Journal Hurts To Be Human

[Millennial Dragon]

This isn't anything important. A place to put my thoughts, a place to put some of myself on paper. Disclaimer: Probably going to be depressing and dark stuff most of the time, if not all the time. Wanna be happy? Don't read.​

Time has helped me through many things, giving me space to breathe with some distance. Sometimes, I feel like I take that distance too far and I disconnect, finding excuses in the pain. It's hard for me to find the right balance between caring too much and too little, especially with chronic depression. Are people worth it? There are times when it doesn't really feel that way, especially when they cause you so much pain; only what you love can truly hurt you. Sadly, you can't just push people away in fear of them hurting you. Truth is, everyone will hurt you at one point or another, intentionally or not. It's a really just a matter of who's worth hurting for.

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[Ayama]

Damn that last phrase was effin' beautiful/inspirational~ ​

 

[Millennial Dragon]

Damn that last phrase was effin' beautiful/inspirational~ ​

Thanks lol. You keep tracking down everything I write. XD

 

[Ayama]

Do I? xD ​

 

[Millennial Dragon]

Do I? xD ​

Yes!

 

[Zombocalypse]

I like your philosophy. There's truth to it. "Only those you care for can hurt you."

Compassion and empathy are healthy things even though it makes us vulnerable. At the same time, to be effective we gotta control our emotions. They're both useful and damaging.

 

[Millennial Dragon]

I like your philosophy. There's truth to it. "Only those you care for can hurt you."

Compassion and empathy are healthy things even though it makes us vulnerable. At the same time, to be effective we gotta control our emotions. They're both useful and damaging.

Thank you.

I agree, but sometimes it's hard to see that when you're struggling to push through the pain. Emotions come with their flaws, but so do the people they come from.

 

[Zombocalypse]

Thank you.

I agree, but sometimes it's hard to see that when you're struggling to push through the pain. Emotions come with their flaws, but so do the people they come from.

Reminds me of a quote from Napoleon Bonaparte that further emphasizes the need to be cold and neutral... And being the oddball that I am, I have it completely memorized. Lmao.

"The first quality of a general-in-chief is to have a cool head, which receives exact impressions of things, which never gets heated, which never allows itself to be dazzled, or intoxicated by good or bad news."

Of course there are techniques to calm one's mind. My go-to method is to take care once and for all whatever's bothering me. Zen Buddhists recommend meditation. Western psychologists may recommend something else. Whatever works.

 

[Millennial Dragon]

Reminds me of a quote from Napoleon Bonaparte that further emphasizes the need to be cold and neutral... And being the oddball that I am, I have it completely memorized. Lmao.

"The first quality of a general-in-chief is to have a cool head, which receives exact impressions of things, which never gets heated, which never allows itself to be dazzled, or intoxicated by good or bad news."

Of course there are techniques to calm one's mind. My go-to method is to take care once and for all whatever's bothering me. Zen Buddhists recommend meditation. Western psychologists may recommend something else. Whatever works.

I'm impressed you have it memorized.

I usually just confront my problems and blow off steam with my hobbies.

 

[Millennial Dragon]

I have no problem sacrificing for friends and family, but the question is when are you sacrificing too much for the happiness of others? It took me awhile to figure that out, considering that caring about them gets in the way of caring about myself. Especially when I have low self-esteem issues and it seems natural and logical to put them before me. I thought I could give and give, but then realized I only have so much to give before there's nothing left for myself. My own happiness is important too, and sometimes, you have to take a step back from everything to realize that. I'm not living my life for someone else, I'm living it for me. So when are you giving up too much for others? It's when their smile doesn't make you smile too.

 

[Millennial Dragon]

I write to you now, in a place you'll never see. I want you to know of my heart, yet to not hear its tears. Once again, I toss myself aside. Before it was so you could love another, and now, it is because I realize before wasn't a choice between me and them- I was never an option then and I am still not one now. I convinced myself I didn't love you after you broke my heart. For a time, it was true, lost in the time we drifted apart. Life has its twists though, as I found you in my life again. I forgave you for the past, the hurt you never meant to cause, and apologized for being human myself too. The slate was clean, but such things never last; I came to love you again. I didn't realize though, blind to my feelings and too prideful to admit I felt something for someone who already broke my heart once. But the revelation came to me, walking around at night. Suddenly, I couldn't run away from myself. I had asked you before if you had liked me and you said you didn't know; your answer didn't bother me then, but it bothers me now. Who am I to demand answers though? It is too selfish for me to ask for a 'yes' or 'no,' you're caught up in your life. I shouldn't even have the time to think about you, life is busy for me too. But I do think about you, this hopeless affection of mine, saddened by the fact I know you don't like me back, yet gratified by the simple happiness of loving you. I wish you would've just told me 'no' the day I asked you if you liked me, it'd make it so much easier to push you out of my thoughts. Uncertainty makes my yearning heart hopeful as much as the pessimist in me laughs at the idea someone could love me.