Story Looking for feedback on this story chapter

CookieCrim

Tired Writer
Hey! I've recently started writing a new story and it's my very first time writing stories with fight scenes in it, so I just wanted to post the first chapter on here and see if it's okay!

I don't get offended often so if you see something that I could improve on in this chapter, please let me know!

Here's the first chapter, let me know what you think!

It was yet another day of fighting between the humans and the vampires in Japan. This war had been going on ever since the humans started up the Moon Demon Company to fight back against the vampires after they had wiped out 90% of the population by releasing a virus.

Emica had just finished killing off another set of vampires with her team and they were now on their way to their next mission. Emica had been part of the Moon Demon Company for over a year now and she might wanted nothing more than to rid the world of the vampires she despised so much.

“Keep moving everyone! “ Emica called out to her comrades, as they ran through the deserted streets “We need to get to our next mission as soon as possible!”

Just then, Emica and comrades slowed to a half when three vampires, that looked to be nobles, appeared right in their path. There was a red and black haired male, a tall blonde female and a short iris haired female.

“It seems like we've got some more livestock to play with “ the red and black haired vampire said “Lets take them down. Don’t kill any though, they can be useful to us once we take them hostage”

Emica felt herself shaking with anger at the vampire's words. She immediately got her sword out and yelled out an order to her comrades “Take them down! Don’t let your guard down! “

Emica decided to go for the short vampire first, assuming she’d be the easiest to defeat. The vampire gave her a playful smile as her sword clashed with Emica’s.

“Ooh, such fun! “ the vampire giggled after she pushed Emica away “I can’t wait to take a drink of your blood, I bet it tastes amazing! “

“You won’t be able to drink anyone's blood anymore once I turn you to ash! “ Emica yelled as she went for the vampire again, this time she managed to slice her arm off with her sword.

“I see you’re a strong one” the vampire giggled childishly as she reattached her arm “This is going to be more fun than I thought!! “

The vampire then attacked Emica with several swings of her sword, that Emica just barely dodged. The last blow from the vampire's sword tore the arm of her uniform.

Emica fought with the vampire for a while, but she couldn’t seem to match her power no matter how hard she tried.

One by one, Emica's comrades were defeated by the other two vampires, leaving only Emica and the short vampire left.

“Seems like your little friends are all goners already” the vampire giggled “Too bad they did stick around !onger! Guess this means our fun has to come to a end too! “

Emica gritted her teeth and went for the vampire once more with all the strength she had “I’ll kill you and your friends no matter what! “

Just then, Emica felt something wrap around her leg and she was pulled to the ground. She had got her head on the hard ground and she felt her whole world spinning now.

Emica looked up at saw that the vampire was putting away a whip, that’s what must have wrapped around her ankle. Emica wished she had noticed the vampire taking that out before she had the chance to use it.

The vampire crouched down beside Emica and looked at her, a playful glint in her eye “That was so much fun! Thanks for playing with me! “

“Chess, Horn “ the red and black haired vampire said, getting the two other empire’s attention “Tie them up and we'll take them with us”

“Yes, Lord Crowley” the two female vampires said. They then began to tie Emica and her comrades up.

Emica felt tears in her eyes, she knew that this was all her fault. Her and her comrades were being taken hostage by the vampires because of her poor leadership and judgement of the situation.

“I’m sorry... “ She muttered just before she went unconscious.
 

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