Character Critique

silvercharizard

New Member
Alright gonna get right down to it because I'm secretly worried about creating a Mary sue type character (which I know no one likes šŸ¤£) and was hoping to get critiqued on my brain child (?) What you guys like/don't like. As a forewarning she was developed in the Fallout 4 universe more that any other universe (haven't gotten the chance to use her anywhere else) so here goes.

Name: Artemis

Age: 19 almost 20

Race: Synth/Caucasian

Eye color: Ice Blue

Hair Color: Redish brown/just past shoulders

Faction: Institute (formerly), Brotherhood of Steel (Midwestern chapter)

Rank/Occupation: Courser (formerly), Assassin/Inquisitor, Hunter

Weapon preference: Katana, Bow and Arrows (not very good with guns), Wrist Blades, Hand to hand combat

Strengths: small and agile, not particularly impressive looking which she uses to her advantage in the field, very accurate with a bow and arrow, knows where pressure points are on (most) enemies, good at playing mental games with those she's interrogating

Weaknesses: not great with guns and will only use one if she absolutely has to, shes not strong or muscular like her soldier brothers, and is instead lean and toned relying on the pressure points of her opponent to bring them down in hand to hand

Hobbies: drawing, reading, writing, stargazing, mythology nerd

Backstory: Created in 2273, Artemis quickly became an efficient courser for the Institute. After 3 years of her service she began to question their motives and why they wanted "mankind redefined" when they should be using their resources and scientific knowledge to help and better the living conditions of the surface dwellers.

After 5 years Artemis escaped after an incident with killing two farmers, a couple, and leaving their children orphaned. She managed to get to the Chicago ruins. Exhausted, and on unfamiliar terrain, she falls down a 10 foot cliff, getting impaled by a crowbar at the bottom on the lower left side of her torso. Freezing and bleeding to death she is lucky when a Brotherhood scout team finds her unconscious body and takes her back to their base. They heal her but find out her identity as a synth in the process.

Intrigued the High Elder questions her as soon as she wakes up and after some time accepts her into their ranks, as the midwest is known for taking on non humans, though much to everyone's dismay as they have heard about the troubles synths can cause.

Over the years, serving in both Project Purity, and in the Second Battle for Hoover Dam, her previous courser training proves a powerful ally and an excelent interrogator and assassin. In 2287, after 15 years of begging the High Elder she is cleared to go back to the Commonwealth to help take down the Institute.
 
If possible, I'd work on her injury she received. By the sound of it, she was both bleeding out and possibly hypothermic, which is a very low survival rate. (Falling unconscious when one is cold is bad, it means you're giving up. Especially if one has been impaled.)

I don't know too much about Fallout and their technology, but it'd be also be difficult to remove a crowbar that has impaled her safely if she has already lost a lot of blood. (Especially if she doesn't get anymore in her system.)

Some more info-

People who are normally good with a bow and arrow tend to be good with guns. Not always, but the skill of aiming can definitely transfer over.

What type of pressure points, too? Is she just putting her opponents in arm bars, which tend to require a little strength to get to that point, or is going full on rear-naked choke? Cutting of blood flow quickly puts an opponent down.

Pressure points can be useful in a fight, but they're often not the first solution and require some force to get into. (Unlike movies, where someone taps a person behind the ear and they turn into jelly.) The ones that'll really take someone out are the ones located over the face, but punching at a head is difficult and can be painful. One wrong move, and you've broken your knuckle against their skull. (Heads are hard!)

That's why I suggest not making her main point of combat these pressure points. To be skilled in them, one should also have an extensive knowledge of martial arts beforehand and rely on those equally in a fight. It's like going against someone, but only using your legs. It becomes predictable, and it's not always going to work.

You should also go into detail about her incident. Why did she kill the farmers, how did she stage her escape? What led up to the event?
 
If possible, I'd work on her injury she received. By the sound of it, she was both bleeding out and possibly hypothermic, which is a very low survival rate. (Falling unconscious when one is cold is bad, it means you're giving up. Especially if one has been impaled.)

I don't know too much about Fallout and their technology, but it'd be also be difficult to remove a crowbar that has impaled her safely if she has already lost a lot of blood. (Especially if she doesn't get anymore in her system.)

Some more info-

People who are normally good with a bow and arrow tend to be good with guns. Not always, but the skill of aiming can definitely transfer over.

What type of pressure points, too? Is she just putting her opponents in arm bars, which tend to require a little strength to get to that point, or is going full on rear-naked choke? Cutting of blood flow quickly puts an opponent down.

Pressure points can be useful in a fight, but they're often not the first solution and require some force to get into. (Unlike movies, where someone taps a person behind the ear and they turn into jelly.) The ones that'll really take someone out are the ones located over the face, but punching at a head is difficult and can be painful. One wrong move, and you've broken your knuckle against their skull. (Heads are hard!)

That's why I suggest not making her main point of combat these pressure points. To be skilled in them, one should also have an extensive knowledge of martial arts beforehand and rely on those equally in a fight. It's like going against someone, but only using your legs. It becomes predictable, and it's not always going to work.

You should also go into detail about her incident. Why did she kill the farmers, how did she stage her escape? What led up to the event?
Ah okay thanks lol. I knew I had some kinks to work out but was unsure where to start.
 

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