Kirdoni Commonwealth Application

Death Korps of Krieg

Keeper of the Ruins
Official Name: Kirdoni Commonwealth of Soviet  Interstellar Socialist States


\Demonym: Kirdoni
Government Type: Parliamentary Democracy


Leader(s): Premier Taran Bermstye and High Queen Azjohliran


Galaxy: Small Magellanic CLoud
Territory: 12 o'clock zones:N
Number of Systems: 130,000


Influence Rank: 4


Capital World: Durgadon, a tidally locked planet wherein one side is eternally bathed in the sun's roaring wrath and the other side in perpetual darkness and frost. A supermassive subterranean megapolis holds its entire population, and local flora and fauna flourish in the narrow strip between the dark and light sides in the verdant Musohroz Sea.
Population by Race: 45 trillion humans, 55 trillion Kirdoni, 7 billion Nicassir, 35 billion Tetrons, 120 million Helvatins, 500,000 Neuros, 120 billion Kinerothin


Technology Rank: 8.1


FTL Type: Hyperspace -  By entering hyperspace, a starship could take advantage of the wrinkles in the fabric of realspace to reduce journey time significantly, "jumping" from a specific point to another point without having to travel directly between them. However, large objects in realspace cast "mass shadows" in hyperspace, so hyperspace jumps necessitated very precise calculations.  Without those, a vessel could fly right through a star or another celestial body.


Range id around 2000 light years, with a cooldowns of 1 hour on between jumps. The accuracy decreases as the range increases, so the safest maximum is 2100 light years.
Technological Development Focus: Balanced.
Exceptional Technologies: The Stalinum armor plating of Commonwealth battleships and superheavy tanks, which make kimetic projectiles nearly useless against them.


In addition, shield barriers are able to be erected by lines of Tiger Class Battlecarriers, protecting everything that is inside and keeping out anything without Commonwealth energy signatures.


Culture: Kirdoni society places high emphasis on he greater good of many. That being said, the Kirdoni will cast aside the self for the greater good of society, even if that means death. WIP
Government:


Military: The Molot Naroda is divided into 7 branches - The Star Navy, the Planetary Defence Forces(PDF), the KGB, the Mistresses of Death, the Red Army, the Bessmertnyye Chapters, and the Emerald Legions. Each fills a specific role in any war.


History:


The future Commonwealth was an unlikely place; 83% of all of its planets are wasteland worlds, deemed never fit for human habitation. However, long before human colonists came to the future Commonwealth, an alien race called the Kirdoni built great subterranean cities within the dark confines of the dungeons they dug through the ground of the world they colonized. Within the winding tunnels and mines, the Kirdoni forged a mighty civilization. Great was their glory, and long were they unchallenged in their rule. However, their Empire was shattered when the Tagrans struck from the darkness, reducing the Empire to 20% of its former territory. The Empire struggled to survive, turning to various allies simply to keep itself alive. Nicassir, Tetrons, Neuros, Helvatins, and Kinerothin were among them. However, even with their newfound allies's support, the Tagran were simply too mighty of a foe to defeat. The Kirdoni were desperate; if the Tagran are not defeated, they will engulf the whole of Magellanic Cloud 2 and bring it under their dark dominion.


That was, until when humanity arrived.


Human colony ships and their massive escort fleets arrived in waves in the galaxy. As they came, they came under attack from the rampaging Tagran forces. Seeing the opportunity, the Kirdoni immediately asked for their assistance, offering the humans entire star sectors in which they can settle. The humans were at first hesitant to accept the offer of a xeno race that they have never met before, but seeing the Empire's struggle against the Tagrans, they accepted.


The scattered colony fleets launched their own coordinated assaults against the Tagran, punishing them at multiple fronts whilst the Kirdoni and their allies pushed towards the Tagran capital world. Caught between defending their capital from such a massive force and trying to beat back so many attacks at the same time, the tide turned and the Tagran lost, pushed back to their deep dungeons from where they came from.


The Kirdoni fulfilled their bargain, giving the humans a full number of 50,000 worlds as well as assistance in establishing the colonies. But it was a struggle...


Establishing the first colony worlds, even with the Kirdoni's assistance, was a struggle. It is primarily because of the lack of a reliable power source that can be used continually. This place had no Opilium, oil, natural gas, coal, or anything of that sort. The colonists had to rely on their solar powered ships to supply them energy, and brownouts were the order of the day, simply because the ships can't cope with the massive energy demands of building hundreds of colonies. It was like this until the first Premier rose to power. Aegros Stalin.


Aegros ordered prospectors to find all possible sources of energy that can be found, as the Kirdoni likewise relied on solar power, and even for them, they lacked technology good enough to build solar stations.They searched until they finally found a power source - Helium 3. They found gargantuan Helium 3 deposits in the fringe planets that were very sparsely colonized due to their barrenness.


Because of this, the energy dilemma was finally solved, and technology began to advance very rapidly. Later, a very elastic metal was found in some isolated planets, and it was named Stalinium in order of the Premier that led them out of the energy problem.


For the next years, the Commonwealth was generally peaceful, having only to deal with minor annoyances, such as Ujarn Pirates and Islamists. However, a great war sparked against the ancient enemies of the Kirdoni, the Tagran. The Tagran, having recovered from their losses from the war 200 years ago, have struck back once again. A grueling war raged for 20 years from 3012 to 3022, with the Commonwealth finally crushing the last Targran forces in the Battle of the Steel Nebula. However, it took heavy costs to win. At least 10% of the population died in the process, and only the morale support of the Orthodox Church kept the citizens fighting. The Tagran were nearly completely obliterated, and their technology was taken by the Commonwealth for themselves as fair payment. Rebuilding, however, was not very difficult, since the damage was mostly in the colony fringe worlds, where there was not much to destroy.


The KirComm, as it was often called, remained neutral in the First and Second Intergalactic Wars, and were completely unscathed. The Commonwealth thrived on. However, the Commonwealth citizens hoped for a Colonial victory, as their forefathers come from the Milky Way.


With the Second Great War over, the Commonwealth once again begins to contemplate. Was it all worth it? Should the doors be closed once again? Only timecan tell.


Goals and Hooks: 


- Protect the Small Magellanic Cloud from foreign invaders


- Ensure the survival of the many species under its tutelage


- Maintain its hard won independence


Misc. Notes: The Commonwealth might look that they are a nice country, but be wary. Around 200 intelligent races have been wiped out by the Commonwealth for showing the slightest hint of hostility towards it, and no one can tell who's next in the "wipe em out"list.
 
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Please make note of the number of vessels available for the KirComm.


On another note, I'd take out links to the star wars wiki to simply say what a starship and a sun is. :)   As for real space, you don't need a whole sentence to say that well planets and the rest of the universe exist in realspace, otherwise known as our reality as it is, normal space or anything else. :)
 
Should probably append to the app itself, rather than clarifying down here. I really will only look at the app itself, but if you make that modification. You will be fine. Specially if you remove the needless linking. You are free to add as many of those in your Lore page in the future, however. ^.^
 
And all these alien races too...


Race Name: Kirdoni - arachnoid/insectoid with long life spans as well as possessing in average an IQ of 135.


Homeworld: Durgadon


Lifespan: 200(400 for psykers)


Reproduction: Egg Laying


Incubation - 8 months


Infancy - 8 months - 2 years


Childhood - 2 years - 12


Youth - 12 - 18


Adulthood - 18 - 200



Physiology: Arachnoid/insectoids with carapaces as strong as steel. They possess four pairs of limbs - 3 for walking and 1 for manipulation. They are great diggers and can burrow in seconds. They have six eyes, but most onlookers only see a helmet instead, as Kirdoni usually hide their faces from other races. The eyes, have 20/20 vision.


Psychology: A race of clever thinkers and determined fighters, the Kirdoni are highly receptive to what is around them and will change whenever needed in order to better accomplish their goals. That being said, they often wouldn't hesitate to switch sides just to achieve their goals.


Notes: 


Burrowing - They can be under the ground in just seconds. If its soft ground, that is.


Silk Weaving - Specialized silk weavers can entangle infantry, walkers,  with their webs.


Psychic Powers - Only 1 in a billion Kirdoni have psychic powers, but those who have it are powerful and are a terrifying presence in the battlefield. Using telekinesis, and lightning shocks, they can turn the tide of the battle in favor of their comrades. However, their power is also their weakness;anti-psyker weapons can kill/disable them very easily. These can include almost any electromagnetic attacks.


Race Name: Helvatins - Panda aliens with an IQ of 150... IN SPEHSS


Homeworld: Xian'hua - A planet that looks like... the Forbidden City in BEijing.


Lifespan: 500 - 550


Reproduction: Sexual


Incubation - 12 months


Infancy - 12 months - 3 years


Childhood - 3 years - 12 years


Youth - 12 years to 21


Adult - 21 - 550


Physiology: They are basically humanoid pandas with superb intelligence... that is basically it.


Psychology: As a race of geniuses, the Helvatins are very innovative and will constantly look for solutions for any given problem. They are not afraid to make mistakes along the way, knowing that mistakes are just another step forward for their progress.


Notes:


Intelligence - They are really bright geniuses. At average their IQ is at 150.


Martial Arts - The traditional martial arts of Xian'hua are always there, and the Helvatins use their skills in martial arts in pulverizing their enemies, even at this era.


(Yeah, even though Helvatins are Pandas, they fight like Chen Stormstrout)


They usually are weak in open battlefields, but in close quarters they are really deadly fighters. Especially in dungeons and inside ships.


Race Name: Tetrons


Homeworld: Hethel - A planet rimmed with nothing but pollution, factories , and metal.


Lifespan: Around 200 years if they are not maintained. Much, much longer if they recieve constant repairs.


Reproduction: All Tetrons in current existence are the same Tetrons built millennia ago. Once a Tetron falls in battle, it can never be replaced.


Physiology: They initially appear to be complete replicas of humans,but it ia all a holographic illusion, as they are actually heartless killing machines.


- In short, their human like appearance is only a hologram, and their true form is that of an obvious robot. If one touches them, the hologram dissipatws and their true form is revealed.


Psychology: Straight forwardly merciless and heartless killers that only follow their higher directives.


Notes: They can tear a person to two pieces with their bare hands, and weapons are hidden within their steel arms. EMP can disable them.


(The Terminator, know him? These are nuch weakers versions anyway)


No one know who created them; all the Tetrons know is that one day they woke up in Hethel, and they have these directives programmed into them.


Race Name: Neuros


Homeworld: Hethel(they and the Tetrons have the same creators)


Lifespan: Around 2000 years, but they can go in twice as long if they recieve constant reformatting.


Reproduction: None really, creating new Neuros is out of the question, at least until their creators show up.


Physiology: They have no bodies(they are just computer programs after all)


Psychology: Their mindset is very mysterious and enigmatic; though they usually act aloof towards the Commonwealth's other races. However, it is believed this aloofness is due to the fact that they have no physical form unlike the rest, and they are not very fond of it. They know that the state in which they're in is irreversible, and it is by no means a good thing for them.


Notes: They are the ones controlling the cyberspace, as well being the AI's that guide the Commonwealth's vessels through space. They are weak against cyber attacks(viruses, they hate it)


They can take control of starships and city systems, if they somehow hack through.


Like the Tetrons, they have no knowledge of who their creators are.


Race Name: Kinerothin


Homeworld: Kargath - A brimming city planet.


Lifespan: 120 - 150


Reproduction: Sexual


Incubation - 6 months


Infancy - 6 months - 2 years


Child - 2 years - 12


Puberty - 13 - 18


Adult - 18 - 150


Physiology: Humanoid canines(more like the Worgen from WOW). Their fur colors range from black, white, or grey.


Psychology: A race of prideful warriors and deadly assassins, they act as the KGB's(The Commonwealth Secret Police, or Intelligence Agency, it depends) hitmen and interrogators. However, they are also one of the main front line units of the Molot Naroda.


Notes: Red Rage - IN battle, they can be induced into a maddened state, ruthlessly slaughtering their enemies without remorse. This often devastates enemy infantry.


Need to disable them fast? Use sonic booms. It really hurts for them.


Race Name: Nicassir - Psychic goat humanoids


Homeworld: Torganath - A planet filled with numerous castles and caves, which is turn protected by powerful psychic barriers.


Lifespan: 900


Reproduction: Sexual


Incubation - 18 months


Infancy - 18 months - 5 years


Childhood- 5 years - 18 years


Youth - 18 - 30


Adult - 30 - 900


Physiology: They stand at around 7 feet tall at 30, and they have white fur. They have small fangs and horns behind their heads. Despite being anthromorphic goats, their bodies are remarkably humanlike inside. When they die, their bodies turn to dust.


(Or, basically the Dreemurrs from Undertale in SPACE)


Psychology: The Nicassir are extraordinarily kind hearted as a race; they will get out of their own way just to help a "damsel in distress". However, when provoked, they fight back with a ferocity unmatched even by some of the most bloodthirsty of races in the entire universe. The Nicassir will go to extremes to ensure that whoever dared provoked them is completely and utterly destroyed.


Notes:


Telekinesis


Pyrokinesis - Unique to their own race. They can control FIRE with their powers. Hand them torches and they will make the flames dance amd fly.


Levitation


They are really weak against electromagnetic attacks. Also they are not good dodgers.
 
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First of all, regarded to the name itself, I would like to mention that it would be appreciated if the KirCom won't exactly and literally rip off names from real life historical figures.
 
Okay, regarding the races, where should I even start..


The Kirdoni. They are OP.

  • You can't have both HUGE lifespans, and crazy reproduction rates. That would result in immense populations, too much for even big countries like the Colonies to handle. Most races are at least somewhat balanced. Humans have medium lifespans and medium reproduction rates. Loroi have huge lifespans, and low reproduction rates.
  • Even so, 700 years is a little bit too much. 2000 years is far too much however, it's larger than the entirety of the history currently recorded in our RP world.\
  • Egg Laying and Sexual? How?
  • Eyes can see radio waves?
  • Under the ground in just a few seconds? What sort of ground? I can't see them digging through concrete.
  • Silk? Entangling super heavy battle tanks?
  • telekinesis, mind blasts, levitation, shock waves of energy, and ethereal spears of pure energy, they can turn the tide of the battle in favor of their comrades?
  • However, their power is also their weakness;anti-psyker weapons can kill/disable them very easily. What sort of weapons? 
  • Numbers?

Helvatins. The same.

  • Pandas? Martial arts? How would a fat panda move around and have martial arts? And having them be both bright geniuses and expert martial arts users is a little too much. Their lifespan could also be shortened a little. Numbers?

Tetrons.

  • Forever? No, just no.
  • Built by whom? You don't need to share their creators publicly, but the GM's at least should know it.
  • How? They are robots, but they can look completely like humans? Do you mean androids? Changing how they look at will? Having emotion and sentience as robots? Not even the Acruani, the most advanced AI's around are too good at that.
  • They act completely like humans? How can robots hope to completely encompass the mentality of a human being?
  • Tearing a person in two with their bare hands? How is that if they have human tissue? \
  • Weapons can appear from their fingers and hands at will? 
  • Numbers?



Neuros

  • Forever, nein. Even the Acruani have a limit. Computer programs don't work forever.
  • They still need more description. Weaknesses, strengths, origin? Numbers?

Kinerothin

  • Not necessarily bad, but they need more details. How long is the incubation period? Their IQ? Their origin? Their weakness?Numbers?

Nicassir

  • Immortal? Nope.
  • 3000 years? That's double the history recorded right now in this roleplay.
  • That's the appearance, not the psychology.
  • Origin? Weakness?
  • Numbers?
  • Pyrokinesis?
  • Their telepathic powers extends overlight years, no. I'm not sure how telepathy works in this universe, but it doesn't break the laws of the universe. Anything that doesn't have FTL tech attached to it remains in normal speeds.
 
My mistake then in that regard. But to be honest, as I hope that it is rather obvious, the population, and the misplacing of other things are their smallest problems.
 
Sooo are they alright now?


The creators of the Tetrons and Neuros will be revealed ICly, but one can say that... they were created in a similar fashion to the Purifiers.
 
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Regarding your nation app itself, you still haven't changed the names. If you don't want to be original, that's your choice, but at the very least, don't rip off the names exactly, modify them a little.You should also bring in more details about your FTL. Advantages, disadvantages, range?


As for the races, they are better now, but I still dislike them. Personal opinion, that won't change my review of them. which will be objective. Nevertheless, please send a personal message to one of the GM's, here or on Discord, with the history or at the very least origins of the Tetrons and Neuros. We can't accept a race without knowing who they are. Some of your races are also lacking distinct mentioned weaknesses.


I would also expect you to eventually write something about the exact limits and weakness of psychic powers and the way they exist and spread.
 
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