Advice/Help getting over anxiety?

[punkrot]

i've been writing for 9-10 years now, both in the context of RP and original works outside of that. i love my writing style, and i'm very proud of how far i've come! that's not where my anxiety lies; i know that i'm a competent writer. my anxiety lies in meeting new people and collaborating with them, which is silly considering online RP and writing spaces have been where i've met some of my best friends, and it's where i've found the most like-minded people.

out of all of my time spent writing and RPing, i've spent a lot of it on tumblr. tumblr is where i've met two of my absolute best friends (known them for 6 years now!) and i continue to meet very wonderful people there! interacting with people on tumblr is also where a lot of my online anxieties come from, though; i've met some of the most vile and hateful people on there. i've had a lot of people use me, only to dump me when they're bored. there's also a lot of rampant racism, homophobia, transphobia, and general bigotry, alongside a huge clique mentality. (sidenote: there's a difference between prioritizing your friends online and creating an impenetrable clique within the RPC, especially fandom RPCs)

i want to reach out to more people, that's why i've made myself a new account here (lost my old one, RIP). however, because of how shitty the tumblr RPCs can be, i'm almost afraid to. adding those toxic mentalities onto my pre-existing anxiety creates one Mega Anxiety that makes it really hard to reach out to people and to share my ideas. because of my past experiences, i find myself feeling annoying, or undervalued. i guess where i'm going with this is: has anyone else felt the same? how did you get over your anxiety / make it easier for yourself to reach out to others and share your ideas?

 

[elytra]

I don't really post in the discussion area often, but this is something I've experienced so I'll pop in.

So, when I first joined a forum like this, I had a LOT of trouble reaching out to people because I felt like my ideas wouldn't be good enough for those I contacted. Unfortunately, I haven't found a easier way to get past it other than reaching out to people even with my anxiety and getting used to it. Sure, you might get a few people who don't appreciate your ideas, but there's bound to be people that do, you know? And if people act shitty, then they aren't worth interacting with anyway.

Of course, if you don't think you can get past your anxiety to pm someone, you could start out by making your own search thread and seeing if anyone contacts you. Its an easy way to get the attention of people who do like your ideas and have a similar style to you while not having to shift through threads and figure out if someone will appreciate what you have to offer. Not sure if this helps at all, but I hope you find some great partners here! I know how the tumblr RPC can get.

 

[Onmyoji]

As lame as it sounds, you need to let it go.
Past experiences are past experiences. Projecting them to new community won't help.
Of course I'm not trying to say that you'll have everything go well here. But there will be new people to meet and roleplays in different format from tumblr to try out. So who knows.

The thing I always say to everyone who is struggling to find good roleplays : don't rush. It's frustrating you don't get perfect partners from the start but the wait can be worth it. This site is big, new people register every day and if no one liked your plots today someone might join tomorrow who will love them.

If you're hesitant to reach out to people for now, focus on your own search thread and wait for people to contact you.
But you can also try reaching out anyway when you see someone posted search with ideas you liked and if their requirements match yours. Usually people are quite open in what they look for so it's a start.

I hope you find new friends and override your bad experiences with good ones!

 

[voracity]

Sorry if I don't hit the nail on what exactly is the cause of your anxiety (meeting garbage human beings and putting your ideas out there in general?) - some of my own advice is in the rules and features of this site itself.

If you are planning to host a group of people for your own roleplay, you have all rights to exclude whoever you want to without being penalized for exclusion (or even really needing to explain yourself and your reasons) should you meet such a person. There was another discussion on this site about having such people in their own group roleplays and the poster got flamed to hell because it was pointed out that they failed to reject or exclude them (undesired players) from the beginning, so to take a page from that: you can always preemptively turn away the people you are naturally scared of before you even jump into things.

Likewise, if you are in a 1x1 thread and the person you come across shows that they are lacking in any aspect you are concerned in (effort, tumblr levels of reading comprehension, etc.) you can always leave them with a 'I'm sorry but I don't believe this will work out. I wish you the best', leave the conversation, and check off the 'allow new threads to re-open the conversation'.

It's running away from the crux of the problem, but roleplay and reaching out doesn't have to be some death sentence. You always have the option to back away when things look dicey over the horizon.

My final thoughts on this is just that your struggles, your concerns, your pain is all valid. They aren't something you're going to get over, or forget, or never encounter again. Keep it, for it keeps your smart, it will remind you to cherish the good when you finally find it - and you will. Chances are, it won't be on this site, but you can still have a good time if you stop, drop and roll away from bad situations before it catches on fire.

 

[punkrot]

Sorry if I don't hit the nail on what exactly is the cause of your anxiety (meeting garbage human beings and putting your ideas out there in general?) - some of my own advice is in the rules and features of this site itself.

If you are planning to host a group of people for your own roleplay, you have all rights to exclude whoever you want to without being penalized for exclusion (or even really needing to explain yourself and your reasons) should you meet such a person. There was another discussion on this site about having such people in their own group roleplays and the poster got flamed to hell because it was pointed out that they failed to reject or exclude them (undesired players) from the beginning, so to take a page from that: you can always preemptively turn away the people you are naturally scared of before you even jump into things.

Likewise, if you are in a 1x1 thread and the person you come across shows that they are lacking in any aspect you are concerned in (effort, tumblr levels of reading comprehension, etc.) you can always leave them with a 'I'm sorry but I don't believe this will work out. I wish you the best', leave the conversation, and check off the 'allow new threads to re-open the conversation'.

It's running away from the crux of the problem, but roleplay and reaching out doesn't have to be some death sentence. You always have the option to back away when things look dicey over the horizon.

My final thoughts on this is just that your struggles, your concerns, your pain is all valid. They aren't something you're going to get over, or forget, or never encounter again. Keep it, for it keeps your smart, it will remind you to cherish the good when you finally find it - and you will. Chances are, it won't be on this site, but you can still have a good time if you stop, drop and roll away from bad situations before it catches on fire.

thank you for this! i always feel stupid talking about my anxiety when it comes to talking to people in general, because it doesn't usually come from a place of insecurity, or worrying that i'm not good enough, it stems from a fear of getting mixed up with the wrong people. i use RP as a way of meeting new people, and those OOC connections are super important to me, which is why it's so easy for me to be held back by the fear of starting another toxic friendship. that being said, again, thanks again for the advice and encouragement, i really appreciate it

 

[punkrot]

I don't really post in the discussion area often, but this is something I've experienced so I'll pop in.

So, when I first joined a forum like this, I had a LOT of trouble reaching out to people because I felt like my ideas wouldn't be good enough for those I contacted. Unfortunately, I haven't found a easier way to get past it other than reaching out to people even with my anxiety and getting used to it. Sure, you might get a few people who don't appreciate your ideas, but there's bound to be people that do, you know? And if people act shitty, then they aren't worth interacting with anyway.

Of course, if you don't think you can get past your anxiety to pm someone, you could start out by making your own search thread and seeing if anyone contacts you. Its an easy way to get the attention of people who do like your ideas and have a similar style to you while not having to shift through threads and figure out if someone will appreciate what you have to offer. Not sure if this helps at all, but I hope you find some great partners here! I know how the tumblr RPC can get.

As lame as it sounds, you need to let it go.
Past experiences are past experiences. Projecting them to new community won't help.
Of course I'm not trying to say that you'll have everything go well here. But there will be new people to meet and roleplays in different format from tumblr to try out. So who knows.

The thing I always say to everyone who is struggling to find good roleplays : don't rush. It's frustrating you don't get perfect partners from the start but the wait can be worth it. This site is big, new people register every day and if no one liked your plots today someone might join tomorrow who will love them.

If you're hesitant to reach out to people for now, focus on your own search thread and wait for people to contact you.
But you can also try reaching out anyway when you see someone posted search with ideas you liked and if their requirements match yours. Usually people are quite open in what they look for so it's a start.

I hope you find new friends and override your bad experiences with good ones!

thank you both for taking time to respond! i feel like the answer's a bit obvious, but i really do appreciate both of you taking time to offer some advice.