Character Critique Thread

In her knife skill, you wrote "she learned to and lengthier used a knife" - what does this mean?
I'm butting in, but I believe this sentence would mean something along the lines "She has learned and used a knife", marking firmly that not only she has been taught how to use it, but has also done so several times before.

At least that's how I interpret/fix this part, Dago is free to accept or deny this interpretation >w<
 
What's the limit of how big she can make forms? Could a mouse become the size of an elephant or vice versa?

How functional can her forms be? For example, if she shifted into something electrical like a TV, would it work if plugged in?

Does partial shifting allow her to choose the form?

Shouldn't her agility stat be higher than normal, if she can shift into a literal flying phoenix? Not to mention, I'd have thought a phoenix would get an energy stat of at least 2, what with the fire and all.

Time Constraints: is this dependent on the size of the form, or the complexity?

In her knife skill, you wrote "she learned to and lengthier used a knife" - what does this mean?

Is it alright if I point out some grammatical/spelling mistakes?

Please do spelling and grammar wise, which are more likely more frequent than normal due to phone use.

The pointed out sentence is one example.

The forms act as one should expect a thing of that form to work. A TV can be turned on and such but TV show do need cable for shows so you'd get static.

As for the stats thing, Welian said to come up with a base set. That's likely to be something that comes up in CC. She was rather adamant about not having 101 different stat sheets.

Time constraints: An hour in any form. Regardless of complexity or size.

For both her sub abilities I was thinking a random aspect as well. Example a d9 list for size. D1 being 100 times smaller, 2 10x, 3 5x, 4 2x, 5 failing to change, 6 2x etc. The partial a d3. D1 is fail for her choice, roll from reg d100. D2 is fail to transform period. D3 is succeed.
 
Please do spelling and grammar wise, which are more likely more frequent than normal due to phone use.

The pointed out sentence is one example.

The forms act as one should expect a thing of that form to work. A TV can be turned on and such but TV show do need cable for shows so you'd get static.

As for the stats thing, Welian said to come up with a base set. That's likely to be something that comes up in CC. She was rather adamant about not having 101 different stat sheets.

Time constraints: An hour in any form. Regardless of complexity or size.

For both her sub abilities I was thinking a random aspect as well. Example a d9 list for size. D1 being 100 times smaller, 2 10x, 3 5x, 4 2x, 5 failing to change, 6 2x etc. The partial a d3. D1 is fail for her choice, roll from reg d100. D2 is fail to transform period. D3 is succeed.
Time constraints: whoops, I meant Shift Time, sorry!

Dice stuff: I understand about 20% of that. No worries, though, I'm sure the CC will get that covered nicely. Luddeus knows his stuff about dice.

For spelling and grammar, I've bolded and coloured red my recommended changes:
Y
Vance, M.


f247e802522acbbc764b81d8248684d6.jpg
  • Heroism Meter
    AspectScaleTotal
    COUR01
    ALTR▌▌▌▌04
    ORDR▌▌▌▌▌05
    KIND▌▌▌▌▌▌▌▌▌09
    PRCT▌▌02
    DIPL▌▌▌▌▌▌▌▌▌09
    Ability Statistics
    AspectScaleTotal
    HLTH▌▌▌03
    STRN▌▌02
    DEFN▌▌▌▌04
    AGLT▌▌02
    INTL▌▌02
    WILL▌▌02
    ENRG01

 
I'm butting in, but I believe this sentence would mean something along the lines "She has learned and used a knife", marking firmly that not only she has been taught how to use it, but has also done so several times before.

At least that's how I interpret/fix this part, Dago is free to accept or deny this interpretation >w<
I believe you are correct but I changed it anyhow cx thank you for alleviating my confusion on how it ended up what it was.

Time constraints: whoops, I meant Shift Time, sorry!

Dice stuff: I understand about 20% of that. No worries, though, I'm sure the CC will get that covered nicely. Luddeus knows his stuff about dice.

For spelling and grammar, I've bolded and coloured red my recommended changes:

Thanks! All edited up.

As an easy to visualize chart think like this.

Partial shift die roll: 1d3 (one three sided die)
Rolled a 1: Fail to partially shift into what you want. Roll from basic d100 for what she DID shift to. Reroll if you somehow land on her desired form.
Rolled a 2: Failed to shift at all.
Rolled a 3: Success.

Size Shifting die roll: Roll 1d9 (one nine sided die)
Rolled 1: Shift 100x smaller than normal
Rolled 2: Shift 10x smaller
Rolled 3: Shift 5x smaller
Rolled 4: Shift 2x smaller
Rolled 5: Stay normal sized
Rolled 6: Shift 2x larger
Rolled 7: Shift 5x larger
Rolled 8: Shift 10x larger
Rolled 9: Shift 100x larger
 
Sorry, catching up on stuff today. The closer I get to graduation, the busier I am!!

Natealie Natealie I would like to see one or two additional limitations for Nix, since the inability of his power to confer combat expertise on him seems to fall under his Understanding =/= Comprehension limitation. I would also like a bit of extra explanation on his Anti-Cipher limitation - why is it that anyone can understand any code or cipher he's written? His main power is all about being able to understand what's being communicated no matter the language or medium, but what about that makes it so that anyone reading his message would understand both the normal message and the one that he's hidden?

Interesting use of second person in the bio, btw. Very Homestuck.

EDIT: I'm also curious if you had any particular reason to put 3 points in energy? The character committee has got a couple theories about how his power works and why you put those points there, but obviously since he's your character, only you can explain why you think those stats make the most sense. I don't want to give you the impression you're not allowed to put points there, btw! I just want to understand Nix's powers better.
 
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I can explain the cypher point here. His power is not just to understand, but also to be understood. The cypher limitation falls under the latter of being understood.

Could I get help brainstorming limitations then? The ability is weak to begin with so I'd prefer if it did not weaken the effectiveness of the ability. However I honestly cannot think of anything else. Sorry.

Yes I am Homestuck trash. I was contemplating putting certain words in all caps, but I figured that would be a bit to on the nose. Also I am a Knight of Hope.

I was told by Lud that 3 points in energy would be appropriate for this. There's not much meaning behind it other than that.
 
I see! I had missed that detail. So, Nix cannot write in cipher because his power overrides his intent. That makes sense.

For easy-peasy limitations, I like to ask people if there are certain situations in which a character's powers won't work. For example, my character has telepathy, but it doesn't work after a certain distance. Anneleise (another character) has a power somewhat similar to Nix's, and one of her limitations is that she can't gather as much information from written materials as she can from a real live conversation. An easy way to create limitations is to ask yourself which tasks Nix has more trouble completing with his power than others. If you can't think of any limitations, then Nix might be more powerful than you realize.

Do you happen to remember the reason Ludd gave you? We're trying to make a habit of grilling new players to make sure that they are confident in their character and how their powers and stats work.
 
I actually came up with a limitation as you typed that. Nix can be overwhelmed by information in certain situations. And unfortunately I do not remember the exact reason unfortunately.
 
Well, let me know when you remember, or come up with a new reason why. Sometimes new players come up with really good explanations that make older players consider editing their sheets.
 
I honestly think we need to ask Lud since I believe he'd know. If there isn't a reason then I can adjust values tomorrow. I'm heading to anime club now.
 
The reason he gave is because his ability not only affects himself but others essentially. He's not the only one who understands things, others will also understand him. At least that's my interpretation of what he said.

welian welian
 
Okay, so I'm terrible and don't know when to keep up with this thread even though I am part of the CC < _ >

The J The J
I bet you enjoyed using the codename "Simurgh" you Worm slut.
Anyway, onto the actual review, sorry for how long it took to reply < _ >
  • Pretty smokin, metaphorically and literally. I like the simplicity of his background that lacks most overdone cliche's yet still remained fairly interesting to read through, I especially like the fact that he's also linked to another character who's also in the RP and you two got some things planned, which is always nice, allows some character development to start right off the bat once he gets in. I really like his negative trait which is combined with his neutral trait of him being "Fake" as well. A nice change to the typical doom and gloom character who usually just publicly screeches about how they find life meaningless and everything. Personally, I really like the character and think they're well done.
  • You should note that this incoming opinion could change if other members, including CC and other people, bring about valid points, but at this moment I believe that the power is near fine at the moment, with only some minor tweaking needed. I like the nerf to the temperature of the fire, so it's not too over the top in my opinion now but also still allows him to make a significant impact for a person of his ranking. The two problems I have with the power at the moment is that you don't seem to state anywhere what the exact length of his wings actually is. Are they 5ft, 10ft, 50ft long? The only thing that comes close to this is that you say that the wings are long, but there's no specifics, which would greatly help in my opinion. My second problem is that isn't much of a problem, it's more of a question, but I'm assuming Water and lack of fuel such as oxygen can negate his abilities? Sure, they might be obvious no-brainers, but I think they should still be listed weaknesses if that's the case. If that's not the case, I'd like that to be mentioned as well.
  • Overall pretty good character from what I'm seeing at this moment, minor suggestions incoming. Perhaps include a Fahrenheit measurement in his abilities as well? I'm fully aware that us Brits are the superior people ;) but the majority of the players in AEGIS seem to be American and I'm sure they'd appreciate it.
welian welian
Eeeyyy, bitter albino cinnamon bun is back!
Also damn, Alpha Avecca is only 16? What a babu :o
Now, onto the review!

  • You should probably make it so one of her listed Superpowers is the ability to be whiter than snow; Okay, getting serious now, I like the character! She seems pretty chill and well-written personality wise. I find the fact that she doesn't realize the irony of her prejudice against Supers despite she herself being a Super incredibly amusing as well. I like the general mystery surrounding her as well, especially the small part in her Relationships regarding how Avecca actually came to meet Raguel and how she came to work for her in the first place despite she herself being a Super. Only a very minor point that can be addressed if you want, even if it's something that would happen because of how she is, but I believe you should also state how she was most likely mentally conditioned as well to have such an intense hatred towards the Super population.
  • I like her powers as well, with my only issue being her stats. I'm 100% aware of how busy you are at the moment but she has a Stat of four in something such as Agility, which is really fast, for someone who doesn't have any abilities related to said speed. Is this a result of the Grapple-Hook technology that she wielded which was then stolen by Isabelle or is she fitted with inbuilt cybernetics that allows her to travel at such speeds? If the former, I believe you should include a small note bar at the bottom of the Stat that states how fast she's capable of going with the Grapple-Hook tech and color in the bars that include this, so with her Grapple hook tech for example, she's got a total of four points in agility, with those of those points being colored blue or something to clearly show how it's not a physical capability, but an ability that is a result of something she wields. If the former though, I'd most likely suggest the implementation of what these cybernetics are and what they are capable of in total.
Natealie Natealie
Eeek, sorry to keep you waiting for so long! D:
Anyway, bonus points for including Male Saber as their adoptive father.

  • I don't have too much to say, I like the unique way that the backstory was written in comparison to the others and it's relative simplicity. The character seems pretty interesting and liable for actual development through the story as well, which is another plus to me as well! Their powers as of this moment are fine to me personally and you've basically got my approval on the character. I have yet to see what the other members of the CC think of the character, but I think he's fine at this moment!
 
Okay, so I'm terrible and don't know when to keep up with this thread even though I am part of the CC < _ >

The J The J
I bet you enjoyed using the codename "Simurgh" you Worm slut. damn straight
Anyway, onto the actual review, sorry for how long it took to reply < _ >
  • Pretty smokin, metaphorically and literally. u havn a gigul mate? I like the simplicity of his background that lacks most overdone cliches yet still remained fairly interesting to read through, I especially like the fact that he's also linked to another character who's also in the RP and you two got some things planned, which is always nice, allows some character development to start right off the bat once he gets in. I really like his negative trait which is combined with his neutral trait of him being "Fake" as well. A nice change to the typical doom and gloom character who usually just publicly screeches about how they find life meaningless and everything. Personally, I really like the character and think they're well done. d'awwww stop it you
  • You should note that this incoming opinion could change if other members, including CC and other people, bring about valid points, but at this moment I believe that the power is near fine at the moment, with only some minor tweaking needed. I like the nerf to the temperature of the fire, so it's not too over the top in my opinion now but also still allows him to make a significant impact for a person of his ranking. The two problems I have with the power at the moment is that you don't seem to state anywhere what the exact length of his wings actually is. Are they 5ft, 10ft, 50ft long? 10 feet, as mentioned in his appearanceThe only thing that comes close to this is that you say that the wings are long, but there's no specifics, which would greatly help in my opinion. My second problem is that isn't much of a problem, it's more of a question, but I'm assuming Water and lack of fuel such as oxygen can negate his abilities? Sure, they might be obvious no-brainers, but I think they should still be listed weaknesses if that's the case. If that's not the case, I'd like that to be mentioned as well.
  • Overall pretty good character from what I'm seeing at this moment, minor suggestions incoming. Perhaps include a Fahrenheit measurement in his abilities as well? I'd rather die I'm fully aware that us Brits are the superior people ;) but the majority of the players in AEGIS seem to be American and I'm sure they'd appreciate it. I'm sure they have use of google for conversion to pleb units
I don't think that water would affect the wings negatively. I guess it's not even normal fire, as it's produced by his energy. Oxygen, yes, he needs that.
 
Okay so, we were discussing stuff one day and I realized Cecilia's Power Stats were a bit wonky. Seems like something I had misinterpreted since the start of the RP, had remained overlooked in all of the other 4 CS iterations XD (Yes, it's been that many!)
So she's up for a little revision now.

I moved two points from defense (cause it made absolute no sense) and one from willpower all to energy, then also threw that last B tier point I never used, on energy too. It's solely intuition but I think 6 in energy makes sense and having willpower and energy with similar values (7 and 6) does too.

And that's the only thing I changed since the start of Episode 4, but feel free to read everything and see if there's anything else that needs fixing/adding! >w<

--> https://www.rpnation.com/threads/pellegrini-c.248729/
 
Cross, E.


  • Heroism Meter
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    COURAGE▌▌▌▌▌▌▌▌▌09;09;09
    ALTRUISM▌▌▌▌▌▌▌▌02;06;07
    ORDER▌▌▌▌▌▌▌▌01;05;09
    KINDNESS▌▌▌▌▌▌▌04;07;08
    PRACTICAL▌▌▌▌▌▌▌▌▌02;07;09
    DIPLOMACY▌▌▌▌▌▌▌▌▌03;06;09
    COMPOSURE▌▌▌▌▌▌▌▌03;06;07
    Ability Statistics
    AspectScaleTotal
    HEALTH▌▌▌▌▌▌▌▌▌07;07;07
    STRENGTH▌▌▌▌▌▌▌▌04;06;08
    DEFENSE▌▌▌▌▌▌▌▌05;06;09
    AGILITY▌▌▌▌▌▌▌▌▌05;07;09
    INTELLIGENCE▌▌▌▌▌▌▌05;07;08
    WILL▌▌▌▌▌▌▌▌06;07;09
    ENERGY▌▌▌▌▌▌▌07;07;07



OK.... I finally finished making Elias.... If there are things needing change, please tell me.
 
VirtualUnity VirtualUnity
Here are some of the problems that strike me first:

His primary power isn't very well-defined. The DID thing is cool, and being boosted by sources is a good start but... that's about it. What can he do with it? What is his range, how strong are the manipulations, how much multitasking can he do, how fast is it? All that and more is needed before we can have a proper grip on his powers. Much of that can go in his limitations if you like. A solid list of every technique he can use would be appreciated for us to look over.

A redacted history isn't very helpful. We want to know his backstory, whether it's known by other characters or not.

His personality should fully describe both of his identities.

Why is someone with sometimes deeply selfish and chaotic tendencies allowed to teach at a school? They can certainly do better.

I think some of those roles you've filled for teaching might be filled? Also, he only gets one. He can't be a security officer and a teacher.

3000+ kills seems a little steep.

Why does he have a revolver?
 
I think some of those roles you've filled for teaching might be filled? Also, he only gets one. He can't be a security officer and a teacher.
Security officer AND substitute teacher do seem a bit sketchy, however, I like the idea of having a substitute teacher character for the classes either without one or if they have to leave during an episode again...

It says Substitute, not Teacher Assistant, so that's what I'm assuming they're going for...
Unless both mean the very same thing, then correct me if I'm wrong >w<
 
The J The J

I understand, and as for the selfish and chaotic personality? That's just Umbra, majority of the time it'll be Elias in control.

History? Sure, I'll start editing it again.

For personalities? Alright.... I'll see what I can do.

I'm kinda still stuck whether or not he'll be a teacher or security officer.

As for his power? Sure, I'll start editing it again.

3000+ kills? Well... Elias doesn't really tolerate terrorists and tends to kill them on the spot. In reality, there has already been a soldier that had 2000-2500+ kills. Can't remember his name though.

The Revolver? Why not, unless it really is bothersome I'm keeping it. And for your question, the revolver belonged to his grandfather.

Thanks for telling me what I should edit, I appreciate it.
 
Security officer AND substitute teacher do seem a bit sketchy, however, I like the idea of having a substitute teacher character for the classes either without one or if they have to leave during an episode again...

It says Substitute, not Teacher Assistant, so that's what I'm assuming they're going for...
Unless both mean the very same thing, then correct me if I'm wrong >w<
I was meaning for Elias to be a sub when there aren't any teachers, or if they're absent. So majority of the time, Elias is a security officer.
 
The J The J

I understand, and as for the selfish and chaotic personality? That's just Umbra, majority of the time it'll be Elias in control.

History? Sure, I'll start editing it again.

For personalities? Alright.... I'll see what I can do.

I'm kinda still stuck whether or not he'll be a teacher or security officer.

As for his power? Sure, I'll start editing it again.

3000+ kills? Well... Elias doesn't really tolerate terrorists and tends to kill them on the spot. In reality, there has already been a soldier that had 2000-2500+ kills. Can't remember his name though.

The Revolver? Why not, unless it really is bothersome I'm keeping it. And for your question, the revolver belonged to his grandfather.

Thanks for telling me what I should edit, I appreciate it.
No matter how little Umbra is in control, no school hires highly mentally unstable people with a chance to become straight up evil. Even 108 has standards.

If he really did get 3000+ kills then I'd expect him to be more affected. The man who got those kills you mentioned hates thinking of the stats like that because it reduces war to a sickening game.

The revolver is completely frivolous. At a guess, since it's hard to tell the limits of his powers, I'd imagine he has no need for it.

Upon further consideration, the DID thing is somewhat troubling. He does not have DID since that's a psychiatric disorder and this is purely brought on by his powers. I do worry that you might write this incorrectly if you keep calling it DID anyway - have you done much research into the disorder to avoid getting anything wrong? I can't help but worry you just have it to be a gimmick to make the character more interesting artificially rather than just making a good character.

Any time mate.
 

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