Spooky Writing Contest 2017 He Hates Himself For...

8siting

The Trilogy of The Galaxy Cut Colour Fusion
He always knew the impact words had. The impact of silence and actions not done. The impact of false words and wrong actions. He knew yet he still went ahead and crossed the barrier like a clueless child; doing something wrong in the moment and for not saying the right words then and there. A small sigh left his lips as the wind blew around him, pushing him along but not taking him. A heavy weight of mixed feelings yet of no feelings weighed upon his mind and heart. The unbeatable weight of regret and guilt. The weight of hate from not only people but himself. A small smile crawled its way into his face, tearing the frown and stretching it upwards in a single movement. The bench he sat upon had years of wear but it stayed strong and tall; allowing himself to still hold on even if he had no more strength. Palm of hands pressed against the rough planks while fingers held onto the edge, holding him up as he leaned ever so lightly forward. His eyes darkened as a lone white cloud brushed against the sky, blocking the sun for a few heart wrenching seconds. Memories popped into his head without a warning before attacking and tearing his taped together heart apart once again. Bright smiles and loud laughs slowly turned into frowns and quiet conversations and eventually into two simple words that broke him and the world around him, "You can't." Upon the remembrance of them, a jagged whimper escaped his mouth and into the open air, taking the support for the smile away. The smile trembled and quaked, threatening to fall and break. He placed all his force into reconstructing the support for the failing sign of happiness. Lousy tape held his broken heart together when it dropped out from his chest the first time. This time, he considered quick staples and string to quickly tie it back together as he looked down towards the ground. Scrunching his shoulders and closing his eyes to block out his sight and pushing away his sense of hearing calmed the crashing sea a little bit more. He was getting tired of picking up the pieces and fixing whatever he had just for it to break a few minutes later with two words or with a couple of images. Allowing his shoulders to relax, he lifted his head and took a glance at the distance below himself. His eyes widened as his vision slowly blurred the sight with tears before him, into unidentifiable blobs of colors. There they were, laughing and smiling there bright, joyous smile towards each other. Though, the laugh, he noticed, was different than before. Beside that, it was a perfect example of joy among friends. But why did it destroy his vision? His shoulders began to tremble as the two words echoed in his falling mind.
"You can't."
The smile completely tumbled upside down.
"You can't."
His hope and trust tumbled down to the ground and shattered into tiny unretrievable pieces.
"You can't."
He tried to stop it. He honestly did but he couldn't. Just like he couldn't fix what he had done, he couldn't stop fat drops of salty water to trail down his face and plop down to the floor. "I'm so sorry," he choked out as his nose became stuffy and his eyes puffed. Of course, they wouldn't hear him. They would never hear him. No one will ever again, because he can't make his wrongs rights; not anymore and the only person he had to blame was himself. He can only blame himself. He can only hate himself for he did and for what he didn't say. And for this, he hates himself for..."Hurting you." Being told it's his fault, always being told by others that his life didn't matter. But his life did matter, my life still matters.
 

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