Mesenterium
Inactive Account
Hello there,
I have been pondering over a few weeks if I should leave this site. There is a certain problematic that has been recurrent, especially over the past few weeks, and I finally took a decision about it.
Before proceeding, I want to specify that I blame no one else aside from me for everything that I am going to mention. I also want to say that I am not searching for pity, attention or another immature and cringy reason. I am, as I have been doing in the past, opening my heart to you, and being as sincere as possible.
We all have opinions, and we all love to express them. A good debate can be so stimulating and immersive, and it allows us to learn so much. RPN, contrary to other roleplaying sites, is a place full of mature people, who can debate in a civilised way, and I have seen many great topics being brought up, topics that are of extreme importance.
Initially, I felt an urge to participate in such insightful discussions, as I love to learn more.
However, as the months started going by and as I have been interacting more and more, I started sensing that that warm feeling that I felt initially when I joined in was disappearing, that people started becoming colder. To the point of having some arguments that seemed aggressive. I am not blaming the community for this. I solely blame myself, because I believe that I might have behaved in a confrontational way, or, at least, my behaviour might have been interpreted that way: it is never my intention to attack people, nor to induce drama. However, every time I try to discuss and actually get into a productive debate, it always ends up in confrontation and drama.
I started login in into RPN feeling afraid that I might be attacked by members, or that I might be banned or something. I know, it is an irrational fear, and probably an immature one. Anxiety messes things up. Every time I am about to post a personal opinion or give insight over something on a public thread it is like my heart is being squeezed, because I always wonder if I am messing things up. it sees idiotic, because, after all, internet issues are affecting me, which is something that I never allowed in my life, and that has been happening lately, especially when it comes to roleplaying.
I don't feel part of this community, I really feel marginalised. And therefore, I decided that it would be for the best to go away. In fact, I feel so silly for admitting something like this, because probably it is childish, indeed. But it is the truth, and holding it back was making me feel so uncomfortable.
Coming back in the future is a possibility that I have in mind, as I cherish a lot my initial weeks here, and, as I mentioned, I don't think that I have seen a more mature roleplaying community before, and that is something that I search for. I totally understand if I am not welcome anymore though - I messed up, after all.
My internet connection is having loads of problems lately as well, which makes it even more impossible to keep using this website effectively, at least until it gets fixed.
RPN surely impacted myself very positively though: I met people that share some similar interests and opinions, from different backgrounds. This is what I cherish the most about this community. I also learnt so much, and my writing has improved since I joined. My inspiration, that seemed to be non-existent, is slowly coming back, thanks to all of you.
With this post I also want to, once again, explain my behaviour and justify myself. Even though I know perfectly that I don't need to do so, I want to, because I cannot stand the feeling of having people thinking that badly of me:
Whatever I say is never said with the intent of oppressing, insulting, diminishing, confronting, attacking or making anyone uncomfortable. If I ever passed such vibe before, then I am sorry. Despite my flaws, if there is something that I am not is racist, homophobic, sexist, fascist... you name it. I find such things disgusting and I do not support any ideologies that deny Human Rights to other people.
If my arguments ever seemed to fall under such categories, then I am sorry, but I want you to know that it was never my intention. My articulation isn't the best, and sometimes it gets hard to express my ideas. My native language isn't English, which only accentuates such problematic. Still, I know that sometimes I don't express my thoughts in a clear way, and that can definitely lead to misinterpretation. It's my fault, I am sorry for that.
Once again, I want to apologise to everyone that I offended. It was not intentionally, believe me.
It was nice to meet you all.
Wishing you all the best, and happy roleplaying!
- Mesenterium
I have been pondering over a few weeks if I should leave this site. There is a certain problematic that has been recurrent, especially over the past few weeks, and I finally took a decision about it.
Before proceeding, I want to specify that I blame no one else aside from me for everything that I am going to mention. I also want to say that I am not searching for pity, attention or another immature and cringy reason. I am, as I have been doing in the past, opening my heart to you, and being as sincere as possible.
We all have opinions, and we all love to express them. A good debate can be so stimulating and immersive, and it allows us to learn so much. RPN, contrary to other roleplaying sites, is a place full of mature people, who can debate in a civilised way, and I have seen many great topics being brought up, topics that are of extreme importance.
Initially, I felt an urge to participate in such insightful discussions, as I love to learn more.
However, as the months started going by and as I have been interacting more and more, I started sensing that that warm feeling that I felt initially when I joined in was disappearing, that people started becoming colder. To the point of having some arguments that seemed aggressive. I am not blaming the community for this. I solely blame myself, because I believe that I might have behaved in a confrontational way, or, at least, my behaviour might have been interpreted that way: it is never my intention to attack people, nor to induce drama. However, every time I try to discuss and actually get into a productive debate, it always ends up in confrontation and drama.
I started login in into RPN feeling afraid that I might be attacked by members, or that I might be banned or something. I know, it is an irrational fear, and probably an immature one. Anxiety messes things up. Every time I am about to post a personal opinion or give insight over something on a public thread it is like my heart is being squeezed, because I always wonder if I am messing things up. it sees idiotic, because, after all, internet issues are affecting me, which is something that I never allowed in my life, and that has been happening lately, especially when it comes to roleplaying.
I don't feel part of this community, I really feel marginalised. And therefore, I decided that it would be for the best to go away. In fact, I feel so silly for admitting something like this, because probably it is childish, indeed. But it is the truth, and holding it back was making me feel so uncomfortable.
Coming back in the future is a possibility that I have in mind, as I cherish a lot my initial weeks here, and, as I mentioned, I don't think that I have seen a more mature roleplaying community before, and that is something that I search for. I totally understand if I am not welcome anymore though - I messed up, after all.
My internet connection is having loads of problems lately as well, which makes it even more impossible to keep using this website effectively, at least until it gets fixed.
RPN surely impacted myself very positively though: I met people that share some similar interests and opinions, from different backgrounds. This is what I cherish the most about this community. I also learnt so much, and my writing has improved since I joined. My inspiration, that seemed to be non-existent, is slowly coming back, thanks to all of you.
With this post I also want to, once again, explain my behaviour and justify myself. Even though I know perfectly that I don't need to do so, I want to, because I cannot stand the feeling of having people thinking that badly of me:
Whatever I say is never said with the intent of oppressing, insulting, diminishing, confronting, attacking or making anyone uncomfortable. If I ever passed such vibe before, then I am sorry. Despite my flaws, if there is something that I am not is racist, homophobic, sexist, fascist... you name it. I find such things disgusting and I do not support any ideologies that deny Human Rights to other people.
If my arguments ever seemed to fall under such categories, then I am sorry, but I want you to know that it was never my intention. My articulation isn't the best, and sometimes it gets hard to express my ideas. My native language isn't English, which only accentuates such problematic. Still, I know that sometimes I don't express my thoughts in a clear way, and that can definitely lead to misinterpretation. It's my fault, I am sorry for that.
Once again, I want to apologise to everyone that I offended. It was not intentionally, believe me.
It was nice to meet you all.
Wishing you all the best, and happy roleplaying!
- Mesenterium
