Poetry For All The Times I Could've Cried

[mediae]

so
maybe I wasn't the best person I could have been?
but who is the judge of that,
you or me?
because either way it's biased.

 

[mediae]

slowly
creeping
down the
stairs, not
crying many
tears, hoping
they'll leave me
alone, because i
couldn't take on the
throne, just don't start
putting pressure on me
because i might crack and
then i won't ever ever be free

 

[mediae]

"How loud do I have to scream before someone hears me?"

 

[mediae]

Maybe today will be my day to be happy?
Or perhaps it will be tomorrow?
Or, it's already passed and it was yesterday.

 

[mediae]

I can’t be who you want me to be.

But I can be who I want to be; and I think that’s better.

 

[mediae]

finally, i'm allowed to be okay,

not just allowed, but allowing myself,

my health is back to where it should be,

and i can give a real smile instead.

 

[mediae]

i've never felt these feeling before

is it the immunisation running through my veins

or the stuff leaking out of me

changing my mood, making me worse,

it's hard to do things right now

really hard

lists. lists are good. i'll make a list, then complete the stuff on that list

falsehood

procrastinate on the list, don't get anything done

okay at school, not because i'm faking, but because it's genuinely okay there

why is home different?

too many variables, things to do

exams are coming

panic

no, don't panic, study

overstudy?

bad

but if i'm not studying, am i failing?

working on it.