Journal Lightened Abyss

[scorpiodragon]

Comments are welcome on here. I will try to respond if asked questions. Please don't be harsh or critical...I am overly sensitive and may leave or stop writing altogether.​

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July 27, 2021
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Dear Byzantine-Diary Entry 1

It has been many years since I have worked a job. It has taken me three interviews and seven job applications before finally being hired at Taco Bell on July 18, 2021. I am excited but nervous, however I had to wait until I got my new state ID in the mail today before doing anything. Paperwork must be signed and filled out first along with bringing my social security card with me to give to the woman who hired me but 70% of my tasks are completed.

October 8, 2020-Applied to McDonalds and had an interview set up immediately for October 14, 2020.
October 14, 2020-Went in for interview at 3pm est but they said to come back tomorrow as the manager wasn't there.
October 15, 2020-Went back for an interview the next day-took 26 minutes walking to reach McDonalds-and thought I got hired, interviewing with a woman named Angela. They couldn't find my application though.
October 18, 2020-Called and spoke to a woman named Hannah who told me to wait for a job offer. Never received anything.

May 19, 2021-Applied to Worthington of Logan
May 20, 2021-Got a voicemail from Tiffany. Called back and had an interview scheduled for 1 pm on the 21st of May.
May 21, 2021-Had a 4 minute interview. Was supposed to hear back in 2 days but never got back to me.

May 25, 2021-Picked up applications to Holiday Inn Express (not hiring) and Baymont Inn and Suites. Sleep Inn was checked but their application was on facebook and not hiring. Shown laundry room and told they really needed someone for laundry on Thursday and Sunday.
June 6, 2021-Applied to Goodwill on facebook. Not much of an application, just taking my profile name and location from my facebook profile.


May 27, 2021-Dropped off application at Baymont Inn and Suites.
July 14, 2021-Called Baymont Inn and Suites to enquire about my application and was told the position was filled.
July 10, 2021-Filled out and printed off application for Little Ceasars.
July 14, 2021-Took application down to Little Ceasars, then went to McDonalds Took Taxi home.
July 14, 2021-Called later that evening and had not looked at application yet.

July 13, 2021-Applied to Burger King via Talent Reef. Applied to Taco Bell via Talent Reef.
July 15, 2021-Received a call from Desiree who asked if I could come in for an interview on Sunday at 2:30 PM est.
July 18, 2021-Went in for interview and surprisingly got hired on the spot. Went home and completed 70% of tasks.
July 19, 2021-Renewed state ID and applied to vote. Did not realize my state ID had expired. Got work shoes that day.
July 20, 2021-Got two pairs of work pants from Kohls in Lancaster, OH.
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I couldn't believe that I was hired. I thought nobody would give me a chance due to lack of work experience as I have either been a student off and on since graduating high school in 2006. I knew the lack of work experience would count against me so when Desiree told me I was she was going to hire me, I just stared at her for a few moments in shock before thanking her. It starts out at $10.25 an hour here which is $2.00 over the $8.80 minimum wage of my state. Which was also new to me as minimum wage a year ago was $8.25 an hour. I was so thrilled and told my grandmother as she took me to my interview when I got in the car and she in turn told my mother.

I'd like to go back to school eventually. If I were physically strong enough and there were a veterinarian school near me, I'd go into being a vet assistant but there are no vet schools anywhere around me. College is so expensive as it is and I had difficulties in 2011 paying college fees. I can only imagine what it would be like if I were to try to apply for college now, due to being limited on what I could accept as far as federal money. Yes, I might qualify still for the Pell Grant but that only gave me like a $1,000 something each semester. Loans are an issue as, well I may not be a practicing Muslim anymore, but I still don't want to deal with loans due to the interest being forbidden in Islam. As loans deal with interest, such a method of affording school is out. I'd also rather not be like my mother and aunt and being paying off loans for years. Of course, being an adult, I don't qualify for any scholarships. I'm not a minority so I don't qualify for non-white scholarships and Muslims don't tend to help other Muslims with college unless they major in certain areas (Islamic studies, engineering, lawyer, social work, human resources) and that is only in certain areas...like big cities. Before I can go to school though, I need to get my permit and then a driver license. This is difficult with having zero friends and nobody to teach me to drive. What is the point? I have looked at driving school but there are no driving schools here for adults, let alone adult first time drivers. Any driving classes offered are for adults who failed their driving test and need adult remedial courses. I checked AAA (triple A-an insurance company) and it's $50 an hour and they can't even say how many hours one would need but according to my grandmother, they don't even teach you how to drive. That's a waste of money so it's no use bothering to learn to get a permit at all. If one has no family to teach or willing to teach them, let alone friends, then getting a permit and hoping to complete one's independence simply is not worth it.

I do not know why there are no adult driving schools for first time adult drivers. I guess society expects one to have had their permit by sixteen and driving by the end of high school already. I was not taught really how to drive by anyone as everyone thought that I would end up living with my family the rest of my life, be it my grandmother or my mother. It took me thirty years and eleven months to move out on my own as an adult and thirty-four years and five months to find a job. If I go to school then I would have to do part-time and from what I discovered back in probably 2016 is that FASFA does not pay for part-time students. So it would be out of pocket. It simply isn't worth it, especially when schools charge per credit hour. I am excited about working but also nervous. I have been hired as a Service Champion (Cash register, Drive Through Order Taker, Expeditor, Drive Through Cash Register) and have 42 days to get certified in it. If you do not get certified within those 42 days you can be terminated from your job. There are tons of ways to get fired from Taco Bell such as getting bad review in loop feedback, not having a neat and groomed appearance, etc. I have taken notes due to all the ways one can get fired from Taco Bell. I am going to call tomorrow to see if Desiree is at the store and if she is, going to walk down there in the morning hopefully when it is cool. I think it is supposed to be in the 80s tomorrow. Today it was 91 here for the high and I was not walking in that heat. Hopefully things go well but it seems like I might not start anything, work or orientation wise until next week.

I am trying to get on a schedule. No daytime naps, going to bed around 10:00 PM EST and getting up in the morning around 6:30-7AM EST. It is sometimes difficult as my dog sometimes insists on going potty at 1-2 AM when he went out at 10PM EST. It will be difficult for him as he has never been alone before and it has me feeling bad but he has to get used to it...we both have to get used to it. After three years I finally have my dog back home with me as well. He had to go live with my grandmother for a while due to issues with a neighbor that lived next door to me. I got him back on June 2, 2021 but my, he sure loves my grandmother when she comes over. He gets all excited. He does have a habit of pooping or peeing in the apartment despite potty pads. I am thinking I'll have to try those grass potty pads and see if those work any better. I'd rather not have to use baking soda to clean up pee on the carpet. Why is that apartments who have tenants with pets and children cannot have hardwood floors instead of carpet? Then it wouldn't be so bad.

I have a diary, two actually, that are regular journals, but despite trying to journal online in the past, the sites usually get shut down. I hope that everything goes okay with this job and that I like it. I plan on doing my best. As for this journal, I will try to update it every day...I know I don't do so with my writing or art threads but I find writing to be therapeutic and it is my hope that journaling online here and in my diaries at home will help.

 

[scorpiodragon]

July 28, 2021​

Dear Byzantine-Diary Entry 2

A long walk today. What should theoretically be a 13 minute walk from my apartment complex to work took me a total of 23 minutes and 05 seconds which included the couple breaks I took on the bridge. I made it though and it's the first of hopefully many times walking down to work. I had to go down so a manager could get my renewed state ID and my social security card to copy.

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When I arrived there, the doors were locked but one of the employees let me in, asking who I was. They then notified another manager, Tanner, I was there and he took me to the office to copy my ID and social security card. I should get a call from him or Desiree in the next two days about orientation. I then tried calling a taxi but the first two times it didn't go through and then when I called the number without the '1' in front of the area code, they picked up but could not pick me up as they didn't have a taxi available. However, Tanner asked one of the workers to bring me home which was nice of him. I apologized about my ID and he said he didn't even know about it but Desiree figured it out when she was trying to put something in. I'm not sure what that something was though as I did not ask. I guess that was a time when they were busy cleaning the store and preparing for the lunch rush. Apparently there is a national shortage of food because there was a notice on the door about it and that Taco Bell apologized if a customer's current craving was out of stock. Like their naked chicken is out of stock at the moment or at least it was as of July 18, 2021. I did not really look to be honest when I arrived, I was just glad for the coolness inside the restaurant and a chance at a break. If the taxi cannot even pick me up some days, I may just have to suck it up and make the climb back up the bloody steep hill home...on a road that has no streetlights nor sidewalk. Well, maybe next week I will start orientation.

 

[scorpiodragon]

August 4, 2021​

Dear Byzantine-Diary Entry 3

I got a call from Desiree (the woman who hired me at Taco Bell) sometime this morning which I got only after waking up from my nap. My sleep schedule is all sorts of messed up now which is unfortunate. She called, mentioning she had hired me on July 18th and that she hadn't heard from me in a while so was wondering if I was still interested in the position at Taco Bell. I called her back and spoke to an employee who asked for my first name and then I guess she asked Desiree before relaying the information to me about coming in tomorrow at 11AM EST. The woman I talked to, likely an employee, said if I get there before 11AM then the lobby will be locked but just knock on the door and they'll let me in. See, they apparently lock the lobby around 10AM but around 1PM EST (at least on July 18th 2021 when I had my interview) it was open so maybe they close it for cleaning and such. So tomorrow I am just going to wear a pair of work pants, a tunic and my work shoes as I don't know if its training or just orientation. Desiree didn't say and she didn't talk to me today about it as I talked to I believe an employee. Grandmother thinks it is weird that I didn't talk to Desiree or Tanner today like I usually do. It'll be a long walk down and since taxi is unreliable, that'll probably mean a long walk back home...up a bloody steep hill.

 

[scorpiodragon]

August 5, 2021​

Dear Byzantine-Diary Entry 4

Got to work a little after 11 AM. A man in a jeep picked me up on the bridge and it took forever to get into the vehicle due to it being high and my not having the physical upper body strength of a normal person. Lost a hair tie on the way to work. Worked 4 hours and 24 minutes today and that was just watching videos and taking e-courses. Grandmother is going to hem my pants tonight as they are a little long in the legs and she is going to bring them in tomorrow after I get off work. I think it's bad when your legs are shaking when you're bent over on the sidewalk, trying to fix your pants so they don't get ruined. Tomorrow I will have to just put my hair tie in my purse and leave earlier, around 7 AM maybe to get to work on time since I do not drive nor have a license. It means I walk to work because taxi isn't reliable. They haven't called me back despite leaving a voice message but maybe it will be cooler tomorrow.

I did get a soda today (Pepsi) but no food. Legs are a bit shaky from that walk earlier and the chair in the office is uncomfortable but grandmom picked me up from work today. She was in town and got there in 5 minutes. Outlaw was thrilled to see me and thrilled to see grandmom, he got in her car. She told me he needs to come down for a visit and I said yes. Not sure when that will be though. No pee accidents, only poop which is easy enough to clean up sot hat is good. Means he is hopefully using the potty pads or learning to hold his pee. I have dishes to do and I don't even want to do them. My feet hurt, those work shoes aren't easy to walk in down the street. I know on Saturday, I start officially on Saturday but don't yet know my schedule, that I will be sadly walking home which I am not looking forward to. Taxi doesn't work on Saturdays and Sundays. I don't know if I will work the same hours tomorrow as I only have 13 questions left to finish on the ecourses it looks like. I got 1 work shirt (3x) but they'll have to order some others for me, a hat and an apron. Tomorrow I can come to work in regular clothing which is nice.

 

[scorpiodragon]

August 6, 2021​

Dear Byzantine-Diary Entry 4

Today I took a taxi to work. They said once I get a schedule, they can get me on their schedule to be a reoccuring thing. However, as the weekend is tomorrow I must walk to work and home which I am not looking forward to doing. The walk down, once you get past that little steepness on Parkway Drive isn't so bad as it's all downhill from there but the climb up that hill is a bitch, and no sidewalk or streetlights makes it horrible. I have no idea what I will do when daylight savings time ends and it gets dark earlier or in the winter as I do not walk well once ice and am a natural klutz due to having no balance and no hand-eye coordination at all.



I completed my computer courses today and then had my grandmother pick me up. Tomorrow, as there is no taxi, I must walk to work and back home. Likewise for Sunday. On top of that, I have a meeting at JFS in my county for August 10th at 9AM for an appraisal. I do not yet know my schedule for the 10th onward as it only goes to the 9th so I may have to reschedule that appointment at JFS. I also do not know when I have off work either but understand that I am in training. Above is my schedule until the 9th of August.

Work is a killer. I come home, take my dog out, then crash until I wake up. Then get up at 7AM the next morning to take Outlaw out, get showered and dressed. I am glad I got to get a taxi down to work today. They said that once I have a schedule, then they can work with me on getting me on a regular occurrence which would be nice. I worked 4 hours 56 minutes today and that brings me up to a total of 9 hours and 20 minutes so far.

 

[scorpiodragon]

August 10, 2021​

Dear Byzantine-Diary Entry 5

I had to go home early on August 7th due to getting diarrhea at work and my stomach being upset. My manager Desiree, she's the assistant gm and the one who hired me, took me home at 4 so I had to break in, then clock out at 4 pm est. That day I did some more cashing money in the back window and also packaged cinnamon twists and chips. Three trays of cinnamon twists and two trays of chips. I also dated them. I'd rather do that then collect money in all honesty. I think it might have been the cheese sauce that did me in.

I was still feeling bad so I called off yesterday. I don't think they were happy as it is only my 4th day of training. Then when I called back to ask if I work today (8/9) the woman I talked to seem upset and said I had off today. I work tomorrow from 10 AM to 5 PM EST. My stomach still feels a bit bad but I'm going in to work tomorrow regardless. I don't want to lose this job as Taco Bell is the only company to give me a chance and grandmother said if I call off again, they will fire me for sure.

I called the taxi service and they can take me to work at 9:30 AM tomorrow which means I get there half an hour early. However, I have to walk home which sucks because they do not pick up at 5pm and they don't apparently even pick up at 4:30 PM. The schedule is always full at 3pm as they are picking up people from their jobs and they said the last time they could potentially pick me up would be at 2:30 PM EST. I cannot imagine that going down well with Tanner or Desiree, my managers at Taco Bell. As usual, I have no clue as to my schedule for the rest of the week nor next week.

I had to go to JFS today to do an appraisal for food stamps. They put the date wrong and it was meant to be tomorrow. I told them I could not go tomorrow so had them reschedule. So far, my reschedule date is next Wednesday, August 18th 2021 at 9AM, but like grandmother said...if I do not have off that day then I will just have to tell JFS that I am trying to work and don't have a definite schedule. They'll just have to deal with it and I did the reapplication thing last month so why the fuck do I need to do a damn appraisal in August? I do not recommend one...moving to my town and two...not working at Taco Bell. The next job I get, I'm going to find one that gives me a consistent schedule.

 

[scorpiodragon]

August 11, 2021​

Dear Byzantine-Diary Entry 6

I had a difficult time at work today. The computer crashed on me when I was trying to process payment for someone's order so I was sent to do dishes instead. Then it crashed again when I was out at work but I ended up quitting just a few minutes ago and have to take my uniform in at some point which consists of the hat, apron and shirts I got from Taco Bell. They use military time (the 24-hour clock) instead of a normal American time. Yes Taco Bell is American as they were created in California in 1962 by a man named Glen Bell. Desiree didn't tell me that I had to do things before I could clock out of work. Nobody has been cashing me out at work before I leave and yet they expect to do it now when I am ... was ... still in training. They do that after I go home. I went over to Burger King to get lunch since I got sick from eating at Taco Bell on August 8th. Two people also had to go home sick today, possibly due to the potatoes. At least that was what Tanner said. Anyway, I get back to Taco Bell and am sitting down to eat some more lunch. I'm not there even 5 minutes before Tanner asks if I am done eating. I was like 'yeah'. He's like 'okay, well it's time to clock back in'. I got break (which is 30 minutes) at 13:51. It's a 2 minute walk to BK from TB and there wasn't a line there but I inputted the time into a timer online (once I looked up 13:51 in relation to American time) and it said my time ended at 2:21 PM. I was probably in Burger King for maybe 5-10 minutes and then went back to Taco Bell. I hadn't even sat down for 5 minutes and then I had to break in back to work, thereby putting my food within my backpack.

Then, when I ended up getting ready to leave, I was told by Desiree that you aren't allowed to just clock out. You have to check the dishes and do any dirty dishes, check the chips and cinnamon twists and I guess package those for the night shift, etc. So I did not clock out until 5:41 PM EST. I was pissed and muttering to myself the entire time. Had a really sour day today. Since the taxi is about useless as shit here, it meant I was walking home. The taxi service is no longer operating from 8 AM to 5 PM, instead they don't even pick up people past 3 PM to take home. And the 3 PM is already full. I told them I couldn't work weekends and they scheduled me for Saturday and Sunday regardless this week. Plus they don't even really give you any training. I got 2 hours learning the menu after the two days of doing nothing but watching stupid videos to get certified and then they put me on the cash register. I can't even count the coin roll up things due to not being great at math so need help and I can't help thinking they were annoyed by that but it might just be me. That computer was always crashing it seemed when I was on break. So I didn't clock out today until 5:41 PM EST and was on my way home when my aunt spotted me and took me home where I talked to her about it. She agreed it was ridiculous and then I said she could tell my grandmother about it and she called me when I got home. My aunt said this town needs 24/7 transportation or at least transportation that lasts longer than 5 pm or more transportation options.

Wasn't expecting my aunt to pick me up from work, much less be in town. She offered me a ride home so I took it. My dog was happy to see me though. Got a renewed appointment with JFS about that dumb food stamps appraisal bullshit on the 18th of August at 9AM. They better fucking be there. I don't have time to be going there every bloody week. Grandmom thinks I need a job with computers, something I could do from home that is computer based since I am most comfortable with computers. Since, you know you have to work for your food stamps which they lower anyway when you have a job. I mean hell, our city has a fucking railroad that has the occasional freight train come by but how difficult is it to put in a passenger train service?

 

[scorpiodragon]

September 13, 2021​

Dear Byzantine-Diary Entry 7

I quit my job at Taco Bell the night of August 11th and just got my Wisely Pay card yesterday in the mail after throwing the original out when I quit my job. So I got my payment on there from work and activated my new card before putting it into my purse. I did a stupid JFS thing where I had to go in and register at Ohio Means Jobs since you're required to be working to pay back food stamps or your food stamps get cut off but the letter wasn't postmarked until August 26th and I was scheduled 12 hours (Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday) for the week of August 18th. So I threw that out as I didn't get that until September. Have yet to get anything for September yet but you gotta do 12 hours a month of 'looking' for jobs when I can just as easily do that at home or they 'cut your food stamps off' for three months. Yeah, they've never done that before when I was living at my grandmother's concerning my not working for food stamps before.

So, on September 27th at 10:15 AM EST I have got a stupid appointment with HUD where they come and inspect my apartment. Pretty sure I was good until May of next year but whatever...all they will be doing is checking that the burners on my oven work and smoke detectors and plugs work. Then that will cover me, assuming I pass which I should, until the next year. Bad enough I had to tenant recertification I think this month as well when I went to pay my rent. Turned in my uniform as well. People should realize that this is America and we aren't taught military time, at least I was not taught it in school. Don't put your bloody clock in/clock out time in military's time. Put it in the time Americans use which is...imperial I think? Grandmother says the hospital uses military time or at least Fairfield Medical Center in Lancaster does as she worked there as a nurse assistant.

I called Heathwood on August 30th. They said I am still on the waitlist for a Petunia (that's an all electric apartment) and that they guessed 2-4 months before I could get a place which is something, considering I've been on the waitlist for an apartment for perhaps a year now. Which means, according to my counting, hopefully between September 30th to December 30th 2021. Hoping so, I'll have more opportunities for jobs then and will be able to get a second pet for Outlaw as well as finally begin to hopefully, with God's help, get my driver license next year. I just got to put in the effort to begin studying for my driving permit. That's the next thing to become fully independent.

 

[scorpiodragon]

September 30, 2021​

Dear Byzantine-Diary Entry 8

What prompts someone to vacuum at 11:36 PM EST in the evening? Seriously, that's what happened last night with my neighbor in 35 who had friends over and acting like monkeys. Why doesn't American construction companies make apartments sound proof like happens in Turkey? This one building I live in is old so it has thin walls and poor insulation. I always need to have my heat jacked up to 80 and I'm still shivering. Whoever made this apartment building didn't think things through when making them. Yet my bedroom heats up just fine on whatever temperature because the thermostat numbers have been worn down since I moved in three years ago. I gotta order checks this month to pay rent for November 2021 onwards, however I could technically set up an account and pay online-as they apartment complex finally got something where tenants could potentially pay online finally. No availability information yet from Heathwood Apartments...but now the price for Petunia (all electric 1 bedroom) matches the price for the Begonia (which I think is gas) totaling $680 a month. If this price gets any bloody higher, I will not be able to move to Licking County where my mother and siblings live. HUD in Licking County only pays you like $714 a month for a 1-bedroom and very few places in Licking County offer HUD based housing and everything is so insanely high. Grandmother is going to be gone for a week, I don't know where, but she's going to be gone for a week so it's good I stocked up on food while I could last month. Her friend, Alvin, from when she lived in Maine is meant to be coming to Ohio for a couple of days I guess. They haven't seen each other since grandmother moved to Maine decades ago. Hud inspection went well and I passed though my dog was not happy about being locked in his cage while the person was here. He growled and barked and glared daggers at the man as he moved anywhere throughout the house within Outlaw's sight anyway...his cage is in my bedroom. It has been relatively nice here...rainy sadly but it has for a couple days been cool in Ohio which is nice with it being autumn. Yesterday was warm surprisingly which was a nice change but the nights are getting colder.

 

[scorpiodragon]

October 2, 2021​

Dear Byzantine-Diary Entry 9

So I rarely role play anymore. Either I am too stuck in niches that nobody else is interested in or I am just too old to rp at 34 years of age. I'm not as young as I used to be when I could turn out multi-paragraph posts in an hour either for multiple characters at that. Any 1x1 rps I have been in have gone stale...like these 1x1 zombie rps I'm in...they haven't been active in months due to waiting for one person to come back to the rp. Another three 1x1 rps-one is on haitus due to my friend not knowing how to continue with that for a while and the other two...well he's in the army so that isn't bad. Another rp carried over from dead Clover Hills reboot that failed fantastically...one has some mental issues which is okay...I understand that so it sometimes takes months for responses and the other one is busy with work and such. I don't do group rps due to they never last, either due to shitty gms who balk and drop off the face of the earth with no warning and not having staff, or they never pick up to begin with or they just die due to lack of interest after I join. Any group rps I do join, I usually find myself not interacted with at all and relegated to the sidelines until I end up leaving. There is this one rp I am in on discord, an RP called Home, I sometimes debate leaving and am only there for a few people but I feel unwanted there...maybe because everyone is 18-29 age range and aside from me, there is only one other 30+ year old in that 18+ discord rp server.

I haven't been doing much drawing or map making lately though I do have the south american continent that is part of Ospar region to complete with the routs and settlements and such. Plus gotta get out the remaining gyms, geography, landmarks, pokedex, etc. But I have also got several other pokedexs for fake regions to do as well. I have some ideas on my desktop but I have yet to attempt drawing them, much less deciding their typings, pokedex entries, etc. I am rewriting this chapter one for a fanfiction story I call Haunted Howls for like the 5th time and it's a story I've been struggling with getting off the ground since...maybe a year ago? I put what I had written for it into another document which will about Harry's time at this international camp for pureblood and half-blood children (muggleborns are not allowed) where Harry is bitten by two werewolves (a Hungarian werewolf and an American werewolf-the American werewolf is killed by a wizard counselor at the camp). It's a challenge on Potions and Snitches, a site dedicated to Gen Harry Potter x Severus (no slash between Severus and Harry is allowed which is disgusting due to the age difference but then I find some of those professor x student relationships or student x adult relationships in Harry Potter fandom disgusting like Hermione getting together with Snape or god forbid Lucius or the fanfiction trope that puts Harry and Voldemort as lovers or secret husbands due to some fucked up prophecy). Digital drawing...I haven't done that in ages. I'm not good at it. I know if I try, I'll get better at it over time but I just don't...heck I can't even make my traditional drawings good...and digital drawings are just horrible. That's the only good thing about being a novice artist, nobody is going to dream of stealing my stuff though I am glad that deviantart is doing something to protect artists from having their work stolen and passed off as other peoples'. That's the bad thing about putting your stuff on the internet, people can just find it and claim it as their own.

I need to work more on JOF. I might use the novella that takes place in 306 Year of the Otter (516 years before the twins' journey/500 years before the twins' birth) as my NANO for next month (that takes place from November 1st to November 30th) every year. Maybe I will actually get something done this time for Nano that is complete though as Nano is a 50,000 word novel and this is a novella and boy is there so much conflicting info on what qualifies as a short story, novella and novel out there on the internet; I might need to do two projects. Another thing I need to get back into besides drawing is working on JOF, considering I've been working on JOF since 2018 and fanfiction. I got Unorthodox Guardian that I haven't updated since June 12, 2021. Gaming is going okay. I'm on part 4 of streaming Assassin's Creed Odyssey which means I had to begin a new game but now I got an alicorn (pegasus x unicorn cross) instead of a unicorn and the alicorn uses its wings to slow the descent off high places. Shame it doesn't fly though. Also streaming Last of Us Part II and got the first part of that done but man am I not looking forward to the Rat King part later on in the game, that thing freaks me out. I hope they make another Last of Us game, either a third one or even a prequel with Joel. He didn't deserve to die like that if you ask me, getting his brains bashed out by Abby. I hate that fucking bitch. Hate playing her as well...hate having to kill Alice (the dog). Really hate how Abby doesn't get offed at the end of the story, considering how that was the fucking entire point of the game (well revenge I think was the point) but that was the intended conclusion. Doesn't mean the actress who voices Abby deserves death threats, asshole people who are too attached to a video game character. Jesus, it's like all those assholes who gave Scott Cawthorn death threats for supporting certain groups and caused him to retire from FNAF though he did say that he was retiring to spend more time with family...I imagine those death threats contributed to his decision. Who knows if FNAF Security Breach will even come out anymore with Scott's retirement? That reminds me, I wanna get into animation and making videos of my FNAF songs I've made....though only one is complete and is on my writing blog.

I do not waste my time bumping my RP interest check for Last of Us Ascension since I can tell nobody here is interested in it, despite putting all that effort into the website and the discord server. Maybe people are just not interested here about the Last of Us, considering it would be original characters only and is an 18+ server due to RPN restricts how graphic you can be because of all the children on this website. Some would say I need to outright start messaging random people but I find that desperate and weird. So...the rp will never take off or happen sadly which is disappointing, but then most rp ideas I like (like Fruits Basket) never take off or die. I don't waste my time with group role plays due to the above listed reasons. What's the point when it will likely fail and I may be relegated to the sidelines? Group rps that have already started...they remind of high school and seem like cliques...there's already a repertoire between people from the beginning and I feel weird butting in. Like with Home, I try getting people to interact with my character Lettice and nobody ends up interested or responding so I don't waste my time and just stick with a few people to rp with. So I made Lettice get kidnapped by one of the trio that harasses her and she'll be missing until at least October 11, 2021 or possibly longer, depends on when I decide to bring her back to the rp.

 

[scorpiodragon]

October 8, 2021​

Dear Byzantine-Diary Entry 10

My sister went into labor on the 6th of October 2021 and her water broke around 6:46 AM yesterday morning. She gave birth to a girl who I have nicknamed Sprout. As her miscarried sibling was named little peanut. My sister apparently had to go the bathroom at the hospital and her water decided to break then and she was given an epidural and induced. She gave birth at the local hospital in Newark and it was a rough labor but she has had a rough pregnancy due to low blood. The baby is a girl and her name is Sawyer Olivia Gray. My sister had to get induced and got an epidural. She got up at 6:46 AM yesterday to go the bathroom and her water broke. Sprout was born being 19.5 inches long and 7 lbs 4 oz. My sister has apparently nicknamed Sprout Jellybean. Hank, sister's...boyfriend...not sure what he is and the baby's father couldn't get off work but hopefully my sister and Sprout can go home today.

 

[scorpiodragon]

October 10, 2021​

Dear Byzantine-Diary Entry 11

I have fucking had it. I have officially left the rp I mentioned in an above entry called Home, discord server. Unfortunately, this means ruining peoples' plans (like with my cult) but have asked them to contact Dure to let him know I left and tell the mods to remove my cult, beasts and the info I gave on the nether realm (what I call the afterlife) in that rp. I said they could continue our rps if they want offline in dms but it's fine if they do not. I'm just...I cannot stand the lack of creativity, the feeling of being unwanted and unwelcome there, the fact that the gm pulled me and four others into a selective mandatory meeting and seemed like she was threatening me by saying she didn't trust me at all because I tried to help out someone else and now these rules about how 'no character is immune to death' and 'you need to make npc sheets for all your npcs because this is an adventurer guild'...yeah that pretty much destroyed any inclinations of hanging on there for Dure, Hayate and Kat. I don't like people offing my characters...that shit isn't happening. I rarely join stuff if there's a chance my characters can be killed off. If I want a character to die I will do so on my terms.

Anyway, on a lighter note...I have not been drawing. Been taking a break and haven't realized it's been four days since I did Inktober. I'll have a lot of drawing to do to get caught up. Sprout and her mom are home as they went home yesterday. I am happy though! I am in a warrior cats group rp which seems friendly and though it just started it's on RPN and seems like a nice place. Gives me something to do.

 

[scorpiodragon]

October 12, 2021​

Dear Byzantine-Diary Entry 12

Apparently others have also left the discord server Home which I find amusing. Including Dure who apparently followed me out but the two of us are continuing our lovely drama-free story between his npc royal guard, eh former royal guard, and my mother and son who are the sister and nephew of my first character. We both wanted to continue it so I made a server for us and I…feel better now that I have left. I also let another friend join to continue our story with our npcs as well. Oh and apparently the Gm of the server is or was talking about me behind my back, and dure’s as well, saying we caused trouble. Heck, kat and I were moved, according to what I was told from the gm because we cause conflict. Ugh…this is why I don’t RP with kids, minors or college brats. But it was mainly the fact that my characters could be killed off that made me leave. One of the members from the home server messaged me, asking why I had left so I explained why, how I did not feel welcome there and the new rules in place did not sit right with me. I guess, according to kat, others will be messaging me, I don’t know who or why as kat has not said. I did find out why dure left though, they added me as a friend on discord and asked if I were okay.

So, yesterday I went to bed early! Of course I am awake at the moment due to needing to go to the bathroom and take my dog potty. And I did six drawings for inktober after getting up yesterday morning. That’s days six to ten plus the one for yesterday. Pressure really gave me some issues so I had to look up examples and the definition. There were traced and drawn, like all but one lemon but I did draw the watch, one lemon, spirit and…I think something else? Oh, I drew fan and pick as well. So technically only the lemons and blood pressure cuff were traced. I date that stuff twice, once with the day of the prompt and the date I drew them. I also sign them too and hastag them.

I got a letter from Hud the other day, saying they now do inspections via a third party through contracting and have an inspection on October 25th 2931 which makes zero sense to me as I had an inspection on September 27th. I might need to call and ask about that as they only do or did one inspection a year and it makes no sense to do two. I need to once more get on a sleep schedule. Working at least sent me to bed for all evening and got me on a schedule. Nothing from heathwood yet, they say no availability and jacked the price up to $680 a month when it was $642 a month in American currency. Hope it goes down again, hope it is soon.

 

[Purr]

Hello there, scorpiodragon! I have read your wishes for this thread and I will abide by them. =)

I'm Dannigan! I have a question for you if you don't mind?

So I rarely role play anymore. Either I am too stuck in niches that nobody else is interested in or I am just too old to rp at 34 years of age.

Some of the coolest and finest role-players I have met or gamed are almost twice that age. This includes the best Dungeon Master I ever met! This also includes great lovers of roleplaying games like Kevin Siembieda who started Palladium Roleplaying Games way back in the 1980s (or was it late 1970s?). Now there's a guy who is definitely not 34 years old anymore. =)

One of my favorite fantasy writers who goes by the name of Piers Anthony celebrated his 87th birthday this year! No one could get him to stop loving and writing about fantasy if they tried. Some did try, but as a true believer of fantasy and Make-Believe, he defied them all and he is writing his wonderful Xanth novels to this day! Ha ha!

So why, at only 34, do you think you're too old to role-play, scorpiodragon?

Honor and fun,
Dann =)

 

[scorpiodragon]

October 17, 2021​

Dear Byzantine-Diary Entry 13

Firs off, welcome Dannigan to the journal and thank you for respecting my words at the top of the first diary entry. I have never heard of either this Piers Anthony nor their series mentioned called Xanth or the role player you speak of called Kevin Siembieda before but I do not admitabley not get into DND table top role plays. I doubt that this is a thing here where I live. I cannot believe this author is writing at eighty-seven years old to this day. But I don't usually look at the ages of the authors or try to go through the math of trying to figure out how old they were either but sometimes I am shocked by how old someone is when looking them up. As for your question concerning why I think I am too old to role play at thirty-four years of age? Well, it's just role playing and me never seem to work out, either in 1x1s or group rps. Especially with group role plays, I find people tend to be either minors which is...shady and a bit creepy or they are in the college-kid age range at 18-25 or 18-29 years of age. With the niches I am in, I also feel like I am out of touch with what people like or that people do not like the niches I like, which is why there is difficulty finding people to role play with. RPN for example, isn't like chicken smoothie where you know the majority of the clientele is going to be pre-teens and adolescents on the internet role playing and that's certainly a website I no longer waste my time with either despite having...I don't know how many accounts on there due to forgetting my usernames half the time.

That being against site rules on Chicken Smoothie as well but that is besides the point. Like, I no longer boost my interest check for role playing simply because nobody is interested in the two fandom plots I have there nor interested in the little niches (like Wolf's Rain anime) for example and of course Fruits Basket rp never lasts on here. Harry Potter is another genre I don't usually rp in despite liking it but those don't last long here on this forum. I don't get the fascination with some of these kids' tropes today like My Hero Academia. I've heard about it but can't get into it and that seems popular on RPNation. Or with Warrior Cats on feralfront before they shut it down without any real warning, however roleplaying that fandom is something I have learned to like, hence why I am in the warrior cat rp on RPN that I mentioned above. Funny how the bear series and survivor series about dogs by Erin Hunter are not popular and I have only read one bear book in the Seekers series and one of Warrior Cats or Survivors. Perhaps I just got into the role playing game too late as I had only heard of DND tabletop rp when I was...maybe 18 or 19? And then didn't get into role playing on a forum until around 2015. I've tried coming up with ideas but I either lose muse for them after a while or people just simply stop responding, despite in my opinion, being one of the better gms out there at least when it comes to this website.

That and there are a lot of role plays that seem to be 1x1 now a days. Or their GMs do not know how to plan out a storyline at all and remain an active part of it. Or the people end up leaving or it never takes off the ground at all even with people interested in it. Currently I have...

• My Haunted Howls private 1x1 here that just got back up and started in PMs as the person we were waiting on came back so hopefully our other 5 1x1 rps will come back soon, once this person gets back into the swing of role playing.
• Warriors: Beyond the Stars is my only active group rp on here
• My 1x1 rp on discord between Dure and I (the one between Dure's former royal guard and my mother & son)
• My 1x1 rp on discord between Kat and I dealing my Elijah and her Ella who are going to be forced to marry due to Idris (Eli's grandfather)
• Dure invited me to a server they and some friends made on discord of which I have a ton of characters (which means too many tuppers-I hate tupper by the way, such a pain in the neck to figure out)
• Flowering Kitten (between a role player named Strade on Inner Sanctum-an adult 18+ rp website) which combines two pairings (serial killer x victim & master x pet where their half-demon character kidnaps my nekojin girl. A very dark rp and my more active of the two on that adult rp website.
• Beneath the Blue Moon (between a role player named Forgotten Soul on Inner Sanctum-an adult 18+ rp website though last response was Wednesday) which is about my half-kitsune being a breeder to a tribe of anthro wolves (15 wolves) after their pack and all females were wiped out in a plague.

Hopefully this can answer your question. Or am I just rambling again as usual?

On a side note, Inktober has been going...okay. There are days I do not draw back to back and then that forces me to draw several drawings in a day to catch up. Such as I need to do drawings for Days 15-17 today. They are Helmet (Day 15), Compass (Day 16) and Collision (Day 17). I was also going to do two fakemon things this month for drawing as well but forgot about them. Not to mention next month is Nano and I haven't yet planned out or decided what to do besides my JOF novella that takes place in 306 of Year of the Otter during War of Bone Lake. There is a lot to do in the span of...oh my gosh I only have 1 week after this and Nano starts?! Oh jeeze. What do I do there? Do I continue trying to work on Hocking Serial like I have been attempting for these past few years with Nano or go to something completely different? Since I'll be working on two projects, I need something that I will be interested in doing and completing.

See, I was going to do these as well for drawing: Fakemon Art Challenge (for Faketober) and Fakeathon (Around the World) this month as well but forgot about them both. They seem really cool and it will give me more fakemon for my numerous pokemon regions. On a side note, I wrote a good chunk of a song I made up for an rp between myself and Bel in the server Dure and their friends made. Which is good. It's not complete but it was enough for the server and Bel seems to like it.

Gaming wise...I streamed Last of Us II: Part 2 yesterday and when I found out I could yeet Abby off the cliff overlooking Jackson Community, I did that a couple times just to satisify my desire to kill her. I already know how the game ends which is disappointing in that Abby is not murdered at all by Ellie. But I did manage to get that taken care of. No update for Assassin's Creed Odyssey yet. I have two loads of laundry to do and haven't done them yet. Don't feel like doing them but at the same time, I have to do them regardless. I hate doing laundry...but it's better than dishes which I also must do today. The weather is cold today for once, at least it was cold last night which was nice and cold this morning. I got my AC on though because it is hot in my apartment and no, my heat is not on and hasn't been on. This apartment just has shitty insulation and the days lately have been rather warm. If you want the song I posted for Bel that my vampire character sang (he's a singer and performer) then let me know and I'll post what I wrote.

 

[Purr]

Firs off, welcome Dannigan to the journal and thank you for respecting my words at the top of the first diary entry.

Thank you, you're welcome, and you deserve it!

I have never heard of either this Piers Anthony nor their series mentioned called Xanth...

(ellipsis mine)

I cannot believe this author is writing at eighty-seven years old to this day.

Oh, don't just take my word for it - read his newsletter and see for yourself! Piers Anthony is fantastic in the truest sense of the word!

But I don't usually look at the ages of the authors or try to go through the math of trying to figure out how old they were either but sometimes I am shocked by how old someone is when looking them up.

Why is age so important to you? I've played with folks with whom I got along with - things like age, gender, etc. don't really matter to me. Having character matters to me. I'm impressed with things like mature-mindedness and integrity. Has age played some part in roleplays of your past perhaps? What if you didn't know their ages at all? (if you don't mind my asking - I don't mean to pry; I am a naturally-curious person who doesn't mean any harm. I just don't recall meeting anyone with whom age was a strong factor in roleplayer-preference although I'm sure they're out there). =)

With the niches I am in, I also feel like I am out of touch with what people like or that people do not like the niches I like, which is why there is difficulty finding people to role play with.

Hmm! I think I can relate with that. I've only met a handful of people who say they've seen Fruits Basket (I watched the whole thing once with friends years ago and still laugh at some of the good-natured silliness). The two guy college students who suddenly start mock-flirting with each other and laughing about it while the third one looks on in dismay saying something to the effect of, "That joke never gets old with you two." =)

That being against site rules on Chicken Smoothie as well but that is besides the point.

I've never even heard of Chicken Smoothie. What an odd name!

Harry Potter is another genre I don't usually rp in despite liking it but those don't last long here on this forum. I don't get the fascination with some of these kids' tropes today like My Hero Academia. I've heard about it but can't get into it and that seems popular on RPNation.

Yeah, but I'm glad you made the effort and tried. =)

Or with Warrior Cats on feralfront before they shut it down without any real warning, however roleplaying that fandom is something I have learned to like, hence why I am in the warrior cat rp on RPN that I mentioned above.

I'm glad you're roleplaying, scorpiodragon! Given how busy your journal here is, I think it's important to have positive outlets and good things to think about, especially when life is throwing challenge after challenge at you. Roleplaying is my favorite hobby and I've met lots of cool people through it. Like you!

Perhaps I just got into the role playing game too late as I had only heard of DND tabletop rp when I was...maybe 18 or 19?

No way! I've helped folks twice that age (and older) learn about roleplaying. For me, it's not about the age of the person - it's about their ability to play "Make-Believe" or "Let's Pretend." A person can have that at any age (as I'm sure Piers Anthony has shown). I think it's never too late to try and learn how to be creative - I think it's part of being human! =)

(which means too many tuppers-I hate tupper by the way, such a pain in the neck to figure out)

What's a tupper, please? That's a new word for me.

Hopefully this can answer your question. Or am I just rambling again as usual?

It does! And I don't mind your rambling. I ramble too!

There is a lot to do in the span of...oh my gosh I only have 1 week after this and Nano starts?! Oh jeeze. What do I do there? Do I continue trying to work on Hocking Serial like I have been attempting for these past few years with Nano or go to something completely different? Since I'll be working on two projects, I need something that I will be interested in doing and completing.

That's the beauty of NaNo! Last I knew, it's pretty much whatever you want! Sounds like you're on the right track in finding out from what you typed here. =)

Gaming wise...I streamed Last of Us II: Part 2 yesterday...

(ellipsis mine)
You stream video games too? Then you have more than answered my question, scorpiodragon; you've set my heart at ease. Looks to me that you'll be into writing and gaming and everything that makes you happy until you're well past Piers Anthony's age! Ha ha! From reading your journal posts, I wasn't sure you had a positive outlet. Not only do you have many, but you're pretty active in them! I think that's great. =)

I hate doing laundry...but it's better than dishes which I also must do today.

Years ago, a professional and published author gave me some advice which helps me with my own chores. "Don't be so quick to reward yourself." When I asked her to elaborate, she went into detail about how many people get home and begin doing what they want as opposed to what they should (which in her case sometimes was completing her writing work). So she got into the habit of taking care of what she needed to do in the sense of "earning her playtime." Sometimes I catch myself doing it too. And besides, when I know that my chores are done, I find my mind a little more free and relaxed to enjoy whatever it is I'm in the mood to do! =)

If you want the song I posted for Bel that my vampire character sang (he's a singer and performer) then let me know and I'll post what I wrote.

If it makes you happy to share it, then I'll gladly listen!

But for now, see you, scorpiodragon!

Honor and fun,
Dann =)

 

[scorpiodragon]

October 18, 2021​

Dear Byzantine-Diary Entry 14

Yesterday was a long day. Grandmom got me at 12:04 pm est and we drove to mom’s, passing beaver run and going further to get to union st, then cut onto canyon. Thankfully did not run over chickens, they were hiding under the porch. They have four roosters, mom and Scott do. A chicken coop is set up in the shed.

My sister Justine, she came over for a bit. She does not like babies. She held it and, it went red a lot so she asked if the baby was okay, if it was breathing and alive. She prefers toddlers. I refused to hold the baby, as I didn’t want to break her and the baby’s mom has been rather…snippy in terms of anyone holding the baby. I eventually did hold it towards the end and mom took a couple pics of me, saying I was beaming when holding the baby. I was uncomfortable with Scott’s dad and stepmother there. Didn’t even recognize Sprout’s dad as he shaved his beard and cut his hair. Found out they got rid of Cheesy (well it was called Cheddar) as my sister Alexus couldn’t handle it anymore. Got some snacks and my dog, laundry a bag and came to grandmom’s last night. Ordered some checks as I ran out and might need to take my dog to the vet to get his nails cut. Nothing from either Heathwood or Hopewell Cottages. But Scott said good luck getting in there, it’s tough to get into heathwood so I might be stuck here at my place another year.

Why is age so important to you? I've played with folks with whom I got along with - things like age, gender, etc. don't really matter to me. Having character matters to me. I'm impressed with things like mature-mindedness and integrity. Has age played some part in roleplays of your past perhaps? What if you didn't know their ages at all? (if you don't mind my asking - I don't mean to pry; I am a naturally-curious person who doesn't mean any harm. I just don't recall meeting anyone with whom age was a strong factor in roleplayer-preference although I'm sure they're out there). =)

Well with role playing it is for my own safety as a person in their 30s and minors safety. Even when I was 18 and friends with a 13-year-old I met on Xanga, my grandmother told me to be careful. We lost contact as AIM and Xanga (a blog site) died. That was my task first experience with the world of online chatting and messaging services like AIM and then Yahoo Messenger. Now it’s WhatsApp but was Skype and MSN. AIM was/is AOL’s instant messenger. Yes, I am that old in that I used disk to much of my life as a child and can remember AOL and Yahoo chat rooms and even MySpace before it went to shit. There’s too many pedophiles and percents perverts out there today and too many helicopter parents that will charge someone with anything even if it is innocent. To me it’s not worth it. I worry about going to jail and I know or have at least heard how anyone who messed with kids is treated in jail.

For other reasons, it’s due to being surprised that someone is as old as they are when Hollywood and not following celebrities like 20 somethings today so when I see someone I like, they may be younger or older than I thought. If I do not know someone is under 18? Well, kids lie about their age all the time. I eee it too often on YouTube and Facebook, you got kids purposely ignoring age requirements to be 13+ years and nobody enforced this though I am not sure you could. How many teens carry ID?

Heh, glad you do not mind. I am shy in real life so I prefer writing to speaking. I have a bit of a speech problem which years of speech therapy didn’t help with so worry I will be judged for speaking to others.

Tupper, it’s a discord bot. You put it on your discord server and then can make bots for your characters and then use those instead of your discord username. Nice if you have multiple characters, pain to set up for old chaps like me.

Yes, Nano is nice, just wish they would quit messing with the website and hopefully have fixed the word count. That was all screwy in 2018 so I just quit ad it wouldn’t calculate my progress right.

Yes though nobody comments on them. But nobody comments on anything I post. I need to get a headset and cam for proper streaming. I’m streaming, currently, Last of Us Part 2 and Assassins Creed Odyssey. Drawing, writing, video gaming are what I do.

This professional writer sounds smart.

Well, I don’t really sing but I can type it.


V1: Winter's kiss touched the air, taking away the warmth.
As time passed, the skies became darker than the sea.
Beneath the crimson moon, I saw mine angel fly.
Into the void, over the edge, I stared as she flew.
Ohhhhhhhh I saw mine angel fly.


V2: Standing on the edge, looking below as mine memories fade from my eyes. It's getting harder to hold on.
Those memories, they're like broken glass, splintering into nothing.
Fractured sunlight reflecting like diamonds...like diamonds on the shore.
I closed mine eyes....trying to hold on...but nothing's the same no more.
But a foot's in the grave, another on the edge and I'm teetering...as the sun dies.
The sun dies.
Ohhhhhh...mine angel she flew away...and here I stay...beneath the crimson moon

V 3: Not a word could I say to keep her by my side.
And on the edge, here I teeter, the precipice of doom.
Here I stand looking over...at the sightless moon.
Tell me why am I blind?
Ohhh why can't I hear?
Are mine senses failing me...or was the truth always there? No no no.
Angel don't fly away.
Oh no no no no.
Nooooooooooooo!
Don't leave me stand-ding here.
'Cause we swore we'd be here...we'd take on the world.
’Cause we swore we'd be together...we'd survive...and now I'm at death's door!


Pre-Chorus: Angel...mine angel.
Why oh why have you gone?
When we swore our love to each other...when we swore we'd be together...as our world crumbled.
Explosions of fire...fire.
Screams of fear...clouds of toxins...smothering the light.

V 4: And there we stood.
Under the moon, turned bloody crimson.
The cries of the dead...fleeing through a nightmare to the depths of the earth...into the abyss...uncharterrrreeedddd.
There we stood, there we swore to get through and survive.

Chorus: Yet here I am.
Here I, here I am.
Waiting here...one foot in the grave...here I am, watching you go.
Watching you go...go...goooooooo.
Here I am...all alone.
Here I wait, watching you leave.
And the tears, red as they are, they fall from thou betrayal.
Underneath a crimson moon, beneath a red sky.

V 5: Angel let me in...


V ?: One foot in the grave...and another over the edge.
Leaning forward, wind rushing as I fall into the void.
For she left me here...a broken man.
Betrayed and alone, here I make my last stand.

V ?: For nothing can bring me back.
Shattered hearts, broken lies...and the dreams they're fading away.
And I fall.
And I fall....faaaaalllllllll.
Through the void...hear the sea...it's a'comin up to meeeet..meeeee.
Oh angel...why'd you leave?

V ?: Darling angel, how I loved you.
Gave my heart and my soul to only you. Wind's a rushin' up at me as I faaaaaaallllllllll!
Will you save me?

Ending: Oh why did you leave me?
Baby tell me...tell me how to make amends.
Cause one foot's in the grave and the other's on the edge.
Standing on a precipice, tears clouding mine eyes.
Save me baby before I meet my end.
Oh love...what did I do?
We swore we'd be together forever.....beneath the crimson moon.

 

[Purr]

Heh, glad you do not mind. I am shy in real life so I prefer writing to speaking. I have a bit of a speech problem which years of speech therapy didn’t help with so worry I will be judged for speaking to others.

Of course not! I had serious issues communicating too (I live with moderate-to-severe ADHD). I've had friends in the past who have serious speech problems like yours. One current buddy, a fellow whose body was wrecked in a car crash back half of his lifetime ago, has a terrific mind but his ability to speak (and move and walk) remain damaged. When he told me about it and followed it up with, "I hope you don't mind (my speaking this way)," I could only reply that I hope he didn't mind me asking to repeat himself when I didn't understand something (because I dearly want to understand him and it doesn't matter to me how many times he has to try; I'll be there to receive and listen until he gets whatever he is expressing right). I also told him I was very happy he was speaking at all given the horrible circumstances of his crash which he was lucky to have survived (I don't mean to be dramatic here - he has the crash on video and it is a real eye-opener!).

So I hope you are able to overcome your speech challenges too, scorpiodragon!

There’s too many pedophiles and percents out there today and too many helicopter parents that will charge someone with anything even if it is innocent. To me it’s not worth it. I worry about going to jail and I know or have at least heard how anyone who messed with kids is treated in jail.

I think I see what you mean. Thanks for explaining your perspective!

Tupper, it’s a discord bot. You put it on your discord server and then can make bots for your characters and then use those instead of your discord username. Nice if you have multiple characters, pain to set up for old chaps like me.

Oh! That's neat!

Yes, Nano is nice, just wish they would quit messing with the website and hopefully have fixed the word count. That was all screwy in 2018 so I just quit ad it wouldn’t calculate my progress right.

Do you have your own word processing program that will perform the word count for you? That might be another way to keep accurate track. Maybe try Trio Office Writer? It gives word count and it's free. =)

Well, I don’t really sing but I can type it.

I find it makes for decent poetry if you don't mind the comparison! It's cool of you to share it. =)

Drawing, writing, video gaming are what I do.

This is the best news of all. I've known enough people who worked and worked and hardly ever did things that seemed to bring them joy. That's one of the things I was wondering about when you mentioned you were too old to roleplay; I think I was afraid that you were considering throwing that away, but after everything you've shared, it seems clear to me that it's quite the opposite - you're naturally creative and you've more than one positive outlet for it. Good on you!

"Writers write because they must." - Buddhist monk (whose name I can't recall. Ack! =) I'll post it here if his name returns to me.) =)

 

[Purr]

Oops! Missed one!

This professional writer sounds smart.

Piers Anthony is not only smart, I find him hard-working, truly believing in what he does, completely unafraid to be himself, and incredibly compassionate while also quite able to firmly stand his ground against injustice (both to him and that of strangers). Anthony's long-time nickname is "The Ogre" which his critics wrongly called him. Something about his critics saying Anthony was an unlikable "ogre" in person when met at conventions, which he found strikingly odd because up until that point, he had never attended any conventions!

In a style that I find refreshing and intrepid, Anthony took that newfound nickname and ran with it in the face of his foes, writing his first New York Times Best Seller, "Ogre Ogre" back in the day. It's a delightfully fun read, a magical tromp through his fun world of Xanth with many character I found I liked. Anthony is a natural storyteller who worked very hard and long to become the writer he is. I highly recommend "Ogre, Ogre" as it has the power to sweep me right out of Real Life and into that special world that only Anthony could have created. =)

Should you have the interest, I like this (mis-named) video of his "Conversation with an Ogre" of Anthony back when he had brown hair. Enjoy if it suits your fancy!

"Interview With An Ogre Piers Anthony"

 

[scorpiodragon]

November 6, 2021​

Dear Byzantine-Diary Entry 15

I wrote another song, this one for that rp I'm in with Kasper, Ace, Kay, Blanch and someone named Fruitcake on discord. Wrote this on October 18, 2021 in the 'dark market' channel which is below. This is a full song unlike the other one which has a missing verse.

V1: ”I saw the sun in the midst of night, gentle and evening clear. The early rays could not compete, were swallowed by the tides. And there she stood…there she stood…there she stood against the studded sky. With its lights of fading diamond, a void all around, she felt nothing for me as she sailed away. As she sailed away and left me all allllllooooonnnnnneeeee.”

V2: ”Cover my eyes with a veil, as the world stands still. And the dawn’s dying light shall not reach these shores. Where I stand, alone and still against a glimmering sea, waves crashing at my feet and I feel like I’m choking for air…for a breath that’s left me. Yet I am haunted (haunted) by mistakes of the past and despite my will (despite my will) I cannot overcome. They’re like a cliff slick with waves and they crash in my ears. Have I nothing to live for? Or is it all in mine mind?”

V3: ”And as I draw my last breath, I find myself back here. Underneath the void, trapped and broken and she still sails away. There’s no wind nor waves, yet I hear the sails flutter, I hear the ship creaking, as it sails away from me…towards the sun trapped in darkness. Where be the warmth and the light that’s gradually fading (fading)? Leaving me trapped in the darkness of an endless void as the veil covers mine eyes?”

V4: ”Starry treasure in the seas. Wind ruffling your hair, like a cold memory. Yet I’m haunted by pain. Haunted by loss. My eyes are shrouded by a veil…was it only a mirage? And I’m running (running 2x) away from this pain. Haunted by lies and demons within. Cause they’re chasing me and my heart’s a’pounding, trying to get away. Pray it don’t give out. Head their howls and my screams as I gasp for air. Cause they’re on a mission, a mission to end. And this might be my end….yeah I’ve only got one last breath. (One last breath.). Cause I’ve got only one last breath to get me through.”

V5: ”As she sails away, here I stand on these shores. An endless sea stretches between and the stars are dying, going out like embers floating on the breeze. Am I doomed to reside here in my mind? All alone in my mind…none to care nor she’d a tear, as I stand at the edge with the sea lapping gently. And the stars, one by one, they go out like a candle. A million candles, a million dreams, how they wash awaaaayyyyy. Yet I’m here watching as she fades into nothing and the light….and the light…it’s slowly descending.”

Chorus: ”Cover me at dawn with a veil, as the earth stood perplexed and still. See the river as it flows through the sky and wherewithal doth it go? The ship is gone, and I stand here alone. Haunted by memories and dreams…gods they’re eating me alive. Aliiiiiiiivvvveeeeeee. Alive. Aaaaaaalllllllliiiiiiivvvveeeeee. And I can’t shake them, no matter how I try. No I can’t shake them, ribbons in my hair. Chains constrain me, like a prism in the air. Multi-faceted lies and strings of despair…crumble into dust. Shattering…drifting….like the withdrawing tides.”

V6: ”Snuffed out in the dark. Nary a whisper. Nary a prayer. No guide to get me through these nights, these nights of pain and despair. Cause if I fail then I shall meet mine end. And those I protect shall endure such trials. So cover them with a veil. I’ll play my part until I am no more. Despite the screams as their fates are sealed, I’ll cover you with a veil.”

V7: ”And as I draw my last breath, I find myself back here. Underneath the void, trapped and broken and she still sails away. There’s no wind nor waves, yet I hear the sails flutter, I hear the ship creaking, as it sails away from me…towards the sun trapped in darkness. Where be the warmth and the light that’s gradually fading (fading)? Leaving me trapped in the darkness of an endless void as the veil covers mine eyes? Starry treasure in the seas. Wind ruffling your hair, like a cold memory. Yet I’m haunted by pain. Haunted by loss. My eyes are shrouded by a veil…was it only a mirage?”

Chorus: ”Cover me at dawn with a veil, as the earth stood perplexed and still. See the river as it flows through the sky and wherewithal doth it go? The ship is gone, and I stand here alone. Haunted by memories and dreams…gods they’re eating me alive. Aliiiiiiiivvvveeeeeee. Alive. Aaaaaaalllllllliiiiiiivvvveeeeee. And I can’t shake them, no matter how I try. No I can’t shake them, ribbons in my hair. Chains constrain me, like a prism in the air. Multi-faceted lies and strings of despair…crumble into dust. Shattering…drifting….like the withdrawing tides.”

V8: ”Lost and twisted. Boundless misery hidden in these walls. Though it chills me to the bone, here I stand. In a void of pain and lies. For they don’t hear my anguished cries. Cover me…with a veil. To shield mine eyes from the horrors I endure…to close the screams I have caused. So constrain meeeeeee in chains. Constrain my movements and shield my eyes. Cause if I watch any more then I’ll go insane. Could she forgive me, my sinful lies? Is it better she sailed awwwwaaaaayyyy? Though it breaks my heart, I know it’s for the best. For she was next on my list. Cause….she was next to die.”

V9: ”Hollowed lives…merciless guards. Their screams of anguish broke the walls. Bbbrrrrooooookeeeee the walls. And in this stone, their emotions flood, seeping between the cracks. Rumors shift and silent screams…they echo off the walls…of spirits anguish through these fresh hallowed halls. They still try and fail to break their chains.”

Chorus: ”Cover me at dawn with a veil, as the earth stood perplexed and still. See the river as it flows through the sky and wherewithal doth it go? The ship is gone, and I stand here alone. Haunted by memories and dreams…gods they’re eating me alive. Aliiiiiiiivvvveeeeeee. Alive. Aaaaaaalllllllliiiiiiivvvveeeeee. And I can’t shake them, no matter how I try. No I can’t shake them, ribbons in my hair. Chains constrain me, like a prism in the air. Multi-faceted lies and strings of despair…crumble into dust. Shattering…drifting….like the withdrawing tides.”

V10: ”Eerie silence in a lifeless room. I see the blood through mine veil. It coats the walls and the floor. And I know I’m destined for hell. But it’s a price I would pay again. Even though (even though) it haunts my dreams. For at least they’re free, yet here I am. Trapped in a void with a dying sun. Doomed to play my part….for none acknowledge me. I’ll do all in my power to keep you alive…until my last breath. Until my last breath…so constrain me.”

Anyway, I am not doing nano this year. I wanted to but it's day 6, almost day 7 and I have no clue what to do for nano. Heck, I can't even churn out chapters in a day with my sleep schedule messed up. Going to try to take my dog Outlaw to Tractor Supply next saturday (november 13th god willing) to get his nails cut. He needs them bad and it will cost me $28. A bit higher than the $10 the vet charges but Tractor Supply is local. Got to get groceries this week as well. Mom and grandmom both asked if i wanted to go down to grandmom's or up to mom's for thanksgiving and I said no. I don't feel like celebrating any holidays this year and thanksgiving isn't a big thing to me. I am thinking of getting a dog filer for Outlaw. He doesn't like clippers and hates his paws being touched so a file it is. Though I probably need to force him to walk on the streets to get those nails down until November 13th. Especially a nail that is going down towards his back left paw and curved badly. I had to get one claw out of his collar as he got a nail hooked around his collar. Thankfully, he let me hold his paw until I managed to get it out. Weather is turning. Getting colder it is. Need to stop wasting money on Grubhub but don't buy anything in the evening as they won't deliver it and I have to have it canceled.

 

[scorpiodragon]

November 7, 2021​

Dear Byzantine-Diary Entry 16

Well, I have officially lost partners for the two threads I was in due on the 18+ adult RP site I took a haitus from and came back to called Inner Sanctum due to both people saying they were no longer feeling either role play at all. Of course neither lasted long...not surprising in my case and track record. Beneath the Blue Moon lasted only 4 pages and was a breeder/tribal rp with furry wolves going to breed my half-kitsune character and Flowering Kitten had my nekojin girl being the pet/victim of a serial killer half-demon which lasted for only 2 pages and was the most recent one to start. Why do I waste my time role playing again when nobody is interested in my ideas? Can't even really get people to rp with me in Ace's discord server Kas invited me to. Then again, Inner Sanctum is geared towards gritty...extensive sex role plays, being it's a place for adults to do things most places with minors won't let you do. I am not holding out much hope there for any of those plots being taken up on there. Plus, group rps are next to non-existent on that website too...they're all 1x1 rps on there as that's preferred. Maybe it's time to leave that site again, this time for good. I don't know.

 

[scorpiodragon]

December 16, 2021​

Dear Byzantine-Diary Entry 17

I got a call from JFS saying that I am one of the people who have not been doing the required 12 hours a month of job searching and I can be sanctioned starting January 1, 2022 for not doing it if I don't have just cause. Umm....well I have been getting letters from JFS but they all say 'start date August 8, 2021' on them. I don't see the need to go to JFS to do job search when I can do so at home. It doesn't matter. Bob Evans is in need of employees and though I don't like Bob Evans I am thinking of applying. Especially as I found 2 jobs that require you to lift 10 lbs and I can do that. Hostess/Cashier and Carryout are the options. If I get a job again, I will do part-time. It's close to where I am and I just have to dart across the road between McDonalds and Bob Evans which is a bitch but it's side walk once I hit 664.

That rp I joined of AceLizardKing...yeah I got removed from there or maybe AceLizardKing deleted it. Also, Dure is busy with work so there's nothing in that servr I made for Beneath the Blue Moon for us so that was also a waste of time.

I did not leave Inner Sanctum. A person named Domwhi messaged me and we got one of my plots going, the breeder one. Then I got two other plots with OuterStacy. Then I got a platonic Aeon Nirvana with someone from Russia. Then Zhaza and I continued his thread of the mafia with my vampire Moldark and his cop Flint who becomes Moldark's pet.

Had an unexpected visit from DPM on December 2nd and they inspected my apartment. Apparently, I have to scrub my baththub more often because supposedly 'soap scum can damage an bathtub and I don't want to have to charge you to fix that'. I've never heard of that before and neither has my grandmother. HUD never said anything about that. So, I bought some Kaboom foam which seems to work and got most of it out. They also complained about a cover for the kitchen light and ordering one...the kitchen light has never had a cover.

Nothing much else going on this month. I am continuing my Aeon comic. It's on my deviantart and comicfury.

 

[scorpiodragon]

January 12, 2022​

Dear Byzantine-Diary Entry 18

Nothing much going on. Grandmother and mother are in New Orleans for vacation until sometime Friday evening I guess. Watched the kids on Monday. Caseworker called and we're going to set up something so we can meet for the 26th. After...2 months of forgetting to call her, I finally called back. Rejoined that wolf site Incandesnce...didn't last there. They made me cry twice and I didn't realize when I said I would be leaving the server that they'd take that as I was leaving the website, so my characters became inactive, and I think they banned me from the website as I tried rejoining the discord server and was immediately rejected not even 5 seconds later. Some welcoming community huh? There's not even a way to get your inactive characters activated again on there either. I set up an account to make Regicide (a son of my first character on there, Omisha) and left before due to feeling unwelcome there. Figured I'd give it a shot. They then outright banned Regicide and I can't access the site at all now. It's no wonder I don't waste my time role playing with people.

Granted I was somewhat critical in my questions about some of the things that had gone on. Like the whole incest thing with the Shangri'la, though that is being phased out, or the one all-female pack that says males can be castrated that is in the running with like 3 other packs for the unclaimed lands in the south. They told me oh I didn't need to leave but I did anyway as I felt it would be best due to being attacked for my opinions. I don't even know why I bothered giving it another shot. Should have realized it wouldn't work out at all. The warrior cat rp I was in on this site is apparently dead due to the GM not being seen since November 5th 2021. The zombie rps I was in are dead sadly that I was doing here in private. The only rp I got going is one I set up with the people who were in the dead warrior cat rp. Then I'm still on the sex rp website Inner Sanctum as I'm in three good rps there with two different people. One person I have 2 rps going.

I had a job interview last Monday (January 3rd 2022) but, despite saying they are hiring, I was told they were not hiring. I have not gotten the link in my email either about the background check (which basically checks to see if you're a sex offender). I don't see why that matters when I applied for cook position, not that I am but still. Nothing from Bob Evans despite them needing people. Supposedly Arbys is hiring as is Baymont (but what's new there-they're always hiring). Not sure where anyone else is hiring. My cousin Melissa, she got a job at Grandma Fey's, honestly surprised that general store is still in business. At least the manager that interviewed me was nice, even if he didn't know he had an interview which was supposed to be December 30th but the District Manager didn't tell the manager of the logan location about it. Do people like dropping the ball when it comes to lack of communication. But the manager did say that they are having some woman whose going on leave soon due to having twins and maybe things will change.

Outlaw is getting old I think. He's...well the stupid paper says he's 6 years 10 months (the paper that I had to fill out). I swear he is getting more white fur on his face We had snow! Few days ago, thank god it is gone now. Lot of rain. Creek was up at grandmom's. My niece is 3 months of age now...she's getting big. Oh, someone has fucking covid at my apartment complex. Again. Got a letter today from Tim (Rhonda's husband) who was going around to all 40 or 60 apartments (whatever it is) and putting letters on doors. Least you can't have people over which means I don't gotta listen to the neighbor in 35 talk to his friends with weird discussions, like the first time he had premarital sex. Thin walls need to be illegal I swear. Should look for some more jobs...can't until Saturday. Gotta watch the kids on Friday.