Other favourite creative insults?

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"This fat cow is supposed to be your lover?"

(it's a two birds, one stone insult)
 
To sound dignified and eloquent:

"Go fornicate yourself, you male offspring of a female member of the subspecies Canis lupus familiaris."

Or, if you speak Spanish:

"Eres tan feo que hiciste llorar a una cebolla." (You're so ugly you made an onion cry.)

Or, if you speak Mandarin:

"肏你祖宗十八代 。" (Fuck your ancestors to the eighteenth generation.)

Or, for a far more passive-aggressive insult:

"I hope you go step on a Lego."

Or, my personal favourite:

"You're like the sun. You blind people when they look at you and emit cancer in their presence."
 
"You pondscum pollywag bitch I will hunt you for sport" me at one of my closest friends for waking me up with cursed memes at 3 am. Its ok we shoot cryptid threats and insults at each other like that all the time.
 
I do everything in my power to not insult people anymore. it's the lowest form of communication human beings can partake in. It does nothing to win your enemies over, or change their points of view. It only hurts people, and makes you no better than the assholes of the world.

I will tell you the story of my all-time best best E-burn, though.

Some of the older members here might remember a forum called Metal-Rules. It was a heavy metal fan community and I was a member for a while in the early 2000s. In the metal culture there's this importance placed on being "hardcore." You don't dress a certain way, you don't listen to certain music, you don't talk too much about your emotions, etc.

There was one particular member who terrorized this forum. He would always horn into threads being an unapologetic troll. his favorite thing to do was question how hardcore everyone was. The slightest transgression, and you'd hear from him about how non-hardcore you were.

So one day we get into it,and he's ranting about how I'm not a real metal head because I listen to other types of music. He's ranting on, trying to educate me on what being hardcore is all about, and I just get tired of his crap. I leave the thread with one sentence that let him so flustered that he wrote a 6 paragraph post in response.

"You're about as hardcore as blueberry picking."
 
"you look like the type of guy who thinks it's unmanly to do the dishes"
"you are the human equivalent of the common cold"
"you're a blithering collection of wannabe wikipedia philosophers"
 
“Your mother is a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!”

Ok but in all seriousness...

“It must have been a sad day when you slithered out of the abortion bucket.”
 
❛ Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory. ❜
This particular roast was directed towards me during a friendly chat, and I still loved it.


 
Some of these aren't bad, but creative insults are an art form in east coast Canada. Although I stated that I really don't like to insult people, I can share some of my favorite insults I have used with RP characters.

"You're as useless as an asshole with taste buds."

"You're living proof that God has a sense of humor."

"The good Lord must have been hung over when he put that face together."

"Does your ass ever get jealous of the shit that comes out of your mouth?"


Most of the others are too vulgar for general consumption.
 
"肏你祖宗十八代 。" (Fuck your ancestors to the eighteenth generation.)
This is hilarious in North America, and I wheezed really hard. But if you used that in actual China I'm pretty sure the three nearest people to you would kick your balls into your chin~

Insults about ancestors are about 10 times worse to the Chinese than any english insult could ever be to us :o
 
honestly its not super creative but i lose my shit whenever i say "cumlet". or any insult with -let tagged on. i just mashed up "cum" and "manlet" to make "cumlet" and now all my friends and i sling that shit back and forth at each other like bitchlet and fucklet too.

i also like calling ppl cumsock, shitlips, cockbrain... basically just smashing up swear words with random words that flow off the tongue.
 
My two favorite ones that I've heard being said are:

"You're about as useful as a wet match in a dark damp cave"

And
"You're the load your mom should have swallowed"
 
Since people were sharing insults in alternative languages. 日本語はもいい. It became a chan insult for people who have the linguistic capabilities of a spastic gorilla and translates to "Japanese is fine too"

"Þinn Líkami er I'm unculturedur sem laufguð björk en sálin er ægileg eyðimörk"
Your body is beautiful a cliffside made of leaves but your soul is a vast desert.
 
I got inspiration from Spongebob for this one, because I'd like to say this to people who bother me during my delivery shift:

"Go ahead and call my boss, you four eyed virgin! Now quit wasting my time!"

"Hey, you can't talk to my husband that way! Who do you think you are?!"

"I'm Mr. Rhino, you old hag! And your husband smells like prostitutes!"

"Hey, you can't talk to my mother that way! What do you think this is?!"

"It's time for you to lose some weight, fatass! That's what it is!"

"Hey, you can't talk to my grandson like that! Someone oughta put you in a mental hospital!"

"Someone should put you in a box floating down the Bonkefeart, moeke!" (The Bonkefeart is a body of water in my home province, and moeke is a Frisian term for an old woman. :3)
 
"please tell me you don't plan on homeschooling your kids"

"if i throw a stick will you leave?"
 
"Stop talking. Dead skin cells are coming out of your mouth." - Kim Taehyung

Fun fact, I once told this to my manager while he was super stressed. Surprisingly didn't get fired, or killed.
 
I once called someone toe fungus, not sure why I was just mad and didn't think much of it.
 

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