Story Laura ( a sort of Caroline story)

[Virus]

This book is based off of the popular scary movie Coraline. I decided to make a story similar to it; if it gets popular, ill put it up on wattpad. I watched it a couple days ago and the creepiness is very great, and I can't stop having nightmares. (Need to watch it again for more details on how it's gonna go.)
But anyways, post time is Seven o'clock weekdays; noon weekends.
Hope you enjoy!
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Plot coming soon...

Spoiler: update log

3/27/20
Posting times are now random
Chapter two is up
Wattpad book announcement is up
New discord server for discussions about stuff (might remove this log)

 

[Virus]

Chapter One: dollhouse

It has been a long drive from gulf shores, Alabama to Crystal springs, Mississippi and Laura hated moving, but her parents wanted to get away from all the city life and live in the country. "Mom, how much longer? I want to go to our new house already and get over this driving", she crossed her arms in boredom and scrunched her face to show anger; boredom was one thing that she could deal with, but with all the stuff being in the trunk, such as her drawing tablet, she couldn't stand it.
"Five more minutes, you can wait that long. Don't lie."
"I've been waiting here forever!!", she shouted which drove her dad insane,"Laura, you will wait and see our new house; now be quiet."
"Ugh!", boredom hit her again; waiting, oh how she hated waiting, even for food or when school had to end. She wanted to get up and explore the new state! "Can I at least grab my drawing tablet and draw!?"
"Uh uh, no digital stuff!! We promised we wouldn't use tablets on the road!"
"Goddammit..."
The scenery of rain also made her angry, and bored. Sunny days were everything back in Alabama, the warm beach, even the small resorts by the ocean that dabbled the landscape; but instead, she had to move to a place with no beaches, no resorts, no ocean, no old friends. She grabbed a picture of all her friends at the beach together and slumped in sadness,"don't forget to text...", she sighed loudly and wished She had them here in this state.

Five minutes has passed; she ran out of the car and played in the rain,"yippee!! I'm free!!!", with of course her umbrella, tablet, and luggage. The moving van was delayed for the next few weeks, but she didn't mind; as long as she had her luggage, and her tablet, she could never be bored! Her parents grabbed their luggage and headed inside,"could use a little help, Laura!"
"Coming!", she dropped her stuff on the porch, and helped her parents unload their luggage and get it in the bedroom. The house had three bedrooms, a master bedroom with bathroom, a large living area, a big kitchen, a giant balcony, and a two-hundred year old secret yet to be found.

Laura had drawn a picture of her parents at the beach which looks pretty good for a fourteen year old, but her parents hated her drawing without them knowing; her dad snatched the tablet out of her hands,"hey! Give it back!"
"What are you drawing?"
"Give it back!!", She snatched it out of her dad's hands and ran off to her bedroom, and locked the door,"why do my parents have to find out everything!? Ill go outside instead.", she out her tablet in a bag, and headed outside.

She Sat down in a area, grabbed a stick, and pretended to be a wizard like her friends did back in a play,"all the spirits, come to life, and bid me freedom tonight!!"
A loud honking came from a dirt bike which horrified her; laura grabbed her stuff and dodged out of the way as the bike came jumping down besides her. A tall black haired boy wearing a black motorcycle jacket and a weird helmet apologized to her for the sudden scaring,"sorry! I should've seen you!"
"Are you crazy!? You could've had me killed!!"
"I said I'm sorry! Now, what's your name miss?"
Laura threw the stick at the boy which made him yell in pain,"hey, that wasn't very nice!"
"I did it cause you scared me half.. to death!"
"Ugh, for heavens sake miss; why are you mad?", he threw the stick back at her.
"I'm mad cause everything is mad today!!", she sat on the ground and crossed her arms in anger. The boy sat next to her and spoke calmly,"hey, I didn't mean to scare you.", and gave her a box,"open it when you get inside, I don't want any creeps to come out of that box... I'm B.W"
"B.W?"
"Stands for 'be wild'"
Laura wanted to open the box so badly and see what's inside already,"my name is Laura, but pleased to meet you, B.W."
"Well, ill catch you later; I got stuff to do.", he started up his bike and sped down the windy road.

She got inside and set the box on the table. Her parents came storming down the stairs,"where have you been!?"
"Outside...?", she said awkwardly; they hated her going outside without them noticing.
"You went outside without telling us!? You're grounded!"
"No! You can't ground me forever!!", she ran upstairs with the box, tablet, and slammed the door. "Why... why can't I have a loving family?... time to see what he gave me." Laura opened the box gracefully and saw a little doll with the same clothing she had on and it looked just like her,"a little me?"

To be continued...

 

[Error 420]

An interesting start, but I recommend you proofread it a little more. The language is kind of hard to follow and is a little bland.

If you want some tonal inspiration, Neil Gaiman's original Coraline. Gaiman likes to cut straight to the punch (sometimes a little too much), and I feel like with your work you might be meandering a bit with excess dialogue.

 

[Virus]

An interesting start, but I recommend you proofread it a little more. The language is kind of hard to follow and is a little bland.

If you want some tonal inspiration, Neil Gaiman's original Coraline. Gaiman likes to cut straight to the punch (sometimes a little too much), and I feel like with your work you might be meandering a bit with excess dialogue.

It needs work, I know, but it's the way I write. Ill proofread it tonight, and edit it. I might need a little checklist to see what needs to be proofread and how to fix it (I have one, but I might need another.) Ill get rid of the extra dialogue and try to proofread it. Thanks for the tips.