Can someone help me fix my oc

[Silverthekitsune]

I think my oc silver needs improvement I'll just give the important things silver is a chimera of the animals of a kitsune bird and cat. Her personality: rude sometimes. sassy,kind,depressed, is being insane personality? To be honest I think she's edgy and cringy... Her backstory silver born in a village of kitsune a few years later HUMaNS EXPERIMENT on humans and animals of course being a kitsune silver was taken to be experimented was put into the same body as a human bird and cat of course after escaping the humans the chimera's joined in groups... And silver's flaws and Powers. Powers: forest magic, she can see ghosts, and can shape shift but she needs a human skull and bone and her ears and tails show threw the disguise. Flaws: insane has anxiety, clumsly also has depression. I'm trying to give her more though . and I don't think someone would like to roleplay with my oc edit: this is just a much shorter version and silver is kinda unfinished...so I've recently redone some of character tbh again her backstory is finished(probably not for long) but cuz, I'm lazy I'm not writing it BC I'm trying to work on spelling.tbh in a few more years I may just get rid of silver. An replace her with a new of or maybe not idk.

 

[Silverthekitsune]

God my oc is cringe :l

 

[Chordling]

Sometimes people find it helpful to follow a template when they create a character. It helps them organize their thoughts. What about your character do you feel like needs the most improvement? What about your character do you like?

 

[Silverthekitsune]

Tbh I like her kitsune side but her back story is kinda... Cringy

 

[Chordling]

What about her background could you change to make it more suitable for what you want?

 

[Silverthekitsune]

I might change the fact that silver was exiled for no reason (forgot to write that in)

 

[rae2nerdy]

Also what does “being insane” mean exactly? Does she have some form of mental illness? Does she act in an erratic manner?

As that is kinda of a touchy subject for a lot of people, especially since you are naming a few known mental disorders (depression and anxiety) but then adding in a nebulous term that is used to just mean “has a mental disorder” as well.

Now good news is you can absolutely have anxiety and depression at the same time, especially as a result of a traumatic life event. But I would probably look into how those disorders manifest. It might actually help you flesh out the character if you look into how her mental disorders would work together and how they would effect her day to day life.

Also as a pet peeve - clumsy isn’t really a flaw, it’s usually the result of lack of depth perception or balance issues. So again you can work her new body into that trait. The reason she is clumsy is her center of balance is off because of her new appendages.

Ex. My mom has weak ankles so they will randomly roll under her body when she is walking resulting in her falling and potentially straining said ankle. Stuff like that is important to work out with a clumsy character. It doesn’t mean you just fall for no reason when convenient it’s usually a pretty consistent phenomena that happens cuz of a known physical issue.

 

[Silverthekitsune]

Okay tbh I was trying really hard not to make silver a Mary sue and was trying really hard to do flaws.. But you're right clumsily isn't really a flaw. And I've been working on her reasons for her depression and mental disorders. Well imma research those now thanks for the help

 

[Idea]

As I read your description, and I hate to point out grammar, but I think it's telling in this case: Notice the complete lack of proper sentence structure, commas are being used exclusively for lists, there are abrupt pauses everywhere and other than one "of course", the only thing connecting two part of a sentence is a the word "and".

Now, I'm not going to say "fix your grammar", but rather I think it is an example that shows how disorganized your thoughts are with this character, and how much that affects the character in turn. As for the cause of that, I'd put money on this character being a self-insert (fandom OC with an excessive focus on clinical and/or psychological conditions, backstory of exclusive victimhood, various powers with no appearant cohesion between them, among other things, all constitute common hallmarks), and if that diagnosis is correct then the fix is a change in perspective. Stop trying to think about what you want the end result to be, and don't try to draw from yourself onto the character. Try to understand the character not from an up down perspective (seeing the end result or finer details and trying to make them fit) but from a ground up perspective (pick the more general idea of the character or some basic elements and build from there. For instance, a ground up backstory asks first who her parents are, how the cultural and geographic context affected her environment growing up, how that and her choices crafted the path which she led... ).

I think using the questions which M Mesenterium provided is an excellent way to start this process, though I don't agree with everything they said in their post. Speaking of which, great work with that advice, Kahir!

In any case, hope this helps. Best of luck, and happy roleplaying!

 

[Crayons]

Good advice so far, especially Idea 's ground up perspective.

Here are a few more questions you can use to flesh out your character:

What makes them the happiest?
What is their greatest fear?
What do they hate the most?
What do they value the most? (Abstract values like friendship, loyalty, honour, etc. not possessions)
What is their goal?

Name three positive character traits they have, then add a negative trait that matches. This helps you think about your character in a more complete way rather than just picking random flaws for the sake of it. Examples:
Friendly/overly involved in people's business
Tenacious/stubborn
Passionate/argumentative
Etc.

I think your character probably needs quite a big overhaul, but don't be daunted! Once you get into thinking about your character more deeply it will be much more fun to roleplay with them and you may even enjoy the process. Good luck!

 

[Idea]

If it is about the expressed opinions in the first part of the post, well, opinions change from person to person, so I think that's absolutely normal for you to disagree with me.

Yeah, I just don't believe it is mine (or anyone's for that matter) moral responsibility whether other people are able to tell reality from fiction, especially if that comes from their misinterpretation of both the intention and content of my work, and thus of its meaning. I would agree that something like a mental disorder a personality trait, and as such wouldn't call it a flaw either, and I definitely don't think specific real world disorders should directly be used if you don't really know what you're doing, but I don't endorse the idea that it is morally wrong.

Of course, this is not the place to discuss this, nor was I trying to start an argument. You're right, nothing wrong with either of us disagreeing with the other. And of course, if rather than leaving at that you'd like to discuss this, my PMs are open. One way or the other, I hope you have a great day

 

[Silverthekitsune]

My kid Icarus oc I've been kinda wanting tips to make her better and not have her be a edgy Mary sue which I currently think she is. Well here is here bio

Name:Silver
Gender:female
Crush: dark pit
Flaws: selfish,doesn't think things through,weak to fire,can't swim(idk where that goes xd) she also can't fight well
Traits: forest magic weak. And fox fire but she sucks at it.
Partners: dark pit(currently alive) and raven(currently dead rip)
Sexaulity(idk how to spell): bisexual
Species: chimera(or hybird) of the following animals kitsune, cat and a bird
Looks(non human form): Silver is a small thin legged with a large fluffy chest. and a silver pelt with white stripes and a black underbelly and three tails with black tips and a scare across her muzzel and purple eyes. That was a pain to write
Looks(human ish disguise) silver is short with black ears black wings and bird feet with are usually hidden by her pink kemono(sorry if I mispelt it) and purple eyes
Personality: rude snobby entitled is actually a sweetheart if you become good friends with her. And rather anxious
Back story: silver born to a white kitsune named lily(mother) and badger(father named after his black and white pelt) they spoiled her rotten leading to her entitled personality. As some of you may know kitsune serve the goddess inari(I cannot spell :d) one day while her mother had just got back from doing her job she told silver about the goddess silver openly didn't believe leading to many fights with other kitsune causing silver to leave. When she was around age 11 she found it funny to trick humans sometimes a small prank or breaking relationships. Of course karma struck and silver was caught in a trap the humans who step it up threw her in a cage with a few other animals. Maybe a year or so later they expimented on the animals leading to silver's now looks of course the chimeras broke out later forming a pack called the hearthstone pack. Which the leader was a pure breed kitsune with nine tails. Silver at the time took on a healer is role respected by many sometime later silver is framed for murder (which was committd by snake) and was exile with raven silver's best friend who was framed for helping in the murder as they are sent away(of course with a guide whom is maple silver's step mom) when they cross a tree across a cliff with a river under it silver and Leo(maple's son) fall in leading to silver having head problem(currently none have been picked) unfortunately Leo had drowned in the river. Leading to silver having many illusions about Leo telling her to get her vengeance so silver kills ash(snake's mate) and later finds dark pit(this is around chapter 6) later silver and dark pit make a deal on exiling snake but silver has to become his servant. Sometime after snake is exiled raven dies y? She was killed leaving silver devastated sad and angry silver stays near raven's grave leading to her getting attacked by snake who escapes blinded by silver of course silver felt good after blinding snake. So current silver is dark pit's bf...(ye oc x cannon pls don't attack meh) silver was made for a kid Icarus au so that explains the edgy and weird back story. This the current Silver.

 

[Crayons]

You already made this thread: Advice/Help - How can i fix my kid icarus oc and lots of people gave you advice there, yet you didn't respond to any of it.

I would suggest checking what advice people had for you there.