Advice/Help Managing, work, life, and RP?

[monxmiracle]

This question is directed towards those people in their 20s or older , that may already have families, jobs, marriaged and other obligations and still RP. And I just have to wonder, how do you find time to RP with all these other things? Perosnally, as a full time student, in college, and soon university. I find it to be rather difficult to RP as much as I’d like to. A lot of my time is kept up by other things. Which makes this; RPing a difficult hobby to keep. So I wonder how you guys do it. As I just struggle with keeping up with RPs consistently.

 

[welian]

I don't have a family - I'm unmarried - but now that I work a 9-5 and I'm out of school, I find I have more free time to enjoy RPing. If I'm lucky, sometimes I can even slip in a post while I'm work.

That being said, I've found that I don't have it in me to post every day anymore, so I stick to RPs where I only have to post once a week, and I try not to play more than three characters. And when I RP with my boyfriend, we stick to one-liners over text messages. Scratches the creative itch, without much effort.

 

[Lioness075]

Yeah, I've got my parents and siblings, but no family of my own beyond my three guinea pigs. I devote a lot of my free time outside of work and appointments to playing with them and keeping them entertained since they mean a lot to me. But I also have many video games that I've owned for a year or longer and still haven't been able to complete simply because I do not have the free time for it anymore. Just like welian, I usually can only get 1-2 posts in per week simply because while I do not dislike my job, it does tend to wear me out by the end of the day.

I'm usually the only RPer in the RP posting on the weekends when my brain gets a break from work and anything more stressful in my life. But I'm also in the National Guard, so there's always one week each month where I lose my weekend to drill and definitely am not in the right mindset on that weekend to write any quality posts. I usually warn my groups in advance, so they're aware that I'll probably be inactive that week. If anything, I try to write posts during my lunch break at work, assuming the morning hasn't been insanely busy and I'm still feeling creative.

 

[Crayons]

Just be in RPs with slow post expectations, tbh. Also small groups or 1x1s are generally better for this as they are more likely to wait for your post. Also, play with other people in your age group as they are more likely to be understanding of your commitments.

I don't know how people with kids do it, unless they are stay at home mums/dads and the kids go to school.

 

[Luxura]

Honestly, when I was in college (both times I went) you
just have to set realistic expectations, and share those expectations bluntly with your group or partner(s).
I find it helps to have a group or partner(s) that are either in the same/similar situation or someone slightly older
who has been through it, or similar, before. It puts you all in the same mindset.

But I have to agree with Crayons , finding one with slow posting is great.
When I was young and new to RPing, I posted several times a night, but as classes
loaded you up, exams stressed you out, finding a job became a priority... you have
to make real life, hard choices.
Just realize that you cannot do it all, you're not a machine, and only commit
to doing what you know you can handle.

I work a 9-5, M-F job. I do my writing in the evenings after dinner, or on weekends.
I have for many years. I have a group where we are all in similar situations
and this is just the norm.
But I haven't always had it that good. At some points in my 20's I've worked 4 jobs
just to keep myself above water, and still roleplayed.
If you love the craft, you find and make the time.
​

 

[Tove]

I am married and work, it is hard or was when I was writing however I looked for, and specified on my request thread, people who had a posting schedule similar to mine. Twice a week or once a week. Anything more I would not be able to do. While I loved roleplay, it did not revolve around my life.

 

[still watching fma]

I tend to just take long breaks. Doing college(and uni stuff if you distinguish) was hard to keep up honestly. But I feel like going cold turkey was sometimes worse than just rping in moderation. I always had downtime in between college assignments. There was always that moment when I proof read my paper and rewrote sections 5-6 times in a night. And during those times, a few paragraphs and some lively rp banter in an ooc would have been what I needed to relax and distract myself from my nerves.

 

[AndPeggy]

I am in my 30s with a job and a child.

You tend to learn how to manage your time very efficiently. I keep up with all my RPs because I've been able to carve out time for them as a hobby that I enjoy. I use my phone to post so that I don't have to be at home near a computer and that helps a lot.

 

[kevintheradioguy]

I think I answered this same question on Twitter somewhere. Basically, you have twenty-four hours in a day. You sleep eight of them. You work eight of them. Another eight is left for life, and hobbies. Don't tell me you cannot take half an hour from those last eight to RP.

 

[Lioness075]

I think I answered this same question on Twitter somewhere. Basically, you have twenty-four hours in a day. You sleep eight of them. You work eight of them. Another eight is left for life, and hobbies. Don't tell me you cannot take half an hour from those last eight to RP.

Not everyone has the mental capacity to handle a long day at work and then still be able to RP the same day. Technically, I have free time every day of the week to RP, but I usually am not in the right mindset to enjoy RPing every single day. Forcing myself to RP means it's no longer enjoyable for me. Idk, it's really different for everyone.

 

[kevintheradioguy]

Not everyone has the mental capacity to handle a long day at work and then still be able to RP the same day. Technically, I have free time every day of the week to RP, but I usually am not in the right mindset to enjoy RPing every single day. Forcing myself to RP means it's no longer enjoyable for me. Idk, it's really different for everyone.

Sorry to say that, as I have no idea how to make myself not to sound like shit while conveying this thought, but... not having a mental capacity to do something that's a personal problem..? One doesn't make rules based on exceptions, after all. And as a rule, you have eight hours daily to do whatever you want that is not work and rest, so everything else is whether an excuse, or deeply personal matter that doesn't have anything to do with OP.

 

[Lioness075]

Sorry to say that, as I have no idea how to make myself not to sound like shit while conveying this thought, but... not having a mental capacity to do something that's a personal problem..? One doesn't make rules based on exceptions, after all. And as a rule, you have eight hours daily to do whatever you want that is not work and rest, so everything else is whether an excuse, or deeply personal matter that doesn't have anything to do with OP.

I was just trying to offer a different POV lol. Not everyone has the same amount of time, I usually don't, and we all choose to spend that time however we see fit.

For the OP, being in college or university, I can completely understand where one does not usually have eight hours of free time most days of the week. I graduated from university earlier this year and I rarely got any time to RP during the week while I was attending lectures and managing my school life. University work is very mentally draining for most, as I tend to hear from nearly every college/university student I've met, and so by the time you have free time, you might just crash and take a nap or binge watch stuff on Netflix since it requires no effort on your end.

This is why we've been encouraging the OP to find RPs that allow them to post once or twice a week because that will be more accommodating for their current lifestyle. Your suggestion is that they have time each day, so they should be able to post daily. The OP is suggesting they are struggling to find that time, though.

I personally believe more in reasons being given for why someone can't RP or write daily posts, as opposed to excuses. Excuses suggest the person is just weaseling their way out of some commitment or responsibility, but having genuine reasons for not being able to do something is perfectly okay. I have had many different reasons over the years for why I couldn't post every day or even every week.

 

[Crayons]

Sorry to say that, as I have no idea how to make myself not to sound like shit while conveying this thought, but... not having a mental capacity to do something that's a personal problem..? One doesn't make rules based on exceptions, after all. And as a rule, you have eight hours daily to do whatever you want that is not work and rest, so everything else is whether an excuse, or deeply personal matter that doesn't have anything to do with OP.

So, this is assuming that you're fully able bodied, have zero travel time, your work isn't at all tiring either mentally, emotionally or physically, you don't make your own meals, don't shop, clean, do laundry, and don't have any family members that need your attention or any caring responsibilities. Or a sex life.

Basically the most unhelpful suggestion anyone can make in this thread.

 

[Tove]

I think I answered this same question on Twitter somewhere. Basically, you have twenty-four hours in a day. You sleep eight of them. You work eight of them. Another eight is left for life, and hobbies. Don't tell me you cannot take half an hour from those last eight to RP.

Nope. If I don't want to roleplay, I don't want to roleplay. I don't know about anyone else but the moment I start having to set aside a specific time just for roleplay, as if it holds some high value, that's the time when I need to evaluate my life choices which luckily I already know. Sometimes I work ten hour days and the last thing on my mind, when I was actively roleplaying, was typing up some reply.

 

[monxmiracle]

Not everyone has the mental capacity to handle a long day at work and then still be able to RP the same day. Technically, I have free time every day of the week to RP, but I usually am not in the right mindset to enjoy RPing every single day. Forcing myself to RP means it's no longer enjoyable for me. Idk, it's really different for everyone.

Yes, I can relate to that. Or, a lot of my time is spent studying, and by the time I have time to RP, I'm already spent. Which sucks.

 

[ashwynne]

Full time university student here. I'll be honest, I'm probably an outlier but I find that RP distracts and calms me, so I can usually reply daily or multiple times daily because I use "reply time" as my "study breaks." It's actually been good from a writing standpoint because I've gotten used to writing ~3,000 words a day, but it's probably not typical lol. My first year of uni I was getting posts out once or twice a week and that's perfectly fine as well.

But anyways, to answer your question.... that's how I manage my life and RP. I qualify my RP time as "study breaks" and have them allotted throughout the day. It's prone to fluctuate though and I always make a point of finding partners/groups that are flexible (and being flexible myself) so that it isn't a problem when my schedule changes. Assuming I can find a proper summer job, my posting schedule is highly apt to change in the summer, for example, and having people/groups that are accommodating for changing schedules is a priority to me.

To summarize:
1. Figure out realistic posting time-frames for yourself that keep RP fun and not exhausting (whether it's one 500 word post daily, or one 500 word post a week... or whatever)
2. Find a partner/group that will accommodate this.

It really is that simple. As with most RP-related issues, it comes down to picking the right partner. One of the first things I look for in any search thread is posting requirements/preferences. If they don't match what I'm looking for, I move on. If you get into the habit of that and don't take on more than you can chew, you'll never have a problem.

 

[kevintheradioguy]

I was just trying to offer a different POV lol.

I know, that's why I mentioned not finding the right words to convey the thought. Point is, people who go on about their lack of time usually have no idea how exactly much time they have on hand. Usually it's eight hours per day. Some have a little more, some have a little less, but either way: that's a lot. There are some people who work twelve hours daily, and just have a handful of free time left, but that's not the audience we're talking about. That's an exception, and I'm sure if that was the case, if "i work 12 hrs daily and have seven kids, help" was the case, the OP would make it absolutely clear, and we'd work from that. As it is, they have a lot of time for hobbies. It just looks like they don't realise that yet.

So, this is assuming that you're fully able bodied, have zero travel time, your work isn't at all tiring either mentally, emotionally or physically, you don't make your own meals, don't shop, clean, do laundry, and don't have any family members that need your attention or any caring responsibilities. Or a sex life.

Basically the most unhelpful suggestion anyone can make in this thread.

Or! Think this: eight hours is pretty much enough to do all of those things if you just lift your ass once in a while. Hundreds of people on this forum supporting thousands of threads can do it; millions of people around the globe can, but no, of course you alone are right in your lack of time management. Bravo! Moaning: so much more helpful! How are you not the president yet?

If I don't want to roleplay, I don't want to roleplay.

Well, that's another question altogether: you can spend your free time however the hell you want, right? You have time to do that, but you can choose not to spend it on that. Question was where to get the time, not the desire. You can't do anything about not having a desire to spend your free time this way or that way, really.

 

[Lioness075]

I know, that's why I mentioned not finding the right words to convey the thought. Point is, people who go on about their lack of time usually have no idea how exactly much time they have on hand. Usually it's eight hours per day. Some have a little more, some have a little less, but either way: that's a lot. There are some people who work twelve hours daily, and just have a handful of free time left, but that's not the audience we're talking about. That's an exception, and I'm sure if that was the case, if "i work 12 hrs daily and have seven kids, help" was the case, the OP would make it absolutely clear, and we'd work from that. As it is, they have a lot of time for hobbies. It just looks like they don't realise that yet.


Or! Think this: eight hours is pretty much enough to do all of those things if you just lift your ass once in a while. Hundreds of people on this forum supporting thousands of threads can do it, but no, of course you alone are right in your lack of time management. Bravo! Moaning: so much more helpful! How are you not the president yet?


Well, that's another question altogether: you can spend your free time however the hell you want, right? You have time to do that, but you can choose not to spend it on that. Question was where to get the time, not the desire. You can't do anything about not having a desire to spend your free time this way or that way, really.

I'm sorry, but if you're not going to be kind to others in this thread, then please leave it. We are trying to give OP encouragement and open-minded advice. Your response to Crayons here is extremely confrontational and is very unwelcome on this forum entirely. Your other responses have not been very helpful or open-minded either.

I understand being a blunt kind of person and how it can come across, but I have learned to speak in a kinder way over the years and it's not impossible for you to consider a kinder way to express yourself.

 

[kevintheradioguy]

I'm sorry, but if you're not going to be kind to others in this thread, then please leave it. We are trying to give OP encouragement and open-minded advice. Your response to Crayons here is extremely confrontational and is very unwelcome on this forum entirely. Your other responses have not been very helpful or open-minded either.

I understand being a blunt kind of person and how it can come across, but I have learned to speak in a kinder way over the years and it's not impossible for you to consider a kinder way to express yourself.

Are we here to speak our minds and give points of view, or to suck up to other people? Because even if I could be kinder (which I can't, but that's my personal problem), I thought it was the former.

 

[Lioness075]

Are we here to speak our minds and give points of view, or to suck up to other people? Because even if I could be kinder (which I can't, but that's my personal problem), I thought it was the former.

We are here to give each of our unique points of view, but getting aggressive with anyone and mocking them is not being open-minded or kind. If you need to, feel free to reread the rules of the forum. One key part of them is creating a positive environment, which you are not doing here.

 

[kevintheradioguy]

We are here to give each of our unique points of view, but getting aggressive with anyone and mocking them is not being open-minded or kind. If you need to, feel free to reread the rules of the forum. One key part of them is creating a positive environment, which you are not doing here.

Same could said about Crayons with their witty remark, but I guess the last to speak gets the blow. Whatever you think, I will not allow anyone come over, and bully me over the thing I've be been successfully doing for most of my life as being useless. "Learning time management" vs "Useless, unless you have no life" - why do you find the former to be closed-minded, and the latter open-minded, is beyond me. But it's your choice.

 

[Lioness075]

Same could said about Crayons with their witty remark, but I guess the last to speak gets the blow. Whatever you think, I will not allow anyone come over, and bully me over the thing I've be been successfully doing for most of my life as being useless. "Learning time management" vs "Useless, unless you have no life" - why do you find the former to be closed-minded, and the latter open-minded, is beyond me. But it's your choice.

I never said Crayons was in the right for speaking as they did. But they got defensive as I'm sure a number of other people felt in this thread (as did I, but I refrained from saying it) because you are saying that everyone has time to RP and thus, OP should have no problems. OP has created this thread to ask for advice, not to be told they're already good to go. Anyone else who has joined this thread for the discussion is possibly seeking the same advice or simply wants to affirm that certain advice is helpful.

Most everyone struggles with time management, even those of us who may do a great job of it. Everyone has their off day. Humans are not machines and shouldn't be constantly doing things throughout the day. You can get serious mental fatigue and experience chronic stress if you never give your brain a break.

Also, none of this is bullying, as I have been responding in a conversational manner and then you started to get confrontational, so I simply warned you to stop. Cuss words are completely unnecessary in this kind of thread and you openly mocked another RPer instead of discussing the topic with them. That kind of response could very easily be seen as bullying. If you had responded to me directly in such a manner as that, I would have instantly reported you to the admins on here and promptly ignored you. Instead, I am talking with you in a mature manner and treating you like an adult.

Bear in mind that simply because something works for you IRL, it will not work for every other individual out there. Every person is very unique and manages their life differently from the next. I certainly do not effectively use every minute of my life, but I have accomplished plenty despite that. In this instance, it is not "my way or the highway", as some may say.

 

[kevintheradioguy]

you are saying that everyone has time to RP

On average. I did mention rare exceptions earlier, right? Again, there are times when people have twelve-hour shifts, half-a-dozen of kids, and such, and they really have no time to do anything besides manage that and sleep. That's an exception to the rule, and not the case here. If you count your hours, and look back at what you have, you'll discover you have plenty of time to do what you like. For the majority of people, it's eight hours. I've been a student, in fact, I've been a student twice, I have two high eds in absolutely useless stuff (I don't advise anyone doing the same mistake), I work, have family, pets, hobbies, etc., and I still manage to put all of my hobbies into those hours per day I have free. Because one day, I did the counting, and realised "holy shit, I have plenty of free time if I'm not being lazy the whole day!".

I have been responding in a conversational manner and then you started to get confrontational

I have never had any quarrel with you, as far as I recall. Even if it didn't look that way (I know my empathy is very lacking), I had not. We two are having a conversation. "The way you manage your time for last twenty years and advice other people to is useless, or you have no life, driving need, family, friends, etc." - is not having a conversation - it's being an asshole. And I shall not allow that - not even from my own mother, let alone some random dude with anime icon online.

 

[CharmedRed]

Everyone definitely manages life differently, and the stressors from life can come into play as well. I work as a nurse and my shifts are usually 12-14 hours five days a week and I’m also married but it’s currently long distance. I usually am most active during lunch and before bed at night. On my off days, depending on who I’m RPing with I can reply multiple times. However, at the end of the day IRL comes first & foremost because this is a hobby.

It’s all about finding a balance that works for you & having realistic expectations with your partner. I’ve had the same partner for a few months and we both have had to take a break a time or two and I’m lucky to have one that communicates that comfortably. But we both lead very busy lives and discussed that before even beginning.

 

[welian]

Nine hours, actually.

When you work 8 hours, you're legally entitled to a one hour lunch break off the clock. So, you're at work nine hours. You know, plus transit time.

Anyway, I like to carve out an hour or so right before bed once or twice a week to post, if I need to post. Something about tiredness just unlocks all the good dumb ideas.