Necessity4Fun
I'll keep trying, even if I'm not good enough...
As Killua had begun talking, Sage had glanced at the ground almost by instinct, used to sitting on the floor to have this kind of exchanges. Obviously, he had changed ideas as soon as he had caught the sight of it... not only was it dirty beyond imagination, but the streets and sidewalks were also wet with who knows what. The safest guess was blood. Safest.
Unable to seat, the young man had just stood there, attentively listening to the other boy telling him what seemed like his life story. That was fine and dandy, really. Part of it had already been shared back in the warehouse, with a lot more detail thrown into the fray and ever since Gabriela the pyromancer had been trying to be more open-minded with activities that could be considered criminal... Like Jeff and his mercenary job. Sometimes good people fell into terrible circumstances like that, is what he had learned.
Buuuut, eventually, he couldn't help but notice that the exact reason that this conversation was happening had never come into play. Was that on him for not being more specific? Well, he had assumed that alluding to the event beforehand would have clued anybody in what the focus was going to be... This was the sort of airheadedness that he would have expected of himself and not others, but maybe that had been his mistake? Or maybe... Maybe the boy had been avoiding it on purpose.
A mental sigh had echoed through his mind. Okay, this was becoming more complicated than he had anticipated it... The Descendant didn't want to push the subject, if anything it was the last thing that he wanted to do. But what else could he do? Would starting it himself work? It would be so less tense if the other just found the courage to speak out on his own. If only he could create a safe space for such, if he could provide the adequate gap for it.
Half-way through the exchange, Sage's attention had been noticeably wandering, apparently focused on something else entirely. Even as the electricity demonstration had come by, there had been little to no reaction from him. Not that it wasn't cool, it was! Despite him having seen it a couple times already it was still very interesting to watch, and it was just as intriguing to hear that it was somehow a developed power that didn't sound inherent to the other. But if he started making questions now, it would only serve to delay the main subject even more. He couldn't do that, it was not only important, but it was possible that Killua was also trying to deflect it too.
Engaging with anything else would be falling for that trap. He had to be smarter with this...
"Alright... I'll just have to do it myself, it's fine.", he had sighed, it felt like he was working to eventually rip a bandaid off. The situation was so tense that the temperature around them had started to rise slowly, "My life story isn't as thrilling or interesting, to be honest. For starters, I've never known my parents and I never will. We're not allowed to meet and it this point it's, not even something I consider doing. Instead, I was given to the Clan as soon as I was born, a temple was my home and the space I wasn't supposed to leave until around 12. If I have to be honest, it was more like a prison than anything, disguised under religious guise and oriental aesthetics."
"I'm a Descendant, I guess the closest I can compare it to in a way others can understand is well, kind of a half-Deity? Though not really, I'm in no way the first one of the line, but the effect is hereditary. Our Deity of Fire and Transitions is a Phoenix, The Phoenix. It is a unique creature to Saraiiho. It's why I can do the things I can, also why I've been taught nothing but restraint and hidden away from the world itself for the longest time, I've been tied to the Concept of Fire from birth. It's not something I asked for, it just is.", there had been a pause, Sage's melancholy coating his words, permeating his gaze. Then a new sigh, "The rest of that story is well, not too important and pretty boring... And it isn't where I wanted to focus at all."
"The... Take-Over is where I wanted to get at.", he had hesitated even to say the name. No matter how many times he did this, it was never any easier, "It's, as much as a defense mechanism as it is a nuisance and not simple to explain at all but, this is what you saw happen in the warehouse. That... thing, is a personified form of the Concept that gives me my Ability.", nervous laughter had made it out as he trembled ever so slightly, just saying it he felt scared, as if talking about It could call it over, "It's Fire, as a person. It doesn't care for me, or anything else, It... really just seems to want to see existence itself burn into nothing. And I can't remember anything that It's done in my place. Or... Well, that's all that it used to be..."
At this point, the pyromancer had looked away. He wasn't even sure if this was something that he should be sharing with Killua first... Heck, he hadn't even gathered all of the intricacies of it yet but- Even so he felt the need to, tell somebody... It had been eating him out in the inside this whole time, ever since his reaction back in the Axiom, he just had to get it out. The heat continued to rise as the young man tried to keep his breathing somewhat stable. Part of him wanted to panic, or cry, neither which were ever good options.
"I-I...", the words would not get out, he took a deep breath and tried again, "Kyou- Kyou made that wish and, things have been weird. Weirder than normal, it's- Sometimes I'll feel emotions or whims that... don't really seem to be coming from me. Like there's a second set of thoughts and sensations. It's not a voice, it's more, you'll have the usual ones and then some others and- It's hard to tell which ones are me and which ones aren't at first. There's a lot of indifference? And the feeling that I'm basically unstoppable which feels nice but-! ...There's also a lot of anger. Like nearly unprovoked rage at any sort of inconvenience and I'm- I'm terrified of the implications."
"That's never happened before... I mean yes, the Take-Over was awful, it was slowly killing me but- I knew what to expect from it and now I- Now I don't.", the Descendant had been trembling so hard that he had actually held himself, as if to dampen it, tears hanging in the corner of his erratic, unfocused eyes, "Not only is anger an emotion that's like a time-bomb when it comes to me, I'm dealing with something new that I don't understand at all and-", he seemed to choke on the words, shaking a bit harder before stopping altogether, and taking a couple breaths. Finally, the temperature had started stabilizing.
"Sorry I- I'm rambling again... We came here to talk about your problems and I've ended up dropping a ton of bricks on you out of nowhere..."
Unable to seat, the young man had just stood there, attentively listening to the other boy telling him what seemed like his life story. That was fine and dandy, really. Part of it had already been shared back in the warehouse, with a lot more detail thrown into the fray and ever since Gabriela the pyromancer had been trying to be more open-minded with activities that could be considered criminal... Like Jeff and his mercenary job. Sometimes good people fell into terrible circumstances like that, is what he had learned.
Buuuut, eventually, he couldn't help but notice that the exact reason that this conversation was happening had never come into play. Was that on him for not being more specific? Well, he had assumed that alluding to the event beforehand would have clued anybody in what the focus was going to be... This was the sort of airheadedness that he would have expected of himself and not others, but maybe that had been his mistake? Or maybe... Maybe the boy had been avoiding it on purpose.
A mental sigh had echoed through his mind. Okay, this was becoming more complicated than he had anticipated it... The Descendant didn't want to push the subject, if anything it was the last thing that he wanted to do. But what else could he do? Would starting it himself work? It would be so less tense if the other just found the courage to speak out on his own. If only he could create a safe space for such, if he could provide the adequate gap for it.
Half-way through the exchange, Sage's attention had been noticeably wandering, apparently focused on something else entirely. Even as the electricity demonstration had come by, there had been little to no reaction from him. Not that it wasn't cool, it was! Despite him having seen it a couple times already it was still very interesting to watch, and it was just as intriguing to hear that it was somehow a developed power that didn't sound inherent to the other. But if he started making questions now, it would only serve to delay the main subject even more. He couldn't do that, it was not only important, but it was possible that Killua was also trying to deflect it too.
Engaging with anything else would be falling for that trap. He had to be smarter with this...
"Alright... I'll just have to do it myself, it's fine.", he had sighed, it felt like he was working to eventually rip a bandaid off. The situation was so tense that the temperature around them had started to rise slowly, "My life story isn't as thrilling or interesting, to be honest. For starters, I've never known my parents and I never will. We're not allowed to meet and it this point it's, not even something I consider doing. Instead, I was given to the Clan as soon as I was born, a temple was my home and the space I wasn't supposed to leave until around 12. If I have to be honest, it was more like a prison than anything, disguised under religious guise and oriental aesthetics."
"I'm a Descendant, I guess the closest I can compare it to in a way others can understand is well, kind of a half-Deity? Though not really, I'm in no way the first one of the line, but the effect is hereditary. Our Deity of Fire and Transitions is a Phoenix, The Phoenix. It is a unique creature to Saraiiho. It's why I can do the things I can, also why I've been taught nothing but restraint and hidden away from the world itself for the longest time, I've been tied to the Concept of Fire from birth. It's not something I asked for, it just is.", there had been a pause, Sage's melancholy coating his words, permeating his gaze. Then a new sigh, "The rest of that story is well, not too important and pretty boring... And it isn't where I wanted to focus at all."
"The... Take-Over is where I wanted to get at.", he had hesitated even to say the name. No matter how many times he did this, it was never any easier, "It's, as much as a defense mechanism as it is a nuisance and not simple to explain at all but, this is what you saw happen in the warehouse. That... thing, is a personified form of the Concept that gives me my Ability.", nervous laughter had made it out as he trembled ever so slightly, just saying it he felt scared, as if talking about It could call it over, "It's Fire, as a person. It doesn't care for me, or anything else, It... really just seems to want to see existence itself burn into nothing. And I can't remember anything that It's done in my place. Or... Well, that's all that it used to be..."
At this point, the pyromancer had looked away. He wasn't even sure if this was something that he should be sharing with Killua first... Heck, he hadn't even gathered all of the intricacies of it yet but- Even so he felt the need to, tell somebody... It had been eating him out in the inside this whole time, ever since his reaction back in the Axiom, he just had to get it out. The heat continued to rise as the young man tried to keep his breathing somewhat stable. Part of him wanted to panic, or cry, neither which were ever good options.
"I-I...", the words would not get out, he took a deep breath and tried again, "Kyou- Kyou made that wish and, things have been weird. Weirder than normal, it's- Sometimes I'll feel emotions or whims that... don't really seem to be coming from me. Like there's a second set of thoughts and sensations. It's not a voice, it's more, you'll have the usual ones and then some others and- It's hard to tell which ones are me and which ones aren't at first. There's a lot of indifference? And the feeling that I'm basically unstoppable which feels nice but-! ...There's also a lot of anger. Like nearly unprovoked rage at any sort of inconvenience and I'm- I'm terrified of the implications."
"That's never happened before... I mean yes, the Take-Over was awful, it was slowly killing me but- I knew what to expect from it and now I- Now I don't.", the Descendant had been trembling so hard that he had actually held himself, as if to dampen it, tears hanging in the corner of his erratic, unfocused eyes, "Not only is anger an emotion that's like a time-bomb when it comes to me, I'm dealing with something new that I don't understand at all and-", he seemed to choke on the words, shaking a bit harder before stopping altogether, and taking a couple breaths. Finally, the temperature had started stabilizing.
"Sorry I- I'm rambling again... We came here to talk about your problems and I've ended up dropping a ton of bricks on you out of nowhere..."
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