Realistic or Modern Emotional Support Alcohol [Closed]

[VoidWitch]

Muse A was Sharp, Top of the class. Muse B was a bad boy, a fuck boy if you will, scraping by on school with no intents on heading to college. They parted ways, barely knowing each other’s names in the hallway. Years pass and Muse A is in a bad spot mentally. Apparently trying to be perfect for years means that something will eventually break. They meet again at a bar, with a heated one night stand following suit. With Muse A showing up again and Again at bars, does Muse B reach out to stop Muse A’s spiraling life? Would Muse A even accept the help? [There will be no actual smut, a fade to black will be used]

Muse A:
Name: Gavin Micheal Rice
Age: 23
Looks:

Extra Information:
Gavin was valedictorian of their class and came from a family of businessman and lawyers, so he always had a high bar to live up to. Mixed in with his own toxic family problems, he was bound to have a mental health crisis at some point. He's an artist at heart and his dream job would be a video game designer, however by profession he is a Lawyer.

Muse B:
Name: Caspian "Cas" Elijah Smith
Age: 24
Looks:

Extra information to include:
In highschool, Cas was the textbook definition of bad boy. He rode a motorcycle, wore leather, smoked, drank and cared more about his image than his grades. At home, however, he was a single child to a pair of negligent parents. After having to repeat a year and finally graduating highschool, he hit a deadend and was unsure of what he wanted to do with his life. This changed when he walked into a random cafe, saw a sign that said "hiring" and decided to give it a go. Ever since then, coffee had become his livelihood and passion.

 

[VoidWitch]

Gavin was pretty fucked up nowadays, if he really thought about it. He interned at a high class law firm nearby before he was even out of college, thanks to his father. His father who wouldn't talk to him now because he was gay. He wasn't quite sure when it all fell apart, honestly. He was so anxious all the time anymore, it was hard to go into the firm and he was working part time at the moment, probably before they fired him. He didn't like to think about that reality, because without a job Gavin would have no choice but to go back to his family and beg for support.
But for now he was here, walking into one of the local bars, his second one of the night. The first one had too many people from highschool, a lot of the preps he hung out with apparently liked it. This bar was closer to the edge of town, but he kept his head down anyway, heading to the bar and ordering and whiskey, sitting down and glancing around the room. He was already tipsy, for sure, but he was ready to get drunk out of his mind.

 

[theWisher]

Cas was tired after an entire week of working the closing shift at the cafe. Even though he loved the comforting smell and ambience of the shop, dealing with customers always wore down on him and he knew he needed to recharge. After pulling on his leather jacket, Cas turned off the lights, flipped the sign to "closed" and locked the door. He thought about going to the bar he usually frequented, but it was a friday night and most of the bars on the main part of town were probably already buzzing with patrons. He really did not want to deal with running into someone he might know. Suddenly, remembering about a place that was slightly out of the way, he decided to make his way there on foot, leaving his motorcycle behind at the cafe as it would be dangerous if he drank too much and needed to ride home.
As he entered the bar, he noticed it was quite empty, much to his appreciation. He ordered a beer from the bartender, and chose to seat at one of the two-seater tables, away from the main business. He was not looking to be bothered much tonight, opting to watch what little crowd the bar had anyways.

 

[VoidWitch]

Gavin almost cursed when he saw Cas walk in. He wasn't friends with Cas during highschool, Caspian was a little to fast for his taste personally at the time. No time for dating anyway, considering he was busy trying to keep his perfect 4.0. He almost got up and left there, but there wasn't anyone else he knew here, so he relaxed a little bit. Maybe Cas wouldn't even recognize him and he'd get lucky, right? He was tired of the question "Why are you here? This wasn't really your speed before." If he heard that question one more time he might punch someone, which was an odd thought for some usually so passive. He met eyes with Caspian briefly, before turning, downing the rest of his drink, and ordering another one. Maybe he could get so drunk today that he wouldn't even remember how to get home. That would be interesting, at least. It was clear just from his body language, anyone could look at the way his head was tilted down that there was something wrong.

 

[theWisher]

Cas was busy sipping on his beer and letting his eyes wander around the establishment. He was surprised he had not heard of this place earlier. It was decently cozy for a bar, just the type of place he liked. Cas was about to take a deep breath and let out the past week's stress when he locked eyes with Gavin and his mouth dropped open slightly. Instead of breathing like a normal person, he panicked and choked on absolutely nothing. Cas coughed as softly as he can trying to regain his composure. In embarrassment, he forced himself to look away. He was not actually as suave as he would like everyone to think. Even alarms were going off in his head. How did he not notice Gavin when he first walked in?

When he finally looked back up, he looked for Gavin and spotted him by the bar. He felt terribly awkward now that he saw that Gavin looked like he did not want to speak with him. It might have been the second hand embarrassment that made him look like he wanted nothing to do with him. Cas had not seen him in so long, the last time he remembered was passing by him in the hall after Gavin graduated and he did not. He thought that a lot must have changed since then, and maybe they should catch up. They might never run into each other again after all.

Making up his mind, he picked up his glass, got up from his seat and walked over to Gavin. As he got closer, he noticed that Gavin looked like he was trying to look inconspicous, but its just making him stand out more. He put his glass down beside Gavin and put his hand on his shoulder, wating to get his attention. Looking at his old schoolmate from up close was slightly unsettling. He could see that he was not looking so good. "Uh hey Gavin... Haven't seen you in a while but, are you okay?" He asked tentatively. Cas was afraid that Gavin might get upset, seeing that he was already on edge.

 

[VoidWitch]

Gavin did like this bar a lot, compared to the others he had been frequenting recently. It was much more comfortable, compared to the impossibly loud music that seemed to radiate in most of the other bars he had tried. Gavin politely looked away when he saw Cas was caught off guard, biting his lip. That was definitely the funniest reaction he had gotten over the past night, but it felt rude to laugh, and Gavin was nothing if not polite. He had already gotten two drinks since he sat down, more focused on fuzzing out the world than Cas choking on air.

Had things changed? Hell yeah they had. He wasn't managing very well at all, compared to his put together look from school. His hair was ruffled and messy, and he had dark circles underneath his eyes. He looked up when Cas said his name, relaxing a little bit at what he asked. "Well, At least I haven't heard that one today." He said with a sigh, leaning back. "Hi Cas, are you also here because the rest of the bars are full of our fucking classmates?" He asked, not answering the question at first.

"No, I'm not okay." He said finally, rubbing his eyes. "I guess if you're perfect for so long something has to break eventually." He explained with a shrug, finishing his drink and raising his hand to catch the bartender's attention and getting another whiskey. "What about you? It looks like you've cleaned up a little bit since highschool. You got a job now?" He asked, changing the subject for now. He was sure Cas would have more questions later, but he decided he wasn't quite drunk enough yet to spill his guts about his month of hell.

 

[theWisher]

Cas did a double take as he took in how Gavin looked. His former classmate looked like hell was unleashed on him and that every single devil running out of the gates stampeded all over his livelihood. He wondered what happened that made him look like such a mess. Although, under the eyebags and unkempt mess, Cas still could still see remnants of the boy from all those years ago, so different from who he was now. Cas was shaken out of his thoughts as he heard the f-word slip from Gavin's lips. He never thought that one day, he would hear the golden boy curse out loud. It just made the difference all the more obvious. Cas sighed at his first reply, sharing the same sentiments about his former classmates, but he was slightly comforted at Gavin's admission. It was unnerving to see someone who was much brighter than you dulled down by work and life, but at least he could admit it.

"It took a while, but yeah, I'm a lot better now. I've got a job at a small cafe in a corner of town and I haven't looked back since." Cas shrugged. His journey felt so trivial when he said it so simply, when it was actually a lot of effort and changing his way of life. In that time, he had become a skilled barista, understood his own self identify and eventually stopped talking to his old friends. Even his self-expression changed. He stopped cursing so much, stopped smoking, moderated his drinking, and even started to wear a pride bracelet to subtly express his identity to the people around him.

Cas took a sip of his beer. "You know, I can be your listening ear, if you want someone to talk to, that is..." He looked at Gavin seriously, tilting his head slightly with concern in his eyes. He noticed that he signalled to the bartender again, but should he really be drinking some more? Cas did not stop him. He was in no position to do so.

 

[VoidWitch]

Gavin couldn't identify a single cause that caused him to look like this. Sure, his family did not take his coming out very well, and he did have a recent mental breakdown, but he wasn't sure why he wasn't recovering. He had a couple times like this in highschool, but it had always been easy to pull his perfect mask back over whatever negative emotions he was feeling, pushing them down. He didn't know why he couldn't do that anymore. It was frustrating, to say the least. He just wanted to be okay, and this was the first time he had admitted that he wasn't. Maybe that was progress.

Gavin nodded, he was glad to see that Cas pulled his life around. He always worried about those people at school who seemed to have given up on their life. "That's good, I can tell you're looking a lot better than when we were in school." He said, that was compliment, but his tone was little bit flat. Hey, he was trying to be positive at least. "I always worried about your crowd, ya know?" He said softly, glancing away. He didn't like admitting to any sort of feelings.

Gavin shrugged. "I'm not drunk enough yet. Besides, It's not really all that interesting." He said bluntly, taking and finishing off half of his new drink before he continued. "You know, gettting disowned by your family, being pushed down to part time at your job, all the normal fucking shit that happens when your life goes to hell." He hummed, rubbing his eyes. "And now I'm here."

 

[theWisher]

Looking at Gavin, Cas was reminded more and more of himself as he slowly moved on with his life after highschool. Cas never admitted to his problems though, that was different for him, knowing that his problems will always be there, haunting him as he never really resolved them. Even though he was living as honestly as he could now, he still barely had any contact with his parents, a non-existent friend group, and a string of one night stands from the past months.

"Yeah, I get that a lot. I came out to my highschool clique shortly after you graduated and uh... it didn't end well." Cas pressed his lips together and ran a hand through his hair. It was probably the hundredth time he did that today and even though he did not have a mirror, he could imagine that he was looking more and more like a mess, not too unlike Gavin himself. He downed the rest of his beer. "They didn't threaten to hurt me or anything, but they treated me differently after that... They thought it was weird that I had ex-girlfriends, but still like guys too."

Cas saw the hesistation in Gavin's movements, even though this was definitely not his 2nd drink of the night. He was worried for his old friend. Cas was no stranger to having his life upturned by the people he trusted most in his life, and although the action seemed small, had a large impact on the receiver. "That sounds rough, but I get it. It was tough for a while after I graduated too... Perhaps you have had enough of drinking for the night. I can walk you home, and we can talk more about it?" Cas looked out for any sign that he might be signalling the bartender for more drinks and was ready to quell them. "But of course, if you don't want that, we can uh... we can do something else. You look like you can't get home safely, so I won't leave you here alone tonight, if you're alright with my company that is." Cas looked askance at Gavin.

 

[VoidWitch]

Gavin rested his head in his hand, he definitely was getting drunk. It didn't help that he didn't have the highest tolerance in general, so once the two new drinks hit him he was sure to be stumbling around. His words were starting to slur a little bit more, and it was obvious that it was really hitting him as they continued to talk. It was what Gavin wanted though, because as long as he was drunk as hell everything else didn't hurt quite as bad.

Gavin nodded softly. "Yeah, i can imagine. Our school wasn't known for being the most accepting either." He hummed, thinking back. They didn't even have any sort of GSA at the time Gavin graduated. "Ah yes, because figuring out your sexuality isn't a thing at all." He rolled his eyes at Cas's friends comments. "You don't just pop out of the womb being like 'oh I like guys' or some shit. I wish it was that easy." he said. He was a little bit bitter about it in general, he hadn't been able to ever have a long term boyfriend with his schedule, or any relationship really, which is why he didn't come out to his family until recently.

Gavin finished the rest of the drink in his hand, laying down on his arms with his head turned to face Cas. Yeah, he could really feel the world fuzzing out around him now, it was kind of comforting. "Mm - oh yeah. I didn't have a plan to get home tonight." Gavin explained, the slur becoming more prominent now. "Yeah - that's fine, I've spent enough money tonight anyways." That was his only real concern, about money. He pushed himself up, stumbling and wobbling a little bit before steadying, looking over at Cas. "Yeah - you're fine. Better company than anyone else I met tonight at the very least." he said with a grin, letting them walk out of the bar, stumbling a little bit as they walked. "You know if i hadn't met you tonight I was just, hoping i didn't end up in a ditch somewhere." he explained with a lazy grin, finding it funny

 

[theWisher]

Cas kept his hand light on Gavin's shoulder. He could feel his body heat through his clothes and it was unnaturally warm. "We did go to a small town school after all... The last thing I would expect would be a support group, or anyone who is out and proud to talk to." Cas sighed, leaning his weight onto the bar. He saw the bartender come by and collect their empty glasses. Cas nodded his thanks to them. "It might sound weird, but I always knew about this side of myself. It just took some drunk fun with a friend to fully understand it." Cas was shaking slightly even with the beer. He nervous talking about himself, admitting that his free-spirited habit for casual relationships never died off, especially since they barely knew each other now.

As Gavin laid his head on the table, he wondered if that was uncomfortable for him. He had never seen the smart kid ever sleep in class before. It made for an unnatural sight. Cas shook his head, and tilted it more to try to match his eye level and muttered suspiciously, "You don't have a plan..." He could barely understand what he said before and failed to comprehend the rest of the gibberish that fell of out Gavin's mouth. He vaguely heard something about money, but quickly forgot about it as Gavin got up, stumbling like a fawn that was just born a few hours ago. He steadied his friend by his shoulders and made sure he did not walk into anything as they went outside.

Luckily, the air was cooler compared to the inside of the cozy bar and there was a light breeze running through the streets. "I'm glad that you're alright with my company tonight." Cas laughed slightly, "And I'm glad I found you too. Even if that means you were almost about to go blackout drunk... At least you're not gonna end up in a ditch tonight, if I can help it." He glanced at Gavin for a moment, and was slightly entranced with the smile on his lips. Gavin seemed to be in lighter spirits now, compared to when he first walked in, and Cas was glad for the positive change. He shook himself mentally out of his thoughts and finally remembered to ask before they got lost from randomly walking, "By the way, where do you live?"

 

[VoidWitch]

Gavin liked Cas's hand on his shoulder, it was a little bit of grounding to help him completely spiral with what they were talking about. Gavin hummed. "Yeah - I've met some people like that. I didn't know for a while but - it wasn't like it was concerning though, I wasn't allowed to date while I was in school anyway so it was like - whats the point of worrying?" He said with a chuckle. Gavin didn't have any room to judge, and he was much to drunk to notice Cas's anxiety about it. It was nice to have someone to talk to about it, it could be really isolating even though he wasn't trying to date.

Gavin's head felt heavy, his eyes half lidded as he looked up at Cas. If he could see himself, he probably wouldn't recognize himself. He felt all light and fuzzy, it was much better than when he arrived and he felt like he was full of rocks. Gavin had trouble with a lot of the mental health stuff, he didn't have the words to describe what he was feeling - he felt like he wasn't bad enough to claim a lot of the words like panic attack or mental crisis.

"Oh - it's cooler out here." Gavin commented absently as they walked out - not that he minded, his cheeks were hot and it was definitely a little bit stuffy inside the bar. "I mean - at least a ditch would be an adventure?" He offered with a laugh, It was really funny to his drunk exhausted mind. "Oh - just a couple blocks from here, we're heading towards it." He explained, pointing forward. He led them up to a nice apartment building, fiddling with his keys before opening up the apartment. "Here we are." He said, glancing up. "Wanna come in and get a snack?" He asked, walking inside. The apartment was rather plain, but it was nice, with a minimalist look.

 

[theWisher]

Cas frowned and looked away from Gavin as he confessed about his worries of his lack of highschool love life. He realised that their experiences were so different, not to say that they might have had the same partners back then but never realised it. "You say you weren't allowed to date, but I dated excessively. Even showed some of my girlfriends to my parents a week after the other, but I barely got a reaction out of them. I gave up after a while though, realised that I was doing it for all the wrong reasons..." Cas hummed softly, thinking back. "I knew there would always be other chances to date after school ended and I think you somehow knew it too, even if you were worried about it" Cas said and tightened the grip on his shoulder whenever he felt Gavin slip out of it. He rubbed his thumb absentmindedly as they walked, a habit he picked up when he had to escort and comfort his drunk friends after wild parties when he was still in school.

Cas saw that the fresh air and walking was slowly starting to help Gavin sober up a bit. "A ditch is way more dangerous than 'just an adventure'. Trust me, you don't want to try it." He said, stiffening up a bit. He remembered some terrible experiences before he cleaned up and did end up sleeping on roadsides, getting beat up and shouted at with his brain pounding against his skull.

By the time they got to Gavin's place, Gavin was way less wobbly and didn't have to stand outside his door awkwardly and wait for Gavin to fumble with his keys to get the door open. That, he was thankful that he also didn't trip on the stairs on their way up. Tumbling from stairs was absolutely not on his bucket list tonight. When Gavin offered for him to come in, he nodded and hummed, signalling an 'alright'. Cas walked in and noticed that his apartment was exactly what he expected from Gavin. It was simple and neat, clean with barely any signs of mess. It was nearly the exact opposite of his place. Cas closed the door behind him and locked the door. "Do you maybe want to take a seat and I can make some tea or something? Your hands aren't exactly the steadiest from all that alcohol you know." Cas asked, glancing from the kitchen to Gavin.

 

[VoidWitch]

Gavin shrugged, "Well - i guess i could've dated technically, but it would've been unfair to whoever i was dating considering I had to spend like all of my time studying. I feel like thats just - almost rude to whoever you're dating since I never had any time to go out or anything." Gavin explained with a soft shrug. That made sense to him - what even would the relationship be at that point? Gavin really gave all of his teen years to being the perfect student, he missed out on all of the parties and dances someone expected to go to as a highschooler.

Gavin hummed. "a dangerous adventure is still an adventure, to be fair." He pointed out, rubbing his eyes. He truthfully didn't care all that much about his personal safety at the moment, at least if he got hurt or got into a fight or something that would be something different to feel. "But I'll keep that in mind." He added, letting him now he did understand the warning.

Gavin used to love that his apartment was up the stairs for the workout and for the fact that it was a little more secure, but he had come to despise it as he tried not to fall over on his way up. Gavin set his keys down in a little bowl he kept then in, kicking off his shoes and stretching. "Hm? Oh - yeah - I guess that would make sense huh?" He said with a chuckle, nodding. "yeah - there's tea in the cabinet next to the sink, and you're free to have whatever you want. I don't really mind." He added, sitting down on the couch. The cabinets truthfully weren't all that full, Gavin only bought what he needed for the week and did his best to save money now that he was working part time.

 

[theWisher]

Cas hummed his understanding. He knew that relationships were a two way street. If he couldn't provide, it would have been rude to try to promise them something more. Cas cherished what little happiness he had in the short-lived relationships when he was actively seeking a fufilling romance back in school. More recently, he had stopped involving his heart and emotions and all this talk of missed romance made him feel like he missed out on a lot. He was the popular kid, the badboy. He was supposed to have had the time of his life, with a high school darling by his side for the rest of his life, but he knew it wasn't realistic.

When Cas saw that Gavin took off his shoes, he mirrored him and toed his boots off, leaving them neatly by the side of the door. "Alright, got it." Cas said as he vaguely remembered Gavin's instructions. He walked into the kitchen and looked around for the cabinet that he mentioned. Along the way, he took two mugs and set them on the counter. Once he found the right cabinet, he took out two random teabags and put them into the mugs that he picked up. The tea was most probably english breakfast, a common but classic choice. He also found a kettle and filled it up with water, which he heated up before pouring into the mugs. Taking the steaming hot tea over to Gavin. He opted to put it on the coffee table, lest he accidentally spill it on him. "You say you aren't doing so good, but your place looks pretty nice. Nicer than mine by a long shot." Cas tries to make a light joke of it and goes to sit on one side of the couch.

 

[VoidWitch]

Gavin was half convinved that true lovey relationships weren't actually real. His parents weren't happy together - no relationship in his family appeared to be. And Gavin hadn't tried anything more than some absent one night stands once he realized he was gay. It appeared unrealistic to have a real relationship to him. He didn't talk too much about it though, afraid he'd get called edgy or looking for attention.

Gavin always took off his shoes, it was a habit of his since he was child. He was very afraid of making things dirty in general, thats why everything looked so nice. He deep cleaned his apartment fairly regularly when he got anxious, which was an lot nowadays. Gavin was half laying on his couch, watching some cooking show on the TV. "Yeah - I clean it like all the time. I've had it since I graduated highschool, because i got a job right away." He explained, pushing himself up so Cas could sit next to him. "Thank you," He said with a smile, taking his mug carefully, tilting his head to smile at him.

 

[theWisher]

Cas would have liked to believe he was optimistic when it came to romance. His parents probably did love each other before, but not anymore since they barely worked at their relationship or display any form of affection for each other. He knew that this long term love thing needed way more work than what people usually talked about. Cas was convinced that was the reason why he felt unloved and unwanted by his parents and made them feel so distant, even though they used to be a perfect family when he was a child.

"Oh I see..." Cas thought about how he even struggled to keep a schedule to clean his room weekly, and usually just ended up doing it every fortnight instead. "I'm surprised you managed to find such a good place right off the bat. When I was apartment hunting, I had to settle for a hole in a wall kind of place, somewhere in the older side of town." Cas said as he brought over the mugs, careful not to spill anything on the ground.

"You're welcome." Cas said and smiled to himself when Gavin thanked him, glad to feel useful to someone after such a long time. He fiddled with the tag of the tea bag as he let his eyes wander around the apartment once more, taking in more detail. The place looked almost brand new, but he could see little things, like his keys in the bowl, or his shoes placed neatly aside, that showed that he was even living here and it made it unique. Cas glanced at the TV and watched the cooking show for a few seconds before shifting his focus back onto Gavin. "Are you feeling better now?" Cas asked thoughtfully, sipping his tea as it started to cool down. He leaned back slightly, forcing himself to relax, even though he was in rather foreign territory.

 

[VoidWitch]

Gavin was calming down a little bit as Cas moved his attention from ‘my life is a failure’ to ‘let’s talk about apartments.’ And the fuzziness of his mind from the alcohol was still the comforting factor here besides Cas. He had started using it more often to ignore his problems, but he probably needed to be careful to not cross the line into dependency. After all, that would just be one more reason why he was a fuck up. Maybe that was apart of Gavin’s problem, he had lost all sense of self esteem lately.

Gavin would have loved to keep his compulsions under control, because that’s what they were: anxiety compulsions. He wished he could keep to a schedule, but part of the reason he was so exhausted was because he’d be up for nights cleaning or doing other things trying to satisfy his thought. If he was looking at some else doing his actions, he’d be able to identify OCD. In himself, he couldn’t do that. “My um - family helped me. They have connections everywhere you know? One of those rich families of CEOs and doctors.” He said with a soft eyeroll, his family really lived up to the stereotype. “And I was their never good enough child.”

Gavin sipped on his tea, adjusting so he was sitting closer to Cas. He had sobered up a little bit from ‘I’m going to get black out drunk’ to just being relatively intoxicated, and he got more tactile that way, so he wanted to be closer to Cas. He wasn’t really thinking straight, but he also wasn’t thinking very much at all. “Yeah - thanks to you.” He said absently, tilting his head to the side.

 

[theWisher]

Cas would like to believe he was decent as a negotiator. However, he had more years of experience on the drunk side, rather than the sober friend side, making him concerned that he might not be doing a good job. Seeing that Gavin was more mellowed reassured his slight internal worry though. He was definitely not as depressed as he was earlier. It was good progress.

As he listened to Gavin talk about his family, he was reminded that his was probably as defunct as Gavin's. Just in a different way. "I guess, in some sense, your family was useful to you. My father is a Doctor too, with connections and friends, but he never helped me." Cas sighed, looking back at the TV blankly. "You say you're not good enough, but why are you trying to please them anyway? It's your life, not theirs. Do whatever you want, ya know." He said like he was preaching the idea. It was the way that he lived by for years, the motto that kept him from tumbling head first into helplessness. Thinking about it made the world seem less scary, like he had nothing to worry about. No one to judge him, no one's expectations to live up to. It made him feel free.

Cas tensed up slightly as he felt Gavin shift closer. He was thankful that even though they were not close friends, Gavin seemed comfortable enough for Cas to be in his personal space. Or maybe Gavin was still tipsy and Cas was just over imagining things, but he was glad for the trust that Gavin had in him. When he was up this close, Cas could smell the stench of alcohol that clung to Gavin's clothes. It wasn't extremely pleasant, but since they walked home virtually attached to hip as he supported his friend, he was willing to bet that he smelled the same, so he didn't care. Cas flushed slightly as the heat in the apartment and the tea made him relax more and feel at home. "I'm glad I could help you tonight." Cas smiled slightly and tilted his head to mirror Gavin, facing him as he did earlier in the bar.

 

[VoidWitch]

Gavin shrugged. "Probably because they said they'd kick me out or hurt me if I wasn't good enough." he said quietly. That was the first time he had said that to anyone, anything that even indicated abuse from his family. Don't get him wrong, he was never hit, but the emotional manipulation he went through was how he ended up here today. He was good at hiding things, when they were younger, and he hadn't really ever been able to break out from the line of thinking that helped him survive his childhood even though he hadn't lived at home in years. He so desperately wanted people's approval, to tell him that he was anything but a failure, and so that was the dream he kept chasing. Maybe he just wanted to feel loved for once in his life.

Gavin was definitely getting tired, even though he didn't want to go back to being alone, so he tried to hide his yawn as he let his eyes flutter for a moment. "Yeah - I guess i didn't end up in a ditch afterall." He said with a soft laugh, before moving and leaning on Cas's shoulder without really thinking. Cas was warm and Cas had only been nice to him the whole night, so it was easy for him to just want to stay here and be close to him. "Do you have to work tomorrow? If you do you should probably head home." Gavin said a little bit sadly, like he really didn't want Cas to leave. It was nice to have a friend for once! It had been so fucking long since Gavin had connected with someone in any real way and he was internally afraid that if Cas left he'd never get that back again.

 

[theWisher]

Cas felt a heavy weight drop in his gut when Gavin said that his family would hurt him. What kind of family would lay hands on one of their own? Just the knowledge that Gavin lived in subconscious fear made him sick. He remembered when his friends, the people whom he was closest to, seemed to have abandoned him after his coming out. Their non-acceptance had felt like a betrayal, but he could not have imagined having to live under the shadow of expectation any further. He wanted to always be true to himself and not have to hide under a rock forever.

Cas put down his mug of tea onto the coffee table. It had cooled rapidly and was now lukewarm at best. He shifted an arm to embrace Cas slightly, encouraging him to move closer, but not forcing him to. "You know, they aren't gonna find you here. You're safe. You can be who you want to be." Cas felt compelled to squeeze the sadness out of the boy, but he held back. He felt Gavin lean on his shoulder and Cas smiled to himself. Being calm but slightly sleepy, he distractedly started to run his fingers through Gavin's hair lightly. It was a comforting thing he liked others to do for him too.

He breathed deeply, noticing the thick scent of the over-steeped tea between them. "I have on off-day tomorrow.” Cas thought for a moment, wondering why he asked, when it hit him that maybe Gavin didn’t want to be alone. “I can stay… If you want me to that is.” He bit his lip, anxious that what he was offering was not what his friend might have implied. He realised that Gavin could have asked the question so that he could get rid of Cas and be alone instead, but again, maybe it was just the anxiety that made him worry. Cas had not spent time with a person in months and a small part of him wanted to stay longer and bask in the comfort that Gavin was giving him.

 

[VoidWitch]

Gavin didn't really realize what he was admitting too - it was easier just to close his eyes and not really think about it rather than fully focus on what he just said. His childhood affected literally everything he did growing up, but he didn't even realize it's effects really. He just was the way he was. When Cas wrapped an arm around him, he happily leaned into his grasp. It was comforting, and Gavin realized vaguely that he hadn't been hugged in a long time. "Yeah - I guess. It doesn't really feel like it though." He explained, practically purring at the feeling of Cas's hand in his hair. He really liked that a lot. This was exactly what he wanted - physical contact. He didn't need any sort of one night stand he realized, he just needed someone to hold him close so he didn't have to worry. Cas's movements were making Gavin even more sleepy, he didn't usually sleep well and he was really comfortable and soft right now.

Gavin nodded, brightening when he said he could stay. "i'd like that!" He mumured brightly into his shoulder, settling closer to him. "I think you're comfy." He explained with a soft smile, closing his eyes as he settled close to him. "you can stay here and you can sleep in my bed if you want when you're tired and i can sleep on the couch." Even though he definitely wanted Cas close, he didnt want to make him feel uncomfortable by laying next to him, even though he was practically laying on top of him right now. "But I like being right next to you right now." He murmured as an addition

 

[theWisher]

Cas took Gavin's mug and placed it safely on the table as they moved closer and closer. "Mm hmm, but we still gotta believe in something." Cas said softly. Cas missed the warmth of holding someone close. His romantic life up to then was mostly filled with short term relationships, most of which he couldn't make them stay due to his twitchy habit of trying to get attention, but not giving his partners enough of it. When Cas picked up that Gavin was responding well to his mindless gesture, he was suddenly conscious of how Gavin's hair felt like, thinking vaguely about how it was probably long enough to tie a small fun-sized French braid into it. He suddenly had a slight playground instinct to tug his hair roughly but he pushed that urge down. Cas pressed light kisses into his hair instead, before leaning his head lightly over Gavin's.

Cas was surprised when he heard Gavin's tired but enthusiastic response. "Hey, its your bed, you should sleep in it." Cas could tell that Gavin was going to end up falling asleep on him if he didn't direct him to the bedroom, and he could not have that happen. He was barely strong enough to carry all the supplies at the cafe on new stock days, he definitely won't be able to carry Gavin. Cas shook his shoulder slightly, urging him not to pass out. "I really like this too, and I'll stay with you, but let's move to your bed. We're gonna wake up with sores if we stay here." Cas then let his hand fall away from Gavin's hair. He got up slowly, taking Gavin's hands in his and coaxing him to get up and follow him. He looked around and guessed where the bedroom was, though he might be wrong.

 

[VoidWitch]

Gavin let Cas take his mug easily, not really focused on drinking the tea anymore and more on how comfortable Cas was while lying ontop of him. Gavin nodded gently, shrugging. "I guess so." He mumbled, letting the conversation they had really wash over him rather than focusing on it. He was much more comfortable with just focusing on how nice everything was, because it was such a change from the past couple weeks of depression and pain. Gavin was sucking up all the affection Cas gave him, his hair was one of those spots that always felt really nice and he was really sensitive too.

"Yeah but you're the guest -" Gavin said, his words sliding together more as he got closer to sleep. He couldn't help it, Cas was comforting and he hadn't slept well since he came out to his parents, he had nightmares that kept him up for a while. Gavin whined when he shook his shoulder, rubbing his eyes as he sat up at Cas's suggestion. "Only if... you're okay with that." He said, getting up at his coaxing and taking his hand, holding it tightly. He led Cas to his bed room, which was closed off from the rest of the apartment, opening the door and stretching before moving to the bed. "Oh - um - do you want pajamas?" he asked, going to his dresser to get pajama pants.

 

[theWisher]

"Don't worry about me being the guest, you're the one who's five seconds from passing out." Cas sighed, laughing . He couldn't believe that Gavin was still worrying about him not being able to sleep comfortably. If the roles were reversed, Cas was half sure that he would have been passed out by now, without too much care that he might have inconvinienced Gavin. "Yes, I'm a-okay with it." Cas nodded, reassuring Gavin that he was comfortable with the suggestion.

Cas was relieved that Gavin was pliable to making him stand up. He was partially expecting that Gavin would retaliate and he would have to negotiate a peace treaty of some sort. Even though he has been invited into many of his friends' rooms, it always felt like a violation of their personal space when he had first walked in. He personally did not like having anyone in his own bedroom, so he might have just been expressing the same sentiments to the people around him out of courtesy. He felt awkward as Cas went to sit on his bed. The ever present dilemma at this point was always: Should ask to sit down? Or do I just sit beside them? Or perhaps I shall stand here forever and never have to ask. Or maybe it was all in his head and nobody ever thought so hard about it.

He was slightly shaken out of his thoughts when Gavin offered him pajamas. It had been years since he wore pajamas, opting for old, worn-in shirts and shorts. "Um, no thanks. I can wait outside if you want to get changed." Cas insisted, pointing to the door, eyes darting to it and back to Gavin.