better friend than this awful experience would entail, and that this event shouldn't bury it forever.

Those are just my two cents on the issue though.

 

[Lone Peep]

I'm going to be the devil here and say I think there's more to this than meets the eye. Now, don't get me wrong here, your friend disrespected your boundaries, knowing full well what those were. They are, without question, in the wrong. However, I think they didn't do it out of harm or thoughtlessness. I think, at least in their head, it was necessary.

I say this because according to what you said, your friend warned you first that it would make you uncomfortable. The way I see it this suggests that your friend believed they simply couldn't move on without that scene.

I wouldn't say you need to "rewire your brain" or anything like that, but I would suggest that you attempt to talk to your friend and see where they are coming from. I don't think they acted out of thoughtlessness and much less out of malice, I think they are a better friend than this awful experience would entail, and that this event shouldn't bury it forever.

Those are just my two cents on the issue though.

I don't think you are being the devil here. Any sort of help or advice is greatly appreciated on my end. While I agree, something could be going on, but she had told me about her hanging out and chatting with other friends a few weeks ago when I was confused on where she went for several days. To me, it didn't make sense to share information in great detail to me when I had expressed it made me uncomfortable when she had other people to tell this to. But, tomorrow or some time when I get the courage to see what she sent me, I'll try to talk to her and see exactly why she thought it was okay to share this to me. Try to figure out what is going on. That is if she will talk to me on the subject, and if I can get comfortable enough to look first. They are a good friend to me. While yes, we had very few fights here and there, but she had been kind and funny to the point I always looked forward to coming onto Discord to chat with her. The good outweighed the bad in my mind. Even after what happened, I still want to give her a chance but at the time I didn't know what to do to push past my trust issues and anxiety to even look at what she sent. But everyone's advice is helping me out, and the kind words are bringing courage too. Your words, too, are helping, even if you say you are being the devil. I hadn't thought on there possibly being more that meets the eye, because I had the thought of her having other friends to share this with instead of me. So, I shall try to talk to her like you said, and also follow other's advice, once I get comfortable again that is.

 

[Idea]

I don't think you are being the devil here. Any sort of help or advice is greatly appreciated on my end. While I agree, something could be going on, but she had told me about her hanging out and chatting with other friends a few weeks ago when I was confused on where she went for several days. To me, it didn't make sense to share information in great detail to me when I had expressed it made me uncomfortable when she had other people to tell this to. But, tomorrow or some time when I get the courage to see what she sent me, I'll try to talk to her and see exactly why she thought it was okay to share this to me. Try to figure out what is going on. That is if she will talk to me on the subject, and if I can get comfortable enough to look first. They are a good friend to me. While yes, we had very few fights here and there, but she had been kind and funny to the point I always looked forward to coming onto Discord to chat with her. The good outweighed the bad in my mind. Even after what happened, I still want to give her a chance but at the time I didn't know what to do to push past my trust issues and anxiety to even look at what she sent. But everyone's advice is helping me out, and the kind words are bringing courage too. Your words, too, are helping, even if you say you are being the devil. I hadn't thought on there possibly being more that meets the eye, because I had the thought of her having other friends to share this with instead of me. So, I shall try to talk to her like you said, and also follow other's advice, once I get comfortable again that is.

I recommend sending a brief message- something very short, like "Hey I'm feeling really awkward at this, I'll talk to you again when I feeling more comfortable.". I'm sure if they are your friend, they will understand and be patient, give you time to recover somewhat until you are ready to give them another shot. Just don't leave them in the dark, as it'll only make things worse.

 

[Lone Peep]

Update (Sorry if you guys don't wish for one. I am just going to put one here as I think it may be resolved..?): I finally got the courage to look at what she said. While she first did reply to the role play yesterday, around two hours ago as of right now she added in something else. She had apologized and had said she deeply regrets what she had done to me and also regretted doing the you know what. She also said she will be giving me the time I need to cope. While it had been five/six days, she finally gave me a response (instead of just saying 'I'm sorry' and nothing else) that actually made me feel that she indeed is sorry. Because of an idea another user ( Idea ) had, I did ask her why exactly she done it- telling me that when she knew it was a trigger of mine. She said her pride got in the way as she thought it was a big achievement and had to share. She didn't care, at the time, of what I felt, and she regrets it because now she is losing me when she still wants to stay friends. She hadn't realized that it would chase me off and it was scaring her that she was very close to losing me. She thought the trigger just made me uncomfortable and nothing else more than that. I explained that her definition of a big achievement is different than mine and explained it to her that, once again, NSFW stuff is not part of what I consider an achievement and is something that causes me to feel disgust so great that it starts to turn into an anxiety attack.

Daisie During the start of it, she had tried to switch the conversation, but I had also held firm and kept bringing it back when she tried to put the regret she feels off on her having sex instead of what she done to me. She tried to bring up the NSFW topic and I kept bringing it back to the fact that she had hurt me and we are not talking of that other thing. I, at least, didn't allow myself to sugar coat like I wanted to when explaining things to her because I was tempted to lessen the blow, but I felt it wouldn't be wise to do so when she indeed hurt me a lot. I also felt she didn't feel the extent of pain she sent me through so I had to be sure to be honest.

I'm going to give her a chance and work things out slowly. This is the only chance, though, as some users had brought up that what she done was not something a friend should ever do. That what she done is toxic. Heck, looking back at it her words, they could be considered toxic. I want to give her a chance, nonetheless, and see if she truly means that she shall think before she acts, and shall change so that this all can be avoided. If she doesn't, then I messed up on giving her that chance instead of just walking away. I am going to stand firm and allow her to have this only chance, and if she does it again.. Well, I will cut ties even though it hurts to say that. This is the only chance she will get and I shall stay firm for my mental sake. I told her this is her only chance, something I had never done to her, to prove to me she can change, so she should know that I am not kidding around (at least I hope that!) Tomorrow is a new day, and the start to see if she truly will change in the long run like she had said she shall be doing. I can only hope, but now its all up to her to build up the trust she shattered and rekindle the flames of friendship between us (That sounds cliched, but its kind of the truth, no?)

Thank you everyone for your help, kind words, and much more. It was helpful having several different opinions, and having people give me advice on this. It boosted my shattered confidence and we might actually be okay. Satanic Nightjar Crayons Chordling rae2nerdy M Mesenterium

 

[Crayons]

Well done! This is pretty much the best outcome. Hope you guys can stay friends!

 

[Idea]

You’re handling this in a really mature and I would say healthy manner. Plus, as someone who lost friends in the past from small and big mistakes alike, I really ought to thank you for having the courage to face your friend after what they did to you, genuinely seeking out their reasons, and offering them another chance.

Your terms for said chance are also quite reasonable.

Excellent work

 

[M.J. Saulnier]

If you have any legitimate triggers, you need to correctly and properly address and heal those wounds before exposing yourself to something like RP with total strangers, unless anxiety attacks and some discomfort is something you're willing to suffer for your characters.

It's unfair to enter an RP and decree, "Due to my lack of effective healing from trauma, the following things are hereby forbidden from this RP." Nor is it fair to blame someone for forgetting, 30, 40 pages in, wrapped up in the heat of the moment.


Rando RP is about the worst thing you can do to yourself if you have trauma you're still working through - or worse - seem unable to grapple and resolve. You should search for a small number of compatible partners whom you can RP with regularly via discord or something. If these triggers are so disruptive that you've had to make this thread, this medium probably isn't going to agree with you all of the time.

If there's one thing the modern role player harbors a festering, seething, primordial hatred for, it's being challenged or limited in what their characters are able to do. It's carte blache or nothing.

 

[rae2nerdy]

M.J. Saulnier OP addressed all that in her first post.

1. It was a close friend she had known for years.
2. They both had a pinned thread for triggers
3. Her friend added triggers throughout the roleplay and it was fine to add it in and change posts after the fact.

So this was hardly the case of OP not properly presenting her triggers or joining some random roleplay. As the partner obvious understood how triggers work since she added in her own (easily twice what OP has).

So this at best seems a miscommunication on what the word trigger actually means which is an honest mistake. Especially if this is the first time OP’s triggers were (well triggered). As it could be previous to this the partner was merely uncomfortable with certain topics and thought that was what triggered meant.

Not realizing it’s an actual mental health term. If memory serves OP did address that she had mental health concerns prior to this as well.

So I think perhaps this once it could have been an honest mistake and based on the update the friend is learning a valuable lesson about respecting boundaries.

But from what OP has shared she did exactly right. Her partner as I said made a mistake but that isn’t on OP.

Btw re:update Lone Peep That is an excellent handling of the issue. Not how I would have done it but then I tend to be a more introvetted person by nature. So the stress of toxic friendships just kill enjoyment for me. I personally would rather be alone than deal with jerks. But that’s part of my own mental issues.

 

[Idea]

If you have any legitimate triggers, you need to correctly and properly address and heal those wounds before exposing yourself to something like RP with total strangers, unless anxiety attacks and some discomfort is something you're willing to suffer for your characters.

It's unfair to enter an RP and decree, "Due to my lack of effective healing from trauma, the following things are hereby forbidden from this RP." Nor is it fair to blame someone for forgetting, 30, 40 pages in, wrapped up in the heat of the moment.

Forgive me if I'm misunderstanding some part of what you're saying, but by following the appearant logic in your statement some people would be forbidden from RPing forever. When triggers are the real deal, born from actual trauma and leaving deep effects on their psyche, treatment may not even be possible (one can alleviate symptoms, but ultimately some cases will never be able to be "cured"). That being the case at some point, the only way to engage in RP for such a person would be to expose themselves that way.

Of course, one shouldn't approach these things without making their triggers, and other issues for that matter, upfront. But the OP did make it clear, and they and their partner were roleplaying under those terms. Plus their partner also did remember, as they sent a forewarning that what they were about to post would breach the trigger.

 

[Daisie]

Lone Peep It makes me legitimately happy to hear of this. I have a wonderful friend who did push on a trigger of mine accidentally... Albeit I hadn't told her I had the trigger because it was a trigger that was entirely new to me at the time. Regretfully, I reacted in a way I'm deeply ashamed of, and it makes me pleased to hear that you're able to put distance between yourself and the topic at hand. I know fully that even the best of friends can make the worst of mistakes.

I hope your friendship continues to grow and blossom not despite this, but because of this. I'm also glad to hear, though, that you know exactly when to put your foot down. You're doing everything right, here.

If you ever need anything more, my PMs are always open. I'm always happy to lend an ear or just chat. Have a lovely one ❤

 

[M.J. Saulnier]

I was just making a case for why trigger pinning being a thing at all isn't healthy for anyone.

Mental health comes first. Triggers can be overcome with work, depending on severity. Then RP can be safe and healthy for everyone again.

 

[rae2nerdy]

I was just making a case for why trigger pinning being a thing at all isn't healthy for anyone.

Mental health comes first. Triggers can be overcome with work, depending on severity. Then RP can be safe and healthy for everyone again.

I mean I would think the idea is your partner doesn’t trigger an attack of some sort. Which is the definition of monitoring your mental health while enjoying a shared hobby.

I have discussed triggers with partners in every single roleplay I have been in and it’s never a problem.

Either they inform me off the bat that the trigger is incompatible with their storyline and thus they don’t roleplay with me at all. Or they respect boundaries and are fine ignoring certain topics.

Heck even if something upsets me that I wasn’t aware of before hand they are usually really comfortable with just changing things and apologies.

I have never had a partner that was put off by mental health. A vast majority of the people I have met have their own issues that they are working through and are happy to reciprocate respect.

I think not everyone has a support network IRL and having friends online can help.

 

[Lone Peep]

If you have any legitimate triggers, you need to correctly and properly address and heal those wounds before exposing yourself to something like RP with total strangers, unless anxiety attacks and some discomfort is something you're willing to suffer for your characters.

It's unfair to enter an RP and decree, "Due to my lack of effective healing from trauma, the following things are hereby forbidden from this RP." Nor is it fair to blame someone for forgetting, 30, 40 pages in, wrapped up in the heat of the moment.


Rando RP is about the worst thing you can do to yourself if you have trauma you're still working through - or worse - seem unable to grapple and resolve. You should search for a small number of compatible partners whom you can RP with regularly via discord or something. If these triggers are so disruptive that you've had to make this thread, this medium probably isn't going to agree with you all of the time.

If there's one thing the modern role player harbors a festering, seething, primordial hatred for, it's being challenged or limited in what their characters are able to do. It's carte blache or nothing.

While I understand where you are getting at, the two triggers I have are not ones that often get breeched. One is so farfetched that I never had anyone for the life of me bump it because of the fact it just doesn't pop up. But I still put it in so that it's avoided because you never know if at any point it shall happen. It was also a recent one that occurred a few years ago, and it would not be healed right away. The other one is easily avoidable as well because all that has to be known is that I can not handle sexual intimacy going on in a roleplay or OOC. It was actually very easily avoidable at first as she was underage at the start of our roleplays. Now that she came to age, she had been brushing against it at times this year but I tell her that this makes me uncomfortable and feel very sick, and she backs off in the roleplay. One has a chance to be healed and I am doing my best to do so, and I am getting much better at it. The other, though, will not be able to be healed. Her triggers, though, are many and are sometimes hard for me avoid as they legitimately do limit me in the roleplay. I would discuss what they are, but out of respect, I shall not. It doesn't feel right to discuss someone else's triggers. I do agree, though, it is frustrating to be limited of what you can or can not do in a roleplay, but I push through those frustrations and live through it if the roleplay and my partner are both something I enjoy putting time in.

But as said above, I had been roleplaying with this person for nearly two years. We had talked several months in advanced and gotten to know each other very well till she came to me and asked if I wanted to roleplay. I wouldn't call it a random roleplay nor would I call it a stranger one either since we both knew each other well before hand. At the beginning of it, it was rocky. She originally said she had roleplayed several times, but right off the back she started god modding my character which lead to a mild, confused fight. She admitted that she never roleplayed and was ashamed of admitting it to me which was why she didn't admit it at first, so the fight ended quickly and I explained the basics of roleplaying. She then understood why we discussed triggers before hand, along with why the roleplay felt off. I even went out and gave her advice and tips to enjoy the RP to the fullest extent. After that we had been going strong, playing different scenes when ever we felt fit and always making sure to remind each other of our triggers as again, we pinned them. We even asked each other if something would bother the other, and if they said yes then we didn't do it. And if at any point we found something the other didn't like (whether it was by accident or if we asked), we added it to the list. That's how a lot of times I accidently triggered her as she didn't realize it was something that made her uncomfortable. We were very respectable of each other and made sure to have fun instead of trying to ruin each other's days. But because of her pride of something she considered a big achievement, she threw out my feelings out the window and told me that in great detail. She knew very well that what she did was not good at all, and she knew also how it would at least make me uncomfortable even before she dropped the bomb for her to say "I know this makes you uncomfortable but...".

Before her, though, I did do random RPs. Every partner I had was respectable to my triggers and never asked what was wrong or questioned it. We had plenty of fun and I never felt more relaxed by doing a hobby. That is till life got in our way and we had to stop it (which is why, above, I said I was an on and off roleplayer since things happen). I know the risks of roleplaying pretty decently, but luckily had no problems with people being very willing to disrespect my triggers. I understand accidental bumps of it, but not full born "I don't care how you get uncomfortable by this" sort of attitude. The reason I came to this thread, was because of me never having anyone breach one of my triggers so badly that my trust in them was shattered and I was nervous to even read what they responded to me about in fears I would read what I read many days prior would be there. It was many days after all, she could of done it more for all I known and wanted to screw up my mind even further. After five days of trying to think on what I could do, since she wasn't talking to me till two nights ago when she replied to my RP post (though if we go for OOC chat, it would be quite a few hours ago), I was originally in a corner and had no idea on what I could do. I knew I wanted to remain friends with her, but with the problems I was dealing with, I didn't know exactly what to do. So I came here seeking advice on something that I never had happened. I think many other roleplayers probably done the same some point on asking for help when they were lost, which was why I done this.