Experiences MxM vs. FxF

[Jannah]

I obviously have nothing against the LGBTQA+ community, especially considering I'm part of it myself. However, I have noticed that MxM pairings seem to be far more popular in the RP community than FxF pairings. It seems like a peculiar trend. Does anyone know why this is the case? I have speculated it's due to a fetishization of MxM couples that certain people have, but I do like to think more highly of this community so surely there's other factors behind it? Maybe it's because it's straight women writing men and feel they can more easily visualize what it's like to be attracted to a man? That's my other guess.

 

[Kaya]

Of course I can only answer for myself, not the whole community, but my reason is fairly simple, really-

I just prefer to play male characters.

Now, whether my partner's character is male, too, or female, doesn't really matter to me, but if they wanna play a male character, too, and we want romance to be a part of the rp, well, the logical choice is mxm ^^

 

[Jannah]

Of course I can only answer for myself, not the whole community, but my reason is fairly simple, really-

I just prefer to play male characters.

Now, whether my partner's character is male, too, or female, doesn't really matter to me, but if they wanna play a male character, too, and we want romance to be a part of the rp, well, the logical choice is mxm ^^

I guess I'm the odd one out because while I do prefer writing male characters most of the time MxF is my preferred pairing.

 

[Nihilum]

A large population of roleplayers these days are young, and more specifically, young ladies. The popularity of MxM likely has to do with the weird obsession you see with it in fanfictions, "yaoi", and anime. You're more than likely right that's it some subconscious fetish thing. It's also sort of 'taboo', I guess? I know there's a significant amount of straight women who like to write it.

FxF tends to be played largely by people who are lesbians themselves or in the LGBTQA+ community. There's a whole secret gang of lesbian players here that write FxF roleplays, haha. And again, with a lot more roleplayers being women, there's that common thing that some straight people have where writing gay characters of their own gender just feels weird. Sort of like how some people automatically assume you're attracted to them if you're gay. It's weird.

 

[nerdy tangents]

I actually had someone directly explain the phenomena once in the easiest way I always feel a little dumb I didn’t think of it myself.

It’s about physical attraction. A lot of romance roleplayers are interested in writing characters that share their physical attraction.

Since a vast majority of roleplayers are straight women that means they are gonna play characters that are interested in guys.

So therefore they play heterosexual (or bi/pan) women and gay men.

I expect fetishization is also a factor but that comes from the same root. They fetishize gay men and not lesbians because gay men share their own personal sexual attraction.

Lesbians however, despite being the same gender, have an entirely different sexual attraction. Thus forcing these players outside of their comfort zone.

 

[Jannah]

I actually had someone directly explain the phenomena once in the easiest way I always feel a little dumb I didn’t think of it myself.

It’s about physical attraction. A lot of romance roleplayers are interested in writing characters that share their physical attraction.

Since a vast majority of roleplayers are straight women that means they are gonna play characters that are interested in guys.

So therefore they play heterosexual (or bi/pan) women and gay men.

I expect fetishization is also a factor but that comes from the same root. They fetishize gay men and not lesbians because gay men share their own personal sexual attraction.

Lesbians however, despite being the same gender, have an entirely different sexual attraction. Thus forcing these players outside of their comfort zone.

This is pretty much what I suspected it was tbh, especially since forum RP as a hobby seems very female dominated. It's ironic really since tabletop RP and such is seen as a very male thing.

 

[FloofWhispers]

I obviously have nothing against the LGBTQA+ community, especially considering I'm part of it myself. However, I have noticed that MxM pairings seem to be far more popular in the RP community than FxF pairings. It seems like a peculiar trend. Does anyone know why this is the case? I have speculated it's due to a fetishization of MxM couples that certain people have, but I do like to think more highly of this community so surely there's other factors behind it? Maybe it's because it's straight women writing men and feel they can more easily visualize what it's like to be attracted to a man? That's my other guess.

Well, not only that, when it comes to writing, Men are usually more attractive to people, so they'll tend to write as a man just to get a feel of it.

 

[Jannah]

Well, not only that, when it comes to writing, Men are usually more attractive to people, so they'll tend to write as a man just to get a feel of it.

I don't think it's that tbh. Certainly I don't find men more attractive than women, lol.

 

[FloofWhispers]

I don't think it's that tbh. Certainly I don't find men more attractive than women, lol.

Well, I mean people in a whole. Men's PERSONALITIES and ATTITUDES are what make them attractive (Not sexually or romantically)

 

[nerdy tangents]

FloofWhispers I think that's sort of the same point I made initially though. As how attractive you find men (yes even their attitudes and personalities) is based on how attractive you find the male gender. As outside of stereotypes there isn't really a "male personality/attitude". It's more "I find men attractive and thus I want them to be the love interest to my character." As attraction does not necessarily have to mean a purely physical desire, especially not with women in general.

As someone who is neither romantically or sexually attracted to men, and yet regularly writes male love interests, I can assure you that I do not find them any more "attractive" than I find my female characters. As far as I'm concerned they are just individuals written in service to the story.

So it circles back to my original point, it's what you as an individual find attractive which then influences the gender of the characters you default to.

(edited for clairty.)

 

[Reid]

I'm not sure if I like the generalizations in this thread but I'm gonna put in my two cents.
I won't deny that there are probably women out there that fetishize these things and only exclusively rp it because of this but for me, as someone who realized they were nonbinary, more specifically aligning with masculine presentation,
I've only ever RPed as a man. I've always felt more comfortable with male avatars in video games, and in stories. Even if I were to do a mxf RP, I always took on the male role because I honest to God cannot play a female to save my life lol.
Which also plays into why I almost never do fxf. Like I'm not closed off to it, but I don't relate to that type of relationship because of my own complicated relationship with my gender expression and "femininity"
It feels like I'm stealing someone else's skin as opposed to playing a male character in a straight relationship or a homosexual one. It just fits, and I like playing characters that I can relate to in some way because that's what makes roleplaying fun for me personally.

 

[Jannah]

I'm not sure if I like the generalizations in this thread but I'm gonna put in my two cents.
I won't deny that there are probably women out there that fetishize these things and only exclusively rp it because of this but for me, as someone who realized they were nonbinary, more specifically aligning with masculine presentation,
I've only ever RPed as a man. I've always felt more comfortable with male avatars in video games, and in stories. Even if I were to do a mxf RP, I always took on the male role because I honest to God cannot play a female to save my life lol.
Which also plays into why I almost never do fxf. Like I'm not closed off to it, but I don't relate to that type of relationship because of my own complicated relationship with my gender expression and "femininity"
It feels like I'm stealing someone else's skin as opposed to playing a male character in a straight relationship or a homosexual one. It just fits, and I like playing characters that I can relate to in some way because that's what makes roleplaying fun for me personally.

I guess it's for this same reason I only play cis characters. I just don't have enough knowledge of the trans/nb experience to portray it fairly without resorting to stereotypes and such.

 

[nerdy tangents]

Reid in fairness I think the focus of the discussion is basically - why do straight woman write gay men?

The answer is simply straight women are attracted to men. The degree to which you think that means they fetishize gay pairings will vary.

 

[Jannah]

Reid in fairness I think the focus of the discussion is basically - why do straight woman write gay men?

The answer is simply straight women are attracted to men. The degree to which you think that means they fetishize gay pairings will vary.

That wasn't really my intent, but it seems to have gone in that direction since it has been established that the forum RP community is dominated by women.

 

[nerdy tangents]

That wasn't really my intent, but it seems to have gone in that direction since it has been established that the forum RP community is dominated by women.

Fair enough, I always forget that's not common knowledge. I come by way of fanfiction which has entire studies done about the demographics (and for that matter their relationship to gender and sexuality in writing). From what I can tell roleplay follows the same patterns, which is actually interesting. I wonder what is about women in particular that means we are the primary demographic when it comes to fanfic and roleplaying.

(I think the straight thing is specific to the romantic side of things. Which is another interesting question, what specifically about the combo of straight and women that puts them in the demographic to prefer romantic roleplays? At a guess I would say social conditioning for that one but that's just a wide stab in the dark based on how many times people IRL just kinda assume I'm gonna get into romance eventually.)

 

[Jannah]

Fair enough, I always forget that's not common knowledge. I come by way of fanfiction which has entire studies done about the demographics (and for that matter their relationship to gender and sexuality in writing). From what I can tell roleplay follows the same patterns, which is actually interesting. I wonder what is about women in particular that means we are the primary demographic when it comes to fanfic and roleplaying.

(I think the straight thing is specific to the romantic side of things. Which is another interesting question, what specifically about the combo of straight and women that puts them in the demographic to prefer romantic roleplays? At a guess I would say social conditioning for that one but that's just a wide stab in the dark based on how many times people IRL just kinda assume I'm gonna get into romance eventually.)

Really it just comes down to personal preference and what people prefer to write I think. I'm Ace af yet still enjoy writing romance (although I write platonic relationships too). Granted, some who write romance may prefer to write pairings pertaining to who they're actually attracted to in real life. We have established that straight women like writing MxM because they know what it feels like to experience attraction to men, but I also wonder if the opposite is true? Do more straight men write FxF because they know what it's like to experience attraction to a woman? If so, then perhaps that explains why there's less interest in FxF, as there seems to be less straight men into forum RP and fan fiction type stuff.

 

[nerdy tangents]

Oh absolutely the reverse is also true. Men do tend to prefer romance from the perspective of their own sexuality as well. I think the same is true for most LGBTQ people too, if anything the interesting parts come in with the Ace spectrum. As lacking the prerequisite sexual attraction we seem to fall all over the place in terms of interest.

And I think it is very much down to cultural conditioning. Similar to the idea that you must have drama/angst in order for a story to have stakes. It’s one of those things people accept without actually thinking about it too deeply.

The same with romance people assume the only way to have emotional connection between characters is to default to romance. I am not saying their enjoyment is false or their preference invalid.

I am merely looking at why it is a preference in the first place. Especially as an aro/ace there really is nothing intrinsically in romance that speaks to me, so I have to rely entirely on quality of writing to get an emotional investment,

And as such I am intimately familiar with the degree to which romance is just sort of assumed as default. And since it is a female centric issue (I have rarely had male partners default to romance in quite the same way or with the same focus) I was just interested in the degree to which women’s upbringing in general feeds into the romantic focus.

 

[candygore]

i've been thinking about this ever since i saw this thread lol and thought i'd throw in my two cents as well

this is probably a fetch but i do believe a lot of women prefer writing as men because of the sense of control and freedom it brings: you're writing as a man with your own boundaries to it. i don't want to comment on the current state of misogyny in the world but... you know how it is. when i write as men, especially ones with toxic traits, it's interesting to explore why they might behave a certain way and subconciously, maybe i'm trying to relate it to real life

now as for why m// is more popular ? more women roleplay than men do. and here comes in the "aligning with your own sexuality" part because a heterosexual woman would generally prefer writing romantic situations against a male character because it's more fun to explore fictional romance when you're emotionally invested

now i'm not going to lie: there are cases of mlm fetishisation in the rp community too but i didn't want to discredit every m// writer like that so i thought hey, there has to be more than that and this is what i came up with

 

[candygore]

ah also i'd like to add: it may be easier to imagine and write as a male underground boxer or a male suicide agent than a female one. and it may be easier to write a toxic/abusive male character than it is to write a female one because we have blatant examples everyday of this everyday

in writing, this translates to a more open writing-range because you unlock a new set of characteristics and personality traits to explore. i'm not at all saying women can't be abusive, it's just doesn't happen as often or isn't covered by the media as much which is why it might be harder for people to relate women with that trait in writing (also it may be easier with men because on average they're biologically more physically capable)

now how does this relate to m// ? i feel like it sets the characters on an equal power-stance because deep down we know "they're both men, they'll be fine" (or fine-r than they would be if one of them was a woman) e.g. for me, i've only ever written hate-to-love or toxic/abusive relationships in m// (or f//) because doing so with m/f seems absurd and honestly makes me a little queasy aha

oh that's another reason: you can distance your own gender/femininity from the experience you're putting yc through against a male character

 

[VXNTAS]

Blargh, I seem to have a tendency to spam these kinds of posts with my opinion, but you know what? Here I go.

I have no reference for how many straight women actually fetishize men, so... I don't wanna go there. I always kinda assumed fetishizing MxM was extremely uncommon but I now realize that being a grey ace has probably prevented me from realizing how common this is. I will, however, input that there seem to be a number of male-attracted folks here that also identify as male, and such they will want to RP MxM, such as myself! I've got nothing against playing female characters, playing quite a few myself with close friends, but I often refrain from doing so due to... well, RPing as a female usually makes me uncomfortable for reasons I don't want to dig into. I prefer MxM when it comes to romance RPs because I can identify with the role I'm playing!
That's not to say I hate writing FxF. In fact, most of my older romance RPs (again, with close friends) were either FxF or, rarely, FxM. It's just my personal comfort, plus, usually, MxM is something I can only get with RP-ing with people online because those close to me have the impression I'm a straight-leaning bi male. I intend to continue living up to that assumption, even if it's not 100% true.

Hopefully this blurb makes sense? I'm not the greatest at explaining things, lol.

 

[Sibelle Grey]

Adding to what everyone else has said, I read an interesting post awhile back about straight women enjoying dynamics in MxM pairings that would raise red flags in hetero pairings because of the risks associated with power imbalances in straight relationships. They can take a step back from the blaring 'danger' alarm a boss-employee straight pairing might signal for them, because neither of the people in the pairing is female, so they can enjoy 'taboo' power dynamics in those fictional relationships without the uncomfy unequal gender dynamics to boot. They can just enjoy the romance without having to worry about it being problematic along gender lines. So writing MxM might be liberating in that sense.

I absolutely agree with the idea that people want to roleplay as characters that are attracted to their own attraction. I, for example, am not entirely a straight woman, but am still overwhelmingly attracted to men compared to any attraction to women. I can wax poetic easily about male characters and what might attract my character to them. Ask me to roleplay a character that's attracted to a girl, and it doesn't come as easily, cause I've just never experienced that as strongly as the former. I do roleplay characters of all attractions, but it's a ton easier for me to roleplay characters that are attracted to men, because I've lived that more, so I don't need to think about it as much. Add in the fact that I roleplay as many men as I do women, and you end up with male characters are are either also or exclusively into guys.

Also, if you think certain types of people are hot, you're likely to think twice as many of those people in a relationship is also hot. That can go into the fetishization people were talking about, although I don't think it's always fetishization. If them being gay is specifically what appeals to you because 'ooo so taboo' or whatever, then yeah, it's fetishization and objectification. If you're attracted to a certain gender, though, then I don't think it's necessarily fetishizing homosexuality to find two people of that gender being together attractive. It's just more of what you like.

 

[BloomingScribe]

I haven't personally noticed the trend in MxM pairings having a great deal of dominance on this forum, but I never search for MxM pairings anymore so this may explain why I haven't acknowledged any deficits or differences between the concentrations of FxF and MxM pairings. For a long time I enjoyed MxM RPs, but now have a far more stronger leaning towards FxF pairings. As a woman, I find writing as a female character rather appealing than writing male characters as I can relate to them better and feel confident that I can write in their perspective and their voice. But this isn't to say that men cannot equally portray women just as well. I have become less and less interested in MxF pairings, perhaps because it is something I have always written about.

 

[Jannah]

I haven't personally noticed the trend in MxM pairings having a great deal of dominance on this forum, but I never search for MxM pairings anymore so this may explain why I haven't acknowledged any deficits or differences between the concentrations of FxF and MxM pairings. For a long time I enjoyed MxM RPs, but now have a far more stronger leaning towards FxF pairings. As a woman, I find writing as a female character rather appealing than writing male characters as I can relate to them better and feel confident that I can write in their perspective and their voice. But this isn't to say that men cannot equally portray women just as well. I have become less and less interested in MxF pairings, perhaps because it is something I have always written about.

MxM pairings are definitely far more common. I don't go specifically looking for them since I don't even play MxM unless it's platonic, but I see them everywhere.

 

[Shy2Infinity]

oh that's another reason: you can distance your own gender/femininity from the experience you're putting yc through against a male character

I think that's exactly why I play male characters more often than feminine characters tbh. A lot of this thread made me feel off, because it wasn't why I played male characters or m/m. And then I found myself going down a spiral as I wondered, "Well, why do I like playing masculine characters so much then? Especially since I'm not all that attracted to guys..." And I think that statement you made is it lol. Since I'm nonbinary, I don't always (if at all) feel a connection to my femininity. So playing guys allows me to distance myself from my gender. Hell, if I'm playing fem characters at all, they're most likely going to be nonbinary.

 

[Jannah]

I think that's exactly why I play male characters more often than feminine characters tbh. A lot of this thread made me feel off, because it wasn't why I played male characters or m/m. And then I found myself going down a spiral as I wondered, "Well, why do I like playing masculine characters so much then? Especially since I'm not all that attracted to guys..." And I think that statement you made is it lol. Since I'm nonbinary, I don't always (if at all) feel a connection to my femininity. So playing guys allows me to distance myself from my gender. Hell, if I'm playing fem characters at all, they're most likely going to be nonbinary.

I'm a ciswoman and still often prefer playing male characters. I guess since I'm not particularly feminine myself. However, most of my romance pairings are MxF.