Realistic or Modern Jackie & Tom's Excellent Road Trip

[CelticSol]

"Then that's what we deserve. Next question."

 

[TrashRabbit]

"What are we gona record it on, I have a Nokia brick," He reminds her.

 

[CelticSol]

"On my phone. Dad got me a phone with a fancy ass camera because I said I was going on a roadtrip and he wanted me to be able to take nice pictures. Joseph is a blessing and we don't deserve him."

 

[TrashRabbit]

"okay." He said, "But if mulder and skully show up you know I have dibs."

 

[CelticSol]

"How is that fair. You don't even like women - you don't get to call dibs on Sculley!"

 

[TrashRabbit]

"Shes the one. She's the exception. I'm in love. I'd could do it," He says, glancing over at her with a sincere look that says he's ready to fight.

 

[CelticSol]

"You saw me semi-naked once by accident and gagged, Thomas."

 

[TrashRabbit]

"No I snorted and then choked on my own spit cause you have a tramp stamp that says Delicious, big fucking difference" He says dead pan and full of disappointment.

 

[CelticSol]

"... When the FUCK did I get that tattoo?" She sits forward, hiking the back of her shirt up, and sure enough, delicious is scrawled in some cursive ass tattoo font, "Huh. Well, fuck me. But also the semi-naked female nudity probably didn't help."

 

[TrashRabbit]

"Why everybody always thinking gay men are repulsed by women. It's 2k18, I'm not a fucking tumblr anti-porn bot. I know when some ones pretty? Jaysus-" He said in a fake irish accent in mimicry of his boyfriend, well maybe they wern't still boyfriends. Everything was weird right now. "And you've had that for as long as I've fucking known you? Shit. Jackie. We're in Ohio. Ohio. I teleported us to Ohio. That's not okay. can we talk about how teleporting across state lines is fucked up?"

 

[CelticSol]

"Is there really anything about our situation right now that isn't fucked up six ways to Sunday? Let's... Let's face the facts here, dude. We had our..." shared nervous breakdowns following their joint dumping, she almost says, but says instead, "... we had a shakeup in our life plan, and the first thing we fuckin' did was pool money to roadtrip the U.S of all fucking places. A roadtrip? In this political landscape? I'm fuckin' latina, Tom. I'm - I'm latina and we're roadtripping Trump's America, dude."

She waves her hand dramatically, gesturing to Ohio, the gremlin, to Tom, and to herself, "And that's just the normal shit, dude? We just almost got killed by a demon moose. I - I have a demon inside me. We were in Maine - I think? - and now we're a thousand miles away in Ohio in a blink! I almost busted open my head and died and you fuckin'.... You don't die, Tom. Are we going to talk about that? Can we please talk about that? That's so fucked up."

 

[TrashRabbit]

"I hate to break it you you," he said looking some what sincere and apologetic for the breifest moment, before he added; "But absolutely the fuck not."

He kept his eyes straight on the road after he said it.

 

[CelticSol]

"Cool. Cool, cool, cool. Cooooooooool," Jackie says, sounding decidedly not okay, kicking her feet up on the dashboard as she covers her mouth with her hands, her fingers smelling of burnt tobacco. She continues, voice muffled by her hands, "You think... uh, well, you know-" She gestures vaguely to herself, to indicate the demon that resides within her, "Do you think He would protect me if I were in a life or death situation?"

 

[TrashRabbit]

"I would think so? L:ike demons just want to do sex drugs and rock and roll and they can't do that unless you have a pulse," He says like he's very sure.

 

[CelticSol]

"Speak for yourself. I'm sure he could still yeet my dead body around if he wanted. Don't you remember when he concussed Cathal by throwing the game cube at his head? He could just... Move my body like that. Snort coke by throwing me face down into a line, or flop my corpse on a sexual partner like a fish."

 

[TrashRabbit]

"I thought you were just blaming the demon for the game cube thing, I thought for sure you were just that passionate about mario kart????" He says with genuine surprise.

 

[CelticSol]

"... It levitated then flew full force at Cathal's head. While I was clear across the room? Don't you think if I had any capacity for telekinesis, I would've... Oh, I don't know, used the shit out of it?"

 

[TrashRabbit]

'It looked like you were using it for all the right reasons to me- I don't ask hard questions Jackie, you know this."

 

[CelticSol]

"That is true! You just... 'Oh, hey, Demon Moose, that's kinda dope', and let it kill you."

 

[TrashRabbit]

"If I can die. I want it to be by ghost moose." He said like he was making a compelling sales pitch

 

[CelticSol]

"Then why did you teleport us away from a perfectly good, perfectly deadly, and perfectly terrifying ghost moose, coward?"

 

[TrashRabbit]

"The ghost moose has to catch me first, I gotta play hard to get or its not fun. How can I get it up if I just let the ghost moose catch me, what sort of death dealing dom would a ghost moose be if it can't even catch me. I'm going to call every moose I see on the rest of this trip daddy in hopes that it kills me instantly."

 

[CelticSol]

"I'll kill you myself if you even dare."

 

[TrashRabbit]

"This is 2019, if I want a Moose daddy instead of bear thats my god given right."

 

[CelticSol]

"It's my God given right to kill you over it."