Humor My Sister Says the Darndest Things

TheHufflepuffRabbit

Weird Bunny Lurker
If there's one thing that I love very much about my little sister, Katie, it's that she always has a story to tell. No excuses. Every night at dinnertime, as we eat our well-cooked-by-the-fabulous-Hufflepuff meals and listen to the news reporters announcing the Latest American Disaster, somehow Katie finds a way to take all the seriousness out of whatever conversation with the tales of the mishaps of the Class of 2023 at our zoned elementary, then later, middle school.

I think that I started noticing her crazy life at a very comedic event. I was upset about something (I forgot what I was upset about so it was probably stupid), so my grandma approached me with a concerned look on her face.


"Are you okay?" she asked. Since I was a moody bratty preteen, I didn't respond.

"Are you constipated?" my sister piped up. We both stared at her; she was smiling innocently at us. Then both grandma and I burst into laughter. "What? What did I say?"

"Katie," my grandma choked, while I roared with laughter, banging on the table. "Do you know what constipated means?"

"No, but it sounds awful!"

After that event, I began to notice something new about Katie; she was fucking hilarious. Imitating me roleplaying by holding a flip phone and saying "boo-bop-beep-bop-boop" as she repeatedly pressed numbers and accidentally calling some poor old lady on the other side of the country. Startling my cousin in the pool by patting their head as they swam and said in a bad Texas accent; "I like your hair". Scooching through the house in a feather boa and sunglasses going "ohohohoho". And, most infamously of all, her after-school stories.

(Coming soon, stay tuned!!!!)
 
Mmkay, St. Pattie's Day. At dinner that night my sister told me about her friend, who was worried about getting pinched because she didn't wear green.

"Just wear a dollar bill on your forehead," Katie said sarcastically, just before the bell rang.

During Katie's last period of the day, English, she noticed something strange; a large portion of students with dollar bills taped to their foreheads.

Even the teacher. She was immediately outraged and complained about idea stealers throughout class.

After she told me this I asked where they got the dollar bills from.

"Wallets," she answered tersely, taking a bite of the corned beef Dad made before leaving for work. "Where's your dollar bill, Fem?"

At this point I hastily changed the subject.
 

Users who are viewing this thread

Back
Top