character feedback ❆

@Safety Hammer


hello! thank you for your patience - since you and FireMaiden were done around relatively the same time, @Dracogenius and I split the address to make this quicker! speaking of which, why did you ping me, but not Draco? you pinged FireMaiden as well, but not Draco - if I hadn't told them, they wouldn't have known that either of you had finished your profiles.


right off the bat, we noticed a problem - your character is human, yet he's got two unrelated abilities, and they're OP. I'm more than willing to work with you on them, since they're clearly related to him being a musician, but he is human. playing "any instrument ever made" is OP on its own, not to mention that you slipped in a third ability alongside it that has no relation. he can be empathetic, sensing and affecting the moods of those around him to a degree, and have that enhance his musical performances, sure. or he can have the vocal manipulation, though we'd want to know if he's manipulating his vocal chords to mimic the voices of others, or just able to reach a more impressive pitch range.


as Draco addressed with Bailey, where in NYC does he live? there are five boroughs, and while the roleplay is centered in Brooklyn, he doesn't have to live in Brooklyn. (though that is the art scene, if I recall correctly!)


also addressed with Bailey, we'd like to address with Tyr - I've updated the character sheet accordingly as of Draco and I working on our responses for you and FireMaiden, but the "relationships" section is not for NPCs! they're alright to be mentioned in the bio, but the "relationships" section is for other player characters.


the last thing I want to address his his appearance - I'm concerned by his height, which is typically only found in extreme cases, and causes a lot of health problems. (which I've seen occur in my own family, which is why I thought to mention it!) just a few inches shorter would be more reasonable - 6'4" or 6'5" if you want him to remain so tall - and not seem so otherworldly. otherwise, I noticed that you addressed his hair and eye colours, but not his skin tone! since the picture doesn't really elaborate that, could you add that to your description of him?
 
@FireMaiden Ah! I got you; that's understandable. Also, I didn't get to edit this in in-time because of a wi-fi cut out, but the orientation part of the profile is missing.  Whoops! That should be on the profile as well. 
 
@Safety Hammer


hello! thank you for your patience - since you and FireMaiden were done around relatively the same time, @Dracogenius and I split the address to make this quicker! speaking of which, why did you ping me, but not Draco? you pinged FireMaiden as well, but not Draco - if I hadn't told them, they wouldn't have known that either of you had finished your profiles.


right off the bat, we noticed a problem - your character is human, yet he's got two unrelated abilities, and they're OP. I'm more than willing to work with you on them, since they're clearly related to him being a musician, but he is human. playing "any instrument ever made" is OP on its own, not to mention that you slipped in a third ability alongside it that has no relation. he can be empathetic, sensing and affecting the moods of those around him to a degree, and have that enhance his musical performances, sure. or he can have the vocal manipulation, though we'd want to know if he's manipulating his vocal chords to mimic the voices of others, or just able to reach a more impressive pitch range.


as Draco addressed with Bailey, where in NYC does he live? there are five boroughs, and while the roleplay is centered in Brooklyn, he doesn't have to live in Brooklyn. (though that is the art scene, if I recall correctly!)


also addressed with Bailey, we'd like to address with Tyr - I've updated the character sheet accordingly as of Draco and I working on our responses for you and FireMaiden, but the "relationships" section is not for NPCs! they're alright to be mentioned in the bio, but the "relationships" section is for other player characters.


the last thing I want to address his his appearance - I'm concerned by his height, which is typically only found in extreme cases, and causes a lot of health problems. (which I've seen occur in my own family, which is why I thought to mention it!) just a few inches shorter would be more reasonable - 6'4" or 6'5" if you want him to remain so tall - and not seem so otherworldly. otherwise, I noticed that you addressed his hair and eye colours, but not his skin tone! since the picture doesn't really elaborate that, could you add that to your description of him?

Here are my replies to this BTW  :PuffySmile:

  1. I tagged Fire because she's the one that introduced me to the RP. Perhaps if you added to the cs saying 'Tag me and Dracogenius!' I would have. My apologies.
  2. His two abilities are not unrelated, and you actually acknowledge this by saying 'they're clearly related to him being a musician'. I do not see him being a human with superpowers is contradictory. Please elaborate if you can.
  3. The voice manipulation part is only so he can reach a higher voice pitch. I did not make that clear, and that is my fault.
  4. I do not understand how being able to play any musical instrument is 'Over Powered' whatsoever. Can you please elaborate on how this gives my character an unfair advantage over others?
  5. Tyr's powers are similar to the Greek hero Orpheus, in the way that his singing and playing of an instrument he can cause listeners to feel happy, sad, blissful, at peace, paranoid, etc. I do not see how this is over powered, since it gives him no offensive advantage, but only a defensive one. Please elaborate on how this is Over Powered, if at all, and I will take your advice and make changes.
  6. Tyr lives on The Upper East Side. I will make the changes accordingly.
  7. I will change his height to 6'5", although being a taller person myself.
  8. I do not see how skin tone is that important to the roleplay, but sure!
 
@FireMaiden It looks good! Just two things, which are really formatting and spelling than anything else, along with clarification so we are both on the same page. Orientation should be under gender and above occupation. As for spelling, if you can fix up this part so Wisp and I can understand what this says: "The largest object she can move so far is a car, and while she can nm I've things like cars, she struggle most of the time, so sticks with what she can handle with ease." I think it's supposed to be move but I just wanna make sure is all. And the last thing as for clarification: cars. Not trucks or buses, right? Sedan-like cars is what I'm thinking of; I wanna make sure we're on the same page is all. 
 
@FireMaiden It looks good! Just two things, which are really formatting and spelling than anything else, along with clarification so we are both on the same page. Orientation should be under gender and above occupation. As for spelling, if you can fix up this part so Wisp and I can understand what this says: "The largest object she can move so far is a car, and while she can nm I've things like cars, she struggle most of the time, so sticks with what she can handle with ease." I think it's supposed to be move but I just wanna make sure is all. And the last thing as for clarification: cars. Not trucks or buses, right? Sedan-like cars is what I'm thinking of; I wanna make sure we're on the same page is all. 

Yeah, it's supposed to be move. my tablet is slower than I type so it messed up alot. I can go fix that and the orientation thing right quick. And yeah, no trucks or buses.
 
quick heads-up that I have some housework to do, so I'll be further delayed in responding!


@Safety Hammer it says it right in the CS thread, and has from the start, that both Draco and I need to be pinged; perhaps I should have bolded it, or made that portion of the text larger?


if you choose to make multiple characters, please put them all in one thread! the thread title can be


anything you want, so long as it's appropriate. once you're done with a character, please


ping dracogenius and i in the feedback thread so we know to look!

now, onto the rest (which I thank you for discussing with me!) that came up ;

  • I'm going to take a page out of Draco's book (on their recommendation) and utilize bullet points, since you've responded with a numbered list - it's certainly easier to follow!
  • the issue with the abilities being unrelated is that being a musician was his career choice, but it's not like being a vampire, werewolf, fae, etcetera, where two mildly related abilities could be considered related. if we can work out making his abilities non-OP, they should both be alright, though I need to speak more with Draco on the matter to make sure we're all on the same page!
  • being over powered isn't limited to abilities that lead to god-modding - it's because they have few to no limits or restrictions. as an example, if we had someone in the roleplay who was omnilingual, that would OP. you've taken the same concept and applied it to instruments. it's one thing to learn instruments quickly, and another to just be able to "play any instrument ever made". that's what we mean by it being OP.
  • on the flip-side, his ability to affect others with his music - is it related to him, or his instruments? if it's him, that's empathy. if it's his instruments, they're probably enchanted. Draco and I refer to  it as being OP in the sense that it applies to god-modding; it takes a character's free will away. we'd just like to know some limitations on this, and what the source of the ability is. (supernatural vs magic) the thing is, as mentioned with being unrelated, empathy doesn't have a connection to being able to play multiple instruments, even if affecting the emotional climate is brought on through music. (however, I'm honestly more than willing to work with you on these!)
  • as far as his vocal range goes, if it's not of a supernatural or magical origin, then you can probably just have it mentioned in his bio - no need to slip it in as though it's part of an ability, or a third ability! certainly a useful talent, though.
  • since I split the character directory into residents and travelers (which I really wish we had more travelers, though I can understand why we don't, lol) I just needed to make sure I was putting him (and Bailey) under the right section, so thank you for clarifying that!
  • the skin tone really only matters so that other players' characters who don't know him can describe him accordingly if they see him! that's why I have people mention height as well! it just eliminates misunderstandings. (for example, assuming a character is short and light-skinned, when they might actually be tall and dark-skinned, while their picture doesn't show those things!)

@FireMaiden I'll double-check with Draco as soon as they're available again, but with any luck, I'll be putting Bailey up on the directory tonight!


using forums from a mobile device can be really frustrating, so thanks for letting us know that that's what's going on!
 
quick heads-up that I have some housework to do, so I'll be further delayed in responding!


@Safety Hammer it says it right in the CS thread, and has from the start, that both Draco and I need to be pinged; perhaps I should have bolded it, or made that portion of the text larger?


now, onto the rest (which I thank you for discussing with me!) that came up ;

  • I'm going to take a page out of Draco's book (on their recommendation) and utilize bullet points, since you've responded with a numbered list - it's certainly easier to follow!
  • the issue with the abilities being unrelated is that being a musician was his career choice, but it's not like being a vampire, werewolf, fae, etcetera, where two mildly related abilities could be considered related. if we can work out making his abilities non-OP, they should both be alright, though I need to speak more with Draco on the matter to make sure we're all on the same page!
  • being over powered isn't limited to abilities that lead to god-modding - it's because they have few to no limits or restrictions. as an example, if we had someone in the roleplay who was omnilingual, that would OP. you've taken the same concept and applied it to instruments. it's one thing to learn instruments quickly, and another to just be able to "play any instrument ever made". that's what we mean by it being OP.
  • on the flip-side, his ability to affect others with his music - is it related to him, or his instruments? if it's him, that's empathy. if it's his instruments, they're probably enchanted. Draco and I refer to  it as being OP in the sense that it applies to god-modding; it takes a character's free will away. we'd just like to know some limitations on this, and what the source of the ability is. (supernatural vs magic) the thing is, as mentioned with being unrelated, empathy doesn't have a connection to being able to play multiple instruments, even if affecting the emotional climate is brought on through music. (however, I'm honestly more than willing to work with you on these!)
  • as far as his vocal range goes, if it's not of a supernatural or magical origin, then you can probably just have it mentioned in his bio - no need to slip it in as though it's part of an ability, or a third ability! certainly a useful talent, though.
  • since I split the character directory into residents and travelers (which I really wish we had more travelers, though I can understand why we don't, lol) I just needed to make sure I was putting him (and Bailey) under the right section, so thank you for clarifying that!
  • the skin tone really only matters so that other players' characters who don't know him can describe him accordingly if they see him! that's why I have people mention height as well! it just eliminates misunderstandings. (for example, assuming a character is short and light-skinned, when they might actually be tall and dark-skinned, while their picture doesn't show those things!)

@FireMaiden I'll double-check with Draco as soon as they're available again, but with any luck, I'll be putting Bailey up on the directory tonight!


using forums from a mobile device can be really frustrating, so thanks for letting us know that that's what's going on!

What if I made Tyr a demigod? Maybe tweak his story to make him the son of Euterpe. Then both of his powers would be justified.
 
What if I made Tyr a demigod? Maybe tweak his story to make him the son of Euterpe. Then both of his powers would be justified.

I'm so glad I heard the noise and stepped back in my room real quick to investigate - I'm so weak for the Greek pantheon (and demigods by extension, haha!)


however, it's something I'd really have to discuss with Draco as well - so if you want to hold off on editing anything else for now, when Draco is online again later, we can give you a definitive answer!
 
@Safety Hammer hello!! sorry for the delay, Draco and I wanted to make sure we could reach an understanding to address you with before we popped off to bed.


if you want to make him a demigod, that's quite alright - however, we stand by his ability to induce emotions in other people (regardless of means) as being over powered and running risk of god-modding. as a suggestion - and this wouldn't be an ability - perhaps he has a charismatic personality. after all, charismatic performers are more convincing when singing songs that are meant to evoke emotions.


should you choose to take the route of a demigod, we'd still need to know that he isn't over powered; for instance, there are two (three, including Azriel) angels in the roleplay, but being on the physical plane limits them and their abilities. the same applies to any otherworldly being, including a demigod, which results from such a being.
 
@Safety Hammer hello!! sorry for the delay, Draco and I wanted to make sure we could reach an understanding to address you with before we popped off to bed.


if you want to make him a demigod, that's quite alright - however, we stand by his ability to induce emotions in other people (regardless of means) as being over powered and running risk of god-modding. as a suggestion - and this wouldn't be an ability - perhaps he has a charismatic personality. after all, charismatic performers are more convincing when singing songs that are meant to evoke emotions.


should you choose to take the route of a demigod, we'd still need to know that he isn't over powered; for instance, there are two (three, including Azriel) angels in the roleplay, but being on the physical plane limits them and their abilities. the same applies to any otherworldly being, including a demigod, which results from such a being.

What about the old 'jedi mind trick' defense? As in, only weak minded people will be totally effected, while actual characters in this will be partially effected? I only am hesitant to remove this, because say one of these characters wants to attack poor Tyr or Bailey. Tyr would start to sing or play whatever instrument he had at the time, and that would cause said attacker to possibly feel remorse, and leave them alone? It would be more or less influencing emotions rather than inducing them?
 
@Safety Hammer @Wisp No. I'm gonna just make it sweet and simple, along with additional things:

  1. Do you understand why Tyr's first ability is overpowered? If yes, then I don't know why this discussion is even happening. If not, I'll tell you, and it's called god-modding and controlling other people's characters. Literally my one pure hang-up this whole time.
  2. Being a demigod does not permit him to be even a little more overpowered. He is still held to the same character expectations ability-wise as everyone else. You may choose to keep him demigod or revert him back to human.
  3. That was an incredibly "what-if-situational" statement. Yeah, there are thousands of situations, and you don't always have to be prepared for them. Furthermore, this reminded me of something I'd find said in a coliseum or high-fantasy super-war whatever roleplay. This roleplay is neither of those. It's supposed to be some nice and cheesy slice-of-life and finding-love rp of some kind.
  4. Take out "strongly influence" for what you said: "partially influence". You will also have to talk to the other roleplayers' clearly for their okay in the OOC to see whether or not Tyr's influence will work on their character for that moment and scene. If someone says no, then his influence will not dominant. If someone says it's okay to a degree, go along with their okay. If you wanna keep this ability you have to do this; it is the same expectation as I hold with anyone else with an ability like this. Do this wrong and expect an ability overhaul. 
  5. Remove the eroticism suggestion from the ability. We're trying to keep it pg-13 as possible; nothing against the humor of it, but the implications contradict the rules we give. 
  6. How did a goddess-muse lady die in a car crash? If that's what Tyr thinks happened and therefore probably doesn't know he's demigod, then alright, his mother with a really greek myth name just died, or at least according to him. That, or just write her out, like she disappeared from the dad's life after having Tyr and... Arabelle? Or if Arabelle isn't a demigod then just Tyr I suppose. Kind of like a baby dropped off at the door or something. Just an idea or two; however, Euterpe probably didn't just die in a car crash.



Yeah this probably didn't come off as the best way, but I feel like we're running around in circles on this. I am really hoping I didn't miss anything and made things clear. 
 
@Safety Hammer @Wisp No. I'm gonna just make it sweet and simple, along with additional things:

  1. Do you understand why Tyr's first ability is overpowered? If yes, then I don't know why this discussion is even happening. If not, I'll tell you, and it's called god-modding and controlling other people's characters. Literally my one pure hang-up this whole time.
  2. Being a demigod does not permit him to be even a little more overpowered. He is still held to the same character expectations ability-wise as everyone else. You may choose to keep him demigod or revert him back to human.
  3. That was an incredibly "what-if-situational" statement. Yeah, there are thousands of situations, and you don't always have to be prepared for them. Furthermore, this reminded me of something I'd find said in a coliseum or high-fantasy super-war whatever roleplay. This roleplay is neither of those. It's supposed to be some nice and cheesy slice-of-life and finding-love rp of some kind.
  4. Take out "strongly influence" for what you said: "partially influence". You will also have to talk to the other roleplayers' clearly for their okay in the OOC to see whether or not Tyr's influence will work on their character for that moment and scene. If someone says no, then his influence will not dominant. If someone says it's okay to a degree, go along with their okay. If you wanna keep this ability you have to do this; it is the same expectation as I hold with anyone else with an ability like this. Do this wrong and expect an ability overhaul. 
  5. Remove the eroticism suggestion from the ability. We're trying to keep it pg-13 as possible; nothing against the humor of it, but the implications contradict the rules we give. 
  6. How did a goddess-muse lady die in a car crash? If that's what Tyr thinks happened and therefore probably doesn't know he's demigod, then alright, his mother with a really greek myth name just died, or at least according to him. That, or just write her out, like she disappeared from the dad's life after having Tyr and... Arabelle? Or if Arabelle isn't a demigod then just Tyr I suppose. Kind of like a baby dropped off at the door or something. Just an idea or two; however, Euterpe probably didn't just die in a car crash.



Yeah this probably didn't come off as the best way, but I feel like we're running around in circles on this. I am really hoping I didn't miss anything and made things clear. 

Fine, I changed his power. Let's just get on with it, eh? Also, you just explained a huge part of his plot involving his mom. Trust me when I say that I know what I'm doing, and that what I posted was intentional. So, if I am finally accepted, please just accept me. If not, I'm just gonna leave since this is wasting my time.


@Wisp @Dracogenius
 
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@Safety Hammer hey! Draco and I have been pretty busy today, and we had agreed to splitting duties to make offline & online responsibilities easier, but we miscommunicated on who was going to respond to you!


you're accepted, but please know that when we bring things up like this, we can't read your mind! if we could, we wouldn't need to ask. you don't have to add your confirmation of what we suspected into his bio, either, because now we know at least. the bios are meant as almost strictly OOC information - for player reference - so there wasn't really a need to hide that. (as an example, look at Darcy Linden's profile - I included his misconception in his bio, rather than leave his assumption as fact.) we really appreciate you toning down his empathy ability, and I'll have Tyr added to the directory momentarily!
 
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@Hollycrest Hello! I see that you have profiles up and they look pretty finished. I will ask to make sure; are they finished? Wisp and I need to know for certain before we can review your profile! If you think you're missing anything or aren't so certain, it would be a good time to review the character sheet and rules.
 
@Dracogenius Yeah, everything's pretty much done. I realize that I might've goofed and put realistic face-claims instead of anime ones like you said, but everything else is solid.
 
@Hollycrest hello!! right off the bat, Draco and I noticed that you didn't totally follow the character sheet, putting Clarke and Connie's pictures at the tops of their profiles, and not including their heights. I also wanted to mention that you can put them in separate posts, which will make linking them in the directory as separate characters easier!!


onto the content of the profiles themselves, we were wondering just what their abilities involve! photokinesis and sonokinesis are really broad, and you did mention some things in their profiles, so if we understand them right, then there's no need for you to add or change anything there! it looks like Clarke utilizes his manipulate light particles for certain colours and special effects, but are they more like holographic images or constructs? (in other words, are they just simple visual effects, or can they be tangible things?) with Connie, is she just limited to amplifying or muffling herself (including any noises she makes with objects)? (I'm not sure that she wouldn't require an amp for say, an electric guitar, just because of how electric guitars work, though.)


we're a little confused as to what they do for a living, if Connie doesn't have a record label yet & Clarke is only doing things behind the scenes for her. they've come to NYC to try to get her out there, but how do they make money in the meantime? on that note, Draco pointed out that we weren't sure where in NYC they live - I was going to assume Brooklyn, given its part in pioneering several music genres, but we wanted to double-check with you! also, since they moved, where are they originally from?
 
@Hollycrest hello!! right off the bat, Draco and I noticed that you didn't totally follow the character sheet, putting Clarke and Connie's pictures at the tops of their profiles, and not including their heights. I also wanted to mention that you can put them in separate posts, which will make linking them in the directory as separate characters easier!!


onto the content of the profiles themselves, we were wondering just what their abilities involve! photokinesis and sonokinesis are really broad, and you did mention some things in their profiles, so if we understand them right, then there's no need for you to add or change anything there! it looks like Clarke utilizes his manipulate light particles for certain colours and special effects, but are they more like holographic images or constructs? (in other words, are they just simple visual effects, or can they be tangible things?) with Connie, is she just limited to amplifying or muffling herself (including any noises she makes with objects)? (I'm not sure that she wouldn't require an amp for say, an electric guitar, just because of how electric guitars work, though.)


we're a little confused as to what they do for a living, if Connie doesn't have a record label yet & Clarke is only doing things behind the scenes for her. they've come to NYC to try to get her out there, but how do they make money in the meantime? on that note, Draco pointed out that we weren't sure where in NYC they live - I was going to assume Brooklyn, given its part in pioneering several music genres, but we wanted to double-check with you! also, since they moved, where are they originally from?



@Wisp Yeah, about that first part...I actually don't know how to make spoilers. Kinda new here.
 
@Wisp Yeah, about that first part...I actually don't know how to make spoilers. Kinda new here.

that's alright!! in the bar above the textbox, there's a symbol that looks like an eye - if you click that, it'll give you the spoiler! and to delete one, you click the box and press your 'delete' key!
 
@Hollycrest alright, that makes sense!


so the spoiler is supposed to go at the bottom of the profile, and under the picture would be where the character's height goes, as it shows in the character sheet!


other than that, Draco and I briefly discussed the degree of illusions that Clarke makes with his light manipulation, and we're worried that it steps too far into illusion magic. altering the perception of things using light particles - like brightness, vibrancy, visibility, and colour make sense; however, creating images out of nothing do not. however, if he can use his light manipulation with something like projector slides (for lack of a better word) to project the images and make them appear 3D, that could work!
 
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