Fantasy Drops of Ember (with TheDarkButterfly)

[TheDarkButterfly]

Knight hesitated, unable to bring himself to look her in the eye. He was honestly touched that she asked if something was wrong. No one had ever done that before, especially as he had gotten older. In that moment he wanted to tell her the truth, to blurt it out and finally get it out into the world. But it was too soon for that. Cinder would surely hate him once she found out the truth and would want nothing to do with him, he was sure.

"I....." He bit his lip and then sighed. No, he couldn't tell her a word. Not yet. "It's....nothing that can be dealt with right now." He finally said softly. "But thank you for your concern, Cinder." He finally looked at her, offering a smile that didn't quite reach his eyes even behind the mask. "Anyways, let's eat and settle in for the night, eh? There's a long day of riding ahead of us tomorrow."

 

[Shy2Infinity]

Her brows furrowed. He wasn't even looking her in the eye. She wondered for a split moment if it was because he was ashamed, but she rejected it immediately. It's hardly been long since she'd first met him, but she could already tell that he was not like that. In fact, he was quite shameless when it came down to it. It'd also become clear to her, after getting to know him a bit, that he was quite sullen. There was always something sad on his face, when he least expected anyone to be watching.

For some reason, it hurt.

She cocked her head as he first spoke, curling her arms around her knees and leaning forward slightly to better see his face better. Her brows furrowed at the elusive answer, especially when he shot her that smile. Once again, it was a sullen smile. She was tempted to push him on it, but she sincerely doubted that he would give her anything more than that. It was frustrating, but what could she do?

A sigh escaped her and she nodded. She grabbed a piece of bread and cheese and then poured tea into both of their cups.

 

[TheDarkButterfly]

Knight got his own meal from the sack, choosing a bit of bread and one of the apples. He was thankful that she didn't press the issue, because he wasn't sure if he would have been able to hold back the truth if she had. He accepted the cup of tea from her and ate quietly, watching the fire as he did so. Finally, he spoke again.

"Hey, Cinder. The Prince, um......do you....really hate him? I-I know that he did really......horrible, inexcusable things b-but....do you really hate him?" He didn't look at her when he asked his questions, choosing to instead stare deep into the flames. "And...please.....be honest." He didn't know what he was looking for in her answers. A chance at salvation maybe? Or maybe reassurance that she wouldn't hate him when the time came that she knew the truth.

 

[Shy2Infinity]

Not expecting much of a conversation at this point, she anxiously picked at her bread. Despite the long day, she hardly had an appetite, especially with her worry for Knight. It ate away at her, threatening to consume her entirely. Forcing herself to take a bite from her bread, it tasted like dirt. Though she couldn't tell if that was because it was stale or because of her own whirlwind emotions.

Then Knight spoke, and she stopped everything that she was doing. As he spoke, she swallowed thickly. An image of the prince popped up in her mind yet again, first as a tyrant. And second, as an all too boyish prince, dying in a pool of blood. She clenched on her jaw to keep her teeth from chattering. The questions had completely taken her off guard, especially since he was completely serious.

What did he want from her? It took her some time, where she contemplated telling the truth or lying. It would be oh, so easy to lie. She considered what to say for so long, that it almost seemed like she wouldn't answer. Then, she sucked in a sharp breath. "I hated him. With every fiber of my being." There, that was it. Though that wasn't the full truth, now was it? She bit her cheek and drew her knees up to her chin. "But not because I had some noble idea about saving the world or anything."

"I knew. For years, I knew that the tyrannical prince was..." She paused. This was one of her most deeply held secrets. If word were to get out about this... Ah, the prince was dead though. So what did it matter anymore? She let out a slow exhale and muttered. "Ever since I was a child, I knew that he was my soulmate. The first time I saw him was at one of his extravagant birthday parties. I stayed back, too shy of a kid to approach the prince. But there was some part of me that said, 'that's him. That's who I'm destined to be with.'" She shrugged and looked away. "At first, I was ecstatic. I mean, what child can honestly say that they're a royal's Soulmate? And yet, over the years, he changed. Became a tyrant."

"I was terrified. Because it became increasingly clear to me that those around me were going to use all they had to bargain with the prince, and when people got desperate enough, I could be next. If someone found out I was his Soulmate, I was worried that I would be the next bargaining chip. And to make matters worse, I was scared that he would ultimately end up hurting me. Whether someone assassinated him or he found me." Cinder's eyes fell on the food she'd almost forgotten. "I guess... I really killed him to survive, then." She offered a one-sided shrug. "I figured that if I was going to shatter no matter what happened, then I'd be the one doing the breaking. That way I had some control in it."

She blinked her blurry vision to clear it. That was far more than she thought she would tell him, or anyone. It had all just come rushing out, before she could stop it.

 

[TheDarkButterfly]

Knight could barely contain himself in the long silence before Cinder spoke. He sat, staring into the fire and trying not to bolt with every fiber of his being. He cursed himself for putting her so on the spot over a foolish question that would change nothing in the end. And then she answered him and it felt like all the air in the world was gone for a brief moment. 'I hated him. With every fiber of my being'. He shouldn't have been surprised by that, to be honest. The whole Kingdom hated that tyrant Prince and rightfully so. But that hadn't been the end of it.

As she continued to speak a familiar pain flared in his breast and all he could do was conceal his trembling behind the cloak wrapped around him. Beneath the cloak his fingers dug into the fabric of his shirt over that burning spot, doing his best to not gasp from the pain of it and keep his face steady. His own throat felt very dry as he struggled under her words. "You-" His voice cracked and he swallowed. "You knew for that long? You knew of it even before he changed?"

He couldn't help but feel like he would buckle under the horror of it all. Cinder had known she had been destined from the beginning. Before the new Queen and the death of the King and the ultimate warping of the Prince, she had known. His mind raced, wanting to accuse her, blame her for the Prince's corruption that perhaps if she had been there, perhaps if she had told them.....then she would have been just as damned as the Prince. The Queen would have sunken her claws just as deep into Cinder and there would have been no hope for the Kingdom to be free.

Knight felt his body go cold at the realization. Far away was the best place she could have been from the Prince and the Queen. It was the right choice she had made. Suddenly the urge to tell her the truth welled up violently inside him. She had told him her greatest secret, shouldn't he reciprocate? No. No, if he told her the truth here and now, everything that the Revolution had worked for would be gone in a blink. And there would be no forgiveness for him, he knew. Cinder would hate him with every fiber of her being, probably be horrified that she had spent so long with him. She may even try to kill him.....and he wasn't sure if he would want to stop her.

Knight abruptly stood, not looking at her as he wrestled with his thoughts. "I...I need-" He swallowed dryly again drawing in a sharp breath to try and staunch the tremble in his voice. "I'm going to go patrol the area." He blurted and almost fled into the woods, knowing that if he stayed, if she looked at him, that everything would come rushing out and he would damn himself and the Revolution forever.

 

[Shy2Infinity]

Throughout her explanation, she didn't look up from her food. It shouldn't have made her so nervous to confess these things, especially to him. Everyone had grown to hate the prince. And yet, as she spoke, some part of her was anxious to put it all behind them. Perhaps none more so than Knight, she realized with a jolt, as she glanced towards him. Something about his voice-- About the way he spoke was odd. Her eyes sharpened and she tried to figure out what it was about him that sent alarm bells off in her mind. After a brief pause where she considered what to say, she let out a puff of air. "Yes."

She'd considered it herself. If she had met with the prince before he'd changed, could she have saved him? But she knew more than anyone, the dangers of being too caught up in 'what ifs'. It had become a game of survival, long before she'd grown up. The way her parents reacted to finding out about the prince being her Soulmate had been a part of that game. All she'd done, all she'd accomplished -- It had all been for her survival.

The silence had descended once more and she kept peeking out the side of her gaze at him, wondering what he was thinking. Really, what could he have thought about her story? She was certain that a lot of people would have been in disbelief, that she didn't kill the prince out of some sense of noble self-sacrifice. Then again, she had never claimed to be noble, everyone else just seemed to assume that. And who am I to stop them, really? If they want to be dumb enough to think that I didn't have any selfish motivators, then that's on them. She bit down bitterly on a piece of bread and chewed.

Then, Knight abruptly stood and she almost choked. Sharply clearing her throat, she frowned at him. There it was again, that tremble in his voice. "Um...?" She didn't have enough time to call out to him, as he was suddenly gone. She turned towards a horse as it blinked sleepily at her. Cinder jerked a thumb towards where Knight had left, "What was that about?" The horse whinnied at her and she sighed. "Yeah, didn't think you would know..."

 

[TheDarkButterfly]

Knight stayed outside of her view for a while but still stayed within earshot, just in case. He took the time and the quiet of the woods to calm down and recenter himself, trying to not focus on their conversation from earlier. He paced back and forth so much he swore that he had worn a path in the forest floor when he was done. After calming down he went back towards their camp, wondering if Cinder was still awake or not. She would probably wonder why he had left so quickly. If she asked, he wasn't sure if he would have an answer for her.

 

[Shy2Infinity]

Knight was gone for enough time that she was able to eat in relative peace. He'd said that he'd gone to patrol, but she couldn't help being wary despite that. Every shadow made her want to reach for her knife. But in the end, sleep dragged at her and she wasn't quite able to fight it. Some part of her said that it would be bad to fall asleep before Knight got back, but she was unable to listen to it. She had just enough presence of mind to make herself comfortable before sleep pulled her under, and she was asleep before Knight had made it back to camp.

 

[TheDarkButterfly]

Knight was a little relieved that Cinder was asleep when he got back, thankful that no questions would come that he couldn't answer at the moment. He went to his pack and pulled out a light blanket, draping it over her sleeping form. He sighed softly and fed the fire a little more before settling against a tree with his sword in easy access. He watched the flames for a while, keeping an ear out for any off sounds. The only thing he heard was the usual nightlife within the woods. He trusted that anything major the horses would sense and stir from their sleep.