Advice/Help How would you go about telling someone that their character isn’t a good fit for your rp?

[Walliver]

What it says on the tin. Just general knowledge because I never know how to tell players outright and I don’t want to seem like the bad guy. The last time this happened, a player of mine sort of threw a fit, and I really don’t want to deal with that again.

Any thoughts?

 

[ForgetTomorroow]

Unfortunately, there isn’t one answer that fits all when you’re telling someone you don’t fit a particular vibe or theme or your character isn’t working well to the extent of the story.

But I believe humility, kindness, and compassion are a must when dealing with rejection. Think to yourself: this is someone who has attempted to join my RP, spoken with me, however brief that may be, and showed effort in writing/character creation. That should be treated with politeness. Not to be mixed with passiveness, oh on, you don’t need to bend your knee.

But respect and manners go a long way when you want to let someone down gently.

Offering a chance to remedy the character's situation might be a good first step. But if you feel personally, your roster is already full and the character wouldn’t contribute further. I find the “positive sandwich” technique works for me, one positive, the negative and another positive in between. This is a hobby, rightly so, but doesn’t mean we cannot be nice when we address it.

Some people don’t deal well with rejection, either, the sad reality on the other side of the coin. You can be the nicest person in the world, but the rejection is still treated as something which affronted them and nothing you can do in that case other than move on and reinforce boundaries. When you’re setting up groups and rps, dealing with people goes hand-in-hand.

 

[Ayama]

I would suggest honesty. Regardless of how the other person chooses to react I find that, for your sake and the RP's sake, it's important to be clear about things. If the player doesn't have a vibe that meshes with the other players, say so. If their writing style is not what you want to see, say so. If the character's just not what you're looking for, or is a problem for the following reasons a), b) and c), say so. You're not saying anything against them- you're just clearly outlining your expectations and how this doesn't meet them, so there is no possibility of confusion, argument, or 'But you said!' down the line. As a GM, it's part of your job to have clear expectations and make sure everyone in the RP follows them, so there's definitely nothing wrong with stating as much ^^

 

[Idea]

My approach on this kind of thing is always the same. I don't reject characters unless I find there is a fundamental problem with them at the core, or there isn't enough room for another character. Or if the problem is the player, but I'll be ignoring that case since it doesn't seem to be the kind of thing being discussed here. Point is, if the problem is in the details, rather than rejecting I would point out why those details are incompatible with the RP and suggest potential corrections that still align with the idea that the player was trying to go for.

If the character's core is not compatible with the RP however, while the approach is similar sense it's very distinct in another. On one hand, I think that the most important thing is that you properly and honestly explain why the character isn't compatible. If the other party is reasonable, then proper reasons why the character is being rejected - which if you are rejecting you should have - explained in a clear and concrete way, should at least convince them that it may be worth trying again or at least that it is understandable if unfortunate that they were rejected. If the person is not reasonable, well... Then there's little you can really do about it, they're going to argue if they don't get what they want to hear and what they want to hear is "you're accepted". On the other hand "I am just not feeling it" or reasons that sound equivalent to that might lose you even people who are reasonable, as putting effort into something only to be frivolously dismissed is hardly a pleasant experience, let alone one that encourages taking the risk of trying again.

The way this differs from the attempt to correct details however, is that when you reject the core concept of a character as incompatible with your RP you aren't helping a player fine tune what they want to do to fit your RP better, you are outright telling them that what they want is not compatible with your RP. As I would argue for players their characters are more often than not more important to them than the RP itself, this can be a pretty bad hit (which is why I don't think core concept incompatibility is something that should readily assumed without very good reasons). In some cases, it might help to salvage some parts of the concept, but it's best to let the whole thing get scrapped and let them try anew.

So again: Honest, clarity, and being concrete in giving the proper reasons that make the concept fundamentally incompatible with the RP, such that adjusting the details cannot fix it nor can you make something that's about equivalent.

As for the second possibility for rejection (not enough room) I find that's a lot simpler, just say "sorry I'm afraid we already have as many players as I think I can manage, I could contact you if you'd like in case an opening emerges" or something along those lines.



Edit: To be clear, when I say "honest" I do want to point out that one should strive to keep it polite still, but also neutral. It's a hard balance, but if you're rude the other person is going to get more defensive and feel more justified in their anger, but if you sound excessively understanding or meek it can prompt some people to try to push what they want more than they would otherwise.

 

[nerdy tangents]

So I always found that keeping it short and sweet works best. And it very much depends on how close the character is to what you want.

I will use real examples from my group days. For context, it was a superhero school roleplay.

Player 1 : can I play a medieval princess with a wolf companion?

My response : No.

Player 2: can I play a character with X power?

My response : We have a character with X power already and I would prefer no repeats. You can use Y or Z powers instead.

Player 3: Sends in a CS with multiple typos, entire sections missing, and no visual reference.

My Response : I’m afraid you need to fill the CS in properly to join, if you need help with the codes let me know.


Honestly, the point is whatever the issue keep your response short, polite, but firm.

If someone throws a fit block them and move on. You don't need to give entitled people your time or energy.

 

[Steve Jobs]

From personal experience it will be largely the player more than yourself. In your case, even if the character had been a fit for the RP, their attitude would show itself someday.

If it's a general concept proposal then a simple no should suffice, though an explanation could be very helpful.

Rejecting completed apps takes a bit more work but the main thing is to be firm but kind. I would try leading with your appreciation for them applying to your RP as it takes a lot of effort time, effort, etc before talking about some things you enjoyed about their character. Sort of make a compliment sandwich if that makes sense? You can then break the news in a concise but polite way. If they are curious or if you want to give them a chance to fix their mistakes then you can talk about what issues the character had. In cases where they just barely didn't make the cut I would offer to let them know if more slots open up in the future.

 

[floripher]

i'll just say it. trying to spare their feelings will only end up with me compromising the integrity of the plot for the sake of someone who either didn't put in the effort, is just looking to mess around, or isn't at the same level of the rest of my players and wouldn't benefit the group.

"your character isn't a good fit for this roleplay because of x, y, z. i'm sorry but maybe there's another group that might be better suited for you."

 

[Jet]

The most important part of leadership is knowing how to deal with different people. There are those who can take things straight up and on the chin. There are others who need softer wordings, maybe a lengthy explanation to show it's nothing personal, along with an offer to help them change the character to fit better.

For me personally, straightforward is best, but that doesn't apply to everyone. Just try to read the room as best possible.

Also, on a tangent here, try to compromise when possible, and give your world empty places for players to fill. I usually give my worlds a dozen or more big locations, many with sparse, basic lore to outline the region's general atmosphere. That let's people make what they want, to an extent, which reduces creative conflicts.

If they're truly hell bent on spawning an uwu anime girl into your gritty, dystopian hellscape, then it's on them. It's the player's responsibility to make a fitting character, or something close to fitting your RP. However you should be as flexible as possible. Successgul GMing is filled with creative compromises, otherwise you'll suck the fun from the RP.

 

[UnhappyUnion]

The one thing I like about RPN compared to some alternative mediums is you do not have to bend the knee to anything you do not want in your RP so long as you go about it in a proper manner.

First though, determine if it's a core-issue or just a tertiary one with the character in question.

What do I mean by core-issue?

A core-issue is something that if changed it will completely alter the character itself, or if inserted into the setting it will completely alter the theme.

Examples of core issues I have encountered is people wanting to play female knights, anime characters in non-anime settings, having supernatural abilities in a non-supernatural setting.

Now if someone is having a core-issue it likely means they are not on the same page as you, or you did not define parameters well enough. But with these issues you just tell them firmly and directly the problem - measure their response because 99 percent of the time they will ghost your or have some choice words and leave. It's pretty rare that someone gets over something like this because most of the time it implies they could care less about your settings parameters.

A tertiary issue is a bit easier to deal with. This simply means smaller details that you can offer meaningful feedback for that goes beyond 'that does not work.' This can be abilities you feel too powerful, characters you feel can fit but will need some more justification or alteration.

A tertiary issue is worth spending your time on correcting. Always, always offer a solution for a tertiary issue.

Anyways, thank you for coming to my Tedtalk.

 

[GojiBean]

Hoyo!

Good question!

Depending on your personality and sense of sympathy, it can be more difficult that it is for others to turn someone away because their character isn't quite up to your expectations.

I generally take one of two approaches to telling someone if their character isn't what I'm looking for:

Safe Approach

- "Thank you for the submission! I've taken some time to review your character, and I'm looking for something a bit less (insert quality(ies) not desired) and something a bit more (insert qualiy(ies) desired). If you don't mind altering the character to fit this model I'd love to take another look at it when you're done!"

- This approach is encouraging and gives the user the chance to think about whether or not it's the RP they really want to be a part of, or if they just wanted to use a character design they've been holding onto. Because if it's the latter they're going to say "Thanks but no thanks," and everyone leaves amicably regardless. So, there's really no downside to this approach in and of itself.

- Of course there will always be the childish one from time to time who goes "Why doesn't the character fit? I conformed to your CS requirements." If you get this attitude, you can respond in any number of ways. I've found the best response is no response. The worst they can do is pester you in PM's or in the thread. If they do you can summon a Moderator to help with the situation. You're not obligated to explain why you, as the RP creator, feel the way you do. If they can't accept your judgement then they should be moving on.

Direct Approach

- "Thank you for your submission! Unfortunately, I don't feel this character is a good fit for this RP, so I must refuse the entry."

- If you want to add the same offer to remodel the character, you can. But it is not required. Especially if you identify elements of the character design that give away traits in the user's writing style that you don't particularly care for or think you could tolerate long term.

- This approach can go either way as far as reactions go. I've had plenty of people say "Aw, that's a shame. Okay then. Good luck!" And everyone left amicably. And I've had other cases where someone got uppity and started demanding explanations and trying to accuse me of any number of gatekeeping practices because of (insert asinine remarks and name calling here). Those people I just ignore. And as before it they pester you too much just summon a Mod and we'll take care of it.


At the end of the day there's no truly "right" or "wrong" way to turn someone away.

It all comes down to your personality and preference as to what kind of an approach you want to take. If you're the type who doesn't like to hurt feelings then I'd recommend something along the lines of the Safe Approach wherein which you give them a few traits you found lacking, and give them some suggestions for changes that would help the character better fit your world. If they can't accept your judgement, wish them well and ask them to leave. Any problems arise, summon a Mod. It's what we're here for.

Cheers!

- GojiBean