Feedback wanted [Harry Potter]

Do you think these are well written characters?

  • Yes

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • No

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • Only Citrine

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • Only Helen

    Votes: 0 0.0%

  • Total voters
    0

Lapis

The Grim Mistress
Hi, so here's a couple I have, and I'd love questions, feedback, opinions, lalala ^^

CITRINE







  • Full name: Citrine Willow Blackwood


    Nickname: C, CeCe, Cit, Ce, Ci


    Age: 17


    Sexual orientation: Homosexual


    Occupation: Student


    House: Slytherin


    Parents: Father-muggle, mother-witch


    Year: Sixth


HELEN







  • Full name: Helen Lillian Mismith


    Nickname: Hel, Helly, Hels, Lenny, Lena


    Age: 17


    Sexual orientation: Bisexual


    Occupation: Student


    House: Hufflepuff


    Parents: Both wizards


    Year: Sixth


 
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I mean obviously you put a lot of work into these characters and the base I think is all there but I feel like these are sort of archetypal Harry Potter characters except for the sexuality of course and through that potentially some character development but by saying she is depressed and self harms it feels a bit cliche and like problems have sort have just been thrust onto the character opposed to any meaningful backstory which has led to this. My suggestions would be to explore further their relationships with their family in particular their parents and also maybe come up with a few fatal flaws so to speak as all of their personality traits seem all good and that really shouldn't be the case for a moody pair of sixth years.
 
ThomasMorecambe said:
I mean obviously you put a lot of work into these characters and the base I think is all there but I feel like these are sort of archetypal Harry Potter characters except for the sexuality of course and through that potentially some character development but by saying she is depressed and self harms it feels a bit cliche and like problems have sort have just been thrust onto the character opposed to any meaningful backstory which has led to this. My suggestions would be to explore further their relationships with their family in particular their parents and also maybe come up with a few fatal flaws so to speak as all of their personality traits seem all good and that really shouldn't be the case for a moody pair of sixth years.
Thanks, I'll work on that :)


My original idea was that Ci was raised as a bit of a tomboy, but her parents loved and pampered her so she never really expected the negativitiy aimed at Slytherin. Basically over-protective parents (but I need to expand on that lol)
 

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