Fantasy Hotel California

[egghead]

The ghoul lost count of how many times his face was smashed against a fleshy brick wall. But thankfully, before his brains had completely liquified, his torturer grew bored with the little game. Opening its maw wider than any mouth should be able to be, the oversized salad presented what looked to be some kind of opening—a throat?

Before either men could vocalize their fear, a fine yellow-ish mist sprayed out from the hole. Glen attempted to hold his breath, figuring it to be toxic, then realized he didn’t have any left. He gave up and sniffed at the air.

Surprisingly, the creature’s breath smelled pretty good. Fragrant and sweet, not too overpowering. He figured it could almost be soothing if it wasn’t emitting from a giant man-eating plant that was moments away from sampling a taste.

The vines tugged, lifting him above and over a beartrap waiting to bite.

“Wait, wait, wait!” Glen shouted last minute. “Pick the other guy first!”

His plea went unheard. Without warning, a mighty jaw clamped down on the zombie, swallowing him whole. The same was done to Vincent immediately afterwards, so they both shared the same experience of sliding down a long tube and splashing into a slimy pond of digestive enzymes.

A million questions passed through Glen’s mind. What do they do now? Why does this plant have a stomach? Why did this have to be the way it ends, for real this time?

In spite of the darkness, he tried to feel his way around. “Ugh, now I know how a meatball feels.”

—

As if unable to go a single minute without doing it, the redhead roared her trademark stinky laugh. “Aww, scared of the widdle butterflies?” she teased.

With the full intent of tormenting the entomophobe, Rachel reached up towards her shoulder to scoop up one of the critters. Instead her hand touched something fuzzy, smooth, and wiggly all at once. Confused, she glanced down.

What was scuttling over her back weren’t butterflies; it was a hoard of creepy crawlies ranging from centipedes to spiders. The sight of them alone made her entire body freeze. Even when they started wiggling into her hair and the fabric of her dress, she didn’t move.

A screech threatened to erupt, but it was choked back down and replaced with a strangled giggle. “H-Hey, rustbucket. A little help here?”

 

[buzz]

Vincent lost the will to scream and could only look on, mildly satisfied seeing the compulsive traitor disappear into nothingness but also horrified, knowing he was next. He closed his eyes and whimpered on the fairly painless but disgustingly slimy way down. It was like gliding through jello and mucus with a touch of roughness when he hit a stray bone. He landed with a plop and opened his eyes. He opened his eyes again, and again and again, but couldn’t see. Did he go blind from disgust? That didn’t make much sense, even if the dandy didn’t seem to make sense of anything ever. Once again, he heard a distinct uncouth voice echo from across whatever he fell into. “Hey, asshole!” He yelled, seemingly unfazed by the fact he was just eaten alive. It seemed he was finally getting used to the Hotel. However, as soon as the last syllable hit the air, there was a spark in the distance, followed by a blinding orange-hued light that filled what looked to be a living-meat-walled room. Of course, thought Vincent, they were in the stomach! A lone torch was all he saw
at the source of the illumination. He couldn’t move with all the gunk on him, so he took his precious suit off for the first time and stripped himself of an expensive albeit stolen trouser. He trudged through slimy waters, raising a hand to call Glen over. “Come on, don’t fuck this one up for us too!” He snorted, before turning to grab at the torch. What he saw instead forced the man in boxers and a dress shirt to squeal. It was another man, but one who was semi-transparent—like a projected figure. “Where, where...” He stuttered in fear, stumbling backwards yet still somehow keeping balance, “Where the hell did you come from?!”

The figure, who was dressed rather astutely if they lived in the 1930s, laughed. It finally struck Vincent, “A ghost!” Again, the figure laughed, before speaking softly despite the situation, “Yes. Nice to meet you, it’s Cahill.” The ghost stretched a hand out for a handshake before quickly retracting it. “Oops, I forgot,” he practically whispered, “it’s been a while since I met anyone. No matter, I am here to lead you and your, uh, friend out of this unfortunate predicament!”

Vincent looked back at Glen, face twisted in confusion, “Are we following Casper or what?”

 

[egghead]

Glen’s scrawny legs struggled to push through the unusually thick sludge. It invaded every cranny in his pants and had even seeped inside the gouge in his gut. He sighed, knowing that cleaning it out later would be a hassle.

Up ahead, his comrade shrieked more obscenities. He whined, attempting to glance over the other man’s shoulder. “Oh, what is it now?”

Glen’s droopy eyes grew the widest they had ever been once he saw what lurked ahead. The creature standing, err, floating in front of them was unlike anything previously encountered: an actual dead man’s spirit, in the unliving ectoplasm. It shimmered in the dull light, blinking in and out of perceptible reality.

The phantom’s awkward introduction did little to alarm him, but Vincent’s question implanted doubt. “I don’t think we have a choice,” he mumbled, glancing around the cavern. “Let’s just do whatever it says. Um, after you.”

He motioned for his fellow coward to go ahead, masquerading his true intentions as good manners. If this ghost had a thing for body-snatching possession, then it would most likely target the closest possible host. He made a mental note to stay as far back as possible, using poor Binny as a makeshift meat shield.

—

Unleashing a shriek that was ten times more annoying than her normal voice, Rachel completely lost all composure. She thrashed around wildly, arms flailing, insects flying everywhere. Hellish screams filled the air, causing nearby butterflies to scatter to a less noisy part of the area.

After grabbing fistfuls of the remaining pests populating her back, she whipped them at the robot’s face. “Thanks for nothing, asshole!”

 

[Axeykins]

"Ah yes but look at him! He's a bouncing baby boy now with fireball in his belly! Not some old wrinkled gle-er sad sack anymore now isn't he? He may be the same inside now but with ten times the youthful spunk." Obsidian creeped his way over to pinch the young man's cheek. Looming over him and Katrinne with that same wide smile. "Oh and the memories that've come back, or perhaps from another life? How do they feel Sisceal? hm?"

"Back the fuck off!!" He took a swing at Obsidian. The host dodged it and cackled in amusement. "Ooh come now you should still be wise enough to know that doesn't work!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Lucid's heart raced at a tremendous speed as he spaztically dusted off his face and combed through his hair with wild flailing limbs. The high pitched scream of terror coming from him once more. He freed himself off all critters that he could see or feel and quickly threw himself at the vile woman. Clinging to her tightly as he stared in terror at the insects crawling back into the greenery. "Pinch me, slap me, anything at all vile woman!! I want out of this dream now. I'm done, bugs. Nope nope nopety nope fuck all of this!" He shuddered.


buzz egghead

 

[buzz]

Katrinne reflexively rushed to mini-Sisceal’s side before remembering he wasn’t exactly a brittle old man anymore. She looked up at Obsidian’s smug face, anger churning in her stomach. Though, no matter how hard she tried, her protests had the potency of steel augers on vibranium. “What do you want from us?!” She screeched, the frustration overtaking her characteristic austerity as the siren flung a stray textbook. Her temper tantrum seemed to grow ceaseless as she continuously flung novel after novel at the Host, the lengthy texts becoming featherweight in her accursed hands before launching erratically in his general direction, shriek after shriek piercing the air.

——

“Good to hear! Come along, gentlemen,” the apparition who went by Cahill fluttered down the meaty tunnel. It was hard to lose the brightness of his presence in such a dark place, but Vincent didn’t risk it and followed the ghost’s lead closely. “I like your, erm, choice of undergarment, sir. Just wanted to let you know! I adore kittens.” Cahill laughed at his own remark and Vincent could only not-so-discreetly cover his kitten-patterned boxers.

They walked past dune after dune of what seemed like fetid mud before reaching an opening. It was strangely lubricated, the glutenous floor beneath them sloshing and squishing with each step. It seemed to be quite floral on the other side of the tunnel and—if Vincent squinted—he could see glass enclosures. Cahill stopped abruptly and turned to his brief companions. “This is where you must leave me, unfortunately. Make it quick, before I...” He sniffled, “get emotional...”

“What? Do we just jump?” The man in briefs dreaded the thought of another death-defying dive and looked at Glen for guidance, for some reason.

 

[ABS34]

Luigi shakily walked into the hotel, expecting to see a ghost instantly.
"Oh... I hope no ghosts attack me..." His teeth chattered in fear, as Luigi looked around him...

 

[ABS34]

Luigi started walking along, trying hard not to let his fear show. He was ready for any ghosts, with his Poltergust G-00, so no ghost could oppose him..

 

[egghead]

“Jump?” Glen made the mistake of looking over the edge. Being able to see the ground below was much worse than total darkness. There’s comfort in not knowing when you’ll hit the ground.

World spinning around him, he slowly backed away. “You know what? I think this place is starting to grow on me. Maybe we should stay for awhile—“ his words cut off, turning into a gasp.

He had slipped on a particularly slick slime patch, and was now sliding dangerously close to the tunnel’s brink. In blind panic, he grabbed at whatever was closest to him, and that turned out to be the elastic band of Vincent’s kitty panties. Instead of anchoring himself, he only managed to drag the other man down with him.

Meanwhile, back in the secret bug room, Rachel struggled to fight off a toaster on the fritz. “Get off me, you freak! At least buy me a drink first before you—Wait, what’s that noise?”

Settling down, the spitfire perked up her ears when the strange sound grew louder and louder, as if drawing closer. It sounded like...screaming?

Her suspicions were proven correct when the entire upper floor came crashing down. Along with chunks of broken ceiling came a corpse and a half-naked choir boy. It was a badly-written joke come to life, and the punchline was a robot getting dog-piled.

 

[Axeykins]

"I thought you would like your new gift! Just look at him!" Obsidian giggled as he dodged flying books. Forcing the newly young man to his feet and towards her. He was trim and well cut from head to toe. His hair a lustrous shining silvery white and not single blemish on his smooth skin. Though he was beat red but that was for another matter entirely. Given that his old ragged clothes were practically slipping off of him now.
Obisidian hadn't taken his memories away only added more to them. He wasn't just being forced closer to face someone he had never seen before oh no. He was being shoved at someone he had known all too well in these long years in the Hotel.

Well.....the bugs were gone now at least. Replaced by a load of pain. "Oh Goddamnit....." Lucid groaned from underneath the fresh pile of rubble. All of his little multilegged friends long scuttled of back into hiding in their tanks. Beady eyes glowing as they stared out at the confusing beasts ruining their home.

buzz egghead

 

[egghead]

“Oh, great,” Rachel groaned, massaging her temples. More worthless morons to deal with. On top of covering everything in a thick layer of slime, they also brought along an unholy stench.

Pinching her nose in a vain attempt to block out the odour, she demanded an explanation. “Ugh, what the hell were you two doing? Playing in a dumpster?”

Glen, on the other hand, couldn’t care less about the way he smelled. He was ecstatic to be on solid ground again. “Thank god that’s over,” he exclaimed, patting himself. “H-Hey, I’m in one piece!”

In blind excitement, he latched onto Vincent, trapping him in the world’s most uncomfortable hug. “Nothing fell off this time!”

Right after saying that, the arm that was strung around Vincent broke off, landing on the floor with a sad thud.

 

[buzz]

“Gift? What the hell are you talking about, is this even the same person anymore?!” She had thought it’d be easier to understand what and who she was looking at as time past, but the squishy-looking kid just confused her further. In an attempt to at the very least understand the Host’s cruel game of curses, she prodded at the approaching human, “Sisceal? Is your head still OK?” Her face twisted after dispatching the redundant inquiry, in distress at her own inability to form a proper and informative question, though it was likely there was nothing that would be able to make sense of this sight. Her only hope at survival was a priest whose soul was torn between different versions of himself.

+

Vincent smirked after peering over the edge. He brushed his hair into a triumphant quiff, like a cockatoo ready to flaunt his nonexistent strength. “Come on, Glenny boy, no need to be scared for I am...” The sound of violent sloshing signified only one thing and, with the squeal of a newborn, the man was catapulted back into the nether levels of the Hotel. The sound of Cahill’s quickly fading “bye bye!” sent spikes erecting underneath exposed skin, as if the cold rushing air wasn’t enough.

It took him a moment to limp off what felt like a cold steel floor but what he realized was some sort of man, who wasn’t too bad-looking in his books. Maybe this wasn’t so bad after all.
Ungrateful, he snarled at the undead freak who got him there. “Get off me, you imbecile!” A tough shove put some needed distance between the two, though the odor was unavoidable. His eyes caught sight of what hit the floor beside him and once again, Vincent threw a shrieking fit. “Make it go away! WHAT is that?!”

 

[Axeykins]

"oh ho ho but he is technically still the same. But in a younger body. It's merely a bonus is what it is. He's no longer so old and decrepit. Now he's youthful and bouncy again." Obsidian clapped merrily. Adoring the looks of confusion and anger on their faces.
"I'm jus fine. It hurts but nothin too bad..." He rubbed his face thoroughly. Not one wrinkle or stress line. Nothing. The bastard brought him well back into his later teen years given that the most out of place things were the scar across his nose and the fact that his ring finger was back. "Feels so weird..."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Phew. Did the dumpster cave the floor in or what" Lucid's nose crinkled in disgust. Rubbing his eyes to rid them of dust and debris. After a few blinks his vision settled on two more figures now joining them in the insect room. "we havin a party or something?"

buzz egghead

 

[egghead]

Watching the zombie gather up his detached limb in humiliated silence wasn’t the kind of entertainment Rachel was looking for. Glancing up at the giant hole in the ceiling, she snorted. “I take it neither of you know another way out of here?”

Shaking her head in disbelief, causing a few stray bugs to fall out, she turned away. As soon as she did, something interesting caught her eye. A lone door, stuck in the far corner of the room. She could have sworn it hadn’t been there before.

Her lips stretched into a smirk. “Now we’re talking,” she exclaimed, strutting towards her newest discovery.

There was nothing too notable about the door. Plain, no plaque or carvings, nothing that made it any different from the other doors in the hotel. Still, there was something exciting about not knowing what was on the other side.

Unable to stand the anticipation, Rachel turned the old brass knob, and pushed it open.

 

[buzz]

“Now that you’re younger,” her shaky voice diminished into a whisper in an attempt to evade the Host, “do you think you can take him on? I’ll try my best to help you out from the sidelines but...” She glanced at the hovering menace, whose expression showed nothing but morbid merry. “...I’m nothing against him alone,” Katrinne unfolded a bruised palm as she pleaded at the feet of a child. The pain from the embarrassment of it all was overshadowed by the onlooking figure‘s promise of death if the duo didn’t act fast enough. The she-devil stared longingly at the pile of books, now well-aware of how such silly parlor tricks only bore the impact of a few mere insults. Maybe, she thought, a distraction could clear the way for a clean hit.

+

“A party? Well, depends, handsome. Maybe if you took off that tin foil...” He winked, but it wasn’t long until he started gagging at the smell of himself again. A goop-covered hand reflexively rose to pinch his nose. It only made him gag further.

Between the grotesque expressions of a near-puking naked man, he managed to understand what their de facto leader was saying. “Lead the way!” He practically squeaked, “I need water—a lot of water—right NOW!” He shoved past the others to follow the woman to the door, peering over her shoulder to steal a look at what he hoped was a nice bathroom on the other side, though even a pond would work at this point. Fingers literally crossed, the stinky man prayed to whatever gods were listening.

 

[Axeykins]

"I could try? I don't know though....let me get my bearings first." He stood up quickly. Surprising himself so much with how little it hurt and how fast he could do it. Making him shoot out a hand to grip onto Katrinne's shoulder for balance. "Sorry, sorry. Forgot how much joints could actually move an not hurt." He chuckled softly. Glancing around for anything to possibly use as a weapon. They could try to take him on like this, but....he wasn't entirely confident about it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Would if I could bitch. but it's kinda my entire body." Lucid spat cattily. Watching curiously with an eyebrow raised. Like this hapless moron had any clue....tin foil..did nobody in this God forsaken place know what cybernetic were? or were they all stuck in the 21st century.

egghead buzz

 

[egghead]

There had never been darkness like the one swallowing this room. A chill crawled up Rachel’s spine, turning her to ice. Something was off about the place, and it wasn’t just the musty smell.

She squinted, trying to make out the curves of a couch or a bed or anything that would be laying around in a crusty old hotel. Stepping into the shadows, she fumbled around for a lightswitch, but all she could find were cobwebs.

Frustrated, she waved over Lucid. “You’re some kind of robot, aren’t you? Scan this place for a way out or something.”

 

[Axeykins]

"Ugh...it doesn't work that way. I'm not a robot I just have some enhancements." Lucid scoffed. Crossing his arms over his chest with a pout followed by a scathing eyeroll. "But let me see whatever I can do." The young metal encrusted man's more obviously electronic eye blinked for a moment or two before shutting off entirely. Turning black like a burnt out lightbulb. "Goddamnit again." He seethed to himself. Smacking the side of his head to try and jumble the wires in it around again. Getting only a few blinks of light before it popped out entirely. He was able to catch it in the knick of time. Swearing and red faced as he turned his back to the woman to pop it back in.
A swirling circle appeared for a moment as it reloaded before coming to life once more. A bright pink heart illuminating space in front of his vision. "There." He looked at her again. "Best I can do for you."

 

[egghead]

As Rachel’s eye(s) adjusted to the light, she couldn’t help but notice just how…different this room felt compared to all the others. Nothing was out of place. It was immaculate, so perfectly pristine that there was no way that anyone could have ever lived here. No normal person, anyway.

That’s when she realized. “This is…” It took her a moment to string together the words. “This is his room.”

“You mean—?” Glen immediately caught on, and just as quickly began losing his cool. “Then we need to get out of here, right? What if he comes back?”

He pivoted, frantic, looking for the way out. The door they came in from was still there, but when he tried the knob, it didn’t budge. They were locked in.

“Well, guess that’s not happening,” Rachel shrugged, then, without hesitation, started tearing up the place. “C’mon, get moving! There’s gotta be something good in here.”