[Broadcast] Pretty Pretty Slaughter

[SadistPoet]

IntelFights 7/10/2032

Cast
John Stalvern - The host of the controversial show "IntelFights." He is known for taking deviant, if not crazy, stances on many events. Following the attack on New York, he has found a new level of popularity.
Rich Evans - The co-host of "IntelFights." He is seen as the more level headed one out of the pair, and constantly raises counter points to John's statement.

John: Alright listeners, as you know [Shuffles in seat and adopts a solemn look on his face] July 5th marks the date of the worst tragedy in American history. Over 10,000 dead...

Rich: [Interrupting John] I thought you said they were crisis actors last week?

John: [Pausing with a dumbfounded look] Okay, right. I was wrong, anyways! Over 10,000 DEAD people. Not just people by the way. Red blooded AMERICANS. Not Canadians, not Mexicans - The real OG U.S of A citizens. Not this NATA globalist non-sense.

Rich: Right right John, but that's not what we're here to talk about. We've been talking about that for days now. We have this report on che-

John: [Raises his hand full of energy] Nope! Nope! I'm flipping the script on this show.

Rich: [Sighing in disappointment] Alright it better be good - not another angle on the New York crisis. Hell, we still don't have name for that thing that came out of the water.

John: [Pointing his finger with a smug look on his face] Well, I'm sure miss Aimi, or as the Japs would say, "Aimi-San" has a name for that thing.

Rich: John I don't follow...

John: Of-course you don't follow because Ms. no-name Japanese pop-sensation suddenly gets famous after this event! Can we get an image pulled up of this little devil.

[The screen transitions to an image of Aimi in concert]

John: Look, I'm gonna level with everyone. I use to be into all that Japanese stuff, but this is just disgusting. You guys already know my opinion on magical girls, but this is just crossing the line.

Rich: John I really don't follow. What does Aimi have to do with the New York incident? We know she was there with her team, but-

John: Alright Rich! [Shaking his head] I thought it was obvious, but I guess I'm gonna have to spell it out for you.... Can we get a close-up? This is important [The camera zooms in and focuses on John] Aimi, the little Japanese pedo-bait sensation, is the Devil.

[John continues to stare at the camera. An uncomfortable silence ensues for a solid 10 seconds]

John: I know it's shocking, but I have evidence. [Camera stays focused on John] Akuma... Ak-U-Ma - it's what she calls herself when goes into her little pretty pixie fairy form. Akuma translates to DEVIL in English!

[The camera pans out and Rich has left the set. John stands up, getting too energized to remain still. Sweat begins to form on his brow.]

John: Pull up that picture now! The one with little-anime Satan standing with the soldiers!

[An image taken from a window shows Aimi standing in front of the arena alongside unarmed soldiers appears on screen]

John: I said that these soldiers were working for somebody, and had something to do with this event! Now we know! Aimi, hired the soldiers, and engineered a giant mech robot using Japanese science to stage an event to market her brand! We already know that her power is to mind control! What did that big robot do? Mind-control!

[John begins to pace back and forth]

John: Aimi, no the DEVIL, is posing as a little girl to generate pedo-psychic energy! Now she has the entire country by the balls? Are we gonna stand for this? No! [John flips the broadcasting desk] I'm not gonna stand for this, and watch our great nation be taken over by the Devil! I am calling an ABSOLUTE boycott on Aimi's brand! We can't let her win! Look, she has horns too! We cannot deny that she is the Satan! We are in the end-times!

[The broadcast then fades out into a commercial break]

 

[SadistPoet]

IntelFights 7/18/2032

Cast
Ellie Stalvern - The younger of John Stalvern's two daughters. At only six years old, Ellie is known for sometimes acting as John's co-host when he is angry at Rich. He tends to go on to say that a six year old's opinions make more sense than Rich's opinions.
John Stalvern - The host of the controversial show "IntelFights." He is known for taking deviant, if not crazy, stances on many events. Following the attack on New York, he has found a new level of popularity.
Rich Evans - The co-host of "IntelFights." He is seen as the more level headed one out of the pair, and constantly raises counter points to John's statement.

John: What's shakin listeners! We have a special treat for ya'll today. I have brought my little bundle of joy on to act as my co-host. Tell the listeners "Hello" Ellie!

Ellie: Hewo! [Smiles a toothy grin before going back to fumbling around with a phone much larger than her little hands]

Rich: And I'm here, the original co-hos-

John: [Cutting in] Not today Rich. We are letting my little successor take up the mantle today. You can take it easy buddy.

Rich: Okay so first you cancel the Iron Avenger coming on air today, and then you have your daughter take my place.

Ellie: [Begins giggling while furiously tapping on the phone]

John: Look Rich - I'm gonna level with you. Ya listenin' bud [Begins to maintain piercing eye contact with Rich]

Rich: [Begins to slowly slide his chair back] Okay okay what is it.

John: [Stares Rich down for a few moments before snapping his gaze to the camera] Alright! I got two big breaking news stories - well one is more personal. Alright Ellie tell the kind viewers what our news story is.

Ellie: [Nods happily before climbing up on the news desk] Alrwight! The Stalvern house has made all Aimi toys go bye bye.

John: [Hands Ellie an envelope] Right here baby-doll. Just as we rehearsed.

Ellie: Mhm! [Giggles as she produces a signed limited edition photo of Aimi from her cheerleader shoot] Bye! Baiii! [She begins to shred up the photo]



John & Ellie: Begone devillll!

Rich: [Rich visibly cringes at this act] Uh... geez. [Gets his shoulder tapped by John signalling for him to join in too] begone devil.... [He says without enthusiasm]

John: [Ellie hops down into his lap and begins to fiddle around on her phone] Alright! Next up, we gotta big report here. Big celebrity, another one in the "Pretty Protectors." She's gotta huge name, but most just know her as Una. Gonna be honest here with you viewers [Dramatically pauses]

Rich: [Yawns]

John: Can we get a close up here Bill? On me and my baby doll here. I'm gonna say something serious... [Camera slowly zooms in] I use to be a huge fan of Una. I'm no different than any other man - she's a beautiful little lady. Awesome celebrity, awesome model, and I use to comment on all her photos. [Pauses thinking about what he just said] Y'know, just like all the other guys.

Ellie: [Looks up at John] Daddy, people are being mean on tha phwone.

John: Margaret! Margaret! Get in here! Tell those little punks off!

[A teenage girl with light-blue hair comes into the studio. She is slightly chubby in build and is holding a slice of pizza in hand]

Margaret: Geez... those fuckers banned me. Here sis, I'll tell them off. [Grabs the phone]

[Rich's seat is now empty, apparently leaving the set when there was a close up. Margaret sits down in his chair and begins typing on the phone with one hand, while eating a slice of pizza]

John: No f-bombs sugar cube. This is a family show - ANYWAYS! Back to little miss Una. Or should I say BIG Una now.

[Margaret glares over at her father before continuing with the phone]

John: We have photos confirming that she has like - doubled in size. But here's the thing! It happened almost instantly. It happened during the New York attack. Hey Bill pull up that photo!

[The screen shifts to a photo taken from a window. It is of Una standing on a rooftop with another blonde barely visible at the opposite end of the rooftop.]

John: This photo has been going around. It really shows why this now "cow" has disappeared from social media.

[Margaret glares over while continuing to eat her slice of pizza. She smirks and rolls her eyes and continues with the phone.]

John: I'm gonna propose this guys - This is what the shit... er I mean stuff... they put in the food does! They juiced "Betsy" up with this stuff so she could fight that big monster that came out of the water. It backfired! Now look at her! [Takes his phone from his pocket and fiddles it with for a moment. Turns it to the camera showing a photo of Una with her previously fit figure] Right here. I have this photo on my wall, now I'm gonna have to tear it down because of GMOs! All it reminds me of is what we have lost. [Has rage in his eyes, but looks to his two daughters near him and calms down]

Margaret: Heh... they should have done that to pedo-bait instead. [Stuffs the last of the pizza in her mouth]

Ellie: Pedo! Pedo! Pedo! Pedo!

John: You say it sugar-cube. Amen!

Margaret: Can I chime in dad? About something?

John: Anything for you. My show is your show - you should really come on more often... better than Mr. no balls.

Margaret: [Gives John a genuine smile] Thanks daddy, I'll think about it. [Turns to the camera her eyes looking oddly dead] I just want to say that this is my dad's show he works hard on. Day and night, he works really hard for me, Ellie, and my mom. Just because he is shooting out the truth and information he finds does not warrant any action against him. You know who guys are, and you know who I am.

John: Uhh... that's nice dear! [Begins laughing along with Ellie who laughs too]

 

[ElenaIsCool]

Game Buster's Youtube Gaming Channel. IMPORTANT VIDEO (FEAT. SPECIAL GUEST) LIVE !!

(Game Buster, the video game Magical Girl appears teleports in)

Game Buster: Heello my Console Busting Squad! Game Buster here and today I'm here to talk about a few things with the help of a little friend here as as an apology for not showing up lately! Ain't that right Mario?

(Mario falls off one of his pipes, but sticks the landing)

Mario: It's-a-me, Mario!(Cue on clapping)

Game Buster: Yes, nice to see you again, buddy! How's the plumbing going? And saving Peach?

Mario: All Peachy! (Badum-Tss)

(Both Game Buster and Mario laugh)

Game Buster: (Dries a comical tear) That was good, but we've got some stuff to say, since it isn't normal for me to be making this kind of videos.(Her face becomes a more serious one) A few weeks ago, one of America's worst tragedies happened. First starting by a power cut, then followed by tons of people going outside and dying, as in, more than 10,000 dead people. But before I continue, lemme ask just one thing: Why were the people outside, leaving their houses in the first place?.

Mario: Out of panic?

Game Buster: (Her expression changes into a confused-annoyed one) What? No no no, Mario! I mean, you're a hero in your world and you know as much as I do that normal civillians run away or shut themselves in. If it was 'out of panic' then checking the window would be enough! (GB sighs) Also as you might have noticed, they didn't look panicked at all. They were walking towards our Final Boss and which 'panicked' idiot would do that?

(Mario shrugs and taps his chin)

Mario: Good point..Now that I think about it..They looked in a familliar way..I can't put my finger on it..

Game Breaker: Hmm..True.. Like hypnotised?

Mario: Yes! Mind controlled!

Game Breaker: Huh..Makes more sense actually..(She sees something on the Live Chat) But this mind control topic can be for another video since the Busting Squad want us to talk about the heroes that took on the Final Boss!

Mario: You mean those girls wth the tower? Pretty Protectors?

Game Buster: Yup! That was one epic busting Boss fight! And some people I'm sure you already know were there too!

(Footage of Aimi, Lyudmila, Annie and Cleo fighting the Gheist appears)

Game Buster: Okay, so these are the girls that were seen fighting the Boss and by the Holy Console! They BUSTED it! I mean, okay maybe Giga Girl was late so what? She DID land an epic finishing blow that ended up in a K.O! (K.O! sounds in the background while Annie's finishing blow appears on footage) And Aimi though! Wow! She was spectacular! I mean, I can't make a concert AND fight a Boss Monster at the same time! That was some cool music! I love it! (Aimi's music sounds in the background while GB dances to it)

Mario: Ehem, GB? We've got other people right?

Game Buster: Oh, yeah true (She stops dancing) Another one that was sighted was Una! She s also super cool, even though no one saw what she did..She did look..Buffier? Bigger? Thicker? Or chubbier? One of those terms.

(Pikachu suddenly climbs on GB's head, to her surprise)

Pikachu: Pika Pikapika!

Game Buster: Hi Pikachu! What are you doing here? (She pats Pikachu's head)

Pikachu: Pika Pika!

Game Buster: Evolved? I don't think Una can evolve, my little bud, but if she could, that would be shocking (GB winks at the viewers, cue the Badum Tssing) But it was probably..Something else?

(Mario looks at the Live Chat)

Mario: Hey, Buster-a, one person, a CokkieXO9 asks for your opinion on the recent broadcasts of the IntelFight

(GB's happy expression changes into a blank one)

Game Buster: Yeah, that.. Well, everyone has their own opinion of things, I guess but I can't lie tht I don't want to give John a Hadouken on the A-B hole. I mean, mybe make your message less violent than it is? Calling Aimi a demon is mean enough but tearing up a icture and pretty much 'exorcising' her kinda just blows it y'know? And that Una thing he said sucks too. People have feelings, and breaking them is not a good thing. You can say whatever you want, but don't take it too far, John, to the point of rehearsing the tearing up of a picture with your kid.(GB sighs and turns to the viewers again) Well, I guess that's it! Again, I'm really really sorry for not uploading in a while , but it makes some sense, with the attack an all. (GB smiles) Stay piped up for more videos!

Mario: Bye-a-bye! See you Buster-a!(Mario jumps back into another pipe)

Game Buster: Bye Mario! And you guys, enjoy life, keep an ear out for new updates and don't get stuffed into a suit by an animatronic!

(Freddy suddenly jumpscares the viewers, before reverting back to a laughing GB)

Game Buster: Okay, okay! Sorry! For reals now, Keep on Busting! Bye Bye!

(Game Buster, Freddy and Pikachu wave goodbye and Aimi's music starts sounding as the outro )

 

[SadistPoet]

IntelFights 8/5/2032

Cast
John Stalvern - The host of the controversial show "IntelFights." He is known for taking deviant, if not crazy, stances on many events. Following the attack on New York, he has found a new level of popularity.


John: It is August 8th and things only keep getting worse listeners

[John solemnly sighs]

John: Schools are closing down, businesses going under, liberals running rampant, and Rich quit the show. [Rolls his eyes] Says he doesn't want to be associated with me. Well that talentless hack doesn't want to be part of the truth!

[Pauses to collect his papers on his desk]

John: Well I have LOTS of talking points today, but we're going to make this a special broadcast.

[Tosses all his papers aside in a messy flutter]

John: Wait wait... camera guy quit too, so let me just fix this up.

[Stands up and awkwardly jogs behind the camera. It zooms in closer. He then sits back down with the camera slightly too close to his dead-panned serious face]

John: It was about a month ago I accused Aimi of being the devil. Some of my listeners really took to that message, and at the time it was the only logical thing, but others were quick to fight against that statement. So let me revise that statement...

[Notices the camera is a bit too close to his face and backs up his chair a bit. Bumps into the green-screen behind him distorting it. Continues to speak anyways]

John: That little freak at the bottom of the Earth, Tinkerbell, put that statement into our heads. Now that is just a working theory! But it probably is right! So here is the deal Aimi, you Jap... I'm giving you a chance here...

[Deviously puts his fingers together]

John: You have disappeared, maybe went back to hell, but I'm giving you a chance to appear on my show and clear your name. If you show up, then you are obviously not the devil. I am protected by God, so no devil can come near me. If you don't show up - then oh boy - you really are the devil.

[Stares at the camera trying to feign some sort of toughness]

 

[SadistPoet]

Kami-Chan Fun Time 8/5/2032

Cast

Kami: Japan's pride and joy. A universally loved Magical Girl who tops the music charts, appears in movies, hosts a talk show, and countless other things.

[Kami is hosting her show from her expansive living room. Her tiny body is adorned by her bell covered idol outfit. She currently is not transformed]

Kami: Hellooooo! [Waves with both her hands] It's me! The one and only Kami-chan. [Twirls and does a peace sign]

Kami: I have three big announcements today! Now I'll first start with the smallest one.

[Reaches over to the hard-light table next to her pulling a parfait from it]

Kami: I want you all to buy my new brand of parfait! Kami-Chan's Sugary Sweet Surprise! It's a perfect sweet dessert that will cost you almost nothing! Just don't eat too many, but buy lots of them!

[Winks at the camera before eating a spoonful. She sets it aside.]

Kami: The next thing I really want to announce is that I am putting up a bounty on my former partner, May! [Holds a finger up] Alive! Not dead! You can find payment info and hiring options in the description below. If you are a resident of NATA do not apply. If you do capture her, and supply sufficient evidence, a drop-off location will be arranged. You will be paid 1 billion yen for your hard work. If you are a cute girl, I will throw in a private dinner!

[Takes a deep breath to compose herself to imply the big announcement is ahead]

Kami: So I have the biggest announcement right now. It probably is the biggest announcement of my career. Following the big-attack in NATA territory, the global economy is on the decline. I don't feel our current leadership is cutting it. So right now, my dear little Kami-Cons, I am declaring myself the sole Prime Minister of Japan. My syndicate of networks that I have acquired will lead our country through these hard times to prosperity. We will be having a concert soon all across the world, if you catch my drift.

[Transforms into her magical girl form which is almost the same, except with more curves and wings.]

Kami: To all the old-white gaijin big-wigs with more tanks than brain cells watching this - yes this is a declaration of war. Do not try to stop us, and we will minimize losses.

[Broadcast abruptly cuts]