What's new

Advice/Help Dealing with love interest's deceased spouse/family

Thrushwing

Manic potato
* if X person's spouse was still alive he'd/she'd choose to be with them

* What if I'm always going to be second to a dead person?


These fears are some I could see myself having. How would one reconcile those fears? I realize I don't do roleplays in which the character has a deceased spouse/girlfriend/family where they genuinely had no problems but it was murder. How would you reconcile the fact that your character is always "second string" to X character's family member (romantically speaking)
 

Idea

The Pun Tyrant The Gif Hydra
Helper
What an oddly specific question... One which I think really depends on the character. Their life experiences and personality are what determines what they should do, how they should respond. People, for better or for worse, deal with these things different as with most things.

I do want to say though, just in case, to remember that a roleplaying forum is not necessarily a good place to ask about relationship advice, even if there are plenty of well-meaning people willing to give you a hand or a word, some of which might even have some qualifications. If this is happening to you, and I will not pressure or inquire you about it, I encourage that you talk to your friends and family and others loved ones, or even a professional if it comes to that, about these matters.
 

Loco Mofo

Dark Lord of the Gif
First of all, if they really love X character, they will endure just to be with them.

It makes for some great mid-late RP drama if you set it up just right. Instant gratification is a big problem in RP. People want to crack open the best dynamics on page one or two. No finesse, no build up, let's have our climactic emotional blow-outs right away, then spend the rest of the RP in interpersonal bliss, only dealing with the plot.

If you plan to RP this, or currently are, I strongly recommend you be very graceful in your approach. Don't over-do it, just hint at it now and then, establishing that you do harbor fears and resentments, but don't let it literally own the character like a rain cloud following them through every post.


I agree with @Idea on it being different for every character and family dynamic. The father-in-law might want the child to move on with your character. Or he might see you as never being enough to fill that dead character's shoes. Similarly the mother-in-law may feel the same. That really depends on how things shake out In Character.


I can't stress enough how good of a tool this can be. I have no idea what type of character you will play this out as, if you even plan to, but you seem to be a very mature, thoughtful, emotionally aware person based on the fact that you asked this question. That tells me you're capable of playing out this scenario very well. So this can be a tool to endear your character in a big way, depending on the character. A man or woman who stands by their widowed lover, thick or thin, respecting the fact that they will always be second to a ghost is such a powerful, inspiring dynamic. I'm not going to tell you to play the emotionally strong, supportive lover type role, it's just one way of doing it. But this is an extremely valuable character tool you're speaking of.
 

middleagedgeek

Ultra Nerdy
So this sounds like a situation involving irrational inner monologues. So if your character is the type to always put themselves down there isn’t anything you as the writer can do to reconcile that short of writing in therapy sessions.

Like some people just never feel like they’re good enough despite outward evidence to the contrary. I would instead work with the person playing the romantic interest and ask them how they want to work around the situation.


Is this going to be a source of tension in the relationship? Does Romantic Interest resent having to constantly reassure Insecure Character that they’re loved? Does Romantic Interest spend a lot of time trying to build Insecure Character’s self esteem?

How long ago dis Romantic Interests previous partner die? Are they still grieving?

Also why are the two together in the first place? What do they have in common? What does Romantic Interest like about Insecure character and vice versa.

Honestly romance writing is probably the most collaborative kind of writing there is as you most definitely need to have both players input to really make the character chemistry work.

As such honestly the best bit of advice I can give you is talk it out with your partner and see how they want the relationship to proceed.
 

Thrushwing

Manic potato
What an oddly specific question... One which I think really depends on the character. Their life experiences and personality are what determines what they should do, how they should respond. People, for better or for worse, deal with these things different as with most things.

I do want to say though, just in case, to remember that a roleplaying forum is not necessarily a good place to ask about relationship advice, even if there are plenty of well-meaning people willing to give you a hand or a word, some of which might even have some qualifications. If this is happening to you, and I will not pressure or inquire you about it, I encourage that you talk to your friends and family and others loved ones, or even a professional if it comes to that, about these matters.
Oh this isn't for me!! This is for an rp I'm doing! I just really love psychology
 

ApfelSeine

DWiz's Foxy Apple
Moderator
There grieving process is different for everyone. Some people are more likely to rationalize that their deceased family would be fine with them moving on. It takes a different amount of time for each person to reach that point, and some people never do.

You also get some folk who are pressured into leaving the past behind them, and some can adopt to that while others don't. Some give into the pressure while others don't. You can also have the opposite where some folk are pressured to always hold onto their first love and family, or they are bogged down by that because of their own thoughts. It can seem like a betrayal to some, while to others it seems like a healthy resolution to the grieving process.

The truth is that every individual will react differently, so it's best to think of what type of person your character would be. And in an rp, it's important to take into account what the other player is expecting so you can work together to craft a interesting story.
 

Users Who Are Viewing This Thread (Users: 0, Guests: 1)

Top