The problem with drugs like these wasn’t so much the risks he had with overdosing. Jack didn’t care about that. Not anymore, anyway. Every single self-deprecating hit he took made him soulless. At first it was purely an escape from the anxiety taking a toll on him. His home life was desolate and terribly lonely. His only escape was music, friends and love, but even that wasn’t enough--nowadays even then he was high. That’s where the real issue lies. It hurt to lie to his friends. Jack knew that, even when he was nodding.The extent to his convoluted lying problem only got worse and worse when he was on benders. He hated this.
It didn’t matter now. After the first hint of warmness, he always resorted to pushing these thoughts as far back as he could in his head. Ahh.. there it was.
He always exhaled before hitting it so the inhale captured as much of it as he could muster, something he picked up after time spent on it. Jack gripped the blue lighter with flower stickers on it as he started to nod, his elbow resting on the bathroom counter. He sloppily made his way to sit on the ground. This is when he started really examining the lighter. In one hand, he had the piece of foil with charred streak marks on it—he hated looking at it for too long, especially right now with the blue lighter in his other hand.
This was Emily's lighter. He somehow had remembered exactly where they were when she had bought it. He knew that Luke and Laurie were there with them too— and some other girls, Emily’s friend Ava maybe another girl..Calli? He didn’t know for sure. He remembered it was cold. He could only see blurry images of June's smile as putting the lighter in his hand. “We’re using this one tonight,” she said softly, “This one’s lucky.”
Somehow it was still in his hand and he didn’t even know why.
Before anymore ever-creeping guilt set in, Jack took another hit, making a long streak mark down the side of the foil square.
He was getting intensely doped at this point. All he could hear was the dripping of the tub faucet head--something too ominous for him right now, so he put the foil down and put on a favorite song of his at the moment. Then, a text popped up, and another. One from Em, the other from Laurie. They were probably together right now. Fuck. That's right, he was supposed to be at Luke’s to hang out with everyone…..
“Well it’s too late now.” He muttered to himself, both amusingly and bleakly, “I can’t skate like this.”
He opened both texts up anyway.
[FROM LAURIE: hey bro, imy, wya?]
[FROM LAURIE: were at lukes r u still pulling up..?]
Jack missed him too, but it was better Laurie wasn’t with him right now. It was better he wasn’t with any of his friends right now. He taps on June's message as he replaces his hand’s occupancy by hitting the foil once again. He reads it out of the corner of his eye.
[FROM EMILY: jack.. are u ok. where are u. call me please?]
Jack put the ashed foil down rather rashly and picked up his phone, opening the camera in the messages. He shakily hovered it over the blue lighter, not even noticing the foil was almost completely covered in streak marks, some ash marks smudged on the bracelet she'd given him in their youth. He snaps a photo--sending it along with a text.
[TO JUNE: —picture— remvber thhj : ) ]
A hard wave of warmth and inebriation hit him suddenly and he started to close his eyes. Somehow he had made it onto the floor, his face pressed onto the cold white tile flooring. He didn’t remember lying on the floor. In front of him: His phone buzzing violently on the ground from a call, he couldn’t see from who and a blue lighter. He closed his eyes, slipping.
