Need help with a character!

[Mopzee]

Hey everyone, I'm looking for some help coming up with supernatural powers for this character. I'll post the character sheet below if anyone finds that info helpful.
The RP is heavily based on the idea of the Seven Deadly Sins, where "Sins" exist as a sort of half-demon that tempt humans toward sin. A lot of inspiration was taken from sources like the Divine Comedy!
Lucas is a sin, with Pride being his afflicted sin. Since Pride is considered the first sin, and the worst of them all by some works, he is the "leader" of the sins. So, he is meant to be extremely powerful in the RP, and I am looking for some help coming up with some potential powers for him to have.


He is basically the living embodiment of the sin of Pride, very arrogant, self-absorbed, and very self-confident. As the sins all naturally influence their sin in humans around them, ( people would feel lustful around the sin of lust) ideally I'd like the power to be linked to his sin in some way.
--> for example, the sin of lust can shapeshift which they use to attract the object of their desire



I'll also take any suggestions for the rest of the 7 deadly sins if you happen to think of any!!

View attachment 593321

↱ Lucas Pierce

name. Pierce, Lucas
age. 28
gender. male
orientation. Straight
birthplace. Kingsview, Pennsylvania
date of birth. 04-17-1991
zodiac. Aries
role. Driven, Damned, Deviant

Pride ↲

View attachment 593323
View attachment 593322

/coded by allure/

I GUESS I NEEDED YOU

Eye color: Celadon

Hair color: Honey-Blonde

Appearance: Relatively tall and muscular, tattoos
on both his upper right arm and his left shoulder.
Well groomed and dressed at all times, especially
when in view of the public.

Associated Symbology: Lions, the Sun, the color Purple

TO CONVINCE ME

Personality: His sin compels him to act arrogant,
and selfishly most times. Typically putting Tartarus'
reputation and his own before others, and often
playing the role of the perfect, charming
entrepreneur.
Though, to those who have gotten close to him
he has been known to show flickers of a genuinely
more gentle and compassionate side that is
hidden behind the compulsions of his sin.

Power: ???????

TO CHANGE EVERYTHING

Bio: Being born of a forgettable, average family
and a mere high school education had never
stopped him. Never even broke his stride. A few
years ago this young man opened up the
nightclub Tartarus, which has grown in popularity
rapidly since then. As such, Lucas has been
featured in many articles touting him as an
eligible bachelor and a competent
businessmen.

 

[Idea]

Well, fair warning, I’m about to be quite harsh on this character. So if that bothers you, I advise not reading further.

Spoiler

Alright, so for starters, there’s practically nothing to the character. Even on a phone the contents look pretty small which is a feat to say the least. Now that itself isn’t a crime, there are plenty of people who just don’t believe in putting much info in the character sheet and prefer showing it in roleplay, which is an idea I don’t personally support, but this character isn’t in one of my RPs. That said, it does make everything that you do put in all the more important and well...

Your backstory starts well, a pretty vague but acceptable start for a backstory starting with a general idea of how their childhood was. You don’t really explain some key details such as why he only had a Highschool education, nor did you show anything about how things didn’t break his stride, or heck, what “his stride” even was like at all.
Then starting from the words “on the outside” onwards, it just become a description of personality. You are just describing how he is, how he behaves, that’s nothing about his backstory. This compromises about 65% of your bio, and it doesn’t belong in bio.

The personality is a lot better, though I may still find it lacking, as what it has is a surprisingly well-rounded set of character traits. Of course, having only the traits leaves a lot of too do vagueness and the phrasing made it seem like the personality was how others perceived him rather than how he actually is, neither of which (the vagueness or the appearance mistake on what a personality is) I am big fan of, but credit where credit is due, it has some potential.

Naturally, I can’t comment on the power since you didn’t say anything about it, and since I’m on phone the perception of the code may be a bit warped, and there’s not much else worth talking about. Maybe you could add his skills? Likes and dislikes, perhaps fears?

Overall, the biggest sticking point was definitely that bio. It doesn’t really say anything, in part because it is so vague and never seems to finish a thought, and in part because half of it is just personality. This pseudo-personality section mentioning “lover” is also quite a bit of a red flag, and could easily scare players away from roleplaying with you.

Hope this helps. Best of luck and happy RPing!

 

[Mopzee]

Idea
Not really what I was looking for, to be honest with you. However I did do some changes to the personality and bio section that bring him more in line with what the character is now.
The original bio/personality were done a few months ago before I started writing this character (I've been working on something with him on my own)

 

[Idea]

Well, sorry I couldn't help much then

 

[Mopzee]

Sorry if that sounded a bit blunt! I was running down to the wire before I had to leave the house so I was typing pretty fast. I do appreciate the critique of the character himself, but the focus was supposed to be ideas for supernatural powers, not necessarily the character sheet itself (which I primarily just use for referencing appearances or things like height/birthday)

 

[Idea]

I see. I think your choice of wording in the original post could have been a bit better then. Still, maybe I'm not fully thinking straight with how tired I am....

 

[Zipper Man]

A bit out there, but maybe he could have the power to increase the gravity of other people a bit, in order to force people to fall on their knees before him.

I'll also take any suggestions for the rest of the 7 deadly sins if you happen to think of any!!

A fun thing you can do with sloth is giving them the ability to induce feelings of despair and depression into others as both those feelings were considered, at least by the catholic church, to be a part of the same sin as sloth IIRC.

 

[Nilio]

Here's an idea: the more people/the press feed his ego and his pride the stronger he gets physically (super strength, super speed etc.) but you could also have it work the other way, so if his pride is damaged he'll physically grow weak

 

[xEnigma]

Personally I don't believe this character requires a set of well-rounded character traits. After all, he is supposed to resemble the embodiment of pride in its purest form. Considering the fact he appears to be a demon, there really is no need for any redeeming qualities. Understanding how an individual is and how that individual behaves, in my opinion, is sufficient make an estimation on individual's personality. I also do not believe this character particularly requires an extensive backstory, as his overaching backstory(from what I gather) will be the same if not similiar to the six other sins. In my opinion, I believe this profile is sufficient to give one an acceptable understanding of him. As for ideas for supernatural abilities, this will sound humorous but I believe the ability to inflate the heads of others as their ego grows(and eventually causes the heads of victims to explode) could be a concept to toy with. Considering how graphic a head explosion would be, this suggestion may be less than helpful.

 

[Julian Spooner]

So the sins are supposed to provoke the sins they represent in other people. That's an interesting conundrum, how do you make people Prideful in the sinful sense of the word...


Maybe his powers could be something subtle that makes him an excellent manipulator. Maybe he has strong powers of suggestion, and can put people into a state where they become obsessed with particular ideas and goals, and eventually turn on those around them. Taking the person's strongest desires about what they want to be and turning it into an obsession.

That's a bit subtle though, maybe you want something more flashy. But I still think in the realm of illusion, hypnotism, mind control of suggestions would fit well.

 

[Mopzee]

A massive thank you to you all for your ideas and suggestions!!

Nilio Julian Spooner I really like the idea of his own ego or perception of himself posing a limit to his own capabilities. I think that would be a good point of weakness for him. I always planned for him to be quite strong and formidable, but needed something that could put that strength in check. And manipulating peoples desires into obsession, as well as using that very obsession as their undoing is diabolical and brilliant. It would give him so much zest and i think it would make the story as a whole a lot richer and engaging. Thank you!

X xEnigma Head explosions are quite extreme, so I doubt that I'll use it, though honestly I still like the idea. Super shocking and gnarly!! Like something you'd see in a very dark tv series. Love it!

Zipper Man Your idea for sloth is GREAT. Seriously. It's such a potentially devastating ability, and yet it could be subtle enough to go unnoticed for a considerable length of time. A Sloth character with that ability would be such a force to be reckoned with. >:3

Idea Again. Thank you. I was bothered a bit by your critique at first, and I apologize if I seemed defensive or short with you. Though it was not easy to read at the time, it by no means was unhelpful to me. I have been keeping what you said in mind. While I still do not lean on character sheets for much more than referencing specific info (an example would be maintaining continuity in character height) I have been applying those points to new character sheets. I do genuinely feel that they are better now than they were previously. Thank you for helping me continually improve, I appreciate your honesty and constructive critique.