Advice/Help How to deal with the nervousness of starting an RP?

[I3ookI7ragon]

Alright, this is not a "Please RP with me" cry out. This is a I'm chicken and don't know how to get over it.
I am looking for advice on how to not be nervous when I actually get the people wanting to RP with me.

I am new to it in general, but I enjoy writing and by the attention on the very little of a fan-fiction I started but never finished, others seem to like something that I am doing. So, I have a little boost. But when it comes to RP or someone seeing my writing. I hole up. Hard. Really hard. Like, I had and still have quite a few wanting/willing to RP with me, but when they question plans of when or it gets close to the time, I lose it and bail for like 2 months or more. I thought it would be easier with people from another site that I have known for years, though I'm really just kinda of there and never actually build a 'friendship' with them. But they seem to think I am okay and have wanted to RP with me. I still freak. Like, someone asked me just today, and I have known them for a few years and then I get super flustered and ignore them. Idle chit chatty kind of RP is easy, but I'm looking for something more, now and don't know what to do.
So yeah, I have people wanting to RP with me, but then I freak, over thinking everything.
What if I am a burden?
What if they know less than me?
What if they don't like my writing or my characters?
This new person.. o-m-g.. Stranger danger man.. should I talk to this person? (not in an you're odd, just in a way I was very sheltered and O-M-G ITS ANOTHER PERSON... Is it trying to communicate with me?) The heck do I say back? .-.
I don't really know much of my own role play style and well I kinda mean nothing.. I know nothing of my RP style. I can write my own little stuff, I can write a Bio if I have anything to go on, I can do "solo RPs", no one is actually about on this dead wasteland of a site, so i solo my actions in one of the random chats. And then the cycle begins. People message me to RP and I worry, excessively.

Yeah let me tell ya, I have heard "Just jump into it", "Just get over it" "Just.." "Just" "Just"
Yeah, I get it. Just do it.
I don't know if that actually works for people but it certainly doesn't for me. I have heard it so many times, Id be rich with dimes. i have read so many guides on "How" to RP, that is not what I need in case the before was not clear.

I really just don't even know where my problem is, it's just there, and though I wouldn't wish this feeling on anyone.. I hope there are those out there who do know the feeling and have any sort of advice on getting over it.
I get so excited seeing that people want to RP with me, but.. then I get scared. And I am not afraid to admit it.
Please and thank you for any opinion one may give!
(p.s. I hope this isn't considered life advice? if it is, is there anywhere in particular this post should go.)

 

[I3ookI7ragon]

Where you find where this needs to go, and put it in the completely wrong forum. I am sorry, don't know how to delete it or move it, if that is even possible for myself. x.x

 

[Strawberry Ink]

I went on a super long hiatus before coming to this site, so I frequently panic at the start of an rp thinking that my writing is a blight upon humanity. What helps me is to get comfortable with the person but probably even more than that it's telling myself, "who cares? I'm not a professional. Who here is a professional?" It doesn't matter if your writing isn't perfect and it's nothing personal if the other person decides to leave. Force your brain to think positive. As soon as a negative feeling comes into play, think the opposite. Coming from someone who has pretty severe anxiety , this is the only advice I got...

 

[rae2nerdy]

As someone who had general social anxiety when I was younger I will say the best advice I can give you is

1. Take A Breathe
Literally, if you feel yourself starting to panic or your thoughts are spiraling down a familiar path just take a deep breathe. Breathe in through your nose, out through your mouth. Start repeating your mantra to yourself. Step away from the keyboard until you can calm down.

2. Find A Mantra
Now for me my therapist had me say something to the effect of - It's fine. I'm okay. Nothing bad is happening to me. Now in a full blown panic attack this wasn't always the most helpful but I find that if I catch the panic early and step back it does help to repeat to myself.

I'm fine. It's okay. Nothing bad is happening to me.

Now you don't have to use those exact words the idea is just to find a way to center yourself. A lot of anxiety is just when we blow small things out of proportion and let our imaginations run away from us. So having some form of centering yourself stops the process and allows you to get a little perspective.

Another trick I was taught is just okay think about it logically. What is the actual worst thing that can happen? Now if you're already panicking that isn't the time to try this. But when you're in a calmer state try to really sit down and ask yourself. Okay what is the worst thing that could happen? What would realistically happen if everyone hated my writing and never spoke to me again ( or whatever your worst case scenario is ).

Much like the mantra I found this helped me get perspective. Now again DON'T do this if you're in the middle of a spiral or a panicked state because you're only going to rev yourself up more. But in a calm state try to really confront your fears and what the actual worst thing could be if they came true.

I always found it helped me reinforce my mantra when I started to panic because I had already taught myself to think about the worst possible thing and had accepted that in most cases it wasn't really that bad.

3. Be Upfront With People
If you have anxiety let your partner know. Open communication is key here. Not only will it let your partner know if you need help with things ( for instance if you struggle to make posts and might just dip because of it ). But more over it prevents THEM from having anxiety. Because when you leave without warning it often leaves them thinking THEY did something wrong or your mad at them.

So a good thing to let people know is just :

Hey I have anxiety and I might disappear if it flares up. I apologies in advance and hope you don't think poorly of me.

( heck if it helps you can literally just copy and paste that into a conversation with people. )

But letting people know this in advance they'll know that you might be sensitive about some things and might disappear. So there will be no hard feelings if you can't follow through. And it will help you because the more people understand of what is going on they more they'll be able to encourage you and ( maybe ) the less anxious you'll feel over time.

 

[Idea]

Well, I deal with this in a simple manner, I just make sure to be upfront about it. I recognize my flaws and my tastes, I give it some hard thought and when I have enough about myself to share, I share it. If we're not compatible then, well, too bad, but I wish them luck and we part ways on friendly terms. But if we are compatible despite everything there is to hate about me, and I may even end up exaggerating my own flaws, then I have nothing left to worry about, so from then on it's about knowing them too, figuring out what best matches both our tastes and setting up a plan.

So if I had to sum it up in two words., I'd say being "methodical" and "upfront" are the keys I used to unlock the anxiety door when it comes to new RP partners anyway

 

[ceolsige]

I'm brand new here, but I've been roleplaying for a long time.

I can't say I'm intimidated easily about sharing my writing, but I think I could understand it if the subject matter was something I didn't know much about (i.e. a university RP when I went to a community college IRL).

On the other hand, I totally see how it can be scary to start roleplaying with another person for the first time. It's the social aspect of it, for me at least. For some reason, it's so much easier to hurl a post into a group and not have that 1x1-specific pressure to be entertaining.

Just do it anyway is great advice, but not what you're looking for. I suggest coming at it from an angle of purely trying to entertain the other person until you get to know them a little better. Go ahead and shine the spotlight on their character, and you can be sure they'll be into the RP regardless of those little nagging fears, like writing style, ooc chit chat, etc. Once you're comfortable with the other person, you might find your nervousness melts away.

 

[bluuuu]

I deal with high cases of anxiety, so basically being afraid to roleplay with someone is very common. I always love to roleplays with others, but there is just too many things that go in my head, such as, "Will I mess up?", "Will I type something stupid?", " Am I a bad roleplayer to this person?", and "Will it turn out bad?".

There's just times where you got to suck it up and just go straight for it, but it's just z very difficult road to pass through. I mostly roleplay normally without nervousness or fear is of course, if I've known that person for a while, or if the roleplay just doesn't seem to make me nervous or anxious.

Some of us deal with stuff like this, maybe not, who knows? I'm not some super social person who loves to roleplay with everyone in existence, but I try my hardest to at least get one roleplay done without just flopping off the table and leaving.

 

[Archdemon]

Hmmm.

While I don't have much experience with your issue, I can try to throw advice your way.

I think the best thing for you to do is join rps first before you dive into making one. This way you can meet other peeps while getting more comfortable to rping and talking. It's what I did when I was new to this, then I found an rp where I've met some of my good old pals on rpn. Just take small steps first then when you'e comfortable take them bigger steps.

 

[MolecularMachine]

Imagine the worst-case scenario for starting the RP. No matter what you come up with, there will still be people who will RP with you, there will still be places to RP, and you will still have story ideas left to use. I have made some abysmal decisions in the past, and I'm still enjoying writing with other people. It's not the end of the world if you make a mistake. It's not the end of the world if you drop an RP or run it into the ground or annoy everyone with a bad character. It's a learning experience, and nobody ever got good at anything without screwing up a bunch.

Also, I'll second ceolsige's post.

 

[gambolingcat]

Maaaaan, I feel this. I write for my paycheck and I STILL get paralyzed when I start a new RP. It's kind of like a combination of nerves: you're trying to do a good story, and you're sort of trying to make a new friend at the same time (or at least a new acquaintance).

It's true, though. I think we're all nervous in the same sorts of ways. I've been the person to say, "Oh no, I'm not good enough for this!" and chicken out of asking for roleplay. I've also been the person whose partner says, "I can't write with you, I'm not good enough!" (And all the while, I was having a great time and never thought there was a skill imbalance.)

I always appreciate it when people post little samples of their writing on an RP call. That way, a prospective partner can get a sense of whether or not their own style will be a good fit.

 

[memphis]

I used to get intimidated quite often when it came to roleplaying with new people, but I think as with most new things, you begin to realize it's not so bad after you've been doing it for a while. I know it doesn't help at all when someone tells you to just do something, because if it were that simple, you obviously would have already done it! But keeping that in mind, you do have to actually take the initiative to start roleplays and reply consistently if you ever actually want to improve and feel better about it. Practice definitely does make perfect.

I think my best piece of wisdom I have to share with people who are nervous at the prospect of writing with a new parter is this: you have to be comfortable with your own writing before you're going to be comfortable sharing it with other people. I really don't know any other way to say this. You have to be confident in your writing ability. Think about ways you personally could improve or become more comfortable with your writing and roleplaying in general. What does that mean for you? Is it improving on your diction and grammar, getting more used to interacting with other people, or maybe even defining your own style more? I think a common misconception is that you need to have a well-defined and developed style of writing, when in fact, you really don't! I think many of us, myself included, have a tendency to take roleplaying too seriously and just overthink this all. I'm not saying that you shouldn't take your writing or roleplay seriously, but don't think of it as a novel being sent out to be published; rather, it is much more effective and realistic to view your replies as a first draft of a story. Yes, of course they should still be readable and coherent, and interesting to read, but they don't need to be ready to be printed out and published! If you're still not comfortable sharing your writing, I'd recommend doing some creative writing exercises on your own. I also personally find responding to threads like this and dissecting certain topics/issues can help improve the more technical part of writing.

One of the scariest aspects of roleplaying is how intimate it is. I'd almost dare say it's easier sharing your writing with a large group of people rather than an individual. I think we tend to feel as if we are being scrutinized more harshly as a person and writer. Plus once you put yourself in a situation where you're writing with another individual person, you also have to be more bold with planning, pull your own weight, and sometimes even take the lead when writing. But as MolecularMachine stated previously, you should consider the question of what's the worst thing that can happen? Because in reality, it's not much. Worst case scenario, either you or your partner decide you are incompatible, you part ways, you learn what does and doesn't work, and you move on to a new partner. If you ditch someone or if someone ditches you, it's not the end of the world. As someone who personally has some more niche interests when it comes to the genres and plots I enjoy writing, I always worried that I'd never find someone to write out that particular genre with that particular plot with me again (which was totally untrue). I think this is a lesson that I struggled to learn for the longest time, but I've come to realize that there are plenty of fish in the sea, and also the sea is very extensive. If you're just anxious in general about dropping a roleplay, just keep in mind that this is the internet, and you never have to talk to or interact with that person again. If you're anxious about being dropped: don't be. This is literally 100% out of your control, so don't dwell on it.

Sorry for how lengthy this is, but my big takeaway would probably be to become comfortable with your own writing and interacting with others, as well as to improve upon on the things you can, but don't dwell on the things you can't.