Give a critique on my OC

Lemonl

Rematch! ( ˃̶͈̀ロ˂̶͈́)੭ꠥ⁾⁾
I’d like some constructive criticism on my original character. Please keep it professional.

Name: Elizabeth Ayana

Nickname(s): Lizzie, Liz, Ellie, “L”, Beth (rarely)

Birthday: December 17

Age: (Depends on roleplay) Normally 17 - 23

Height: 5’6”

Weight: 116 Lbs.

Special Skills
She’s fluent in French, from having to learn it since her mother (Whom is from France) wanted her to know it in order to communicate with their French relatives. She is very smart, and can process lots of information at one time. She’s pretty good at most video games, mastering the skills and mechanics much quicker than avarage people.

Personality
She is normally very nice, and open to conversation, but she can also be a big hot head, and blow up in someone’s face. She only really acts rude/annoying to those she has romantic feelings for, or if someone’s just being a jerk to her. She had been practicing the martial art of “Aikido” since her childhood, and had gotten pretty good at it. She can most notably be seen hanging around a library, exercising, or playing video games. She likes to draw, and would like to go into the field of art and animation when going to college.

Backstory
When she was young, she didn’t have much. Her family wasn’t the wealthiest, so she went to public schooling for the majority of her life, gaining a few friends with her introverted personality. When she was seven, her mother asked her if she wanted to try something extracurricular, like music or sports. She didn’t really know what she liked, so she tried many different ones. She joined the elementary school soccer team and piano classes, but neither really clicked with her. One day, when walking to a nearby grocery store with her mother and older brother, she noticed a building with large enough windows that she could see through, despite being a short kid. She saw them practicing martial arts, and just knew she wanted to try it too. She begged her mother to let her, and she was allowed to stop piano and soccer, and practice Aikido. She was bad at first, but slowly got better, and stronger. She now doesn’t need classes anymore, since she is pretty good at it, and can pin down most opponents, despite size or weight. She always had a love for art and design, so she decided to go to school to learn art and animation, so she could work on joining a big company that would pay well, like Disney or Dreamworks. But, for now, as a high school student, she likes to focus on studying, but also balancing Drama club and social life on top of it all.

Face Claim
Weiss Schnee
(RWBY)
E7A40F27-AEFC-4D2F-A42E-8AB987B4175B.jpeg
 
She’s pretty good at most video games, mastering the skills and mechanics much quicker than avarage people.
While this isn't exactly a major issue (like it wouldn't be something that would make me not approve the character), it is a bit unrealistic to be a quick learner in terms of video games, if only because of the sheer variety of styles of gameplay and game itself requiring such vastly different skills (aim, patience, capacity to predict opponents, strategical intellligence, reflexes...). And while I'm on the subject spotted a typo: It's "average" not "avarage". That may be a little annoying to point out, but don't worry I don't do it often.

Personality
She is normally very nice, and open to conversation, but she can also be a big hot head, and blow up in someone’s face. She only really acts rude/annoying to those she has romantic feelings for, or if someone’s just being a jerk to her. She had been practicing the martial art of “Aikido” since her childhood, and had gotten pretty good at it. She can most notably be seen hanging around a library, exercising, or playing video games. She likes to draw, and would like to go into the field of art and animation when going to college.
*The first sentence has a contradiction. It is not complexity, it's a contradiction, the difference lying in the fact that it is appearantly entirely random, since you didn't state what situations will make her be hotheaded, versus those when she is nice and open for conversation. Unless the next sentence was supposed to do that, in which case I apologize, but it seemed at once so specific yet so vague at the same time ("being a jerk" is really, really broad, but "romantic feelings" probably shouldn't be showing up until deep into the roleplay).

*Martial arts are not part of your personality. If anything it would go into "special skills". It's misplaced here.

*Question: What do you want to go when you go to college?

Overall, the personality has potential, but as it stands it's a clear Mary Sue. It's very underdeveloped as a personality which may be partially the cause, but the issue is the sheer lack of flaws in the character, as you shaped it to only have flaws during an either supposedly rare time or in direct response to provocation, making it justified and therefore insufficient for a flaw. I recommend developing more on the subject of the character's behavior during the mundane aspects of their lives, as it seems to me like this personality was built only thinking about higher moments such as the character's aspirations and romantic involvement.
In short, your character definitely has a direction, but lacks substance.


And that's it for my quick review. The backstory was pretty nice, a bit extravagant in some aspects, but mundane backstories like that do often make for pretty decent characters. The character felt a bit like a rushed job of someone trying to cram too many things in without really making them flow together and then not fleshing it out enough to make it quite believable. I think you could really use going more in depth and more firmly grounding the character's experiences.

I didn't particularly like reading the age thing either, but that mostly has to do with my general distaste for multi-purpose characters, so no worries there.

Anyways, I hope this is helpful. Best of luck and happy RPing!
 
While this isn't exactly a major issue (like it wouldn't be something that would make me not approve the character), it is a bit unrealistic to be a quick learner in terms of video games, if only because of the sheer variety of styles of gameplay and game itself requiring such vastly different skills (aim, patience, capacity to predict opponents, strategical intellligence, reflexes...). And while I'm on the subject spotted a typo: It's "average" not "avarage". That may be a little annoying to point out, but don't worry I don't do it often.


*The first sentence has a contradiction. It is not complexity, it's a contradiction, the difference lying in the fact that it is appearantly entirely random, since you didn't state what situations will make her be hotheaded, versus those when she is nice and open for conversation. Unless the next sentence was supposed to do that, in which case I apologize, but it seemed at once so specific yet so vague at the same time ("being a jerk" is really, really broad, but "romantic feelings" probably shouldn't be showing up until deep into the roleplay).

*Martial arts are not part of your personality. If anything it would go into "special skills". It's misplaced here.

*Question: What do you want to go when you go to college?

Overall, the personality has potential, but as it stands it's a clear Mary Sue. It's very underdeveloped as a personality which may be partially the cause, but the issue is the sheer lack of flaws in the character, as you shaped it to only have flaws during an either supposedly rare time or in direct response to provocation, making it justified and therefore insufficient for a flaw. I recommend developing more on the subject of the character's behavior during the mundane aspects of their lives, as it seems to me like this personality was built only thinking about higher moments such as the character's aspirations and romantic involvement.
In short, your character definitely has a direction, but lacks substance.


And that's it for my quick review. The backstory was pretty nice, a bit extravagant in some aspects, but mundane backstories like that do often make for pretty decent characters. The character felt a bit like a rushed job of someone trying to cram too many things in without really making them flow together and then not fleshing it out enough to make it quite believable. I think you could really use going more in depth and more firmly grounding the character's experiences.

I didn't particularly like reading the age thing either, but that mostly has to do with my general distaste for multi-purpose characters, so no worries there.

Anyways, I hope this is helpful. Best of luck and happy RPing!

(Answer to question: I’d personally like to go into business.)

Thanks for the feedback! I definetly agree I was vague, and not thinking clearly when thinking her out. Again, thanks for your very well though out critique.
 

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