Other My Life

[AlexneushoornTheGreat]

Back in February, I was kicked out of a Sonic RP server on Discord due to my repeatedly bad behavior despite the many chances I was given to improve my behavior. I spent like three or four years of my life in that server, and when I was kicked out of it, I was thrown into a downward spiral that I still find myself going through. I've been advised to move on from the incident and start over in a new RP server on Discord, and while I have tried to do so, I haven't been able to do a good job at it. On Monday, I expressed my frustrations with not doing a good job at moving on, and a friend told me that I can't invest my whole identity into roleplays and advised me to gradually put money aside and then use it for a passion project; Something I can make of my own and possibly build a career from. My parents, on the other hand, feel that I should try and find a hobby outside of the internet that I can dedicate my time to.

I don't really know what I should do myself. Should I try and put money into a passion project like my friend advised me to, or should I find a hobby outside the internet like my parents advised me to? Or should I try and find something completely different to do with my time? I don't know anymore, and it's boggling my brain to no end...

 

[Inno]

I'm going to be honest with you and speak generally. Roleplay, on whatever platform it is on, is not a necessity in life. Life does not revolve around it. Well for some, it seems to be everything and when it doesn't work out the way they want it to, that's that and it really shouldn't be that way. You do need to move on. I don't know any of the story. Only what you've said. But, something happened which you are no longer a member of that server. It sucks. You just have to learn from those mistakes and hope not to repeat them again. For your sanity, leave it in the past. You are going to have to. I do agree with your friend. Investing too much of yourself for roleplay is not good.

There are other things outside of it you can do. If you enjoy writing, write on your own. Get self-published. My mother-in-law is. Not really sure what your interests are. I think you can do all of those. It's just trying to find out what would hold your interest. Reading, video games, working-if you are able, art, etc. I can't give you the exact answer. This is something you're going to have to try to figure out on your own.

 

[Idea]

Disclaimer: this advise is coming from someone who essentially just graduated. I don't have the life experience, wisdom, nor professional qualifications to give advice to be followed uncritically. That being said these are my two cents:

A) Do not put money into something on an ill-defined whim, especially not while expecting a career to come out of it. This is not to say that a passion project would be a bad idea necessarily, but it's not the kind of thing someone pulls off as a career without some pretty serious commitment. I suggest dipping your toes into it and putting in that kind of effort, but do not put anything you aren't willing to sacrifice for the try alone.

B) Finding a job outside the internet seems like a good idea. The two pieces of advice in fact are not mutually exclusive, in fact, you can start a passion project and find a hobby outside of the internet, but if you're only going for one, then I'd say the hobby outside the internet would be best. What you're looking for is something to put your mind into and will not send you back into this state once you're out of it. The passion project could help, but it bears a bigger risk of failure than the hobby, as plenty of hobbies aren't the kind of thing where you get those catastrophic failures.

 

[Daisie]

Both are pretty good suggestions, and the reason why tracks back to the PURPOSE of doing these things. You ought to think about HOW these two suggestions might help you. Which I will explain in as best detail as I can XD

In reality, it isn't generally a good idea to be so invested in one thing. "Putting all your eggs in one basket", if you will. I know this because I've done it before and wound up pretty miserable in the end...

That might SOUND like a no-brainer, but it might help to understand why. If you're like me and you find it remarkably easy to spend a majority of your day focusing on, thinking about, and generally being around ONE THING, then that one thing inevitably becomes a part of your identity. This can be an awesome feeling, feeling so close to something in particular - way more than most people are. Yet at the same time, it can be REALLY toxic in that it opens the door to a lot of hurt if that thing is interfered with or taken away. And the harsh reality is that this is bound to happen with most things at SOME point... Life happens. Things get in the way.

Say you spend 80% of your waking hours with Allison. Talking online, watching TV, playing video games...

Well, as soon as Allison... gets a job, gets a boyfriend, moves away, ect, then suddenly there goes 80% of your day down the drain. Of COURSE you're gonna be distressed, and you're not gonna know what to do with yourself.

However, if you regularly spend 10% of your time with Allison, 10% of your time with Trevor, 20% of your time working on a passion project, 10% of your time on trying a new hobby... When Allison gets a job, not only are you losing so much less of your time, but you still have other things to lean into for support. There are more legs holding you up.

Sure, it'd still suck if Allison were to leave - she's still great to spend time around, but it wouldn't put a pause on your whole life when she leaves, either. It wouldn't tear away 80% of your soul.

I think this is why people online can get so irrationally upset over inconsequential things like... the relationship of two fictional characters. That relationship means SO much to them, it takes up SO much of their thought that the moment it gets threatened by anything - even if it's just someone who disagrees with them - then suddenly that's a threat to a very LARGE portion of their emotional bank.

Getting new hobbies, working on a passion project, it doesn't particularly matter which. What does matter is that you have other things in your life outside of that server, or even roleplay as a whole.

You don't have to give RP up for all eternity lol, you don't even have to give it up at all. I would REALLY advise you against siphoning your entire being into something new, too, since the point isn't to replace one complete fixation with another, but to rather spread your time across several things so that one blow doesn't take you out so quickly.

Having multiple available outlets is a genuinely good thing. It stabilizes you in every way, even outside of the hobbies themselves. It can make you more secure in your relationships and in yourself.

Hope this helped!

 

[M3M3N70]

Find a hobby outside of the internet.

Internet is great, especially for information and references, but working with your hands on something physical will boost your mood in a way that the digital world can't. You exist in reality, spending too much time outside of it can cause a host of mental health issues.

I think you'll think more clearly once you disconnect from it a bit.

 

[AlexneushoornTheGreat]

Okay, so first off, I want to thank everyone who offered me advice on what to do in my current situation. You've managed to give me some very good advice, and I'm doing my best to follow it. Since I posted this thread, I have been able to decide that I'm going to be writing a book for my passion project while also searching for a hobby. Unfortunately, I'm still at rock bottom because I haven't been able to think of any ideas for my book and I've also been unable to think of a new hobby because there are just so many different hobbies to choose from and I've always been a terrible decision maker, so I still haven't been able to get out of my downward spiral. Just wanted to give an update on what's been going on since I first posted this thread.

 

[Idea]

I will recommend the podcast Writing Excuses. I found it massively informative when it comes to structuring and thinking about my writing, and when I learn about writing I find it quite inspiring when it comes to forming ideas, or motivation at least. Maybe it will help you too. It’s free so feel free to give it a try

 

[AlexneushoornTheGreat]

I will recommend the podcast Writing Excuses. I found it massively informative when it comes to structuring and thinking about my writing, and when I learn about writing I find it quite inspiring when it comes to forming ideas, or motivation at least. Maybe it will help you too. It’s free so feel free to give it a try

Alright, I'll see what I can do about taking a look at this podcast. Hopefully it'll be able to help me steer my decision on what I want my book to be about. Thanks for the advice.

 

[AlexneushoornTheGreat]

I have another update. I just spoke to a friend who was still in that Discord roleplaying server, and he told me that the server is no longer what it used to be and that the server owner drastically changed the server just for the sake of pleasing one person. And once I learned this, that's when it struck me that the server isn't worth it anymore. Maybe this was the morale boost I needed to move on from the incident. Maybe now it will be easier for me to find something new to do with my time.

 

[Edric Blight]

I don’t have much advice but your story for some reason somewhat resonated with me as I kind of had a similar experience. Hoping everything works out for you and you can find peace and something to do with your time. : )

Sending over my best wishes!

 

[ManicMuse]

I know this is old and buried but always have many hobbies. Having several outlets will assist as you transition through different seasons of your life. And having a balance life. I have RPed since middle school. However, that was not always a hobby I could do. I learned D&D, larping magic the gathering, savage world,, WoW, and other various video games.

So no matter the season I am in in my life I can have various tools to seek a healthy outlet.