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Fantasy Murderhobo: The Roleplaying Game

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One Thousand Club
Hail, and well met, adventurerer! Welcome to your first quest, in a world of infinite power, endless wonder, and incredible magics, your adventure begins with the visage of a single note nailed to a board outside of the local bar. This incredible scroll, this singular entity that guides you on the first step to glory, the item giving new reason to your life reads thus:


kill wzrd
make muny
i want wazrd dead
u kill pleez
will make u much muny
ver rich
have trejure
take number below
​
You realize this is what your life has been leading up to. While the others were at bard school, or filling out their spellbooks, you knew what you must do! You must become:

MURDERHOBO!
​
But before we begin our first adventure, we must create your Character Sheet, which will probably take up the whole session so we'll have to play again next Sunday. Oh, wait, Tim's at a wedding Sunday. Well then I guess we could try for Saturday. (Don't tell Suzy we played without her.)

...

Okay, I've been looking for this rulebook for like an hour and I can't figure it out. Pre-mades it is! What sort of person are you, adventurerer?

A: A Human Wizard
B: An Elven Ranger
C: A Dwarven Monk
D: A Halfling Bard
E: An Orc Fighter

[This is free-for-all. Watch the thread if you want to keep on top of it. I'll always tag you in the response to your post.]
[I'll also 1X1 this for you if you want, just drop me a PM if interested.]
 
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What I think each of these people will be:
A. Mercenary/bandit spellcaster sporting a monocle and arcane knuckles. They possess as much street smarts as they do actual wizardly knowledge.
B. Mild-mannered and down-to-earth, this elf is gentle and trustworthy, befriending others with little effort. They're trying to save up enough money to get a puppy.
C. Known for her well-groomed beard and gullible manner, this lady is accustomed to accidentally setting herself on fire and being ordered around.
D. This is no mere halfling bard, this is a class act. A prodigy whose life is tied to their music, they can sing and play all kinds of music from inspiring road tunes to awe-striking action arias. In addition, they're a jack of all trades who can learn all kinds of shit without much trouble. The mandolin, which is bound to them, not only doles out tunes of all kinds, but can also be used as a wicked bludgeoning implement and a spellcasting conduit.
E. A war veteran who can use anything as a weapon. They're waiting for another war so they can lose an arm or a leg and collect on that sweet, sweet insurance money.

What these people will probably be:
A. A wiseass with a long beard, a staff, and a pointy wizard hat. He's the kind of the guy who would take off his hat, give it to the quest-giver, and say it belonged to the wizard he 'killed'.
B. An elven "bad-girl" who has been alive for three centuries and doesn't like to get along with other races.
C. Is bald, wears monk robes, and has vowed to never catch carpal tunnel syndrome like the rest of their family has.
D. Ah, yes. The misadventures of a quirky and snarky bard. I would've liked the fellow above, but I suppose this works too.
E. A misunderstood dumbass with an axe. He loves violence, but enjoys the dismal lifestyle of adventuring for some reason.

According to the facts here, it seems that the best, most obvious choice for the main character of this story would have to be the Halfling Bard. And so, their journey begins...
 
you lien piece of shit... fine, we'll play the game this way then

Fine. Alright then buddy, I guess we don't need to be a bard after all, huh?
If none of the other four are interesting enough to play as, then I think I'll come back next week when you actually have the fucking rulebook. If you really want me to stay, then you've got about half an hour to convince me that the other people aren't going to be as awful as I'm starting to think they're going to be.

Good luck, I don't expect much from a guy who doesn't know shit about halfling bards.
 
Alright then. Halfling Bard it is. Halfling Bard! You stand in front of the tavern, the bounty for this wizard posted in front of you. You rip off a number from the bottom, only to discover that is is just the number "3". You start to give up on beginning your quest and turn to find another quest, but before you do... One sec, need to find the d20.

Is that the 20? No, that's the 12.

Oh. It's a crit.

You almost trip on the foot of a kobold standing directly behind you but I guess you... Just... Critically don't trip.

This kobold screams in your face in his screeching tone. "HELO SHOT WAN. ARE YOU ADVENJURE? KILL WIZARD?"

official clown business official clown business
 
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