Viewpoint How accepted is it here for a Male RPer to RP a female character?

[Zef The Owl]

Preface before I get into this, I personally do not think there is anything wrong with not wanting to RP with a guy RPing a female character for reasons I'll explain later. In no way is this a guilting thread, rather me probing for general community opinion.

So, hi! I'm Zef the Owl and I'm new here. Despite this fact, I'm far from new to RP. I've Roleplayed for over 20 years, starting back in the AOL Dial Up days. Thats not to toot my own horn I'm still a rubbish RPer, my point is more over time I've come to adore writing and exploring many different characters and their troubles and woes, I live by the Stephen King quote;

"Kill your darlings, kill your darlings, even when it breaks your egocentric little scribbler’s heart, kill your darlings."

So I have a deep dissociation with my characters. I am not my character, I am the one who has made them, pat them on the back and told them to march forth into the narrative, and I will be the one who sets that Narrative on fire making life horrid and lovely so that they grow as characters. As a result, I dont care what I play, male, female, robot, all romantic orientations even if it doesnt match mine, doesnt matter.

However across many RP hubs I've been turned down when offering to play a female character. "Female RPers only please" is a phrase I'm familiar with by now. I understand why, everyone enjoys RP differently and my dissociation isnt the norm. Many make a self insert or put themselves in the shoes of their characters, which in turn causes them to feel their partner is the same. There is nothing wrong with this, we all enjoy writing for our own reasons and in our own way, my number one rule is fun comes first, and if its an RP someone isnt enjoying it shouldnt be done.

I havent seen much of anyone putting the "Only Female RPers playing female characters please" tags in their request threads, but I didnt want to go assuming. So instead I figured I'd ask peoples general opinions to gauge insight on the overall communities thoughts, given every community I've hopped into has had different overall opinions.

Again, no wrong answers here in my humble opinion, I just wanted a gauge before I stumble into someones RP request and get pointed back out the door because I'm trying to find my goofy elf girl a good fantasy RP home.

Thanks for your time.

 

[Onmyoji]

When there are so many female roleplayers playing males, why the opposite should be wrong? You rp who you want.

Feeling dissociated with the character is not strange either. You might feel certain relation to them because there is always a part of the creator in the creation, but you are not the character unless you're aiming for self-insert or something.

I see 'only female roleplayers' pop up from time to time, but it's mostly used in context that a female roleplayer wants to rp with another female roleplayer and not comfortable roleplaying with males for various personal reasons. Which is their right to rp with whoever they want, and it has nothing to do with males roleplaying female characters.

 

[Zef The Owl]

When there are so many female roleplayers playing males, why the opposite should be wrong? You rp who you want.

Feeling dissociated with the character is not strange either. You might feel certain relation to them because there is always a part of the creator in the creation, but you are not the character unless you're aiming for self-insert or something.

I see 'only female roleplayers' pop up from time to time, but it's mostly used in context that a female roleplayer wants to rp with another female roleplayer and not comfortable roleplaying with males for various personal reasons. Which is their right to rp with whoever they want, and it has nothing to do with males roleplaying female characters.

My previous experiences its always been from Male RPers roleplaying Male Characters who've thrown that down. So this is already a very different community from what I'm used to, haha, thats refreshing.

I also fully understand those female RPers who only want to RP with other female RPers. Female RP partners I've had have regailed me some awful stories in the past from Male RPers. Heck, I've experienced it myself in the times I've been confused for a female OOCly due to playing female character convincingly (Particularily when I roleplayed on Guild Wars 2).

As I said, RP is about fun and if someone is nervous about me because of my gender thats not a problem, plenty of writers out there to partner with.

 

[Onmyoji]

Think about it that way: do writers only write books about the characters of the same gender they are irl?
Roleplaying is no different.

It's one thing if you're more comfortable writing characters of your own gender, but in no way the gender should limit you in what you roleplay.

I also fully understand those female RPers who only want to RP with other female RPers. Female RP partners I've had have regailed me some awful stories in the past from Male RPers. Heck, I've experienced it myself in the times I've been confused for a female OOCly due to playing female character convincingly (Particularily when I roleplayed on Guild Wars 2).

Unfortunately this happens. And need to respect the boundaries of other people you rp with.
On a totally unrelated note, I roleplayed in Guild Wars 2 as well, even though not for long.

As I said, RP is about fun and if someone is nervous about me because of my gender thats not a problem, plenty of writers out there to partner with.

That's a good way to put it.

 

[Necessity4Fun]

As a female that plays whatever the heck I want and no longer has any sort of comfort zone because of how much I experiment and am willing to experiment, I honestly see no issue with this at all. I do understand that in a 1x1 you have a bigger connection to the other writer as well, which isn't a proxy for group RPs since your attention tends to be divided through everybody, so people might indeed want a partner they feel comfortable with.

But there's definitely also a stigma with males playing females, or even a step further, males playing little kids. And that's where the lines tend to get unnecessarily blurrier... Unless you're doing it like something out of r/menwritingwomen which is the worst of the worst showcased, unless you're making it unnecessarily sexual, weird and fetish-y, in which case you will be called out, I honestly see no issue with either of that.

The way I see it, it's less about gender or ages, it's about playing a person realistically, if you can do that, then cool beans go have fun! Like I said I do both and beyond, do my research in topics that I think I should, think about the ways society and upbringing can affect the person and such, but really at the end of the day, on their very core, there's really not a lot that's that different. It really is just playing a person without any sort of huuuge mystery to it.

 

[Lorsh]

draw 50 cards or stop playing femchars

 

[nerdy tangents]

In my experience I think the strict ban on erotic content helps a lot with that sort of mentality. In previous sites I have seen “Female role players only pls” for partners from time to time. It’s usually because of creepy stalker behavior or IRL spouses being uncomfortable with a woman writing with a male partner.

But since this site forbids erotic content, and they explicitly forbid people treating this like a dating site, it isn’t really an issue.

I don’t think a single partner has asked for my gender (in the search thread or planning stages). Maybe half will ask for an age range but even then it’s like (are you over 18 yes or no).

 

[Idea]

While there are some people who don't prefer to play with people of a genre corresponding to their character or a specific gender (some for less savory reasons others for things like not feeling comfortable with a certain gender), as a rule of thumb your IRL gender is pretty irrelevant to what character you play.

I myself in fact play almost exclusively female characters and I'm a guy.

The way I see it is play whatever you want. Fiction is fiction and that should generally be the guiding principle.

 

[Jannah]

Play what you feel most comfortable with. I'm a woman and usually play male characters.

 

[Villain Shoto Todoroki]

Same but I’m non binary XD but my legit gender is female, but I feel more comfortable playing male

 

[Doomevil]

I’ve never experienced any sort of stigma playing as a female in roleplaying. I just treat it like any character I play as and interact just fine if I was playing a guy character.

 

[Jannah]

Won't lie I'm not entirely sure what you are asking . . . but I personally don't RP with straight male RPers because in my 20 years experience I've never RP'd with a straight man who wrote in a way I enjoy or made characters I enjoyed. Nor have I ever engaged ooc with a straight male RPer in any particularly fun way, there is an edge of discomfort in every encounter and I often face weird homophobia. So I just don't engage with and completely avoid anyone who says they are male (particularly straight males). I started that over a decade ago and I've simply stuck to it.

I know part of my preference is just that a preference without any real deep meaning and if there is one I would sum it up to "it's not you it's me". I'm sure there is a straight man out there who isn't a trash boy, but I'm in no hurry to find them. And I have certainly faced the same from many straight female RPers, they can be just as uncomfortable and homophobic as the straight men! But I do generally prefer to RP with women and LGBTQIA+ people over straight men.

Maybe it's just me, but I rarely even encounter straight male RPers. Maybe the type of stuff I tend to enjoy RPing just doesn't attract straight men, idk. I just rarely see them in RP communities.

 

[AnnJam]

Maybe it's just me, but I rarely even encounter straight male RPers. Maybe the type of stuff I tend to enjoy RPing just doesn't attract straight men, idk. I just rarely see them in RP communities.

I see them often enough. RPN, RPGateway and a few other mixed forums that combine PBP and TTRPG have a larger male population than other forums I've been on. Mostly I don't give a shit what gender of character they play, but there is something about the straight male perspective that is part of their writing that I don't like. I can not show an example, I can't explain it well, there is a gut feeling as you read their writing that feels off.

Again I say "it's not you it's me" every time because they aren't bad writers, they just write in a particular way that I don't vibe with.

It also comes across with very, very straight females too. Specially if you do something that is too gay for them. At least in my experience I've had very straight women like shut down when my character was trans and was pre-op. I know this deals with sex that doesn't happen on RPN, but I don't have any RPN RPing experience actually. So I can't say what people here are like other than very, very, very, very puritanical!

 

[Jannah]

I see them often enough. RPN, RPGateway and a few other mixed forums that combine PBP and TTRPG have a larger male population than other forums I've been on. Mostly I don't give a shit what gender of character they play, but there is something about the straight male perspective that is part of their writing that I don't like. I can not show an example, I can't explain it well, there is a gut feeling as you read their writing that feels off.

Again I say "it's not you it's me" every time because they aren't bad writers, they just write in a particular way that I don't vibe with.

Personally I'll RP with anyone whose ideas and writing styles are compatible with mine regardless of gender or sexual orientation. It's when drastic creative differences or contrasting writing styles come into play that I may have second thoughts about a RP. I get the feeling discomfort thing, though. I'm like that with MxM romantic pairings now. I've had too many bad experiences with my partners either wanting smut or writing as a sort of personal fantasy/self-insert type scenario.

 

[AnnJam]

Personally I'll RP with anyone whose ideas and writing styles are compatible with mine regardless of gender or sexual orientation. It's when drastic creative differences or contrasting writing styles come into play that I may have second thoughts about a RP. I get the feeling discomfort thing, though. I'm like that with MxM romantic pairings now. I've had too many bad experiences with my partners either wanting smut or writing as a sort of personal fantasy/self-insert type scenario.

The whole writing styles and creative ideas matching is part of what I look for . . . but why I avoid male RPers is mostly rooted in how homophobic they can be and various negative personal experiences over the years. So I decide over a decade ago that no, I won't RP with straight men anymore it isn't worth it.

I can't relate to that last part. All my RP's in the past have had some kind of smut and I personally don't care if people are exploring a personal fantasy (just don't tell me). I have willing RP'd a foot fetish for a dude once, that was fun, no sex happened I just had to play a dom female pirate captain who took her shoes off! XD Okay the one time a straight man was worth RPing with!!!!!

 

[Zef The Owl]

The whole writing styles and creative ideas matching is part of what I look for . . . but why I avoid male RPers is mostly rooted in how homophobic they can be and various negative personal experiences over the years. So I decide over a decade ago that no, I won't RP with straight men anymore it isn't worth it.

I can't relate to that last part. All my RP's in the past have had some kind of smut and I personally don't care if people are exploring a personal fantasy (just don't tell me). I have willing RP'd a foot fetish for a dude once, that was fun, no sex happened I just had to play a dom female pirate captain who took her shoes off! XD Okay the one time a straight man was worth RPing with!!!!!

Well, as a straight male I have to apologize for those experiences. Given my own walks on the more racy RP servers I've definitely seen some awful stuff myself, I entirely respect that choice. I'll admit that sometimes I look through RP partners text thinking, "Is there a subtext here? What are they after?" just because of some of my own experiences.

Since you mentioned earlier you weren't sure what I was asking, I was just asking if it was prevalent for people to care what your gender is when picking an RP partner. In my own personal experiences I've received push back for being a male RPer who RPs females just as much as males, that way I know how to respond to various RP Requests. As an example I now know to pass on your RP requests if I see them, as I don't want to make anyone uncomfortable OOCly.

 

[nerdy tangents]

Oh AnnJam I’m like that with certain female role players. It’s usually people who seem to emphasis their IRL religion in their searches. But only in a way to excuse being kind of homophobic.

It’s like okay you can just say I don’t do X, when you rationalize it I just feel like you are itching for a fight about it in the OOC.

 

[AnnJam]

Well, as a straight male I have to apologize for those experiences. Given my own walks on the more racy RP servers I've definitely seen some awful stuff myself, I entirely respect that choice. I'll admit that sometimes I look through RP partners text thinking, "Is there a subtext here? What are they after?" just because of some of my own experiences.

Since you mentioned earlier you weren't sure what I was asking, I was just asking if it was prevalent for people to care what your gender is when picking an RP partner. In my own personal experiences I've received push back for being a male RPer who RPs females just as much as males, that way I know how to respond to various RP Requests. As an example I now know to pass on your RP requests if I see them, as I don't want to make anyone uncomfortable OOCly.

Yup. Like you I've been at it for decades and in that time you experience shit. The worst was having the autonomy of my character ignored and she was raped by a guy who just WROTE it and posted it; I was still a teenager and I decided to strictly curate who I RP with from then on out. I also stopped chatroom RPing for that reason too, it's how I got into PBP RPing and learning paragraph RP.

I have nothing against straight male RPers or any male RPer in general. I don't care what gender of character they play. I actually encourage people to play all genders and sexualities, I think it's a good skill and experience to have. But I personally am very careful which males I'll engage with and which I do not.

 

[Jannah]

Yup. Like you I've been at it for decades and in that time you experience shit. The worst was having the autonomy of my character ignored and she was raped by a guy who just WROTE it and posted it; I was still a teenager and I decided to strictly curate who I RP with from then on out. I also stopped chatroom RPing for that reason too, it's how I got into PBP RPing and learning paragraph RP.

I have nothing against straight male RPers or any male RPer in general. I don't care what gender of character they play. I actually encourage people to play all genders and sexualities, I think it's a good skill and experience to have. But I personally am very careful which males I'll engage with and which I do not.

That is just...yikes. I write some pretty disturbing content myself(provided my partner is comfortable with it), but I'd never write out a rape unless both my partner and I consented to having it in the RP.

 

[Crayons]

It's fine. Go ahead and do it!

The times I have had issue with male Rpers (yes straight ones) playing women is when they play their female characters as though they are a walking pair of boobs. Sadly I've seen this a lot with male rpers whose female characters are all lesbian nymphos, prostitutes, or they just constantly describe their boobs and how sexy they are. Yes, even on completely sfw forums.

If you can stay away from that, which I'm sure you and 90% of all male rpers can, then you'll be fine. People don't tend to be judgey about genders here.

I play all genders and the gender of my partners doesn't bother me at all.

 

[Simon_Hawk]

Females are scary and secretly run the world. RP at your own risk. XD XD XD

 

[nerdy tangents]

It's fine. Go ahead and do it!

The times I have had issue with male Rpers (yes straight ones) playing women is when they play their female characters as though they are a walking pair of boobs. Sadly I've seen this a lot with male rpers whose female characters are all lesbian nymphos, prostitutes, or they just constantly describe their boobs and how sexy they are. Yes, even on completely sfw forums.

If you can stay away from that, which I'm sure you and 90% of all male rpers can, then you'll be fine. People don't tend to be judgey about genders here.

I play all genders and the gender of my partners doesn't bother me at all.

That reminds me of someone who messaged me about role playing and they basically sent a two page description of how hot my character was and how she totally had the hots for their not conventionally attractive male character.

And I was like .... well you have painted a very thorough picture of her appearance but I would rather create my own character. Thanks for your interest.

 

[Simon_Hawk]

If you can stay away from that, which I'm sure you and 90% of all male rpers can, then you'll be fine.

I think you're being awfully generous with your percentages. I was thinking more like 62.3%

 

[Zef The Owl]

That is just...yikes. I write some pretty disturbing content myself(provided my partner is comfortable with it), but I'd never write out a rape unless both my partner and I consented to having it in the RP.

Yeah doubly agreed yikes. I don't write rape at all, it's far too horrible a subject and I don't think I could ever write out the trauma involved or encompass the severity of it. That's just a whole lot of nope from me. I've also written some dark subjects, but that's one line I wont cross, and someone taking agency away from your character is never acceptable in roleplay as far as I'm concerned. It's collaborative storytelling, not, "Do what I want for my needs".

 

[Jannah]

Yeah doubly agreed yikes. I don't write rape at all, it's far too horrible a subject and I don't think I could ever write out the trauma involved or encompass the severity of it. That's just a whole lot of nope from me. I've also written some dark subjects, but that's one line I wont cross, and someone taking agency away from your character is never acceptable in roleplay as far as I'm concerned. It's collaborative storytelling, not, "Do what I want for my needs".

Personally I have never done it simply due to the fact it is a very sensitive subject, but if it was to be done then all parties involved should be in mutual agreement.