Advice/Help I have two writing issues

[Deredere]

I have two writing issues. Telling and not showing and trying to portray a straight cis male that still is feminine. I want to have more detail in my writing, but it feels so difficult and worry that if I spend to long trying to think of something, they'll leave and ghost me, but I don't want to rush on details. My second is trying to make one of my characters still straight, but still likes doing girly things. I don't want the camp straight trope on him either. I want to treat him like a real person.

 

[defenderofberk]

I have two writing issues. Telling and not showing and trying to portray a straight cis male that still is feminine. I want to have more detail in my writing, but it feels so difficult and worry that if I spend to long trying to think of something, they'll leave and ghost me, but I don't want to rush on details. My second is trying to make one of my characters still straight, but still likes doing girly things. I don't want the camp straight trope on him either. I want to treat him like a real person.

Well I can help you with the second one as soon as I get a little more time.

 

[l u k a s]

i can help ! ive met a couple cis males that are more on the feminine side in my day .
and i might be able to help with telling not showing ? though if it's cool id need more details , cause im on like five hours of sleep hehe

 

[Deredere]

Thank you defenderofberk , It's like you're my roleplaying guardian angel willing to help me be a better roleplayer.

 

[Salara]

It's challenging to show, and not tell, in almost any situation. I think the biggest key to that is knowing your character, in your heart. It helps, especially as you are learning who a character is, and how they might react to certain situations, to run down a list of your senses as you consider your response. Senses give life to a scene when they are considered, fully. What does he smell, or hear? How does he process and react to those stimuli? And so on. This should help with detail at least.

 

[Deredere]

I meant showing and not telling. If you want to see me try to attempt showing in my writing, just ask me and it will be granted.

 

[l u k a s]

I meant showing and not telling. If you want to see me try to attempt showing in my writing, just ask me and it will be granted.

id love to see what your writing is like ! maybe i could help better with an example .

 

[Deredere]

He is suppose to be dangerous and yet in sort of a hot way. His name is Gary by the way.

The phone rings, it echoes the room. He stared down and twirled his danger in his hands in a delicate manner before striking it on a dart board, landing it in perefect accuracy. The echoes soften as he slowly picks up the phone. ''Who is it?'' he asked in a raspy yet enticing voice. He lifts up his eyebrows ''Yes, is that so? Well that's a real shame, now is it? I'm afraid that's not going to work in your favor.'' He twirls the phone cord and licks his lips ''Rules are rules, goodbye ma'am.''

 

[l u k a s]

okay yeah ! maybe- hmmm ,,,, imma try to write something up here to possibly help . what's his name ?
( also you're writing style is really neat ! )

 

[l u k a s]

oh ! and what does he look like roughly ?

 

[Salara]

I like your style. It leaves natural questions, which may or may not actually need answers right away (or at all!). Questions such as..

• Where is he?
• Is he alone?
• What is this room like, if a phone ring echoes and there's a dart board on the wall?
• How did he learn to throw daggers so well?
• What does he DO with those?!
• Was he expecting this call?
• Who is on the other end?
• What did THEY do?
• How is he feeling about this call?
• What happens next?

Your description is good. It's just enough to give some charisma, and also generate curiosity.

 

[defenderofberk]

Okay, so writing an effeminate but straight guy.

Actually, it’s not that hard provided you don’t want to go really overboard. Some tips:

Decide whether they’re effeminate or a cross dresser. Seriously. Most effeminate men I’ve met might’ve cross dressed once or twice for a night out as a laugh, but they don’t live it. It’s very unlikely they’ll own a selection of skirts and go out to nail salons, especially if they’re straight.
Remember they’re not girls. They’re not going to be following the latest fashion magazines, they’re only going to wear high heels as a drunken prank and babies will still freak them out.

Personality:
Just because they’re effeminate doesn’t mean they have to be a coward, but they’re less likely to resort to violence. Most effeminate guys are generally fairly well educated and are usually quite nerdy (think role playing/story driven video games/reading).

Effeminate guys can be very outgoing and social on the surface, but like women they’re often quite reclusive with their true feelings. They also tend to be in touch with their feelings more, but that doesn’t mean they’ll be bursting out crying every two minutes or professing undying love after a day.

They make pretty good partners. Because they’re more effeminate they can appreciate why some flowers or a nice bubble bath would be great after a long day, so they can be quite romantic. Don’t confuse this with womanising though, as most effeminate men don’t think women find them attractive so many of them are shy and lack confidence.

Cats. Enough said.

They don’t have to be submissive in nature. You can have an effeminate man that’s still strong willed.

They don’t spend ages on their appearance. Sure they’ll keep clean, but don’t expect them to be styling their hair every day or worried about how cream doesn’t go with black. They are generally stylish when it comes to other things though, like when picking out an art piece or designing a kitchen.

They can still appreciate a beer. Effeminate men are not required to be t-total.

I'll add any more as I think about it, in the mean time I hope this helps!

 

[Crayons]

For your feminine cis straight guy, I think you should first ask yourself: what is femininity? What aspects of femininity to I wish my character to have? Why does he have those traits?

It's all very well to come up with a list of feminine traits a man might have, but you should think about your character in the round. It might even help you to stop thinking about feminine and masculine as ways to describe him. How useful are those as words to describe a character? Does masculine = chopping logs with your bare hands and wrestling alligators? Does masculine = Never crying, only watching action movies and being competitive? I mean ... idk.

Just think about what he's like as a person, and then ask yourself why you/the people around him consider things he does to be feminine. I feel like that would help you more than shoehorning a love of romcoms and lavender cushions into him.

 

[Deredere]

l u k a s he looks sorta like this, but much darker in skintone. I say and likec the trope ''Tall dark and handsome'' and I thought it meant dark as in skintone, not hair.

 

[Deredere]

Salara , I can answer some questions, but still leave some answers for interpretation.
Where is he (Gary)? He's in his office
Was he alone? Yeah
What is this room like, if a phone ring echoes and there's a dart board on the wall? It's a large dark office so sounds may echo a little bit
How did he learn to throw daggers so well? You can guess on that. I have an answer, but you'll probably feel better about you're answer
What does he DO with those?! Like I said, you'll feel better for interpretation than outright giving the answer to you
Was he expecting this call? He usually does expect calls, just doesn't know who.
Who is on the other end? A customer not liking her service
What did THEY do? He's mostly a hacker
How is he feeling about this call? Indifferent, he couldn't give two sh*ts about the other person on the line
What happens next? Interpretation, I still need to brainstorm on that.

 

[l u k a s]

The phone rings, it echoes the room. He stared down and twirled his danger in his hands in a delicate manner before striking it on a dart board, landing it in perefect accuracy. The echoes soften as he slowly picks up the phone. ''Who is it?'' he asked in a raspy yet enticing voice. He lifts up his eyebrows ''Yes, is that so? Well that's a real shame, now is it? I'm afraid that's not going to work in your favor.'' He twirls the phone cord and licks his lips ''Rules are rules, goodbye ma'am.''

so maybe for some more show don't tell kind of stuff , i think what salara said is the best way to look at it , and i 100% agree with that .

the phone scrapes through the air , a call beckoning an answer . the room is flooding with the unfaltering sound as it throws itself against the walls , unsure of where to rest .
the metal was lacking the comfort of warmth , and was not destined to stay long enough in his palm to give it that comforting sensation .
the sound continues , and he flinches . his fingers flying up in what could've been instinct . after a life like his , it had to be .
the dartboard caves , like a maiden fainting , the wood a damsel meeting it's demise at the hand of unwelcomed metal . he pierced the heart of the damsel with nothing more than instinct .
the gnawing monotony pitters as his hands come to collect the device . he can hear another life , another voice from somewhere beyond this room . he wants to know who it is , and asks accordingly . his face is momentarily etched with some form of recognition , maybe not a name , maybe not the voice , but what it's asking jogs his memory .
" yes , is that so ? well that's a real shame now is it ? " his voice emerges finally from his throat , the sound a gnarled beast that feels almost foreign to the world . when was the last time since the man talked ? he feels some sort of emotion bubble as he lets the next words exit . maybe it was excitement , or something far more sinister among his roughened vocals . " im afraid that's not going to work in your favor " he concludes . winding his finger through the telephone chord , the surface grazing his fingertips . he could think to himself , and compare how similar these clients , and the telephone chord was . his lips are chapped , he seeks to remedy that , dragging a cool gloss against them with his tongue , before parting his lips for the only words he felt obligated to deliver . ” rules are rules , goodbye ma'am " .

just using how he feels , what the sounds are like . is this an inconvenience to him ? sort of reflect how he feels about the situation onto how the world is interpreted so that the readers can feel the same !
( this one is a really bad example just because im not fully sure what he's all like , what his backstory is , what his personality is , if he feels like this is a chore or if he enjoys it . but you are an awesome writer and i know you can make it really epic ! )

 

[Deredere]

Crayons and defenderofberk . I can tell about my oc, Mason Hue (effeminate male). He doesn't cross dress at all, though will wear a shirt from the girls' section if it looks nice and nothing that would really scream out ''Hey look at me! I like girly things.''. He's not much of an attention hog and likes to be more in the backstage. He rather be supportive to his friends and be in the backseat. His friends do tease him for liking more feminine things, but it doesn't bring him down as he knows they are only playing and secretly jealous that he can rock a girl's t-shirt better. He does have good grooming habits, but it isn't too much of a concern. He likes to treat himself with chocolates every once in a while, but mostly has a healthy diet. He does like cats and dogs too to add on for his traits. He works as a motivational speaker and does speeches as he likes to empower people to achieve their dreams. He does have flaws as he is emotional, that does include anger and he will bite back. He's also a bit of a hoarder too as he holds sentiment and value to basic everyday items.

 

[Deredere]

l u k a s if you want to hear his backstory, ask me.

 

[Crayons]

Crayons and defenderofberk . I can tell about my oc, Mason Hue (effeminate male). He doesn't cross dress at all, though will wear a shirt from the girls' section if it looks nice and nothing that would really scream out ''Hey look at me! I like girly things.''. He's not much of an attention hog and likes to be more in the backstage. He rather be supportive to his friends and be in the backseat. His friends do tease him for liking more feminine things, but it doesn't bring him down as he knows they are only playing and secretly jealous that he can rock a girl's t-shirt better. He does have good grooming habits, but it isn't too much of a concern. He likes to treat himself with chocolates every once in a while, but mostly has a healthy diet. He does like cats and dogs too to add on for his traits. He works as a motivational speaker and does speeches as he likes to empower people to achieve their dreams. He does have flaws as he is emotional, that does include anger and he will bite back. He's also a bit of a hoarder too as he holds sentiment and value to basic everyday items.

So which of these traits you listed do you think make him "effeminate"?

Or is it more a mannerisms/gestures thing?

I'm not seeing it.

 

[Deredere]

So which of these traits you listed do you think make him "effeminate"?

Or is it more a mannerisms/gestures thing?

I'm not seeing it.

He likes wearing some clothes made for women, but mostly wears clothes for men
He is emotional (he's not crying all the time though)
He does have some care for personal hygine.
He is kind to all creatures (I do consider this a feminine because that's what disney princesses buzzfeed quizzes to me that's a trait)
He actually does have a favorite princess, it's Cinderella and he will defend his answer why she's at least the better princess of the original three.

 

[Crayons]

He likes wearing some clothes made for women, but mostly wears clothes for men
He is emotional (he's not crying all the time though)
He does have some care for personal hygine.
He is kind to all creatures (I do consider this a feminine because that's what disney princesses buzzfeed quizzes to me that's a trait)
He actually does have a favorite princess, it's Cinderella and he will defend his answer why she's at least the better princess of the original three.

Out of those things, you can only really count liking Disney princesses as a feminine trait imo.
The wearing of women's clothes thing ... depends what clothes they are. Loads of guys I know bought women's uniqlo shirts when they had Rumiko Takahashi designs. That's not especially feminine.

 

[Deredere]

I'm down in the south, if you wore pink, cared what you smelt like, or showed hints of liking girly things, you were a girl, no questions asked. What are feminine traits then if those aren't it?

 

[Crayons]

I'm down in the south, if you wore pink, cared what you smelt like, or showed hints of liking girly things, you were a girl, no questions asked. What are feminine traits then if those aren't it?

Ok context explains a lot, if your character is also from where you live then sure. It's really not like that everywhere though.

What are feminine traits indeed? That's an interesting question that everyone should ask themselves.

As a final word, I think it's better to describe these traits as themselves rather than label them as feminine. Let the other characters decide whether they think those things make him feminine or not. I think labelling them that is another example of telling not showing, and you should probably not emphasise it when's you're writing.

 

[defenderofberk]

I'm down in the south, if you wore pink, cared what you smelt like, or showed hints of liking girly things, you were a girl, no questions asked. What are feminine traits then if those aren't it?

Ah, this is what I was saying. Feminity is not pink and flowers, it's a mindset and as such often influences ones personality.

To be feminine (as a man) is to be caring instead of practical, passionate instead of shut off, emotional instead of logical, calm instead of angry. I say the last one because effeminate men are still men, and a man that is quick to anger is very dangerous indeed.

Of course, most people aren't exclusively logical or emotional. Even effeminate men will often put an animal out if its misery quickly rather than try to save it.

 

[Deredere]

As a final word, I think it's better to describe these traits as themselves rather than label them as feminine. Let the other characters decide whether they think those things make him feminine or not. I think labelling them that is another example of telling not showing, and you should probably not emphasise it when's you're writing.

Thank you for your feedback. I actually feel a lot better now. It's nice to have some constructive criticism now and then, I don't know when I'll be able to put him out into the world (this website) and when I'm ready show off my writing skills. You're right, I should let others think who the character is and let others decide on what they feel about him.