Advice/Help Is There Something Off-putting About My Interest Check?

[Kaoru Asuna]

Hey, everybody! I was just wondering if there's something strange or off-putting about this interest check I posted? I haven't had any responses, so I was wondering if there was something I should change?

Multiple Settings - Basic Interest Check!

(Feel free to suggest any ideas you might have, and please DM them to me, so this thread stays clear for future checks, if you'd be so kind. Thanks!) Hi! I'm looking for one partner for a single RP, and I'll close this thread ince I find a partner. Here are some basic ideas of what I'm...

www.rpnation.com

 

[A Sparkling Zombie]

1. Sometimes it is just luck.

2. People I think are more often drawn to ideas that have had thought put into them. It gives assurance that there will be collaboration and provides more spark for the muse. You could try expanding on what you have presented.

3. Asking for a particular player identity limits the options. A lot of roleplayers, at least on RPN, are non-cis male or queer. Also, maybe you didn't intend it this way, but some people might question if the request is for more than just a roleplay partnership, and that is going to involve its own level of consideration from people.

4. A lot of people aren't comfortable committing to 1 post/day, perhaps especially with the age demographic you're wanting your partner to come from. It's okay to seek out that posting rate, but it does mean fewer options.

5. You say you're looking for only 1 roleplay. People could be less inclined to answer if they think someone else might beat them to it.

6. AI art is pretty controversial. It wouldn't surprise me if you okaying it deters some people. You're allowed to decide what is and isn’t cool for yourself, but just pointing it out lol.

Just my two cents. Good luck with things!

 

[Talin]

This is my personal preference. I am not saying that you should change your boundaries or that you have to change anything, really.

For me, the following aspects of your interest check would be a bit off-putting.


1. 'I'm a straight, 30 y.o. female, so I'm looking for straight guys around my age as partners in romantic RPs.' I showed this to a friend of mine, and they said, 'It sounds like this person is looking for a romantic partner, not just a roleplaying partner, to be honest.' Especially coupled with the looking for one single partner for a single roleplay thing.

A lot of people might not want to discuss their romantic orientation with their roleplaying partners, no matter if that orientation is gay/bi/straight (or anything else). In my limited experience, people who have requirements like that often blur the lines between the character and their roleplaying partner, a red flag for many. Especially my female friends who approached straight guys who required only female roleplaying partners had very bad experiences with that, and I know of some male roleplayers with the same issue. Now, you can of course argue that you have a very good reason for this requirement. But some people will find it off-putting.


2. Some of your requirements read a little like a double standard. For example, you say that "I'd prefer that (without requiring it) whoever I'm posting with can post at least once a day, because I'm personally strapped for time, and the more often my partner posts, the more chances I have to respond when I do get enough time.

It's possible that I can post once a day, and sometimes more. But I'd still like my partners to post at least once a day or more." Asking for something that you yourself can't fulfill (or do I understand that wrong?) might seem a bit pushy or as if you don't take the requirements/preferences of someone who can really reply that often into account.

3. Sometimes, it is a bit hard to understand the kind of stories you are looking for, and some of your dealbreakers seem to be in conflict with the things you want to explore. For example, an apocalyptic roleplay without any mutants, war, horror, fictional creatures, or monsters is certainly possible, but people who would be interested in that genre might want to know what kind of apocalyptic setting you would like instead. In general, most things are a bit vague.

For example, the phrasing "romance (but not the romance novel kind). This is a given in almost all of my RPs— at least the possibility of romance." What would be the kind of romance you are interested in, then, if not the romance novel kind? Something more anime-oriented? Something else entirely? What is it that makes you dislike the romance novel kind of romance? Maybe tell people what kind of dynamics between the characters you are interested in. Like you did with the Cowboy Bebop-inspired roleplay, where friendship becomes romantic.


This is just my personal experience, but interest checks that are rather vague coupled with many requirements that require a lot of effort from your partner (this ties in with your paragraph about worldbuilding and post frequency) rarely attract a lot of interest.

Knowing that your (future) partner will be your only partner for this interest check, who should preferably be available every day and sometimes up for rapid-fire responses, helps you a lot with worldbuilding because you aren't good at it, and never taking longer than four days to reply without an 'explanation' is a lot of commitment. Especially if it is really hard to gather what exactly you like based on your interest check.

When interest checks that require a lot of effort do get a lot of interest, it is often because there is something intriguing about them. Something that makes people go, 'This male character that she is searching for/this world she wants to explore is right up my alley,' or 'Her female OC sounds great; I really want to write a romance story with such a unique/lovable character,' or 'Wow, her writing style is so cool,' or 'Even the tiny bit she reveals about the plots she likes makes them sound creative/makes me feel nostalgic (or whatever else someone could be looking for, really').

 

[Tsaia]

Well, yeah, if I’m being honest, it does turn me away if I were looking at it to reach out. I’ll explain why but ultimately it’s your request thread and you are free to do whatever you want. You really cut down your chances when you mention you are looking for straight guys as partners. From what I’ve seen of this site, there are so many others on here that you are excluding looking for just guys who are straight. To me, that seems suspect that the gender and sexuality of a person behind the computer is a top priority instead of actually wanting someone who will be a great writing partner in spite of who they are behind the scenes.

I’m female. I can write all sorts of characters but I feel excluded from this because, again, you’re asking for that particular group. You also mention no interest in writing with new members. Cutting your chances here. Ghosting is universal. Whether new members or not, in roleplay it happens. You can't stop it. No one can. Your tone about it just makes you sound a little mean. You can’t say how someone will be when they join a site. You might miss out on finding a decent partner limiting yourself like this and basically requiring them to be active here for a year.

Your posting expectations are unrealistic. By now the 25-35 group have jobs, perhaps school obligations, and families. Needing your partner to post every day is an unfair ask when you, yourself, say you are strapped for time. That while it is possible for you to post every day, your wording makes it seem like you might not. If you are not going to do what you expect of your partners, why would they feel inclined to do the same?

I could be wrong but you mentioned not being extremely detailed-oriented or not great at world building. While that is understandable, it feels like with some of your wording, you are looking for partners to do a lot of the work. Kind of a turn off.

 

[waytoolucky__]

Its pretty offputting yeah. The requirements are weirdly strict, and the "new to the site" one really gets me. The fact that someone is new has nothing to do with their reliability. Preferences for a strict age range, and for a demographic you dont often see in the roleplay scene at that... It's your interest check and you can do what you like-but with the guidelines so strict you cant really expect people to be coming in droves.

 

[Thanny]

I second all of these in some way, shape, or form. It is okay to have likes and dislikes and all that, but it really narrows the audience to slim pickings to have a mountain of quality control when an 1x1 interest check possibly gets two hundred unique views max (I could be wrong). Of course, it could all come down to how many people actively looked at your thread and their demographic because interest checks get buried quickly (perhaps as Sparkling Living Dead called it "luck"). I'm in my thirties and have long periods of having little downtime, so I understand hesitancy of not being able to post once a day.

Regardless of how much or little the interest check changes, I hope that you would be able to obtain a good long- or short-term partner, Green. o7 I view asking for advice on this admirable and helpful for us folks who are considering making interest checks like myself. Cheers!

 

[Lorsh]

The straight guys only thing is funny but I think it boils down to you limiting genres and themes, a lot of people prefer a fantastical angle, and if they don't, people usually don't want to bring up their IRL selves even if it is a slice of life RP.

Also no rap music?!?!!?!?!?

• Genres: most Fandoms or stories based in a specific existing fictional world (I'm unlikely to know enough about any world to follow the rules and cannon characters of it, but you can ask me about whatever), most Fantacy because most of that genre includes magic, anything super dark like Horror, War or at least stories of soldiers etc.

• Themes: Perversion (sexual or otherwise), non-straight relationships or characters (just not my thing. Not that there can't be any characters that aren't straight, but only side characters), domestic abuse, demons, magic, ghosts, monsters, mutants, most other fic
tional creatures, or rap music (lol)., etc.

 

[Solivagante]

I agree with a lot of the stuff that's been said above, but I also want to add that your title is very vague and not really interest-grabbing. Honestly, despite the fact that you don't want to RP with new members, it kinda makes you look like you just joined and are dipping your toe in.

At the very least, I'd suggest adding a few details (eg 'mxf' or 'f seeking m' for your gender preferences; 'realistic or sci-fi' for genre) so that someone browsing the forums has a better chance of noticing. I know you've got them in the post tags, but those can be less eye-catching.

 

[Idiot Doom Spiral]

There's a lot going on here so I'll break it down into different sections:

General/Plotting

1. The title is not eyecatching. I'm not saying it needs to be clickbait but people will be more likely to view it if there are keywords that match their interests such as genre or pairing.

2. Your settings and ideas are very vague. When you emphasize how open you are to ideas (I saw it written four separate times) and say that you'll let people take the lead, you come off as a very passive type of roleplayer.

And I have no problem letting my partner take the lead with the story as long as the groundwork for the main idea is set out (at least vaguely, with edits by me if something comes up that doesn't fit) and followed somewhat. I also love asking people to throw out their own ideas, which if I like them, I'd gladly agree to use and let them lead.

2a. Adding to that, the way the bolded parts are phrased also makes it sound like your partner is coming up with ideas for you rather than with you. Most people are looking for an active collaborator and that does not come across despite you saying otherwise.

—A man and woman begin attending a secret college for people with manifestation/elemental/psychological powers. (I have another interest check I can link you to to better explain the concept of the powers here.)

3. Summarize the information from the linked thread in this bullet point and put it in the main thread, preferably under a spoiler.

4. There are a number of typos in the thread. Even if you label yourself as "semi-lit," this will make people question your writing ability (especially if you do not provide a writing sample).

5. Saying you are interested in Anime/Manga, but going on to clarify that you aren't into it on "Fandom levels" is confusing. Anime/manga is a medium, meaning that they don't entirely inform someone of what that label constitutes.

Guidelines/Posting Timeframe/Writing Style

1. Being an older member doesn't make them immune to ghosting. People can't control being new to a website and I'm sure there are plenty of people who have been on this website for over a year but still ghost.

2. Why does the gender or orientation of the writer matter for the character? It makes it sound like you're looking for an actual romantic partner or at least, have a difficult time separating the character from the writer.

3. A daily post is a big ask for someone in any age range, much less 21+. By that point people are juggling higher education, work, family, etc. It comes off as a double standard to say that you are strapped for time without acknowledging that a prospective partner could be in the same position.

If we're online at the same time, it would be nice to post quickly with shorter posts, especially if our characters are currently having a conversation, so we can get real-time answers and more flowing dialogue.

4. Including this tidbit about if you're both online is a huge red flag (to me), mostly because it makes it seem like you're expecting a reply whenever someone is online or that you're waiting for them to come online. That may not be your intention, but the feeling of being watched is not a good one.

Genres You Don't Like
1. No rap music? You're free to your preferences but it's very random unless you plan on doing a music-based roleplay.

TLDR: Having such strict requirements will severely limit your partner pool. I invite you to condense and rephrase some of these points because it currently comes off as meaner than you intended.

 

[Sayoko]

I'm so fixated on the "no rap music" bit.

I could see the rest being chalked up purely to preferences. Your interest check is not my jam and not something I could personally work with, but I respect it. Each to their own and there is nothing wrong with having preferences. Something about the "no rap music" part, though, seems entirely unrelated and a bit mean-spirited to me. I'm sure it wasn't intended that way, but there is a long and uncomfortable history regarding the treatment of rap music, at least where I'm from, so maybe that's why it stuck out to me. I might consider removing it if I were you, but it's your interest check and you're fully within your rights to keep it in there if you so please.

Anyway, that's just my two cents. I wish the best of luck with finding some Roleplay partners, OP.

 

[Kaoru Asuna]

Thank you all so much!

That was an incredible amount of really specific and useful advice — I'm going to rewrite a lot of it and probably remove and add some things, and from now on, I'll be more specific with the story ideas I'm interested in, et cetera. I can't thank all of you more!

From the bottom of my heart, thanks!

 

[Kaoru Asuna]

I think I'll also clarify a few things for everyone:

The rap music thing was mostly a joke (that's why it was followed by "lol"). But I don't like 98.7% of rap songs.

I don't get emotionally invested in my characters, even if it seems that way by my interest check.

I look for straight guys in romance rp's because I just don't like the idea of writing a romantic/explicit story with another woman, or a gay guy, for example. (But I do plan on removing the straight restriction from my future checks.)

I can almost always post at least once a day, and I will be removing my "strapped for time" statement. (That was something I put in when I recently returned to the site and didn't know what my posting availability would be, which I've pretty much figured out now.)

When I said "Romance (but not the romance novel kind)" I meant no explicit sexual descriptions, as those are usually frequent in that genre of literature. I should have been more clear about that (that is in my rules somewhere, though).

I'm sure there are more things I'm forgetting to mention, but that covers the ones in my head at the moment. Thanks again everybody!

 

[Tsaia]

I look for straight guys in romance rp's because I just don't like the idea of writing a romantic/explicit story with another woman, or a gay guy, for example. (But I do plan on removing the straight restriction from my future checks.)

I'm not going to say anything else beyond this because you're free to do whatever you want. It's your request thread. This statement makes you seem narrow-minded. I would never have said something like this then follow it up with removing restrictions. If this is how you honestly feel, why would anyone want to write with you after reading this?

 

[A Sparkling Zombie]

I just wanna say, Kaoru, that it's brave of you to create a thread like this and open yourself to feedback. It's not easy, especially on a board of this size and a lot of different personalities and viewpoints. Good luck with your search!

 

[Lorsh]

I just wanna say, Kaoru, that it's brave of you to create a thread like this and open yourself to feedback. It's not easy, especially on a board of this size and a lot of different personalities and viewpoints. Good luck with your search!

Fax

Goodluck

Tsaia lay off her maybe...

 

[Tsaia]

Fax

Goodluck

Tsaia lay off her maybe...

She asked for advice from people. It was an observation not an attack. I'm not sure what you or the other person were trying to insinuate. If someone posts something online, not everyone is going to agree with opinions. I didn't know I had to word my disagreement a certain way. Anyway, I'm not trying to start anything. So feel free to do whatever. Have a good one.

 

[Kaoru Asuna]

I'm not going to say anything else beyond this because you're free to do whatever you want. It's your request thread. This statement makes you seem narrow-minded. I would never have said something like this then follow it up with removing restrictions. If this is how you honestly feel, why would anyone want to write with you after reading this?

It's okay, you can say whatever you want. I'd rather you not censor yourself in the interest of not offending me. Stay bold!

And I pretty much agree — it is narrow-minded. I'm straight, why would I want to write possibly smutty stuff with a woman? Who could also be a lesbian?
And just for the record: I don't require straight males, I just prefer it (and to that point, I may not remove it from my interest checks — to your credit). Women are barred from my romantic rp's, though, for the above reasons.

When I look for a partner in any other type of RP other than one featuring romance, I don't think I put restrictions on the sex or orientation of my hoped-for partner (that I can remember. I might have suggested a male partner for the male counterpart I had planned for the idea I presented, but I definately didn't say "straight").

And another thingy (not directed at you, but to everyone who responded in general): If I present an interest check with a specific story in mind, with specific characters (say a female I'd play, and a male counterpart, with or without the expectation of romance) already in mind, I'm very likely to ask for sex matching partners for those characters. I understand that there are extremely talented writers who can write as any character, but who can better play as a man than a man, and vice versa?