Other Is This A Sign That Someone Hates You?

[Jewel]

Hey RPNation,

A couple friends and I were talking about this, and I wanted to gauge how the rest of the site felt about this. Does it feel passive-aggressive to you when a person gives the "like" () reaction to your post? As opposed to "love" ()?

Maybe it reveals some deep, deep social insecurity in my subconscious, but when anyone (especially my roleplay partners) reacts to my post with the stupid little cookie reaction I feel that they are trying to send me hostile subliminal messages. It feels like, "I liked your post. But it was just okay" or even, "I didn't like this but I feel obligated to leave a reaction". This also occurs commonly to groups. And it's even more unnerving because in a group, you really don't usually know all the people that well.

The heart reaction leaves no room for uncertainty-- if someone "love"s your post, it always means "I liked this!". But the cookie... the cookie could suggest that the person only sort-of liked what you had to say, OR that they actually hate you and wants you to suffer. NOT that anyone on RPN has EVER been malicious to another person. But still... that cookie. Haunting.

I think I'd actually prefer that a person didn't leave a reaction at all as opposed to leaving a "like" on my post. I never "" anybody's posts, ever, because I don't want other people to think that I'm being passive-aggressive with them. Does anyone else feel this way? Does anyone NOT feel this way?

 

[Kaerri]

Honestly, I have never used any reaction emote as any indication of passive-aggressiveness. They're marked "like" and "love" because those are both positive things, and we made the deliberate choice not to have negative reactions on the site because we don't want post reactions being used for bullying, harassment, or any other negative behavior.

For me, if someone only "sort of liked" my post, they still took the time to give me a cookie, and that's better than them not liking at all. Conversely, if I don't get a like, that's not to say they didn't like it, just that they didn't mark it for whatever reason. I know at least one person who almost never uses the post reactions, and that makes it feel that much more special to me when they do.

I'd say, if someone gives you a "like" cookie, just take it as an indication that they found something in your post that they liked. Ultimately, these are for fun, and a way of communicating positive feelings.

 

[cocacola]

i typically always respond to my roleplay partner's 'plotting' posts with a like! sometimes if they have a brilliant idea, or im trying to show im super interested in something, ill use a love! with roleplays, i always leave a well written reaction! and its not just because i do it to be nice -- but if i seriously think its not well written, i wouldnt be roleplaying with them lol.

sometimes if im not available to respond asap, i give them a like to let them know: 'hey, i acknowledge this post!' so that they dont think i just viewed their reply and didnt care enough to respond.

 

[Larry]

I know how ya mean, and I would be lying if I didn't think like yourself at times when I do see the 'oul cookie pop up on a post.

Though, I wouldn't see it necessarily as people being passive-aggressive with me over what I've written, I'd interpret it more as a gradation between how much they liked the quality of the post. I wouldn't use it myself, due to the fact that the other reactions are a lot more descriptive in conveying how I felt about a post, or so I feel.

Still, it does come across as barebones to me at times, even though I should be thankful that people felt inclined to show some appreciation of what I've written.

 

[Truff]

I've had a couple writing partners who always gave a cookie, a heart, a well written, and sometimes if they're feeling particularly cruel, nothing. I always wondered if it meant something. Why did one post get a heart but that one only got a cookie? What about this one deserves nothing? Is it random??? Are they silently communicating something to me???? I'm less hurt or self-conscious and more perplexed by it.

 

[Pilgrim59]

Well, a cookie is a cookie. And it sounds like you are in dire need of the entire jar.
Don't dwell on it too much. At least they care enough to give ya a reaction, instead of nothing.
Most people are often braver behind a keyboard than they do in real life. Especially the socially-challenged ones. So you might also wanna consider the disposition of their personal circumstances. Might seem passive-aggressive to you, but for them, it might have been quite a crucible to muster up the courage to react to your post rather than ignore it completely.

Lots of elements in play. So don't sweat over it.

 

[Cosmo]

Can be all kinds of things. I've seen RPs where everyone who post gets a Like while their friends get Love. I've seen RPs where no one gets anything except for a few people who write really well. I've seen people who had like full on tiers where 'don't like' got nothing, 'Meh, at least you posted' got a Like, 'You're my friend, or great post' got Love and 'wow, that was amazing, please write with me more during this rp' got Great Scene/Well Written. I've seen people give Love out to anyone who wrote a long post as a 'Yeah, I love it, I totally read it all, yep, totally, see my heart on it?'

For my part, for the longest time, I never cared. If I got a Like/Love it was always, 'Mkay,' never gave it much thought. I rarely, if ever, gave out likes/loves, not because I didn't like their post or that they didn't do a great job, I just... never did. Tended to forget that was a thing and it was almost random when I remembered to do it.

Over the years though, I've become friends and cared about people who do care a lot. Where if they're in an RP and their post isn't getting loves/likes, they think they did something wrong or messed up even if their post was amazing. This is compounded, in extreme, if other people get Loves while they get nothing [Can be quite brutal when coupled with that 'I give my friends love and everyone else likes' RPs I mentioned earlier]. It can really make them disheartened.

So I've, lately, been trying to put likes/loves on post [I say likes/loves cause sometimes I just put one or the other cause I can be dumb] and call out particular scenes or phrases I really liked in the OOC/Discord to encourage people. I still often, very often, forget, but change tends to be gradual.

All to say, don't let it get you down as long as you are proud of what you wrote.

NOT that anyone on RPN has EVER been malicious to another person. But still... that cookie. Haunting.

I remember one time, related to this topic, years ago where there was a new person who just joined RPN and put up a CS for an RP that had just started. They were either new to it or just weren't used to the format from the CS, but the discord for that RP was full of people who were mocking them for their CS [Safely, where this person couldn't read it, and to the giggles of their fellows, of course] including some of those insulting them behind their back in discord leaving 'likes' and even a 'love' on their CS. Was quite repulsive and this certainly wasn't the last time I'd see similar behavior.

Promptly jumped out of that RP because, yeah, no, I don't have a ton of patience for groups like that. So I do get being worried about people using likes/love/etc as a means of being two faced or passive aggressive. That was also certainly not the only group I've seen do that.

 

[Malphaestus]

My "cookie" or my "heart" are not things to take for granted; if they are given, then they mean what they represent. I'd think the same would be true for all people.

 

[Pretty Little Creature]

This kind of blows my mind.
I'm new but I cookie everything.
I don't really see a difference between the two of them.

Added: Just for context. I actually looked through your posting history to see what this cookie and heart problem looks like.
So, after glancing over the pages, there are numerous of your posts with hearts in them. There is a positive emoji on a majority of your post as well as others. I truly feel you are reading too much into it and its impacting how you view yourself. Also, how are those people who have role-played with you and given you positive feedback going to feel? Not to amp up your anxiety but this is a public forum and this thread could offend the community.
I just think its a good time to like take a break from role-playing for a while. Relax. Take a break. I do not think these people are being malicious unless there is something going on beyond RPN that I see here ? If this is a manipulative group behind the scenes. I don't know. I just know what I see on RPN.

Once you take a break I'm certain you'll feel differently about the situation. Sometimes it just takes a step away . I totally get this is venting but I sincerely don't think these people are trying to get under your skin but I mean I don't know the entire situation. Or dynamics.

 

[Pumpkin Spice Cyanide]

I totally used to "like" texts passive-aggressively so i can absolutely get wat you're talking about but i kinda feel like people on here aren't as socially inclined to toxicity as maybe i was once upon a time

I kinda get bandkid energy from most rpn peeps. Which is great, really

 

[GojiBean]

Okie dokie. I'm going to be 100% honest in this post. And I want to apologize ahead of time if at any point I come across as insensitive or aggressive. Neither is my intention. These days a lot of people mistake blunt honesty with aggression and malice. So, I want to make it clear from the get-go that I'm just trying to analyze this topic and the information presented by the original poster to the best of my ability while providing what helpful tips I can in response. So, here goes.

You made the statement that you believe the heart "leaves no room for uncertainty" and "it always means" someone actually liked your post.

This is100% false, and a very dangerous assumption on your part. For example...

It's just as easy for someone to leave a heart without actually meaning they "loved" your content as it is to leave a cookie while meaning they did "love" your content.

It's just as easy to leave a heart ironically, or sarcastically or as a joke as it is to leave a cookie with the same intention.

It's just as easy for someone to leave a heart with hidden disinterest or malice as it is to leave the cookie with the same intention.

And it's just as easy to leave a heart while thinking/meaning "Meh, it was okay" as it is to leave a cookie with the same intention.

Long story short, try not to get caught in the trap of overanalyzing the intentions of a simple "like" button. After all, the true intention of the one leaving the like is not for you to decide. It's something only the one leaving the like actually knows. And projecting negative meaning into something that's inherently there to represent and facilitate positivity is genuinely unhealthy on your part.

Whether it's a cookie, a thumbs up, a laugh face, a smiley face, a heart, a heart eye face, or a picture of Einstein sticking his tongue out, a "Like" button is a "Like" button. When most people leave you a like it's because they genuinely liked your content and want to show their support for it. And by "most," I mean 99% of people. Likely with some added decimal place numbers after it as well. People are different, and they demonstrate their support in different ways. A heart doesn't always mean more than a cookie. It all depends on who's leaving it for you and what they, as an individual, intended by leaving it.

Now, this isn't to say that there aren't people out there who leave obligatory likes, or who leave them ironically, sarcastically, or with hidden negative intentions. They're absolutely out there. However, they're very few and far between. On sites like this where the point is to be creative together, the chances of running into someone who leaves cookie likes with the intention of saying "eh, it was okay" or "I felt obligated to leave it" are very low. In fact most people who don't like your content won't leave a like at all. Nor will they even reply to it. They'll just read it and pass it by. And you'll never even know that they were there to read your content in the first place.

So, again, don't overthink it.

A "Like" button is nothing worth stressing over, nor analyzing for malicious intent. If someone here leaves you a like, it's meant to be positive and supportive no matter which stupid little icon they chose to leave for you. Likes are likes. And they're here to facilitate positivity.

Now... As stated before, it's genuinely unhealthy to project negativity into this subject in the manner that you have in your post. If you honestly believe that people who leave a cookie like instead of a heart are doing so as a way to inject a negative reaction or meaning, no matter how subtle or "hidden" it may be, I whole heartedly believe you should see a professional counselor about it. While it might not seem like it at first, this projection of negativity is a very personally toxic mindset which will cause mental health issues down the line if not addressed sooner than later by someone with the ability to help you overcome it.

Trust me, I know.

Good luck to you!

~ GojiBean

 

[Buttercup.]

Damn, even with my marked tendency to interpret just about anything as a sign of disinterest or hostility it never occurred to me that someone "like"-ing what I wrote could be meant as venomous sarcasm.

So to answer: no, I'm pretty sure there aren't a significant number of people who will express their hatred with a nonverbal token of approval.

 

[moon.fairy]

honestly sometimes I just give the 'like' response because its the easiest thing to give while on mobile. personally I just do the 'love' reactions for aesthetics.

 

[viceroy]

Liking people's posts is like politics. When I react to someone's post with a cookie, I am only doing so out of a thin facade of being polite and civil. While I acknowledge what you said, I do not care, but I must pretend that I do care. Enter the cookie.

What does the cookie mean? It means your post was a "treat" to read and I was "delighted" enough by your words that I reacted with The Cookie. This is a part of The Grand Game. I "like" your post, as you "like" mine.

Sincerely,
On the verge of "death" from "chuckling",

Viceroy

 

[Best Hooker]

I don't usually overthink about reactions tbh...

But hey, I'm hungry so everyone gimme a cookie, please and thanks.

 

[crumbelivable]

Likes never really register with me on places like this. It feels more like a social media thing than something for forums like this. If I get a like, it's nice and I'm glad to get it, but I never give out likes and I prefer a genuine reply to a like any day.

 

[Sugarnaut]

I use reactions as bookmarks on where I last stopped on reading.
Don't take that shit personally because people (me) use those in dumb ways.

 

[Murdergurl]

No. THIS is a sign that Someone Hates You.





Like it. Love it. Or don't. It doesn't really matter.

 

[LiquidLight]

I feel like no reaction would me more of a sign than a reaction, since giving a reaction at all means the person wants you to know they saw your post and potentially agree with it. Cookies and hearts are both good things in my book. I know I personally wouldn't be comfortable with giving a heart because it's too personal to me. So, I would give a cookie, since that's more friend-like and appropriate in my mind.

 

[Boba Enjoyer]

I like cookies so I don't mind.

 

[MisterBobbyPin]

Even if was meant to be passive aggressive, taking it like that is a silly idea. Your getting cookies either way.

 

[nondescriptname655433788]

I leave cookies when I feel like a heart might seem overbearing, esp when I am first speaking to someone and they seem a bit on-edge. I also leave it when I like a post but didn't love it (ie. didn't agree w everything or thought it was worded oddly), never left one in a negative or passive-aggressive way... I would've just said something!

 

[Kylesar1]

I get cookies only in the OOC, usually as an acknowledgement of receipt (or at least that's how I take it) as I only ever get them when I tell my player(s) about something concerning the direction of the RP. I only ever give cookies as an acknowledgement on character sheets, which is the sign that I have accepted their character

In the RP itself, I've only ever gotten Well Written and Great Scene. I think I got an Awww react like once or twice in the past few years. Basically, if it's not one of those 3, I tend to disregard it. I never get them on a negative post or within an ongoing negative context, so I have no reason to believe passive-aggressiveness.

We're all randos on the internet posting stuff on a forum that we know is cringe but have fun doing. I would like to assume the best in people here until they prove otherwise

 

[Kazami42]

Guess it would depend because monoliths aren't a thing.
For example one person could do it because it is a nice thing to do, someone else might do it legitimately, someone else might do it because jealousy, someone else might do it for comparisons, someone else might do it because it is the only option they know of or can access, etc.

I wouldn't really view it as hostile or negative by default, but context would matter. For example if they didn't do it before, they seem off for a bit, and then started doing it, then it goes from positive or any level of neutral to a net negative. If they randomly had an alright day the spectrum moves to the other end, and otherwise it is always neutral I believe.

Basically, it matters usually more on self interpretation than actual practicality most of the time. In my personal case for example even outside online writings and such, even clearly negatives I intentionally bend over into positives. Kind of like how you make a hard shot in an online game from halfway across the map, or when you move fast and stay to corners, and use the environment unconventionally to use the knife on snipers, and someone screams that you are hacking or something. It is more a badge of honor and how difficult it actually was to achieve the reaction itself than anything else. In writings, one can do something kind of similar. If the heart is poured into it and there is signs of even the most "insignificant" 1000 cuts of improve within it somewhere, then no matter what it is you can easily twist it into a positive.