Nation Building Journal For Swallowfin

[The Creator 7]

This Journal is designed for Sylvia Swallowfin.


You may use it as a Diary and Photo Album.

 

[SeratheUnicorn]

Hi!


So, I was given this journal thing, which I can write in. Who knows what will go in here but... Oh well. It's for my eyes only I guess.  Ok. Well, the first thing I wanted to write was how I came to be here. I feel like this is really important to me that I don't forget what caused me to be here, and I know I will record some things about Mum in here. So anyway, yeah, this is how I came to be here. 


It was about half way through the summer holidays. I was fourteen, and had just got my braces removed for the first time in a few years. I had also git some clear contacts for the first time, as well as options for laser eye surgery if I needed it. I was feeling really good about myself, and my mum suggested that I get my hair done as well. So, we went to a salon, where they dip dyes my ends blue, and did my nails, and taught me about makeup. I felt so lucky, and special to have a mum like her, who always liked to make me feel pretty.


A few weeks later my mother died in a car accident. It was rainy, and the driver ahead was drunk and...


Anyway, I arranged my mothers funeral with my dad, and she was cremated. He was still holding on at that time, and I remember hugging him while he told me it would all be ok. I wore black for a while, as you do and... Yeah. 


A month later, I returned to school. I was getting a lot more attention than before. I had always been the short girl with pigtails, braces and glasses, but now I was taller, and had filled out. I had my new hair and no glasses or braces in sight. It was male attention I had never had before, and I got my first boyfriend. I was so convinced he cared, and was there to support me after the accident.


A few nights later, Dads problem started. I didn't know how bad it was u till couple of weeks later I kept getting phone calls from work asking where he was, but he was never home. Then one night he did return home. He was so drunk, he didn't realise how much stronger he was than me. He got angry, and threw me across the room. I remember crumpling against the wall and blacking out.


The next day, my boyfriend saw the finger marks from my fathers tight grip, as he shook me, and convinced himself I was cheating on him. He hit me, and then walked away. I moved on, and got another boyfriend. He wanted too much from me, and almost raped me.


That night was the first night I ran home and spilled my own blood. I used my dads razor, and made a small cut, who mph I widened. It made sense to me, I felt like I deserved it. If all these people in my life were causing me this much physical, mental and psychological pain, then it had to be my fault.


It continued, the endless cycle of pain, and false friends. I stopped trusting people as easily, although every now and then people slipped through my defences. I felt so alone in the world, and was having to deal with dads monetary issues too. He had been fired ages ago, and I couldn't get a proper job yet. Often I went without food for a night or two, especially after Dad had gone out longer.


Then I snapped. Before I came to the school, the final boy had hit me, takin out his rage and anger on me again, and I broke. I decided it was enough, that I didn't want it any more, the life that had been given to me. I ran to the bathroom with the intention of ending everything.


That was my story.