Diran Jirū

Diran the Thief

Future manga artist
Diran Jirū

Basics

Name: Diran Jirū


Age: 15


Race: Vampire


Gender: Male


Sexual Orientation: Heterosexual


Occupation: The leader of the Robin Hood thieves guild




  • Appearance

    Height: 5'49"


    Weight: 152lb


    Hair: Brown long hair that reaches to his shoulders


    Eyes: Orange


    Body: skinny


    Attire: Black robes, black boots, black pants.


    He is the son of the vampire goddess, has no eyebrows, he has sharp eyeliner, and eyes like a dead fish.


 
History states that for every 1000th year he lived he was taught a different subject. That seem like a very long time to be taught a single thing. Depends on how in depth he went, but I would assume with something like math for example the subject itself would be growing and developing more new discoveries than he could keep up with if he was that slow - I would suggest revising the being taught aspect because of the sheer amount of time. Perhaps he would have been trained in a different job at the guild, then led as the specialist in that area for a thousand years, at which point he would take on a different job because of boredom? Gives more reason to be taught new things on a thousand year basis, and means it's more evident that Diran is putting his teachings to work. Thats my opinion though.


Also is he 15 in years as in how long he's actually been on the planet, or does his vampiric nature keep him perpetually fifteen? clarify that to prevent confusion, and also if he is stuck at 15 it might be worth putting how long he's actually been on the planet for.


For magic it might be good to see a few examples of magic for each type you've listed. Different people might have different ideas of conjuring, illusion, and alteration, so a little info to help readers know what kind of magic that actually means to you would go a long way.


And finally in Skills... I don't believe that the tattoo is really related to his skills. It seems to be more of a magical thing to me, but it's up to you where to put it. He's weaker than most normally, but if the tattoo is removed he can become more powerful, if I'm reading correctly. That said, could you clarify how the tattoo is removed? does it get cut off with a knife, or something else? and how long would it take to regenerate. It's an interesting concept but it doesn't quite have enough info at the moment in my eyes.


Good luck with developing Diran!
 
Well, well, well, where have I heard this before? Nice to see you are here Diran. Its been a while huh? Just over 24 hours and I already had withdrawals. Hope we get to talk. Also, for people reading this and thinking it is a lame character. Diran is not at all. I have had experience and he is a jerk, but a delightful one.
 

Users who are viewing this thread

Back
Top