Ink3d
ShylilBean
He stared at her face, pale yet still very beautiful, his mind wandering as he watched her lay on her assigned bed, not the one with fluffy pillows and pink bedspread. Instead a grey and depressing hospital bed, degrading his mood worse. Her hair was spread around her pillow, a streak of blue visible along the dark brown. He smiled at that slightly. She always liked to be creative with her looks. The sound of the clock, tick, tick, tick made him annoyed. Made him feel that life was endless. That time felt like forever even though it had been an hour.
An hour since he had gotten the call that things were going bad, as if they had not been already. That she was getting worse. His vision scanned the tubes in her nose and lungs, breathing for her. The tube in her stomach, feeding her for her with nutrients and vitamins. The one. . . down there, underneath her hospital gown, urinating for her.
This image had been here for weeks, months. And he had been awaiting the day she would wake up. Looking at photos of her, listening to her music, watching videos of them together. Everything she would be enjoying right then if she was awake. He visited her favorite park everyday, the one with the playground that kids would giggle and make believe on every single day.
“‘I wish I could still do that. Be a kid, I mean,’” She would say, glancing at him with her glowing smile. “Kids don’t have to deal with the stress of high school, the dreaded fear of not having enough money to pay for your food, even though you’re lacking only ten cents,“′ She would laugh after he had started laughing, a sound nobody would dare disturb. A sound that echoed throughout the park and city, making everyone smile as they walk down the street. He would visit her every day, too, rambling to her about who he ran into today, what he ate and what he saw. The scenarios she would love to witness, the things he saw that would set her into an excited mood. He would tell her about the constellations he saw at night, while staring up at the sky in his backyard. Praying for her. Praying for them. Hoping that soon, really soon, he wouldn’t have to tell her all of that. She would just be there to witness it.
Now, however, he was secretly glad she wasn’t awake to witness what was happening. To see the pain he was going through, knowing it would make her cry. Or panic. He could see it, her fiddling with her tubes just to make sure he was okay and breathing right. Not caring that she was in pain, or one little jerk could cause her heart to stop. She wouldn’t care. As long as he was okay. That was always what mattered to her. He felt something slide down his cheek and placed his hand there; tears. He was crying. Something that happened every night, while he would be laying in his bed, just staring at the ceiling thinking about her. The memories they shared. The memories he wished they could make right then. He would look up at his glow-in-the-dark stars that stuck on his ceiling and think about how she used to be so excited when sleeping over, beaming over how pretty they were.
“It’s like seeing a very pretty sunset," She’d say quietly, half asleep and half knowing what she was saying. She’d then look up at him, her eyes sparkling with happiness. “And like seeing you. It makes me happy, and lucky to be alive.” He would put his arm around her shoulders and stay quiet, knowing that she’d continue. She was one of those people who loved romantic and lovable speeches. And of course, she did end up continuing.
“People don’t realize how beautiful life is. They’re too busy overthinking about politics or how much they hate their enemies to stop what they’re doing and really look at life in the moment. Or they’re too busy looking at the beautiful things and not looking closer to find that, as unattractive they may seem, the not-so-beautiful things are just as pretty. I mean, what plants and flowers do you keep in your garden?” She asked me, a serious look on her face, but still adorable.
“The pretty ones, I gu-”
“Exactly. People don’t think to get to know the not-so-pretty ones. They assume.” She answered, sighing and resting her head on his chest. “These glow-in-the-dark stars are one of the not-so-pretty things that people like, but to me, they’re the best thing in the world. Besides you,” A few moments of silence. Then her soft breathing signaling she was asleep. And him keeping her safe as he fell asleep too.
Now, in the hospital room, there were no glow-in the dark stars. There was no love speeches or inspiring words of wisdom. There was just the beeping of the heart monitor, repeatedly telling him that it wouldn’t beep like that forever. And he knew that. The monitor was already slow, beeping every thirty seconds.The doctors had told him that she most likely would not wake up, unless there was a miracle. It was her choice if she woke up or not, they had said. If she wakes up, she has to deal with the pain, the memories, the trauma of what had happened to her. The process of getting better. And maybe it’d be too much for her to come back.
And maybe it would be.
And she would never get to have that choice.
The skin of her leg was well torn off, from her body dragging itself against the very rough concrete when it flew through the windshield. There was bruises on her head from it slamming against the glass and the front of the car. Her knuckles scarred from scraping against the glass. Her lung still recovering and weak from collapsing. It would take her a long ass time to recover.
But would she push through it for him if she could?
If she could wake up, when would she be ready?
And when it all ends, what would he do?
It had been a friday night, a fun night with her friends, as she told him before she left. She’d be home around eleven. She said that she was going bowling with her friends and then getting something to eat at that fancy restaurant down the road. He said okay and waited for her. And waited. Watched some TV, twiddled his thumbs, showered and got something to eat himself, and waited some more. Before he knew it, the clock had struck midnight.
Still no call, text, or a car in the driveway. No answers from her phone, either.
At twelve-fifteen he was getting his jacket on, about to take his own car and go searching for hers, pleading that she was alright. She could’ve been robbed, or taken, or hurt by some creep. . . he shook his head to clear away the bad thoughts. Maybe they just lost track of time and stayed a bit longer. He was about to calm down and just call her again when his phone rang. Hurrying for it, he dug into his pocket and not even looking at the caller ID, answered it. Hoping it was her. It had to be.
“Oh, thank God, I was so wor-”
“Hello, are you the significant other of this young woman? You were in her emergency contacts. . .”
The voice went on to describe her, his tone claiming that this was not new, that he had witnessed and experienced many situations like this before. The boy was confused. How did he-
“Who is this?” He demanded, not realizing that he could just look at the ID to risk being stupid.
“St. John’s Hospital, sir,” The voice replied, and he suddenly felt very stupid. But the emotion and humiliation quickly faded when he realized what was happening.
“Wait, what happened to her? Is she okay? I-”
“She got into a car accident on Main Street. A drunk driver was driving his truck, the retarded bastard, and hit her and her buddies.” The voice answered, surprisingly calm.
“Am I allowed to see her?” He asked, panicking. His chest felt tight and he felt like he was being strangled. Tears stung his eyes.
“Of course.”
And with that, he hung up and ran out the house, dashing to his car and starting to cry as he turned the keys, a loud roar signaling his car was starting up.
He blinked, a hand on his shoulder. He glanced at her and felt like screaming and sobbing when he saw that nothing had changed from a half an hour ago. Her face was paler and her veins popped out, her eyes still duck taped shut. And his hope was fading. He forgot about the hand on his shoulder until he finally heard someone speak behind him.
“Son,” The doctor said sternly. “It’s time.”
“A few more minutes,” He pleaded, intertwining his hands together and staring up at the man in front of him. “Please.”
“It’s either do it now, or witness her die a slow death.” The doctor whispered, his eyes dead and exhausted. He had other patients; he didn’t have time for sympathy. The boy choked on the sob in his throat, starting to cry. Silent tears flowed down his face. He couldn’t bear to look at her while he did it. It would hurt him too much. Kill him, even. He glanced up at the doctor one more time and saw him nod, encouraging him, then stood up.
“When we get married, I want my bridesmaids to wear rainbow.” She told him, her legs swinging back in forth in the air as she lay on her stomach, looking adorable compared to his ugly blue bedspread. He chuckled. “Why is that? Do you want unicorns there, too?” He teased, looking back at her from across the room. His heart warmed at the thought of marrying her. It would be a blessing. She pouted and threw a pillow at him, although laughing.
“No, smart guy. To support the LGBTQ. It’d be sweet, making a tribute to them in a way.” She explained, her eyes sparkling as she did. He smiled a bit.
“You make it sound like the gays are dead.” He joked, and got another pillow thrown at him, with more giggles from the bed.
“No- I mean, it would be a special thing for them. Make them feel as loved as I do.” She smiled, brushing the brown hair away from her face. He nodded.
“Rainbow dresses it is, then.”
“You’ll never leave me, right?”
“Never. Will you?”
“Never.”
“When we have kids, what will we name ’em?”
“How about Hazel for one?”
“Yes! Let’s name one Hazel, now what about. . .”
“I want to see the sunset someday, it’ll just warm my heart.”
"Or they’re too busy looking at the beautiful things and not looking closer to find that, as unattractive they may seem, the not-so-beautiful things are just as pretty.. .”
His hands trembled, his tears staining his face, his body full of grief and panic and love. He regrettably looked at her for one last time. Her face, though pale and no sign of emotion or life, yet still beautiful, made his world a better place. And he would miss it for days, weeks, months, years. Until the day he joined her. The day they would be together again. Forever.
The memories they shared. The memories he wished they could make right then.
The memories that stopped then.
The boy pulled the plug, and the heart monitor’s long beep echoed throughout the hospital. Along with his loud cries. Along with his loud screams, repeatedly saying something he hoped she could hear.
“I’m sorry.”
When they brought out the casket to bury her, it was open. He and her family wanted to see their daughter, their girlfriend, for the last time. As she got closer and clearer to see, tears started to roll down his face for the hundredth time that day. He put a hand to his mouth to keep from sobbing out loud, smiling.
She looked beautiful in her rainbow dress, even when she was being buried and saying goodbye to her family.
She would wait, he knew it.
Then he would dance with her and marry her in the clouds. She would wait.
“When we get married, I want my bridesmaids to wear rainbow.” She had said.
Soon, he thought. Be patient. It would happen. Even if there was a wait.
“You’ll never leave me, right?”
“Never. Will you?”
“Never.”
And he’d keep that promise forever.
-------
Tell me what you think!! I'm very proud and exhausted over this so. ^^
An hour since he had gotten the call that things were going bad, as if they had not been already. That she was getting worse. His vision scanned the tubes in her nose and lungs, breathing for her. The tube in her stomach, feeding her for her with nutrients and vitamins. The one. . . down there, underneath her hospital gown, urinating for her.
This image had been here for weeks, months. And he had been awaiting the day she would wake up. Looking at photos of her, listening to her music, watching videos of them together. Everything she would be enjoying right then if she was awake. He visited her favorite park everyday, the one with the playground that kids would giggle and make believe on every single day.
“‘I wish I could still do that. Be a kid, I mean,’” She would say, glancing at him with her glowing smile. “Kids don’t have to deal with the stress of high school, the dreaded fear of not having enough money to pay for your food, even though you’re lacking only ten cents,“′ She would laugh after he had started laughing, a sound nobody would dare disturb. A sound that echoed throughout the park and city, making everyone smile as they walk down the street. He would visit her every day, too, rambling to her about who he ran into today, what he ate and what he saw. The scenarios she would love to witness, the things he saw that would set her into an excited mood. He would tell her about the constellations he saw at night, while staring up at the sky in his backyard. Praying for her. Praying for them. Hoping that soon, really soon, he wouldn’t have to tell her all of that. She would just be there to witness it.
Now, however, he was secretly glad she wasn’t awake to witness what was happening. To see the pain he was going through, knowing it would make her cry. Or panic. He could see it, her fiddling with her tubes just to make sure he was okay and breathing right. Not caring that she was in pain, or one little jerk could cause her heart to stop. She wouldn’t care. As long as he was okay. That was always what mattered to her. He felt something slide down his cheek and placed his hand there; tears. He was crying. Something that happened every night, while he would be laying in his bed, just staring at the ceiling thinking about her. The memories they shared. The memories he wished they could make right then. He would look up at his glow-in-the-dark stars that stuck on his ceiling and think about how she used to be so excited when sleeping over, beaming over how pretty they were.
“It’s like seeing a very pretty sunset," She’d say quietly, half asleep and half knowing what she was saying. She’d then look up at him, her eyes sparkling with happiness. “And like seeing you. It makes me happy, and lucky to be alive.” He would put his arm around her shoulders and stay quiet, knowing that she’d continue. She was one of those people who loved romantic and lovable speeches. And of course, she did end up continuing.
“People don’t realize how beautiful life is. They’re too busy overthinking about politics or how much they hate their enemies to stop what they’re doing and really look at life in the moment. Or they’re too busy looking at the beautiful things and not looking closer to find that, as unattractive they may seem, the not-so-beautiful things are just as pretty. I mean, what plants and flowers do you keep in your garden?” She asked me, a serious look on her face, but still adorable.
“The pretty ones, I gu-”
“Exactly. People don’t think to get to know the not-so-pretty ones. They assume.” She answered, sighing and resting her head on his chest. “These glow-in-the-dark stars are one of the not-so-pretty things that people like, but to me, they’re the best thing in the world. Besides you,” A few moments of silence. Then her soft breathing signaling she was asleep. And him keeping her safe as he fell asleep too.
Now, in the hospital room, there were no glow-in the dark stars. There was no love speeches or inspiring words of wisdom. There was just the beeping of the heart monitor, repeatedly telling him that it wouldn’t beep like that forever. And he knew that. The monitor was already slow, beeping every thirty seconds.The doctors had told him that she most likely would not wake up, unless there was a miracle. It was her choice if she woke up or not, they had said. If she wakes up, she has to deal with the pain, the memories, the trauma of what had happened to her. The process of getting better. And maybe it’d be too much for her to come back.
And maybe it would be.
And she would never get to have that choice.
The skin of her leg was well torn off, from her body dragging itself against the very rough concrete when it flew through the windshield. There was bruises on her head from it slamming against the glass and the front of the car. Her knuckles scarred from scraping against the glass. Her lung still recovering and weak from collapsing. It would take her a long ass time to recover.
But would she push through it for him if she could?
If she could wake up, when would she be ready?
And when it all ends, what would he do?
It had been a friday night, a fun night with her friends, as she told him before she left. She’d be home around eleven. She said that she was going bowling with her friends and then getting something to eat at that fancy restaurant down the road. He said okay and waited for her. And waited. Watched some TV, twiddled his thumbs, showered and got something to eat himself, and waited some more. Before he knew it, the clock had struck midnight.
Still no call, text, or a car in the driveway. No answers from her phone, either.
At twelve-fifteen he was getting his jacket on, about to take his own car and go searching for hers, pleading that she was alright. She could’ve been robbed, or taken, or hurt by some creep. . . he shook his head to clear away the bad thoughts. Maybe they just lost track of time and stayed a bit longer. He was about to calm down and just call her again when his phone rang. Hurrying for it, he dug into his pocket and not even looking at the caller ID, answered it. Hoping it was her. It had to be.
“Oh, thank God, I was so wor-”
“Hello, are you the significant other of this young woman? You were in her emergency contacts. . .”
The voice went on to describe her, his tone claiming that this was not new, that he had witnessed and experienced many situations like this before. The boy was confused. How did he-
“Who is this?” He demanded, not realizing that he could just look at the ID to risk being stupid.
“St. John’s Hospital, sir,” The voice replied, and he suddenly felt very stupid. But the emotion and humiliation quickly faded when he realized what was happening.
“Wait, what happened to her? Is she okay? I-”
“She got into a car accident on Main Street. A drunk driver was driving his truck, the retarded bastard, and hit her and her buddies.” The voice answered, surprisingly calm.
“Am I allowed to see her?” He asked, panicking. His chest felt tight and he felt like he was being strangled. Tears stung his eyes.
“Of course.”
And with that, he hung up and ran out the house, dashing to his car and starting to cry as he turned the keys, a loud roar signaling his car was starting up.
He blinked, a hand on his shoulder. He glanced at her and felt like screaming and sobbing when he saw that nothing had changed from a half an hour ago. Her face was paler and her veins popped out, her eyes still duck taped shut. And his hope was fading. He forgot about the hand on his shoulder until he finally heard someone speak behind him.
“Son,” The doctor said sternly. “It’s time.”
“A few more minutes,” He pleaded, intertwining his hands together and staring up at the man in front of him. “Please.”
“It’s either do it now, or witness her die a slow death.” The doctor whispered, his eyes dead and exhausted. He had other patients; he didn’t have time for sympathy. The boy choked on the sob in his throat, starting to cry. Silent tears flowed down his face. He couldn’t bear to look at her while he did it. It would hurt him too much. Kill him, even. He glanced up at the doctor one more time and saw him nod, encouraging him, then stood up.
“When we get married, I want my bridesmaids to wear rainbow.” She told him, her legs swinging back in forth in the air as she lay on her stomach, looking adorable compared to his ugly blue bedspread. He chuckled. “Why is that? Do you want unicorns there, too?” He teased, looking back at her from across the room. His heart warmed at the thought of marrying her. It would be a blessing. She pouted and threw a pillow at him, although laughing.
“No, smart guy. To support the LGBTQ. It’d be sweet, making a tribute to them in a way.” She explained, her eyes sparkling as she did. He smiled a bit.
“You make it sound like the gays are dead.” He joked, and got another pillow thrown at him, with more giggles from the bed.
“No- I mean, it would be a special thing for them. Make them feel as loved as I do.” She smiled, brushing the brown hair away from her face. He nodded.
“Rainbow dresses it is, then.”
“You’ll never leave me, right?”
“Never. Will you?”
“Never.”
“When we have kids, what will we name ’em?”
“How about Hazel for one?”
“Yes! Let’s name one Hazel, now what about. . .”
“I want to see the sunset someday, it’ll just warm my heart.”
"Or they’re too busy looking at the beautiful things and not looking closer to find that, as unattractive they may seem, the not-so-beautiful things are just as pretty.. .”
His hands trembled, his tears staining his face, his body full of grief and panic and love. He regrettably looked at her for one last time. Her face, though pale and no sign of emotion or life, yet still beautiful, made his world a better place. And he would miss it for days, weeks, months, years. Until the day he joined her. The day they would be together again. Forever.
The memories they shared. The memories he wished they could make right then.
The memories that stopped then.
The boy pulled the plug, and the heart monitor’s long beep echoed throughout the hospital. Along with his loud cries. Along with his loud screams, repeatedly saying something he hoped she could hear.
“I’m sorry.”
When they brought out the casket to bury her, it was open. He and her family wanted to see their daughter, their girlfriend, for the last time. As she got closer and clearer to see, tears started to roll down his face for the hundredth time that day. He put a hand to his mouth to keep from sobbing out loud, smiling.
She looked beautiful in her rainbow dress, even when she was being buried and saying goodbye to her family.
She would wait, he knew it.
Then he would dance with her and marry her in the clouds. She would wait.
“When we get married, I want my bridesmaids to wear rainbow.” She had said.
Soon, he thought. Be patient. It would happen. Even if there was a wait.
“You’ll never leave me, right?”
“Never. Will you?”
“Never.”
And he’d keep that promise forever.
-------
Tell me what you think!! I'm very proud and exhausted over this so. ^^
